The Unaccompanied Soul
by JMCullen09
Summary: An old, dilapidated hospital residing in the outskirts of Forks, WA sits untouched, yet it's the focus of many tales, including one of a young man who resides there. He's believed to be either ghost or murderer. But it's all just tales, right?
1. Chapter 1: Hide and Seek

I do not own anything Twilight. It all belongs to SM. No copyright infringement is intended. However, characterizations, plot lines, backgrounds and details of this story are mine. No copying or reproduction without my permission.

* * *

"Bella, come on, it'll be fun," Alice pleaded. Her computer chair actually hobbled from side to side as she bounced against the seat cushion, earnestly awaiting my reply.

I shook my head. "Alice, I don't think so. It's not safe." She sighed in frustration, her brow furrowed while her green eyes shifted off me in an effort to hide her disappointment. "Besides, I thought you asked me over this weekend because you insisted I needed a makeover."

Her eyes met mine again, chagrin visible in her expression. "Well, yeah, you do, but that's for tomorrow night." Her voice softened, lip pouting as she made another attempt to sway my decision. "We never do anything exciting, Bella. Never. Summer break just started and I'd like to do something different, something other than the usual trips to Port Angeles. Rosalie called me and told me they had a group going tonight, and she asked if we'd like to come along. Rosalie Hale, Bella." Her eyes widened for emphasis, as if speaking Rosalie's name was a privilege. "Do you know what that means being asked to join her group?"

"I don't care, Alice." I defiantly crossed my arms at my chest. "Knowing Rosalie, we're probably meant to be fall guys for something illegal she has planned." I received a nice firm glare for my defamation of 'the blonde one'. "I don't get the interest in the place, I really don't. All those stories, they're just rumors. There are no ghosts haunting the place, no man running around killing people and it's certainly not a gateway leading to another world. You do realize that's all silly innuendo started by other teenagers just to get a rise out of people, don't you? It's nothing more than an old, dilapidated hospital that's barely standing on its foundation. And did I mention it's not safe?"

She rolled her eyes, shaking her head enough that the short black tendrils slightly bounced. "Yeah, you already mentioned that. I just… I wanted to do something exciting for once," she whined. "If we don't find anything, then we don't find anything, but can we please go, Bella, even if it's only an hour? Please?" I ran my hand roughly down my face, which signified I was giving in to the pixie and she knew this. It was nearly impossible to deny Alice Cullen anything. My hand had barely cleared my face before she shrieked in excitement, hurdling her little body in my direction and knocking me flat on my back against her mattress. "Thank you, thank you, thank you, Bella."

"Alice… can't breathe," I gasped.

"Oh, I'm sorry." She sat up quickly, giggling.

"Okay, here's the deal," I began, holding my hands defensively in front of me to keep her from lunging at me again. "We'll go for an hour, but if I fall and break something, you're paying my doctor bill."

"Deal," she squealed, and it was easily spoken on her part, considering her father was a doctor. Her eyes traveled over me, obviously scrutinizing my attire. She shook her head then grabbed my hand, pulling me up off the bed. "You need to change."

"There's nothing wrong with my outfit," I scoffed. "And I'm not getting dressed up to go rummage around a dirty, old building, especially with people I don't care to impress."

Unfortunately, as much as I spoke against the need to change, Alice wasn't about to yield so hip hugging jeans replaced my slacks, a form-fitting t-shirt took the place of my baggy sweater and tennis shoes now covered my feet in place of flats. According to Alice, I looked hot while maintaining comfort. According to me, I was overexposed while personifying someone I really wasn't.

Once we finished changing and Alice had perfected her hair and makeup, then Barbie dolled me, she called Rosalie to let her know we decided to come along. The conversation barely lasted a few moments, and I could only make out bits and pieces of what was said, but it was enough to send Alice into a near manic coma. Of course I didn't have to wait long to find out why. "Oh, my God, I can't believe Jasper Hale is going. Can you believe that, Bella? I can't believe that." Jasper was Rosalie's twin brother and the object of Alice's affection.

Here we were, starting our freshman year of college in a few months, and she still acted juvenile over Jasper. "No, I can't believe that," I mumbled. I could actually hear the perpetual blinking of her eyelids as she stared down at me in annoyance over my less than agreeable enthusiasm. "What?" I shrugged. "You've liked the guy since sophomore year of high school, and it's obvious he's crushing on you too, yet you do nothing about it."

"He's not crushing on me," she stated incredulously. "He barely notices me."

"Trust me," I hmphed. "He definitely notices you."

"Tyler Crowley, Mike Newton and Jessica Stanley are coming. She said Emmett was going too."

"Good for him," I stated flatly.

"You really don't like the idea of your brother dating Rosalie, do you?" she asked.

"I don't have an opinion either way," I told her. I clearly did, but I attempted to react indifferent. It wasn't that I hated Rosalie, because I didn't hate anyone, it was simply that she wasn't the easiest person to get along with; in fact, she could be downright cruel if she wanted to be.

Her eyebrow lifted in dubiety. "Right."

"So, is everyone meeting up there?" I asked, changing the subject.

Alice nodded. "Yeah, it's only ten minutes away from here, so we can just walk there. They're probably on their way now, so we should get heading if we want to arrive around the same time."

We made our way downstairs, running into Mr. Cullen, Alice's dad, as we approached the front door. He glanced up from the medical book he carried within his hands, smiling warmly at us both. "Where are you ladies headed?"

"We're going out with some friends, Dad, but we won't be out too late," Alice told him. Growing up, I often wondered if Alice had been adopted because she looked nothing like her parents, other than having Mrs. Cullen's eyes. Alice was very petite, obviously not taking after either parent in height, and she had black hair, where as Mrs. Cullen's hair was more caramel brown and Mr. Cullen's was light blonde.

"Well, alright," he started. "Just be careful. I probably won't be here when you get back. The hospital is understaffed tonight, so I offered to go in, but your mother will be back within the hour."

"Okay, Dad, we will." Alice gave him a quick peck on the cheek, I gave him a small smile, then we were out the door.

Just as we arrived at the old building, Rosalie, Emmett and Jasper were pulling up in one vehicle while Tyler, Mike and Jessica arrived in another. "How exciting is this shit?" Tyler boomed as he climbed out of the driver's seat to his car.

"Dude, I've been excited about this all week." I'd recognize that voice anywhere, and it belonged to none other than Mike Newton, who was actually climbing out of the passenger side of Tyler's car through the window. Apparently, Tyler's enthusiasm was infectious, so I was expecting a fistpump between the two at any given moment.

Tyler pulled the driver's seat forward, and Jessica Stanley climbed out, face awash with disgust as her eyes scanned the area. "This is gross. I can't believe you guys actually talked me into coming here."

"Well, if you're such a baby, Jess, you can stay in the car while us big kids go inside," Mike laughed. She promptly flipped him off, leaving him and Tyler to their laughter while she headed over to Rosalie's car.

"This should be interesting," I whispered to Alice. She shot me a warning glare, then gripped my arm, pulling me toward the others.

We'd just approached Rose's car when she began to hand out flashlights and dictate how the evening was to go. "We're gonna split up in groups. There are eight of us, so we can either do groups of four or groups of two. It's your call. Now, there is one way and one way only to get inside and that's through the back. We have to move some boulders out of the way, but that shouldn't be a problem for you strong boys." She flipped her long blonde hair over her shoulder while locking her eyes directly on Emmett, and her tongue swiped suggestively along her bottom lip as she batted her eyes at him. To him, that was attractive, but to me, well, it appeared like a mating ritual attempt gone all epileptic. I may have even gagged a little. "Once we're inside, we'll split off into groups and each group will take a floor to search. We all have cell phones, so if you run into any problems, then make sure you text. If you see anything, make sure you text. We'll meet back at the entrance in two hours and decide if we'd like to investigate longer." I very nearly boycotted the two-hour time limit, but quickly decided against it. There were too many eager bodies around here, and the eagerness wasn't about searching buildings.

Everyone pretty much agreed on groups of two, and I was all for the 'groups of two' idea, but I had actually factored Alice in as part of my group. Unfortunately for me, I ended up with Jessica Stanley while Alice practically fused herself to Jasper's loins when he asked her to partner up. I realized it could have been much worse, though. I could have spent the evening with Mike Newton, who I knew without a doubt would have been walking behind me and staring at my ass the entire way. At least the awkward with Jessica Stanley was manageable. And, of course, once we got inside the old hospital, we were given the basement floor.

"So, Bella," she started, the awkward of being paired with me evident in her tone. We had never been what you'd call friends in school. Truthfully, we'd been nothing more than acquaintances. She was part of Rosalie's flock, and their clique didn't associate with underclassmen, even those who were one grade level under like I was. "How are things?"

"Good," I managed to say. I kept focus ahead of me, observing my surroundings with keen eyes. And really, at this point, there wasn't much to see other than busted up cement that had once been part of the floor, scattered trash and furniture and medical equipment debris.

"That's good," she answered. She took in a deep breath, then exhaled fully, making her clamorous breathing echo through the hall. "Quite a place, huh? It's so dark, and that smell is awful. How could someone handle inhaling that smell all the time?"

"Well, considering the place is abandoned, I'd say no one has to." My statement may have appeared snarky, but it wasn't intentional.

"I know that," she huffed, pausing her steps. "I was just making conversation, Bella."

I sighed, pivoting my body to face her. "I'm sorry, Jess. I didn't mean it the way it sounded. I really didn't. I'm just not real thrilled about being here, you know? I mean, Alice had to talk me into it. I know why everyone came. They wanna be the one to prove that the rumors are true, at least the part about finding ghosts, but for all they know the stories could be based off some homeless man living here because he has no other place in the world to go. As sad as that may be, living in a place like this..." I gestured with my hands. "It's quite possibly all he has."

"It's okay," she said as we began moving again. "I really didn't want to come either, but Tyler and Rose insisted."

"Do you always do what Rosalie asks?" I questioned.

She laughed nervously. "Yeah, pretty much." It was in that moment I saw her differently, saw a girl who only wanted to belong, but to do so she felt she needed to mold herself to be what others wanted her to be. And because of that, I couldn't help but wonder when it was that she'd truly lost herself.

We continued searching the basement floor, briefly talking as we walked through rooms that had once held life. There were still some old beds with torn, ratty mattresses that covered them, but most rooms had what appeared to be metal slates or operating tables. We had found one with a sleep deprivation tank, but one room in particular seemed barbaric. There was a chair stationed in the center of the room, cuffs attached along the arms. It almost looked like an electric chair, and it was surrounded by metal tables that still held surgical equipment, though they appeared rusted. It was obvious these weren't patient rooms - they were used for 'therapy'. "That's so gross." Jess was reiterating my thoughts exactly.

I nodded, though I knew she couldn't see me - it was instinct. "I don't want to know what they used this stuff for. I mean, I can imagine, but I'd really rather I didn't."

"Hey, what's that room over there?" Jess was shining her flashlight toward the far corner of the room over a wooden door.

I shrugged. "I don't know. I guess it could be a closet. We're here so we may as well check it out."

When we reached the door, it took us both to open it. We instantaneously flashed our lights inside the room, finding what appeared to be a coed bathroom. "Okay, that's strange. Why would there be a coed bathroom down here?"

"Everything about this place is strange." I could actually hear the shiver in Jess's tone.

I stepped forward, flashing my light into the numerous shower stalls. "Yeah, "I whispered. "I keep thinking about all the people that must have been down here and what could have possibly happened to them. Seeing that chair in the other room, it still gives me chills. These people were here because they needed help, they had nowhere else to turn, and I have this terrible feeling that something awful happened to some of them. It makes me sick thinking about it."

I'd barely finished my sentence when what sounded like something hitting the floor, making a thudding sound, came from the back of the room. "Bella, what was that?"

"I don't-" Another thud interrupted me. I turned around briskly, barely catching Jess's form as she moved through the door. I quickly trailed behind her, nearly losing my footing several times as I stumbled out of the room after her. "Jess!" I yelled.

I finally caught up to her when we neared the other end of the hall. "What the hell was that? We have to get a hold of the others." Jess was the only one who had a cell on her at the moment, so she reached into her sweatshirt to grab hers, and what started out as rational movements quickly became frenzied. "My phone," she cried. "I must have lost it back there when I ran. I have to have my phone, Bella. I have to get it back. I can't leave without it."

"Okay, as crazy as this may sound, we'll just run in there, grab your phone and run back out. What we heard, it was probably rats or some other animal that made this place a home. Plus, you barely stepped away from the door, so it has to be near there, right?" I asked.

It wasn't until I lifted my flashlight, beaming the light over her face, that she even answered me. "I can't go back in there."

"Jess, we need to get your phone. You said so yourself that you can't leave without it." I stepped toward her, reaching for her arm and feeling her whole body shaking in fear as I touched her. "Hey, are you okay?"

She shook her head. "I can't go back in there, Bella. I'm just too scared."

And this was the moment I became one with stupidity, which for me was normal in problematic situations. "Okay, what if…. well, what if you stay right here and wait for me while I go and get your phone? Can you stay here and wait for me?"

"Yeah," she nodded vehemently. "I can wait."

I swallowed thickly against the lump of fear building in my throat. "I'll be right back," I said hoarsely.

I took a few steps forward when Jess called out to me. "Thank you, Bella."

"Yeah, yeah," I grumbled, but I didn't take the time to turn around and address her. The quicker I made it to that room and found Jess's cell, the quicker we'd be off this floor and near the others. More steps forward, hearing no sound other than my fluctuant breathing.

I paused when I cleared the first room and neared the door of the large bathroom, urging my emotions to become sedate. I inhaled one last deep breath, then rounded the corner into the room, flashing the light desperately over the damaged floor in search of Jess's cell.

I became more frantic the more expanse of the floor my light drifted over with no cell phone in sight. I took a few steps forward, feeling the tears trickle against the corner of my eyes because the fear was now eating at my insides. I was ready to give up because I felt rocked by terror when my light reflected over something shiny. I flashed the light back in the direction of the shiny object, finding Jess's cell. I breathed out loudly in triumph, launching myself near it and bent over to pick it up. And just as I gripped the phone in my hands, the air became thick and chilling – goosebumps literally attacked my body without mercy. I lifted up so slowly, mainly because I felt so paralyzed by whatever entered that room, and altered the atmosphere.

And when I was finally standing upright, I eased the hand that held the flashlight up in front of me. There was a body standing just a few feet away, and though I knew there was someone there, it wasn't actually real to me until I stopped at his face. But really, all I could focus on was the ominous green eyes that held mine. He stepped toward me, and I tried to scream, but the sound was caught in the back of my throat.

I couldn't move, couldn't breathe, couldn't look away. The fear became so biting that it felt as if I were being swallowed whole by it. But when he gripped my arm, something instinctual kicked in, something that aimed to preserve my life. I threw myself backward to get away, but in doing so my foot caught on some broken tiling along the floor. The last thing I recalled before complete blackness was the way the light shimmered over his face as I fell, reflecting the deep green in his eyes, the same eyes that left me immobilized with fear.


	2. Chapter 2: Enigma

I do not own anything Twilight. It all belongs to SM. No copyright infringement is intended. However, characterizations, plot lines, backgrounds and details of this story are mine. No copying or reproduction without my permission.

* * *

**Chapter 2: Enigma**

_Thump_.

_Thump, thump_.

_Thump_.

_Thump, thump, thump!_

My eyelids fluttered painfully over my eyes, and my heart felt as if it were beating in my head, reverberating off my eardrums straight to my brain. And when I turned slightly, hoping to alleviate the sound, an acute throbbing dominated the inside of my head.

I winced fully, and the echoed cadence of my heartbeat only served to increase the tempo of the throbbing. Human instinct was to touch the part of you that hurt, but I was afraid if my fingers even lightly brushed over my forehead, and that wasn't even where the full extent of the pain resided, it would only worsen the pain I was feeling.

Even still, through the biting discomfort, my eyelids steadily fluttered their way open. My vision was obscured, but I could make out that there was really nothing but blackness surrounding me, anyway. Well, almost nothing but blackness.

As my vision focused, I noticed from my peripherals that there was a small patch of light dancing toward the corner of the room, and just as I recognized I was seeing some light, realization that I did not recognize where I was stormed its way across me like a tsunami. My breathing became staccato, which I noticed was the only sound I heard around me - everything else was silent.

I paused for the briefest second, trying to recollect anything that would explain why I was laying somewhere completely unfamiliar, surrounded by near darkness, and breathing in a musty scent I wasn't accustomed to smelling. And then it hit me - I was spending the weekend with Alice, we'd went to that old hospital with a group of others, I was exploring the place with Jess, she lost her phone, I went to find it, I-

_Oh God, I remember! _

Just as I recalled falling and those piercing green eyes, whose gaze I literally felt slick across my flesh, I was inundated with terror. I knew where I was now, and I did not want to be here. I attempted to prop myself up on my elbows, but the minute movement awarded me with a bout of nausea while augmenting the ache within my skull. My eyelids literally wanted to close against the pain, but I fought to keep them open. It occurred to me that that struggle, keeping myself alert, could mean my life.

So I forced my eyelids to keep from shutting. My teeth clenched together, jaw completely strained, further intensifying my agony. And once my eyelids were fully open and free of closing on me, though the rest of my discomfort remained, my eyes darted around the room, searching for a way out of this place.

I'd barely made a full scan of the room when I heard an audible exhale of breath, and just like a magnet I was drawn to the sound. There in the corner, where the room was moderately illuminated, was a shadow. I wasn't alone, and I knew without an ounce of uncertainty who was there.

I felt suffocated by trepidation, yet I found myself once again in the same predicament - my body was completely paralyzed by fear, other than my hands that were now gripping at torn material to what felt like a thin mattress. I'm not even sure why, except that maybe I felt like somehow my holding onto that torn mattress would help brace me against whatever was about to happen.

The shadow grew until it formed into a complete man. It was dark, yes, but I could make his form out easily. And even in the darkness of the room, I could see those green eyes, feel them on me. I was encapsulated by those eyes, the vigor behind them. In that moment, I was positive by a mere look, he could annihilate someone if he truly wanted to.

He took two hesitant steps forward, like he wanted to near me and wasn't sure, but those two steps, which were obviously bringing him closer to me, were enough of a catalyst to alert me into defense mode. Whether I was concussed or not, I had to get out of this place and I had to do it now.

I pushed forward with my hands, clumsily lifting my body up off that mattress. My movements were so swift, even for me, that the moment I was upright, because of my injury, I was assailed with an overwhelming dizziness. It was too much added on to what I was already feeling, so my body completely caved, collapsing underneath me, once again shoving me into unconsciousness.

* * *

_Green eyes, floating at the…_

It's so dark in here. It's not safe here.

_So cold, the snow is so cold on my…_

Deep breaths near my ear. He's right there.

_Warm electricity all over…_

Everything hurts

_Angry face… eyes burning skin and…_

Am I dying?

_Ghosts swallowing everything in darkness… no breaths… emptiness… _

* * *

My eyes felt like weighted stone as I attempted to open them, and the pain in my head was still present, though it wasn't as intense. I stirred a little, needing to move my body because it felt like I'd been in the same position for days, which I may very well have been. As I moved, I went to lift my hands to my face, but felt something draped over me, scraping against my knuckles. I turned my hands palm upward to grasp whatever it was I felt against my skin, and when my fingers touched it, I could tell it was a sheet.

I abruptly sat up, kicking at the sheet with my feet to remove it. The dizziness returned, but it wasn't as biting as before. I went to slap at what was beside me, treating it like a leper, until I realized what it was. It was a stuffed bear, tattered and missing an arm, but it had been nestled under the sheet with me. I grabbed the bear in my hands, repeatedly flipping it over as I stared at it wide-eyed and wondering why it was sitting next to me.

It was then, as I stared at the stuffed bear within my hands, that I realized I wasn't alone, not that I should have been surprised by that fact. The area was illuminated much more than last time, but it was equivalent to a nightlight in a darkened room. Ironically, that's what it was…well, if you considered a dimly lit oil lamp a nightlight. He was huddled in the same corner he'd been in before, forehead pressed against the wall, watching me out of the corner of his eyes.

The way he was crouched in the corner, like he was trying to climb inside the wall to hide, made me think he was more afraid of me than I was of him. I looked between him and the bear I was holding in my hands. I knew he must have given it to me, but I wondered why. I mean, if he was some crazed lunatic, why would he let me live, cover me with a sheet, and place a damaged bear beside me?

And though none of this made sense to me, topped with the way he appeared almost childlike in his demeanor, I wasn't about to let my guard down. His reaction could be merely for show to lure me in so he could hack me into little pieces or something when I wasn't so suspecting of him.

But maybe if I played nice, showed him I wasn't a threat, he'd let me go. "D-did you give me this?" I asked. _Stupid question, Bella, of course he gave you the bear._

He cocked his head slightly to the right, like he was trying to understand what I just asked him, but made no attempt to move away from the wall or speak; in fact, he seemed to press himself further into the corner.

This was obviously going to take some finessing on my part. I'd much rather skip past all the formalities and just run the hell away from this place and him, but I wasn't sure that once I made an attempt to leave, he wouldn't try to stop me. He was obviously much closer to the door than I was, and I had no idea what part of the hospital he had me in. I didn't recognize this at all, not that I had anything more than the basement as a base of comparison.

"Umm, thanks for the blanket… and the bear." I had no idea what to say to him, no idea what words would make a difference in him letting me go. Obviously, I wasn't under the assumption that I could overpower him, because given his size and the physical state I was in, that certainly was _not_ going to happen. I was left with talking to save my life. "It's a nice bear. Is it yours?"

He still said nothing, but his eyes never once strayed from me.

For all I knew, he couldn't speak, couldn't comprehend a single word I uttered. And this, my attempt at swaying him with words, would be a fruitless effort. And still, I droned on with incessant chatter, hoping something would change and give me the advantage here. I went so far as to compliment his living quarters, as if anything about this place was appealing enough to compliment. But I wasn't about to say something offensive that might infuriate him, especially when I had no idea at all what I may be dealing with here.

But he sat there, huddled in that corner, saying nothing, only watching me as if I were some sort of enigma he was trying to figure out. I was getting agitated, I was tired, I was scared, I was in pain and I just wanted to go home. Because of all that, I just snapped. "Please, you have to let me go. Please!" I was shouting at him, tears falling from my eyes. "You can't keep me here. You have to let me go!"

Everything afterward happened in a flash, like a chain reaction. No sooner had I finished pleading for my freedom, he let out a blood curdling scream, covered his ears with his hands and began to rock back and forth, incoherent noises filtering unceasingly from his lips.

I flew up from the mattress, colliding backward into a hard surface in my attempt to distance myself from him. I was overcome with terror, so much so, that my breaths were coming out in rapid succession, leaving me on the verge of hyperventilating. Tears were falling mercilessly down my cheeks in unsymmetrical patterns, and the knowledge that I may never see my loved ones or my friends again after today consumed me. "I'm sorry," I mumbled in a choked whisper, over and over.

I could only stay pressed against that wall, shaking in fear as my captor had a paroxysm of some kind, and wait to learn my fate. Wait to live, wait to die, but regardless which one, he was in control of the choice. I was all too aware of that fact.

I had no idea how long he sat there, making those God awful noises, or how long I was backed against that wall, watching him. It was awhile, that I was sure of, but the noises finally subsided and the repetitive rocking slowed. His hands were still resting over his ears, like that in itself was a form of protection for him; a shield.

He clearly wasn't your typical murderer by text book definition, but honestly, I wouldn't really know what actually defined a typical murderer. It wasn't as if I'd ever been in a situation like this or faced a murderer before. I just never expected that one would appear afraid of their intended victims, especially in front of said victim.

The need to get away certainly hadn't dissipated, but I had no desire to relive that outburst of his, so I stayed silent and as far from him as I could. The talking apparently wasn't going to work, and it seemed that he had no inclination to let me go, so I was going to have to find some other way to get free.

He certainly wasn't a ghost, and that meant he needed sleep. He may be able to hold off for awhile, but he eventually had to sleep sometime, and when he did, that was the chance I needed for escape. I just had to stay alive until then, and staying alive meant following the rules. I wasn't exactly sure what his rules were yet, but I was sure I'd learn them and I'd abide them.

I'd be the good little captive until that window of opportunity presented itself, and when it did, I'd take it, I'd leave this place and I'd be free.


	3. Chapter 3: Don't Go

I do not own anything Twilight. It all belongs to SM. No copyright infringement is intended. However, characterizations, plot lines, backgrounds and details of this story are mine. No copying or reproduction without my permission.

* * *

**Chapter 3: Don't Go**

I remained pressed against that cold wall, hands palmed over grooved cement, priming myself for anything further. The room was still dimly lit, but it was enough to observe the alcove and the man within it. He'd finally stopped rocking back and forth, the noises ceased to just moderately staccato breathing, but he never left the corner he was huddled in. His hands were no longer clamped over his ears, but were now wrapped around his knees, forehead once again resting against the wall.

He was a complete conundrum to be able to incite such fear into someone, yet seem so afraid himself, like a walking contradiction. And because of that, I had no idea what he was capable of.

My eyes shifted back and forth between him and the room, though they never deviated too long from him. I wasn't sure in what part of the hospital he had me in, considering this room seemed so much different from the others, and if that reason alone was why my friends hadn't located me yet.

The structure appeared completely cemented, less blemished than what I did see of the basement floor, and had it not been for that familiar musty smell mixed with something I couldn't name, I would have assumed he'd taken me somewhere else. Other than me and him, the only other things in this room were the torn mattress, lamp, the bear and sheet. By the latter, it was obvious he lived here, and murderer or not, I wondered why he'd want to.

Time seemed to pass, possibly hours that we both stayed apoplectic in our neutral corners of the room. He, however, seemed as alert as he had hours ago, whereas I began feeling quite torpid. I was having a difficult time keeping my eyes open, and the pain in my head was more noticeable now - probably due to the decrease of adrenalin in my system. I grappled against the fatigue, but failed miserably.

When I woke, I was still propped up against the wall, but I was once again covered with the sheet and something placed upon my lap. I gripped the sheet, pulling it down my body, seeing the tattered bear draped across my legs. I immediately glanced up toward the corner I _knew_ he'd be in and saw him watching me - his face looked affable, almost innocent appearing. And somehow, in that moment as our eyes met, I understood he wouldn't hurt me, that if I wanted to leave he'd let me.

I removed the sheet completely, placing the bear down gently on top, and shifted my body enough to brace my hands along the wall. I pulled myself up slowly, careful not to agitate my concussed head, then gently turned around, taking small steps toward the door. I watched him as I inched further toward the exit then glanced between him and the door just as I approached it. "T-thank you for…umm… helping me, but I need to leave. I'm…I'm going to go now."

I reached for the door handle, twisting hard to open the door. "Don't… go," he whispered so soft in pitch, that had I not actually _felt_ the words more than heard them, they probably would have been curtained from me. The sorrow in that two-worded plea sent a tumultuous ache through me, so intense that I painfully gripped the door handle within my hand. I instantly wanted to somehow comfort him, and it occurred to me because of that I was probably losing my mind.

I knew I should leave, that my friends and family were probably worried out of their minds and looking for me, yet I stood there, biting into my lip, unable to move forward.

Why couldn't I leave?

Nothing was physically holding me here, I was free to go, but I couldn't bring myself to do it, and I had no idea why; especially since just hours before I could think of nothing else but leaving.

Maybe I could stay just a few hours longer. Just a few more hours wouldn't make much difference, right_? _

_I'm out of my mind_, I thought_. I had to have hit my head much harder than I realized because it's seriously impaired my judgment_.

I sighed in resignation and let go of the door handle, turning back around, but instead of walking back toward the far end of the room, I found a halfway point. I sat down, my back against the wall, pulling my legs up against my chest.

He exhaled a deep breath the moment I was seated, as if my staying were a relief to him. I certainly didn't understand it, I didn't understand _a lot_ of what happened since I came to this place, but here I was, sitting in a room that was part of an abandoned hospital with a man that I knew nothing about, other than he was concealed in this place for whatever reason, and that reason seemed to leave him broken and afraid.

"I have no clue what I'm doing," I mumbled as I rested my chin against my knees. "I'm sure there are people out there looking for me, yet here I sit. Before, all I could think about was getting away from here, away from you, then you speak to me, and now I just… I don't understand." I was voicing my thoughts, and trying to rationalize my actions only served to fuel the dull ache in my head the injury caused.

Up until this point, because leaving took precedence, I had no idea how bad my injury was - it hadn't really mattered. I could only assume that because I was still alive and the pain wasn't as biting, that I'd be fine. I lifted my right hand to the back of my head where the pain radiated, feeling a rather large lump. The moment my fingers grazed the wound, my touch sending a current of excruciating pain through my body, I winced. The lump was definitely tender to touch, but at least it wasn't bleeding.

I grit my teeth, closing my eyes in tight slits as I whispered, "I really shouldn't have done that."

_I really shouldn't be here either_.

_I need to leave_.

It took a few moments, inhaling deep gulps of air as my nails bit into the palms of my hand to defer the pain in my skull before it eased to a tolerable level. I lifted my head, opening my eyes, and just as I did, I heard him exhale sharply, like he'd been holding his breath through my affliction. I instinctively glanced toward him, and my breath caught the moment I laid eyes on him. He was no longer burrowed in the corner with his knees pulled up toward his chest; in fact, he had withdrawn several inches, body slightly angled in my direction, head completely facing me.

With the change in position, the light animated his features so I could actually see more than just his eyes, see that they were encased in the most beautiful face I'd ever seen. He had those deep green eyes, high cheekbones, a straight nose and perfect full lips. My God, he was beautiful.

His hair, which appeared to be bronze color, was unusually disheveled, as if he'd yanked at it too much. I suppose I expected it to be unruly, but only because it was matted with dirt, and that did not appear to be the case. He actually looked clean… body wise. His clothing, on the other hand, was very worn; tears perforated the seams along the arms of his shirt, along the sides, and there was a large rip just above the left breast pocket.

His slacks had obviously seen better days from what I could tell, considering he was still seated on the hard floor and his legs were clamped together, knees facing me to form a less than sign. He had jagged rips along the knees, and the material seemed to constrict around his thighs as if they were too snug.

Really seeing him now, how his appearance and demeanor vaunted him emotionally crippled, made my heart ache for him. What could have possibly happened to him to leave him this way, to allow him to even entertain the idea of living in a place like this let alone doing it? Had it even been his choice?

And that bear, the one he had given me twice, was that any inclination as to how long he'd been here, hidden away? My God, the thought of him as a child here, clutching onto a bear that he may or may not have considered his only confidante, his security, left me feeling heart broken and so very curious.

Did someone bring him here?

Did they hurt him?

Could he have been kidnapped and somehow gotten away, only to end up in this place because he couldn't find his way home?

Did he even have a home?

Was there no one looking for him?

So many questions that I wasn't sure I'd ever learn the answers to, but I wanted to regardless. I wanted to know what happened to him, what brought him here, why he'd stayed. He didn't want me to leave, that much he voiced, but that didn't mean he'd just open up to me either. I wasn't a fool to think he'd be chatty with me. His reason for asking me to stay was probably just to have another living creature around besides the furry scavengers and a stuffed bear that was mute for obvious reasons.

And, of course, I was stuck on the bear again, remembering how that tattered old thing was nestled next to me when I woke up… twice. I smiled as I thought of how endearing it actually was, that maybe he'd done it so that I, too, would feel secure.

It wasn't until I heard another breath - he certainly had the breath thing down pat - that I snapped out of my deliberation and saw his anxious expression, realizing I must look like an idiot sitting there with a smile on my face while saying nothing. "Sorry," I mumbled. "I sort of take head trips often... you know, over think? I guess I tend to do it more when I'm in a situation where I really have no idea what to say or do. That seems to happen quite often in my case.

"I mean, I guess I could talk about myself, but that might make me seem a bit conceited. Well, I could tell you my name, that's not so bad, right? I'm Bella." I certainly didn't expect him to reply back with his name, but I figured at least I could begin with formalities, put him more at ease. He now knew my name, I knew he wasn't going to hurt me, we were on neutral ground. "I could tell you why I came here."

I was really grasping at straws here in my attempt to give him what he asked by staying. For all I knew, he just wanted my company, but in silence. However, I was nervous and I talked _a lot_ when I was nervous. "It's kind of funny, in an absurd sort of way. Alice, my best friend, she sort of talked me into it.

"This place, which you may or may not know, has a lot of stories behind it. Kids, teenagers mostly, like to come here and see if it's haunted. That sort of thing. A group Alice and I knew from school convinced us to come along, but I hadn't really wanted to. I agreed because Alice begged me to, telling me how we never really did anything fun. She sort of implied, not in so many words but the meaning was there, that since we're graduated from high school and heading off to college in a few months, time for fun will be over soon." I chuckled as I began the next part.

"I actually believe it's because she secretly knew Jasper was tagging along. He's the guy she's liked for as long as I can remember. She just has this way of knowing things sometimes, and it's kind of spooky. I wonder why she didn't see me, and-" I paused, realizing that I was discussing people he didn't know and probably boring him to death or scaring him.

"Sorry, I tend to ramble." And yet, I kept on. "We could talk about whatever you want; books, music, movies, or if you're into the weather, then we could talk about that, not that I really know what it's like right now." I recognized that at this point, not only was I seriously jabbering on, but I was sounding completely inane. And since I was in unchartered territory here, having no clue how to proceed, I figured I may as well try with something that might be of interest to him.

So I slowly stood from where I was, careful not to startle him or agitate my head, and shuffled over to where I'd been lying before. I kneeled down just as gentle as I'd walked there, grabbed the bear and moved back to the spot I'd just been in. I sat back down, grunting with the movement, holding the bear in my hands.

"You know," I started as I situated myself comfortably against the wall, pulling my legs up just enough to place the bear upright in my lap. "I really like this bear." He must have been perpetually blinking at this point, because I could actually hear the sounds his eyelids made as he opened and closed them repeatedly.

"It's a really nice bear, but you know what's so great about this particular bear right here?" I glanced in his direction as my fingers danced across the matted fur of the bear, meeting his inquisitive gaze. "He keeps the bad dreams away, makes you feel safe. I know I certainly feel safer with him around."

I swear the very moment I finished my sentence, I heard a muted hum from him, as if he were agreeing with me. I fought the urge to smile because he was interacting, it was progress. He could obviously speak, but he didn't for whatever reason, and I was not about to be forceful. We'd work up to that. So I continued on with what comforted him. "I was thinking, because he's such a special bear, I bet he has a special name, too." I waited for some kind of acknowledgement, but was only met with his eyes shifting back and forth between me and the bear.

"If he doesn't, that's okay. We can always give him one. What would be a good, strong name for him?" I sighed, thinking. "How about Lancelot? He was quite the protector, and not to mention, a Knight of King Arthur's Round Table."

I had no clue whether he knew the story of Lancelot, but I purposely withheld the fact that history slated him an adulterer with King Arthur's wife. Minus that infraction, I actually liked his character as much as I did Romeo. He had notoriety as a hero.

Besides, we had no worries of Mr. Bear following those same footsteps.

Moments later, I heard him whisper, "L-Lancelot." Not in question, a statement.

I nodded, smiling my approval, and it wasn't merely about the agreement on name choice. "Lancelot."

Once again, after our… well, mostly _my_ exchange in naming his bear, we were propelled back into awkward silence. And honestly, I was okay with that, considering. It was enough that he had made some effort to reach out to me, and he had yet to cower back into that corner. His eyes pretty well stayed trained on me, mostly my face, and he essentially seemed placid now, so I must have been doing something right.

Despite the fact that I still couldn't understand why I didn't want to leave him now, I knew very shortly I'd need to. There were people waiting for me, and even though I had this overwhelming feeling that I should stay, that he needed me, I had to let my family and friends know that I was alright. I owed them that. I could always come back. Yeah, I could do that.

"I'll have to go soon," I told him. "I have to let my dad and my friends know that I'm okay. They're going to worry until I do. But I can come back... uh... if you want me to."

He didn't say anything, remained unmoving for the longest time, and I wasn't sure if he intended to let me know at all, or if maybe he was answering me through his silence. Maybe he didn't want me to come back. And just as I was about to give up, I saw a slight nod of his head.

Oddly enough, I felt relieved by that nod because I had wanted to come back. However, regardless of the fact that I would come back here, I had a fleeting uncertainty of whether I should. Ironically, it didn't matter whether I should or not, I knew I'd still do it, so there was really no point in debating it.

The bigger problem, though, was once I left and made it home, should I tell someone about him, because living here in an abandoned hospital wasn't entirely safe or healthy. And if I did tell about him, would there be someone waiting to hurt him if they found out he was here? I couldn't live with being responsible for that, but I couldn't live with being responsible for keeping quiet about his living inside the hospital and something happening to him because of _that_.

I just needed a little time to sort things out, just a little bit of time to think once I left here, and then I'd decide what to do. But first, I needed to get home. I gently placed the bear against the wall beside me before standing up. I casually faced him, then whispered, "I have to go now, but I promise I'll be back very soon, okay?"

I briefly stood stagnant, watching his breathing increase, his body tense. But as much as it hurt to see him this way, I knew I couldn't stay. I had a responsibility to the people who cared about me. "I'm sorry," I whispered hoarsely.

And just as I opened the door, I heard shuffling behind me - he instantly moved back toward the corner. I turned around abruptly, seeing him crouched in that corner, and it became near impossible to leave him because of it. I wanted to reach out to him. I wanted to show him somehow that I wasn't lying about returning, if I didn't get lost trying to leave, that is.

"I'll come back," I choked out. "I will." I gripped the door, tears burning at the corners of my eyes. "I just… I wish I knew your name."

As I stepped over the threshold of the doorway, he replied softly, "Edward."


	4. Chapter 4: Home Again

I do not own anything Twilight. It all belongs to SM. No copyright infringement is intended. However, characterizations, plot lines, backgrounds and details of this story are mine. No copying or reproduction without my permission.

* * *

**Chapter 4: Home Again**

I choked back a sob as I replied in a withered voice, "I'll be back… Edward."

"Your light," he whispered. "D-don't… forget it."

The entire time I'd been here - I wasn't sure of how long that was - that was the most he'd spoken to me, and it was while I was leaving him. I should have felt elated because it was more than two words, but the tone in his voice, the defeat, marred my emotions further. He had abandoned any belief of my returning, and no matter how much I professed otherwise, he wouldn't believe me unless I did come back. I couldn't help but wonder now, because of his doubtful disposition, how many times he must have been forgotten by others.

Of course, because my head was cast down, I could see the flashlight lying on the ground in the corner near the doorway, see that it was indeed mine. I bent down and my trembling hands gripped around the cold, metal handle, pulling it to my chest as I stood upright.

Taking the final steps from that room was one of the hardest things I'd ever done. And honestly, I still had yet to understand why my feelings toward this man had shifted a one hundred eighty degree interval. I was still waiting to understand that change in me, but what I did understand, and very well, was I didn't want to leave him. Getting back here wouldn't come soon enough.

I clicked the flashlight on and beamed the light ahead of me. I was walking tediously down a long, narrow and winding corridor, and the room in which Edward had me in seemed to be the only one down this hall. Not that I was familiar with any aspect of this hospital, but I didn't recognize where I was at all. I almost wanted to turn around and ask him directions, but I figured doing so might do more harm than good, and there was always the possibility he wouldn't answer, anyway.

The further down the hall I moved, the more condensed the mustiness became, but I could also see light underneath the door. What struck me odd was the fact that the light never danced across the floor, as if reflected off a flashlight - it was a fixed illumination. I just assumed it had been a good long while since this place had ever seen electricity or the means to. Yet, my curious mind wanted to know the source of the light.

I pulled at the door, struggling to open it because the weight of it felt as if I were pulling against steel, and as I opened it, I noticed the doorway was curtained by a large blanket. But the moment I stepped around the blanket - in what appeared to be a boiler room - I paused, mouth agape, eyes wide. There was a small work area adjacent to where I stood, littered with empty cafeteria trays that, oddly enough, looked recently used. And there sitting on top of the work bench was a lamp, actually plugged into a working outlet.

I walked over toward the bench to inspect it further. There were a few empty pop cans near the trays, even some used sporks; freshly used. There was obviously one of two possibilities. Either Edward left the hospital and purchased his own food – and the possibility of that _did not_ seem plausible – or someone knew he was here and was feeding him.

I gasped inwardly at that thought, a plethora of questions flooding my mind.

Did someone really know he was here?

Why would they allow him to stay here while knowing how unhealthy it was?

Were they forcing him to stay here?

How safe would he be if I left right now?

They'd obviously been feeding him, because he certainly didn't look malnutritioned, and feeding him steady meals wasn't conducive to harming him, considering they could simply starve him to death. Nothing about Edward or what was happening behind the walls of this hospital made sense to me. And that fact terrified and intrigued me all the same.

There were so many unanswered questions congregating within my mind, questions I really wanted to know the answers to, but as much as I wanted to know them, I still had to go home first. I glanced around the room, looking for an exit, but the only thing I noticed was a set of winding stairs. I started toward them, moving uneasily due to my lack of being graceful.

I took each step in slow stride because I was unsure where they may lead, along with the possibility of me falling flat on my face, but they seemed to be the only way out of the boiler room. When I reached the door at the top, I grasped the handle and pushed open, finding it a lot easier than the previous door.

I stepped through the doorway into a small room that was equivalent in size to a mop closet. There were old metal stands on either side - outdated cleaning solutions lined the shelves of the one closest to where I stood, concealing the door leading to the boiler room - practically swallowing up the entire room because of its small size. I hmphed under my breath when I realized this room was in fact a mop closet, one that effectively eclipsed the boiler room.

As I opened the closet door, flashing my light ahead of me, I immediately recognized where I was; I was on the basement floor, opposite the end where the room I first saw Edward was. If this closet resided at the far end of the basement floor, how did Edward manage to get me here without Jess seeing? That is, if Jess was actually still waiting for me. I didn't want to believe she could just leave me behind like that, but I realized the probability of that was a strong one, considering. I'd definitely be finding out the answer to that one later.

I turned around, facing the door as I closed it, whispering, "I'll be back, Edward." as I did so.

I lingered with my hands against the door a few more seconds before I headed left until I reached the stairs, which served as a halfway point in the hall. I took them to the second level, where the exit was located.

Knowing Charlie, I expected police cars to be surrounding the building, or at the very least, people searching the premises. But when I exited that building, there was no one waiting for me, no one searching.

How long had I been at the hospital?

Had anyone looked for me at all?

The closest place to go was Alice's, so I walked the ten minutes it took to get there. I knocked on the door approximately two times before it was yanked open, and I heard a rather audible scream, followed by tiny arms wrapping around my neck in a grasp that left me breathless.

"Oh, my God, Bella," Alice cried. "Where have you been? We've been looking everywhere for you."

"Alice," I gasped. "Let go… so I can… breathe."

She stepped back, tears visible upon her cheeks, and pulled me inside the house toward the living room. "Where have you been?" No sooner had she asked, she yelled to her mom, who quickly joined us and enveloped me in a motherly embrace. Of course, Alice continued her questioning. "What happened to you? We looked everywhere for you. Your dad has been out of his mind with worry. Did someone take you? Were you-"

"Alice," I interrupted. "I can't answer if you won't let me."

I sat down across from her while Esme sat beside me, holding my hand as I regaled what had happened….well, minus all that included Edward, along with a few other embellishments. I was still unsure what to do about him yet. "I just got startled from the noise, so I hid in a closet. You know me and my balance, so backing up wasn't such a good idea. I ended up tripping over something along the floor and fell, hitting my head in the process. I'm sorry I worried everyone. How long was I gone?"

"Twenty-four hours," Esme answered.

"Jessica Stanley came barreling up to the third floor where Jasper and I were, carrying on like a lunatic. She said she heard you cry out, but when we went back to where she said you were, we didn't find you. We were sure someone had taken you," Alice explained. That certainly answered the question pertaining to Jess.

"You need to call your father," Esme told me. "He needs to know you're alright."

I nodded as she handed me the phone. I dialed home, and it barely rang once before Charlie answered. "_Hello_," he said in a rush. I'd never heard him so panicked.

"Dad, it's me. It's Bella."

"_Bells_," he exhaled in relief. "_Are you… are you okay? Where are you_?"

"I'm okay, Dad, I'm at Alice's," I replied. "I just… I got a little spooked and hid in a closet, but then I tripped over something and hit my head. Alice says I was gone for a day."

"_You were_," he choked out. Moments like these, where Charlie's emotion was palpable, were rare ones, but he made no effort to hide how affected he'd been. "_I was… I was terrified something happened to you, Bella. I searched up and down that hospital, me and some of the other town folk, so I don't know how I missed you if you were hidden in a closet. But when I couldn't find you, I-" he paused. "I'm coming to get you right now. We're going to the hospital to have you checked out, then I'm bringing you home_."

I bit back the tears, partially because I hated lying to him – a lie that was rather flimsy- but also because I hated hearing how broken down my absence made him. "Okay, Dad," I whispered.

"_I'll be right there_," he said, and then there was silence on the other end of the phone. I excused myself to the restroom, something I'd been waiting hours to do, while I waited for him.

Fifteen minutes later, I was sitting inside Charlie's cruiser on my way to the hospital. "How's the head, Kiddo? You doing okay?"

"Dad, I'm fine," I chuckled. "I'd feel better if I could just get home in my own bed. I think an icepack would be good enough. I don't need to see a doctor."

"Bella," he started, his tone authoritative. "You're going. The way I see it, you gave your old man quite a scare, so the least you can do is go see Dr. Cullen and have him look at that head of yours. I realize you hate hospitals, but I'd feel better all the same if I knew you were okay."

I sighed. "I don't really have a choice, do I?"

He shook his head. "Nope."

"How's Emmett?" I asked. "Does he know that I-"

"He does," Charlie interrupted. "He wanted to come, but I told him to stay home. He came with me to search for you. We'd barely been home an hour when you called. We weren't giving up."

"I'm sorry, Dad."

"I'm just glad you're okay, Bells. That's all that matters."

* * *

As soon as we entered the hospital, Mrs. Ramshaw, the ER registration secretary, acknowledged us. "Hey, Charlie. Bella, it's good to see you're okay. "

I bit into my lip. "Thanks."

She smiled, then her eyes averted to Charlie. "I already have the paperwork started. I just need your signature." Charlie eyed her curiously. "Oh, Mrs. Cullen called ahead, letting Dr. Cullen know about Bella, and that you were bringing her in to be examined."

Charlie nodded his appreciation. "Okay, thanks, Pam."

I had just taken a seat in the waiting area when the triage nurse called me back. She took my vitals, briefly glanced at the contusion, as she called it, asked me how I received the injury, what my pain level rated on a scale of one to ten, then took me back to a room.

When Dr. Cullen arrived at my examining room, I once again had to reiterate what happened at the old hospital. Yet, this time when I told the story of my injury, I received a different reaction. Of course, the look within his eyes was fleeting, but I could tell that somehow he knew I was hiding something, that he could see how transparent I was, even though I was trying not to be.

But he didn't ask questions, never let on that he believed anything more than what I told him. He simply ordered a CT scan, concluded that the contusion on the back of my skull led to a minor concussion and I was to rest in bed for the next few days. He sent me home with a list of normal side effects, along with what to watch out for that would require me coming back to the hospital. But overall, he believed I'd be fine, that it was nothing to worry about.

Needless to say, the moment we entered my front door, I went straight to my room to grab clothing so I could take a shower. Just as I stepped over the threshold of my bedroom door, I was engulfed in giant arms, leaving my feet dangling from the ground as my brother wrapped me in a bear hug. "Emmett," I gulped, trying to catch my breath. "My head… is going to… pop off."

"Sorry, Bells," he replied, placing me back on my feet. "I'm just glad to see you home."

"I see that," I laughed.

"You're okay though, right?" he asked. "The doc gave you a clean bill of health and all?"

"I'm fine," I nodded. "There's nothing out of the ordinary. Concussions are a cakewalk," I teased.

"You had us worried, you know? I never should have let you go in that place." His expression held so much guilt, like he blamed himself for my being hurt. "You being equilibrium challenged and all that, I should have stopped you from going in there, or at the very least taken you with me. If I would-"

"Emmett, stop," I interjected. "I'm a big girl, and I made the decision to go. It's nobody's fault, okay? It was just a stupid accident." I gripped his hand in mine. "Really, if anyone is to blame, then it's me. I knew better than to go into a place like that, especially since I'm 'equilibrium challenged', but I chose to anyway. It's done, it's over, I'm home and right this minute all I wanna do is just take a shower."

He laughed, then squeezed my hand before letting it go. "Yeah, you do stink."

"Thanks," I scoffed, mockingly. "I feel the love."

I could still hear him laughing as I closed the bathroom door behind me. I discarded the clothing from my body, set the shower as hot as my body could handle and climbed inside, washing away the dirt that had accumulated over my skin in the last twenty-four hours. But the only thing I could think about as the water pelted against my back was green eyes and the person they belonged to.

After I finished dressing, I grabbed a quick sandwich, seeing as there wasn't an actual meal made because I had not been home to cook one, then headed to bed. I laid there in my bed, my body relaxed, but my mind busy. I was happy to be home, yes, but only a part of me was. I was also feeling a bit indifferent about it, because there was somewhere else I wanted to be a little bit more. I knew without question that the only reason I left at all was to assure my family and friends I was alright. If I could go back now, without Charlie knowing, I would. And I still had no idea why, what the pull was to Edward. I knew nothing about him at all, other than he seemed so broken. Maybe that in itself was the appeal. Regardless, I'd return to that hospital, and I'd return tomorrow.

* * *

I woke around ten, after nearly tossing and turning most the night. It's not easy to sleep when your mind refuses to steel itself against unremitting thoughts. I changed out of my old sweats and oversized t-shirt, putting on a pair of jeans and a short sleeve v-neck, then brushed my hair, careful not to brush against my wound. I padded downstairs, only to find that I was the only one home.

How much easier could this be?

I found a note from Charlie lying on the counter, saying he'd gone to work early but if I needed anything to call him. Emmett had football camp and work, so he wouldn't be home until later in the evening. I wasted no time as I crumpled up the note, throwing it into the trash, then proceeded to gather up some sandwiches for Edward and I, along with two thermoses full of apple juice.

I threw everything, including my flashlight and a thermal blanket, into my tote bag, then headed out to my truck. Yeah, it was an old beater - a 1953 Chevrolet Pickup – but she was still going strong.

When I arrived at the hospital, I pulled around back, making sure to conceal my truck as much as possible. Seeing as it was light out, it would be a lot easier to spot; especially since it's red. I threw my door open, grabbed my tote bag and walked at a brisk pace toward the broken entryway of the hospital.

As soon as I was inside, I gripped my flashlight, flicked it on and started for the stairway. Once I made it to the basement floor, I turned right, heading toward the tiny closet that led to the boiler room. After I reached the closet door, I briefly flashed my light down the hall, making sure I wasn't being followed. It may have been laughable, but I was still being cautionary. I had yet to decide on whether I was going to tell anyone about Edward, and I certainly didn't want it happening as a surprise to us both.

I entered the closet, tote held in front of me so I could move easily through the small space, then pulled the door open leading to the boiler room. I descended the stairs, my heart thudding in anticipation the closer I came to the room I knew he'd be in.

And just as I reached the blanketed door, blanket still gripped in my hand, I heard a voice behind me. "You came back."

The voice was not Edward's.


	5. Chapter 5: Puzzle Piece

Ready for a quick update? I hope so. Lol. I can't say thank you enough for the support and rec'ing this story has received over the last few days. It's seriously blown my mind. To all those who've read, rec'd and reviewed, you're amazing. Thank you.

**WARNING: THIS CHAPTER MENTIONS PHYSICAL ABUSE**

I do not own anything Twilight. It all belongs to SM. No copyright infringement is intended. However, characterizations, plot lines, backgrounds and details of this story are mine. No copying or reproduction without my permission.

* * *

**Chapter 5: Puzzle Piece**

"**Bring Me To Life"**

Evanescence

_how can you see into my eyes like open doors_

_leading you down into my core_

_where i've become so numb without a soul my spirit sleeping somewhere cold_

_until you find it there and lead it back home _

_wake me up inside_

_wake me up inside_

_call my name and save me from the dark_

_bid my blood to run_

_before i come undone_

_save me from the nothing i've become_

I was completely deadlocked. Fear resonated through my entire body, disabling my ability to do anything but breathe in and out almost violently while practically crushing the fabric of the blanket between my fingers.

"It's okay. You don't have to be afraid because I'm not going to hurt you. I am, however, surprised you came back; especially to see the lad."

I dropped the blanket, pivoted slowly on my heels and flashed my light toward the voice, coming face to face with an older gentleman who was probably in his late fifties, early sixties. He had jet black hair with a tinge of gray, dark eyes, a bit on the thin side and rather tall. A person's face, especially their eyes, creates obvious and immediate cues that lead to the formation of an impression, and his told me, along with his smile, that he was good natured - I could feel it.

"W-what do you mean by 'the lad'?"

He walked over toward the workbench, flicked on the lamp, and placed a grocery bag on top, then faced me once more, smiling as he pointed toward the entryway that led to the room Edward was hiding in. "The lad."

"You mean… Edward?"

"Edward, heh?" He shook his head, the smile still appreciable. "Did he tell you his name?" I nodded. "After nearly seven years, I finally find out his name. Ah well, better late than never I always say."

I gasped. "Seven years? What do you mean seven years?"

He nodded. His focus was now on the grocery bag as he removed items inside it. "That's how long he's been here."

"Oh, my God," I cried, feeling a mix of dismay and anger. "How could you…how could you keep him here, especially that long?"

His hands stilled, and his body went completely rigid until he finally turned to face me, wearing a pained expression. "I didn't keep him here. I found him here."

"What?" I replied in a hoarse whisper.

"I've had this place ten years now, I think. Never really knew why I bought it. The first few months I kept saying to myself, "Marcus, it's pointless. What are you doing?" Guess maybe it was because it needed a lot of work, it looked as lonely as I was, and since I'm alone, doing the work around here by myself would keep me busy, keep my mind off the fact that I have no one to go home to." There was a tremble to his tone, one that indicated years of scars.

"All my life, I'd always done for me, no one else. When it came to taking care of someone other than me, I ran away from the responsibility. Running away was second nature to me, you see. And because of that reason, it's why I've spent the majority of my life alone. I'm an older man now, barely holding onto the pathetic life I've led, and I had a choice when I found that boy. Either I run, or for once in my life take care of someone other than myself. The fear in his eyes, the bruises on his face in the shape of a hand, it haunted me for weeks. I could only imagine what the rest of him looked like, but he wouldn't let me near him to see. He was almost animalistic because he was that terrified. Someone hurt him… badly." His eyes shifted toward the doorway that concealed Edward.

"I couldn't run, don't you see? For the first time in my miserable life, I wanted to do the right thing by someone else. Letting him stay here, it may seem abnormal and cruel, and under different circumstances it would be. If I could have coerced him to leave, I would have taken him home to care for him, but for whatever reason, he seems to want to be here. I have a feeling that boy has been through more than you or I could fathom, and I was _not_ going to take away any security or comfort he had found. I couldn't do that to him. You didn't see him. You didn't see what had been done to him.

"So I told him about that room, dropping hints on how to get down here and hoping he'd use them because it was much cleaner - it was meant as an overnight room for the caretaker. And one day he did. I showed up, and he wasn't in his regular place at all. He'd moved to that room. When I finally got him down here, I blanketed the doorway to conceal it so the wrong person wouldn't find him, took care of him, made sure he had food and access to water, along with other things he'd need. It's not much, it's certainly not the Hilton, but it's got to be better than where he's from. It took him a good while to even trust me enough to eat, but he did. Maybe it's because I stood outside that door, everyday, talking to him, but I never went inside. He's fragile, so I gotta work at his pace. And with the clothing I provided, well, that's another story entirely. One outfit was all he seemed to want, but that was okay. I wanted him to know he could trust me, that not all people are bad or out to hurt him.

"I really hoped that trust would grow so that I could get him out of this place and somewhere better. I know he doesn't belong here, but revealing he's here, especially in the state he's in, I would have signed his death warrant. They'd come in here and take him, lock him up in a place full of crazies, and that would most definitely kill him. That reason is the only reason he's still here. He's not crazy, he's just lost, and he needs someone to find him. He's been silent and completely solitary almost seven years, until now. I've done what I can for him, but it wasn't me he chose, it was you. Don't make that choice be an empty one for him," he pleaded.

Tears ran down my cheeks and dripped from my chin, dissolving into the material of my t-shirt. "You care about him."

"Someone has to," he ground out. "Even if it's done from afar." He cleared his throat, then turned back to the workbench and began emptying the bag again. "You should go see him now. I'm sure that's why you're back."

I sighed, gazing at him inquisitively, wondering how he knew I'd been here to begin with. His head lifted, eyes meeting mine, and he laughed, seemingly aware of my thoughts. "I saw you leave. I wouldn't have known you were here, otherwise. Anyway, I'll be here for awhile, if you need anything and all that. I brought him some food and supplies, so you're welcome to take them to him."

I gripped my tote bag, lifting it upright to show him. "I… umm… brought him something to eat. It's not much, but I thought-"

He faced me, a smile of reassurance upon his face. "It'll be enough, don't worry. I'll just leave this here for later, then." He pointed toward the door. "Go on now."

I gave him a slight nod then whispered, "Thank you."

He winked. "Hey, it's the least I can do."

I turned back around, pulling the blanket aside and opened the door. I flashed my light ahead of me and advanced tentatively down the hall, partially to keep from startling Edward, but also because I was adapting myself. I had no idea how he'd react, if my leaving was a setback to the progression we'd made. I certainly hoped not, but I needed to be prepared for that reaction all the same.

The closer I came to that room, the more my heart hammered in my chest. It wasn't fear, it was anticipation. I wanted to see him again and hoped he wanted to see me too. When I cleared the hall and reached the door that led directly into Edward's room, I briefly paused, taking in deep, calming breaths, then pushed it open.

I wanted to cry the moment I stepped inside that room, seeing him cowered in the corner - his entire frame trembling - and clutched tightly within his right arm was Lancelot.

"Edward," I choked out as the sting of fresh tears built in the corner of my eyes. "It's Bella. I'm… I'm here. I came back."

He never moved, never turned to face me, just continued to recoil into the corner. To see him like this, after making such progress the day before, it lacerated my heart. We went from moving two steps forward to taking four steps backward.

Two rather caustic feelings impacted me in that moment; hate toward whoever hurt him and a feverish determination to reach him. So I wiped away the tears cascading down my face and slowly approached the wall at the halfway point of the room, pressing back against the rough cement, then sliding down to a sitting position upon the floor.

It's just as Marcus said, I'd have to go at Edward's pace.

"So," I began, striving to keep my voice calm. "I packed us a lunch before I came. It's just sandwiches and apple juice, nothing fancy, but I figured we could eat together if you wanted, maybe I could tell you what I've been up to."

He was still silent, still unmoving as I opened my tote bag and pulled out the food I'd prepared. "Oh, I brought you a warmer blanket, and I even brought one for Lancelot." I pulled out my old baby blanket, holding it up in my hand to show him. "He needs to be nice and warm, too."

I laid the blanket down beside me.

He pressed his knees further into the corner, but his head shifted so that I could see his eyes, see that he was staring at me. "It's alright," I whispered soothingly, nodding at him. "It's alright. You don't have to do anything you don't want to do, okay?"

His eyes darted between me and the baby blanket, like he wanted to reach for it, but fear left him immobile. "When you're ready," I assured him. "Only when you're ready."

I placed his food and thermos beside the blanket, then pulled my knees up to my chest and reached for my sandwich, taking a small bite before I spoke. Maybe if he saw that I was relaxed and eating, it might prompt him to want to as well.

"You know, I really like peanut butter and jelly." I flipped the sandwich over, briefly staring at it before my eyes met his again. "It's strange because I really didn't when I was younger. Charlie, my dad, he used to make it for me a lot, probably because that's the only thing he really could make," I chuckled. "He's not much of a cook, and my brother, Emmett, well, he manages to burn toast. So peanut butter and jelly was a delicacy around my house.

"I stopped eating it for quite a long time, then out of nowhere, I had this taste for it, so I went to the kitchen and made me two sandwiches. Charlie was sitting at the table, watching me. I remember his face, how shocked he was that I was actually eating it and _enjoying_ it." I took another small bite of my sandwich. "He never said a word, though, only smiled. That's kind of his thing, keeping silent. He's not one to hover, but he's a good father. He's always taken good care of me and Emmett.

"It's funny how alike we are, Charlie and I. Emmett, he's more like my mother - really outgoing and funny. I guess I'm more of a 'suffer in silence' type. I prefer to keep to myself, so I don't really have a regular clique of friends, well, other than Alice. Coming here the other day with that group of people, that was abnormal for me. But I'm not sorry, even with the head injury, which is fine according to Dr. Cullen." I realized I was blabbering, but it was all part of the bigger picture, making him feel at ease with me. That was the only thing that mattered right now.

I saw movement from my peripherals, so I paused, noticing he was no longer shrouded in the corner - he'd receded a few inches, attention focused solely on me. I smiled, then continued speaking. "I didn't tell you what happened on my way in here, did I? Well, I met the nice gentleman who owns this place. His name is Marcus. He actually brought you some more food and supplies, but I figured since I made us a lunch, you could always eat what he brought later."

Edward exhaled sharply, and I could swear afterward he whispered something, but it was so low that whatever he'd said was unintelligible.

I glanced in his direction, seeing how his eyes averted back and forth between me and the items beside me. "Do you want these?" I asked as I looked at the blanket and food beside me, then back up to him.

He blinked a few times as our eyes met, then his once again lowered to what lay beside me. "It's okay if you do. If you want, I can push them toward you, or I can move so you can grab them."

I started to move, but stopped - for some reason unknown to me - the moment he inched toward me. He kept inching forward cautiously. His body was tense and alert, Adam's apple rising and falling from swallowing thickly, never once taking his eyes off me. "It's okay, Edward," I whispered amiably to him. "It's okay. I'll never hurt you."

I placed my sandwich in my lap, bracing my hands along the hard floor, and stilled - my entire body completely stationary – to keep from frightening him. And just as he reached me, his breath became staccato, but he grabbed the blanket and food, his knuckles lightly brushing along my hand as he did so. I had to bite into my lip to keep from gasping. I didn't believe it was intentional, but he didn't freak out from the contact either. To me, that was such a huge thing.

He retreated back toward his wall, but refrained from the corner. He pressed his left side against the wall, pulling his knees up to his chest, and resting his chin upon them. All the while, he was still watching me. He slowly reached behind him and grabbed Lancelot, pulling the bear toward him, then laid him upon the baby blanket.

I smiled warmly as I reached for my sandwich and took a bite. He'd yet to eat from his, but we'd made progress, and though it was a small progress, it was still a victory. It was Edward's victory.


	6. Chapter 6: A Slight Progression

Well, here's another early update, much longer than the others, so I hope you enjoy. I won't be updating again until next Saturday. Again, I've been completely blown away by the response to this story. Those of you that have read, reviewed, and rec'd, I seriously can't tell you enough what you mean to me. You leave me in awe! Thank you!

FYI: THIS STORY WILL CONTAIN TALK OF PHYSICAL ABUSE. IT'S NOT OVERTLY GRAPHIC, BUT IT IS IN THE STORY. IF YOU CAN'T HANDLE THAT OR HAVE A TRIGGER, PLEASE DON'T READ. YOU'VE BEEN WARNED.

I do not own anything Twilight. It all belongs to SM. No copyright infringement is intended. However, characterizations, plot lines, backgrounds and details of this story are mine. No copying or reproduction without my permission.

* * *

**Chapter 6: A Slight Progression**

Four days passed since I'd first gone back to see Edward at the hospital. Four days where I sat with him, talking, waiting to hear his voice again, even if it was merely to utter one word. But he remained silent.

I'm sure I probably would have felt a bit depressed had it not been for the fact that his actions made up for his lack of speech. He began gradually moving himself further from that corner, though he never once released the hold on his bear. It wasn't a dramatic shift in position, but it was still something, and I was willing to take whatever he was willing to offer.

That was, of course, the first progression. Second was his demeanor. My daily visits seemed to become less jarring for him - like he'd begun to expect them – so the tension in his body seemed to dissipate, but only mildly. And third - which happened today – he had Lancelot waiting for me in my usual seat against the halfway point of the room, wrapped in my old baby blanket. That gesture was enough to bring tears to my eyes.

I suppose consistency had a lot to do with the change in him. I returned everyday at the same time and left with enough time to get home before Charlie and Emmett, who hardly ever questioned what I'd been up to while they were gone, other than the occasional, "How'd your day go?". Charlie worked a lot of hours and Emmett, well, if he wasn't working or at football camp – which ran all summer long – he was out with friends, so I was accustomed to spending my days alone. Only, these days I spent them with Edward.

Of course, the fact that my being available diminished considerably left Alice asking me all kinds of questions; where I was, did I have a new job, was there a boy I liked, did something happen back at the hospital that made me feel like I needed to keep it hidden and shy away from the people that cared about me? All of which I gave 'no' answers to.

Only, Thursday night as we sat on the phone during our nightly ritual call, her curiosity took a bit of a turn. I honestly hadn't expected things to shift so dramatically, considering most of the conversation centered around her and Jasper, whom she was now dating.

"_So,"_ she began. _"I was out having lunch with Jasper today, and out of nowhere I had this bizarre feeling."_

"You did?" I questioned as I lay down upon my bed, placing my free hand behind my head.

"_I did_."

I received her normal vague response, which prompted me to ask for an explanation because I knew where this was going. This was typical for us when her "feelings" were about me, but I always played along.

"Well, what was this _bizarre_ feeling you had?"

"_I'm glad you asked_," she answered nonchalantly, as if she hadn't orchestrated this outcome to begin with. "_As I said, Jasper and I were having lunch, and I suddenly felt strange. Your face popped into my mind. I wasn't sure why at first, but then I had this overwhelming feeling like you were hiding something from me. I can't explain it, Bella, but I feel like there's something you're being secretive about, for whatever reason, but we've never kept secrets from each other. You know you can tell me anything, right_?"

"I do," I sighed into the phone. I hated lying to her. "And normally I'm all creeped out about your sixth sense, because you're usually spot on, but this time, Alice, I think your lunch was spiked with something. Really, there's nothing going on. We've been over this so many times, and has my answer changed once? No, it hasn't. I'm sorry if you think I've been avoiding you, I really haven't been. I just figured with you and Jasper dating now, you'd want to spend more time with him. I've sort of been hanging around the house, and hey, I've even gone to the mall."

"_Bella_," she stated incredulously. "_You don't shop. You hate to shop_."

"I know, I must have hit my head pretty hard, heh?" I teased.

She chuckled. "_You sure you're okay_?"

"I am," I assured her. "But I should probably go. I need to get dinner made. I'll talk to you tomorrow, okay?"

"_Alright… and, Bella_?" she paused.

"Yeah?"

"_Be careful_." Then she was gone.

I took in a deep breath as the dial tone reverberated through the phone, placed the phone on the receiver and climbed off the bed to head downstairs to make dinner. Emmett and Charlie were sitting in the living room watching a Mariner's game - a typical evening around my house always included sports.

"Hey, Bells, is that you?" Charlie hollered. I glanced toward the living room as I started for the kitchen, seeing him peeking around his recliner back at me.

"Yeah, dad, I'm just getting dinner started."

"Sounds good, but what are we having?"

I quickly glanced through the fridge and cupboards to see what we had and noted that I _really_ had to go to the grocery story.

"Spaghetti," I told him. This, of course, was the only viable choice because we really didn't have much of a food selection.

I heard a grunt in response. Charlie had selective hearing while watching a game, but at least it was an agreeable grunt.

I prepared dinner while listening to Emmett and Charlie squabble about plays during the game.

"What the hell kind of pitch was that?" Emmett growled. "That should have been an easy out."

"Ian just has some tightness in his elbow. Wait until next pitch. You'll see."

And so it continued, on and on between them, until I interrupted by telling them dinner was ready. Most of the meal was made with minute conversation, at least on my part. I pretty much picked at my food, moving noodles and sauce around my plate. It was mainly an unconscious move, because really, my mind was focused elsewhere. I'd just left Edward a few hours ago, knowing full well I'd see him again in the morning, but it felt like so much longer than that.

He seemed to fill my thoughts consistently now, and the ever present concern for him reached its peak when I couldn't see for myself that he was alright. And the feeling I felt the moment I left him, the consumable dread, it stayed with me until I returned, making a formidable front around my family near impossible.

"You okay, Kiddo?"

Charlie's question startled me out of my musing. My head snapped up, the hand holding the fork stilled, and I blinked a few times before answering. "Uh, yeah, I'm actually kinda tired. I'm really not that hungry, so I think I'm gonna go take a shower and turn in."

"You do look a bit tired. Emmett and I will take care of cleaning up. You just go on upstairs and get some rest." I nodded, then stood from the chair, emptied my plate before putting it into the sink and started upstairs.

Charlie had been watching me the entire time, and his disquieted expression made the guilt I felt deepen. I knew he was worried, and I imagined he believed my behavior stemmed from my head injury. I was never a very good liar, or one to keep secrets, but now that Edward had unconventionally dropped into my life, I became shrouded in secrecy.

I rationalized that feeling guilty for keeping Charlie, Emmett and Alice in the dark about Edward was pretty well baseless, mainly because Marcus and I were providing Edward with a sort of witness protection or whatever, something Charlie - if he knew the truth - would understand required a lot of discretion.

There was still so much I'd yet to learn about Edward. I only knew what Marcus was able to tell me, which wasn't much, but it was enough to know he'd been abused pretty badly. And if my silence about him could save him from the person who was responsible for hurting him and his being in that hospital, then it was all worth it, wasn't it?

I mean, Marcus was right. If I were to tell someone about Edward, even Charlie or Alice, his being in that hospital would be made a huge spectacle of, and God only knew what would happen to him. He simply wasn't stabile enough to handle the reactions he'd no doubt get.

I was in the shower long enough to wash up, with maybe a few extra moments included to allow the near scalding water to purge my muscles of tension. And I realized once I got out of the shower, dressed in some worn pajamas and climbed into bed, saying I was tired wasn't too far off the mark. I was mentally and emotionally drained. I set my alarm for eight, then laid back against my pillow, pulling my comforter up to rest under my chin.

I'd just gotten comfortable, my eyelids heavy over my eyes from the exhaustion, when there was a knock on my bedroom door. My eyes flew open, my heart thud furiously in my chest and I promptly sat up. "Bells, it's Emmett. Can I come in for a second?"

I exhaled fully as I ran my hands over my face. "Yeah, come in."

The door handle turned and Emmett poked his head in before stepping completely around the door and into my room. "Hey, I just wanted to check up on you before I went to bed."

I scratched at my forehead, a small smile playing at the corner of my lips. "I'm okay, Emmett… really. I'm just tired. You and dad don't have to worry so much about me. He doesn't realize how transparent he is these days, does he?" Emmett laughed. "I know he thinks I've been acting funny lately because of my head, but I promise my head feels much better."

"It's not so much that he's worried about something being wrong with your head, Bella. You've always been distant, but even more so lately, and he has no idea what to do." He was silent for a moment, then he came to sit beside me on the bed. "Did… did something happen back at that hospital?"

"No," I answered a bit too quickly. "It's nothing like that," I sighed. "It's just... I was there in that hospital twenty-four hours, Emmett, unconscious. That sorta messes with your head a little, especially knowing what that place was once, you know?"

He nodded. "Yeah, I guess that could mess with someone's mind. I can't imagine what you must have been thinking when you woke up there."

"I'd rather not think about it, Emmett."

"Sorry."

"Hey," I told him as I gripped his forearm. "Haven't we been down this road already? None of that, okay? No guilt. It happened, and it's over with. I'm fine."

"You really sure you're okay?" he asked, his face full of concern, though he was clearly trying to mask it.

I smiled. "I'm sure... but I'd be even better if you'd let me get back to sleep."

"Right," he said, clapping his hands against his thighs. "I guess I'll let you do that, and I'll talk to you tomorrow."

He stood from the bed, shuffling over toward the door, and just as he was walking out, he turned back around to face me and said, "I know I hassle you sometimes and all. I do it because you're my little sister, and that's what big brothers do. But you know I'm here for you anytime, right? No matter what it is, no matter how bad, okay? I may kick your ass a little if you get yourself in trouble, but I'll still have your back."

"I know," I assured him, smiling.

He grinned at me, then walked out, closing the door behind him. "Night, Bells."

"Night, Emmett."

* * *

The moment the alarm began, I flew up in bed, throwing the covers off my body, and practically hurled myself upright on my feet. It wasn't exactly the brightest idea, because I'd very nearly fallen face first against the floor, but I managed to stabilize my balance by bracing my hands against the bed and nightstand.

I took all of a few seconds to calm my worked up heart from the near face to floor collision, before I darted toward my closet to grab clothes. As soon as I changed and pulled my hair back into a loose ponytail, I moved as quickly as I could down the stairs toward the kitchen.

I made Edward and I lunch, consisting of bottled water and reheated spaghetti. I even prepared a separate container for Marcus. A few days prior, I attempted ham and cheese sandwiches, only to have it sit on his plate where the bread became equivalent to croutons. He seemed to love the peanut butter and jelly, though, so I'd stuck with that or leftovers.

I placed everything inside my tote, including a book – Walden by Henry David Thoreau – that I'd intended to read to Edward, grabbed my keys and went out to my truck. It was nearly half past eight and already unusually warm outside. I could only imagine what that meant for later in the day.

As soon as I climbed inside, I immediately rolled the driver's side window down, then started my truck. I backed out of the driveway, seeing our neighbor, Bob, just coming out of his front door to collect the morning paper. He waved the moment he saw me, so I gave him a quick wave back as I passed his house.

Traffic through Forks seemed to be steadier than usual, so it took a little longer than it did initially to arrive at the hospital. But when I finally arrived, I grabbed the tote bag and ran as fast as I could to the entrance. I climbed through and darted toward the stairs. I had a few close calls on my way to the boiler room, but made it in one piece.

"There she is." Marcus smiled as he took in my mussed state. "You look like you were hurried. Did you have a bit of a problem with traffic this morning, too?"

"Yeah… a little," I gasped, trying to catch my breath from running. "It wasn't too bad, but more active than we see around here usually."

"That's true," he agreed.

I started toward the door leading to Edward's room, then paused, pivoted back around and approached him. "Oh, I brought you something." I reached into my tote bag, pulling out the container of spaghetti I brought him and handed it to him.

He took the container from my hands, a mix of awe and gratitude upon his face. "You didn't have to do that."

"I know," I told him. "I wanted to."

He briefly stared at me, then cleared his throat as his eyes drifted toward the blanketed door before speaking to me. "Well, why don't you head on back and see our boy. I bet he's waiting for you. I've got some things to work on around here, so if you need anything, just give me a holler."

I turned back around and walked toward the door leading to Edward. Just as I gripped the blanket, lifting it away from the door, I glanced over my shoulder and said, "Thanks, Marcus."

He nodded, a smile still visible on his face. "Anytime."

I closed the main door behind me and proceeded down the winding corridor toward Edward's room. As soon as I reached it, I pushed through the door. Lancelot was waiting in my spot again, and Edward was seated in his corner, oil lamp beside him, but he was facing the door, like he'd been waiting for me.

"Hey," I smiled. "I'm sorry I'm running a little late. Traffic was crazy today."

I stepped over to my spot in the room and sat down to the left of Lancelot, placing my tote bag on the other side of me. I lifted Lancelot up and placed him in my lap.

"Hello there, Lancelot. Did you sleep well last night?" I lifted him up, aligning his mouth to my ear as if he were whispering to me, then pulled him away and placed him back in my lap. "That's good to hear. I brought a book to read to you and Edward today. Do you think you'd be interested in hearing it?" I bent forward over my lap, placing my ear next to the bear's mouth. "Well, great. I guess I'll start reading it."

I sat back up, placing my back against the wall and glanced over toward Edward. My mouth fell open, and I let out a low trembling breath. He'd been watching my interaction with Lancelot, and apparently was pleased by it, because the right side of his mouth actually turned up into a small smile. I was completely staggered, though it was a pleasant shock.

I had to correct myself almost immediately so that my reaction didn't startle him. I smiled back at him and reached inside my bag to pull out the book. "I brought _Walden_ by Henry David Thoreau. I hope you like it."

I began to read, getting completely lost in the words. He remained quiet, of course, but listened intently to what I was saying… until the fourth chapter.

"There is commonly sufficient space about us. Our horizon is never quite at our elbows. The thick wood is not just at our door, nor the pond, but somewhat is always clearing, familiar and worn by us, appropriated and fenced in some way, and reclaimed from Nature. For what reason have I this vast range and circuit, some square miles of unfrequented forest, for my privacy, abandoned to me by men? My nearest neighbor is a mile distant, and no house is visible from any place but the hill-tops within half a mile of my own. I have my horizon bounded by woods all to myself; a distant view of the railroad where it touches the pond on the one hand, and of the fence which skirts the woodland road on the other. But for-"

"I," he started, then paused. I waited anxiously for him to continue speaking, my heart fluttered triumphantly in my chest, because that one word was the first word I'd heard from him in nearly a week. But right now, that one word was _everything_.

He was staring at me, almost pleadingly, so I smiled to reassure him. "I… like it." He glanced from me to the book.

"Me too," I whispered hoarsely. I bit my lip to still my emotions. "This book was always one of my favorites. I have a weakness for classic literature."

I swear he smiled again. It was fleeting, but it was there. "Please," he whispered.

"Do you want me to continue?"

He nodded. "Yes."

So I continued reading with an even tone and smile on my face – the only evidence of what I was really feeling on the inside. He'd spoken to me, not once but three times, and I could not have been more elated because of it.

I stopped reading at lunch time, bookmarking the page I was on, and placed it beside me. I pulled out our spaghetti, and surprisingly, because I had the container wrapped in a thermal bag, the food was still warm.

"I brought us some spaghetti for lunch today." I opened the container and began dishing it out onto our plates. "It's not real warm, but it's warm enough. I made this last night. I don't generally make enough to have leftovers, but since meeting you, I started. I know you probably get tired of sandwiches. I hope this is alright."

I went to set his plate and water bottle beside me, just as I'd done every day before now, but he made some indecipherable noise, so I glanced up at him, still palming the plate in one hand, gripping the water bottle in the other. He took a deep breath, then slowly scooted himself toward me.

I remained very still, holding the plate and water upward and out toward him. When he was within reaching distance, he lifted his arms cautiously. His eyes remained focused on my face, and he wrapped the fingers of his left hand around the water bottle and placed his other hand underneath the plate, his fingertips brushing against mine as he did so. He exhaled a shaky breath the moment our skin touched, then lifted both items from my hands while scooting back toward his corner.

I fought to remain collected as I grabbed my own plate and began eating small bites. We ate in silence, and once we were finished, I placed my plate on top of my tote back, grabbed my book and began reading again.

I read for the remainder of the time I was with him, only because it seemed that's what he wanted me to do. And when I glanced down at my watch, seeing my time with him was over, I sighed in disappointment, then bookmarked the page and closed the book, inserting it back inside my tote bag.

I shifted my entire body so I could face him. "Tomorrow starts the weekend, which means my dad and brother will be around a bit more, but I'll be back."

I wasn't sure yet what excuse I was going to give Emmett and Charlie for my absence, but I'd figure that out later. In any case, I knew I had to be here with Edward. "I could always bring another book to read too, if you want." I waited to see if he'd give me some response, and when he didn't, I turned back around and shoved the food and plate inside the thermal bag, then stuck it inside my tote. I set Lancelot upright against the wall, placed the straps of the tote bag over my shoulder, stood up from the floor and began walking toward the door. "I'll see you tomorrow, Edward. You too, Lancelot."

And just as I stepped inside the hallway, making it just past the threshold of the doorway, he said in a desperate plea, "P-please… stay." His voice lowered an octave, becoming almost a whisper as his eyes met mine with a keen hope. "Bella."


	7. Chapter 7: The Plan

Ready for another chapter? It's a bit of a filler and not as lengthy - I know, I hate those too. But it's a necessity for the future. So PLEASE bear with me on this. I know you still have lots of questions, and I promise, they'll be answered starting VERY soon. Next chapter will be longer!

Once again, the reviews and support for this story astounds me. You all are amazing, I tell ya!

I do not own anything Twilight. It all belongs to SM. No copyright infringement is intended. However, characterizations, plot lines, backgrounds and details of this story are mine. No copying or reproduction without my permission.

* * *

**Chapter 7: The Plan**

**Breathe Me**

_I have lost myself again_

_Lost myself and I am nowhere to be found,_

_Yeah I think that I might break_

_Lost myself again and I feel unsafe_

_Be my friend_

_Hold me, wrap me up_

_Unfold me_

_I am small_

_and needy_

_Warm me up_

_And breathe me_

I stared back at him, consumed with the biting ache I always felt when leaving him, though this time it was more concentrated. But the way he peered up at me, desperate yet hopeful, made the idea of leaving impossible. I had to stay for him, at least a while longer.

I knew Charlie would wonder where I was if I just simply wasn't home and never called to tell him I'd be gone when he got home himself. Since missing those twenty-four hours, Charlie became different, more openly concerned. That reason alone was why I made it a point to be home before he was. I think deep down he believed that something happened to me, and that maybe I was too afraid to talk about it. Of course, something did happen that night... Edward happened, and I _was_ afraid to talk about him, but not for myself.

As much as I hated lying to Charlie, I couldn't tell him or anyone else about Edward. That wasn't a viable possibility right now. And regardless of the fact that I was eighteen, Charlie would still be curious where I was. I was still his daughter, still living under his roof, and I'd been missing for a period of time, leaving him and those that cared about me a complete wreck. I was responsible for some kind of explanation, but I couldn't very well use Alice as an excuse. She'd want answers to questions I wasn't ready to give yet.

I was alone in this. Or was I?

Edward's brow furrowed, his jaw became taut and his eyes shifted between me and the hallway. I must have appeared unnerved while in deep thought, so I smiled reassuringly and said, "It's alright, Edward, I was just lost in thought." The tension in his body eased moderately. "I'm going to stay with you for a while longer, but I need to talk to Marcus and call my dad. I'm just going out there for a few minutes, but I'll be right back." I pointed down the hallway. "I promise. I'll be right back, okay?"

He nodded once, then whispered, "Okay."

I turned back around and proceeded down the hallway. I pushed through the doorway, parting the blanket that obstructed the door, and glanced around the room for Marcus. "Marcus, are you in here?"

He poked his head out from around the large boiler. "Yeah, I'm over here." I stepped toward the boiler, stopping when I stood beside him. He was on his knees, fumbling through archaic parts piled in an old crate, but paused when he saw me next to him. "Everything alright?"

I sighed. "Yeah, everything's fine. I just… Do you remember when you told me if I needed anything to come find you?"

He nodded. "Of course."

"Well," I started, biting my lip. "I need your help."

He immediately stood up. "Tell me what you need me to do." There was no delay, just a simple, sincere response.

I exhaled in relief. "Edward asked me to stay, and I can't leave him, Marcus. I need some more time with him. The thing is, I'm eighteen and all, but my dad, he-"

"He's overprotective, and he's also going to want to know where you are," he interrupted.

"It's been more so since I was gone those twenty-four hours," I explained. "I can't tell him the truth right now because Edward isn't ready for that. You and I are the only ones who know about him, so I thought that maybe you could help me out with my dad. I hate involving you like this, asking you to lie for me, and I hate lying to him myself, but I don't know what else to do."

"You don't necessarily have to lie to him, well, not entirely."

"I don't understand what you mean."

"You can tell him most of the truth, excluding Edward, of course." I gazed at him incredulously, causing him to laugh. "What I mean to say is that waking up here was probably terrifying for you. I can imagine that would be the case. And yet you came back here, albeit for Edward, but curiosity brought you back. If you took Edward out of the equation, that curiosity could be because you had that fear, and coming back here was something you felt you needed to do to deal with what happened, right?"

I shrugged. "I guess so."

His gaze lowered toward the ground, and he palmed his forehead in contemplation. "It could simply be that you came here to face your fears and became further intrigued by the place."

"That's true," I agreed. "But that excuse would only get me so far. Intrigue isn't going to be enough to explain why I'm here so often."

"That's where I come in," he offered up. "See, you coming here led to us meeting, but the version your dad will learn is that I offered you a job here, mainly because I needed the help and you needed to be here. If you're honest about being here, someone would be less likely to go looking for you because they'd know you're already here."

"People with jobs get paid money."

"And you will."

I shook my head. "I can't just take money from you, Marcus."

He glanced up, smiling. "It's just money, and besides, I have no one to share it with. And it's not exactly as if you aren't doing something while you're here."

"Helping Edward isn't a job to me," I said offensively. "I'm here because I want to be. I don't want money in exchange for that."

"I'm sorry, Bella, that's not what I meant." His tone was full of honesty. "I know being here isn't a job for you, I just meant that what you're doing isn't easy, and you're not just here to be here. Saying you work here gives you more time, and getting paid only substantiates that you have a job. Edward needs you, you need a reason to be here, and I'm willing to help make that happen... even if it costs me money to do it."

"Thank you," I whispered.

He nodded. "I'm not ecstatic about lying to your father, but I'll lie for a worthy cause, and I can't think of a more worthy cause that helping that boy in there." He gestured in the direction of the door leading to Edward.

"Now the hard part," I said, taking out my cell.

I, of course, had no bars, so I made my way up to the second floor of the hospital to call Charlie. He answered on the third ring. "_Hey, Bells, I was getting ready to call you and see about dinner. I thought I'd pick up some pizza tonight. How's that sound_?"

"Sounds good, Dad," I told him. "I'm gonna be late getting home, though."

"_You're not at home_?" he asked.

"No, and that's why I called." I took in a deep, sedate breath before speaking again. "I'm at the abandoned hospital, the one I was missing in."

"_Yeah, Bella, I know which one it is_," he retorted, an obvious edge to his tone. "_I can't believe… Why are you there? You shouldn't be there. I want you to_-"

"Hear me out, Dad," I interjected. "I know you've been worried about me, and you were right, but it wasn't because anything in general happened to me. I woke up in this place, in the complete darkness, and it terrified me. I had nightmares because of that. I thought that if I came here, maybe that would help the nightmares go away. You know, face your fears sorta thing.

"I've been coming here for nearly a week now, and somehow coming here I became intrigued by the place, the history behind it. I met the owner, Marcus, and he's been great in helping out with information and just showing me around. He's an older man, and he offered me a job here, Dad. I wanna take it."

"_I don't think so, Bella. You've already been hurt there once. I know you're eighteen, but_-"

"I need this, Dad," I gravely pleaded, because I did, but not for the reasons he thought. I needed this for Edward... and for me. "Please. Marcus won't let me get hurt, I promise. Besides, I can use the money for college."

"_Bella, I_-" he paused, then sighed audibly into the phone. "_I'm not thrilled about this_, _and_ _I'm going to need to meet this Marcus, alright_?"

"I'll invite him over for dinner," I promised.

After I hung up with Charlie, I headed back down to the boiler room and reiterated to Marcus what was said, and of course, Marcus agreed to come to dinner. Now that everything was settled, I told him I was going back to be with Edward.

When I entered the room, he was still seated against the wall, eyes gazing out toward the hallway. He visibly eased the moment he saw me.

"Hey." I smiled over at him. "I told you I'd be back. I just needed to call my dad." His eyes followed me as I moved toward my usual seat. "You okay?"

He swallowed thickly. "Yes."

"Do you need anything?"

He shook his head.

I settled myself against the wall, sitting with my legs crossed. "I'm not used to staying this late, but Marcus, he made it possible for me to be here more." I chuckled. "I guess it's a good thing I brought that book, huh? I could read to you some more if you-"

"Where?" he murmured.

I faced him. "What do you mean? Are you asking about the book?"

He sat silent, seemingly unsure if he should continue. And because the silence continued for a lengthy amount of time, I thought he wouldn't. I thought wrong. "Where… where do you come from?"

"Where do I come from?" I repeated.

He nodded.

"Out there, about fifteen minutes from here." I pointed toward the far wall. "I live in a house here in Forks with my dad and brother, Emmett." He became confused the moment I mentioned Forks. "Do you know where Forks is?"

"No."

"It's in Washington." The confused expression remained. "You don't know where Washington is either, do you?"

He shrugged, wearing a regretful expression. "I… I don't-"

"It's alright," I assured him. "You don't have to feel bad about that. There are many people who don't know where Washington is."

The fact that he had no idea where he was had me wondering if he was even from Forks at all. Maybe the person or persons he feared knew he was here simply because they brought him here. And that, of course, left me with more unanswered questions. "Do you… umm… maybe know where you're from, like where you were before here?"

His body instantly became rigid, and I regretted asking the question the moment it hit the air. His eyes widened, his hands clenched at his sides and he pressed his back further against the wall, like he was hoping it would open up and swallow him so he'd be effectively cloaked.

He began shaking his head perpetually, his breaths became staccato and I braced myself for the scream I'd heard once before, the scream that told me he'd had too much. But there was no scream, only a mantra of "No more." repeated over and over.

I wanted to approach him, wrap my arms around him and shield him the way he needed. I wanted to promise him he never had to go back, that I'd always keep him safe, that even though he'd lived through those awful memories that haunted him, they could no longer physically hurt him, but I knew my touch wasn't welcome. I wasn't even sure my words were at this point, but I had to try something. "I'm sorry, Edward. Oh God, I'm so sorry. I shouldn't have… I didn't think. I swear to you no more."

I had no idea what to do or what to say to give him some reprieve. I kept promising he'd be safe with me, kept telling him that Marcus and I would protect him, but my words were fruitless. Nothing I said seemed to ease the inner hell he was lost within, so I did the only thing that I could think to pull him back from the dark, the one thing that my mother used to do when I was a small child that seemed to salve my pain or fear. I closed my eyes and began to hum to him. It wasn't any particular melody, just a calming tune. I considered myself borderline tone deaf, but I was willing to make a complete fool of myself if it had a positive effect on Edward.

His mantra slowly lowered to just above a whisper, but continued for a bit longer before ceasing all together. And though he was silent, I kept humming. I became lost in what I was doing, remembering how secure I felt when Renee hummed to me, the way she cradled me within her arms, wearing that sweet smile as the sound of her soothing voice echoed the room, and I hoped that I was able to recreate that same feeling within Edward right now.

And because I was lost in memory, lost in my actions, I never heard the soft shuffle of movement toward me, never knew he was even near me until I felt the weight of something upon my lap. This was beyond accepting something directly from me like he had our meal - he had willingly approached me and willingly touched me.

The less than stellar melody caught in the back of my throat, my eyes shot open and my head fell forward, seeing his resting on my lap as he gazed up at me in appeal.

I wanted to cry for a plethora of reasons. He seemed so child-like, yet there was something old behind his eyes, something that clearly asserted he'd seen and been through more than most. But what touched me beyond the capacity to verbalize, left me practically breathless, was the fact that even after he'd been so upset, he trusted _me_ enough to allow me to be here with him, trusted _me_ enough to approach me, even trusted _me_ enough not to hurt him when making himself this vulnerable. I could feel the tremble in his body because of the fear that mercilessly claimed him, and yet, he remained with his head on my lap. For him, this was a huge step, and for me, it was impossible to stop the tears now.

He inhaled a tremulous breath, then said in a shivering whisper while curling in on himself, his head still resting in my lap, "No more… Bella. Please… no more."


	8. Chapter 8: Meet the Parent

I just wanna start by saying how much I appreciate the support this story has received. You all amaze me beyond words. Please know that your emails and reviews mean the world to me. I hope you enjoy!

I do not own anything Twilight. It all belongs to SM. No copyright infringement is intended. However, characterizations, plot lines, backgrounds and details of this story are mine. No copying or reproduction without my permission.

* * *

**Chapter 8: Meet the Parent**

I wanted to touch him, to run my fingers through his hair and soothe his agony. But the way he peeked up at me as his head lay in my lap, eyes pleading for me to give him the reprieve he so desperately needed, all while his body contorted into the fetal position, battered my heart, making me wish I could siphon out the demons that haunted him.

I wanted to be able to promise him 'no more' and mean it. And if I were being completely honest with myself, I wanted to find who hurt him and make them pay for it.

"It'll be alright, Edward. It'll be alright." My hands fisted tightly against my thighs to keep from touching him, which is exactly what I wanted to do.

His body continued to shake against me, but he moved even closer, like he was trying to wrap himself around me.

"C-can I…" His voice trailed off to nothing, then he exhaled a shaky breath, speaking just above a whisper. "Can I… just rest now, Bella?"

He buried his face against my stomach – another surprising action on his part - so close that I could actually feel his warm breaths through the fabric of my shirt.

I clenched my hands a bit tighter, digging my nails into my palms as I debated my next move. I knew what I wanted to do, but would he allow me to? I hoped so, considering he willingly laid his head in my lap. There was only one way to find out.

I finally relaxed my grip and slowly lifted my right hand toward Edward's head. When my fingertips brushed lightly over the hair near his temple, I bit my lip and continued moving my fingers gently through the soft tendrils, whispering to him as reassuringly as possible, "You can rest, Edward. You're safe with me."

* * *

After some time, with my hand still moving casually through the soft disarray of hair upon his head, the tremor moving through his body ceased and his breathing became shallow. He'd fallen asleep.

My legs had become stiff sitting in the same position for such a long time, not to mention numb by the added weight of his head in my lap, but I made no effort to move, even to ease the now uncomfortable prickle of numbness that had started at my toes, working its way up my legs. I'd gladly succumb to the discomfort if it meant even a fleeting amount of peace on Edward's part.

He stirred a few times, making incoherent noises that almost sounded like whimpers, so I pressed my fingertips harder against his scalp, doing so not only to soothe him, but to let him know that he wasn't alone; he was safe.

My touch seemed to calm whatever darkness tormented his dreams, so his body once again relaxed against mine. I found myself, too, relaxing enough that my eyelids became heavy. I, of course, fought the urge to sleep, but even sitting on the hard floor with the pins and needle sensation coursing through my lower half, my body oddly hummed in contentment.

It wasn't until I felt Edward's sudden movement that I was startled awake, not realizing that I'd actually fallen asleep to begin with, and it took me a moment to register exactly where I was. He was backing himself against the wall almost frantically, his breaths coming out harsh and erratic, and his eyes were staring past me, wide with panic. I instinctively faced the direction he was looking toward, glancing around to see what had him so frightened, but saw nothing; we were alone. He was seeing something I wasn't, like he was still locked in sleep.

I wasn't sure if I should approach him, if my coming near him would terrify him more, but even with the partial illumination in the room, I could see his eyes were glazed over, see that he wasn't completely alert. I slowly eased myself away from the wall and inched toward him, moving as passive as I could. I had no intention of completely nearing him, but just enough that hopefully my closeness would soothe him rather than make him more afraid. I mean, it seemed to work some while he was asleep.

"Edward," I whispered. "Edward, it's okay, there's nothing there."

I stopped a few feet in front of him, holding my hands up in front of me in submission. "It's okay, it's just me. I'm not going to hurt you. There's no one here but you and me."

His head finally snapped in my direction, as if he was just now noticing my presence, but his eyes shifted between me and the far wall. He squinted them as he looked past me, like he was trying to focus what he was seeing more clearly. "He… he-"

At this point, his hands were fisted on either side of him and pressed against the cold cement of the wall. But as he became more alert, the tension in his body minutely eased. His breathing leveled out, his jaw was no longer clenched to the point his teeth may crack against the pressure and he dropped his hands, then reached for Lancelot, pulling him against his chest.

"See," I said softly, pointing toward the far wall. "There's nothing there that can hurt you, okay? You're safe."

He bowed his head forward, pressing his face against the bear's head. If I hadn't been sure before now about the significance of Lancelot, I would have been at this very moment. Some people had security blankets, where as Edward had a security bear.

He was still such an enigma to me and sometimes even a contradiction. One minute, his actions would seem childish and the next I would see something aged behind his eyes. There were so many layers to him - that I was sure of - and I wanted to learn them all if he'd only let me.

I sat very still, watching the tremor in his body subdue, and waited until he calmed enough - so as not to startle him - before I began scooting back toward the wall where I'd originated from.

I'd just leaned my back against the grooved cement when I heard him murmur against Lancelot, "I'm… sorry."

I had no idea what he could possibly be sorry for, or if that apology was even meant for me, because he certainly had no reason to apologize.

"Hey, it's alright. You have nothing to apologize for."

His head slowly lifted away from the bear, his eyes meeting mine. He stared at me for a long while before finally speaking in a crushed whisper. "Thank you."

I smiled. "You don't have to thank me, but you're welcome."

And now that things were borderline calm, well, as calm as they could be where Edward was concerned, I suddenly remembered I'd fallen asleep and had no idea what time it was. I glanced down at my watch to see it was just after five. That meant I'd only been asleep for about an hour.

I peered back up at Edward, sighing. "I'm gonna have to go soon. Charlie's expecting me home for dinner."

His body visibly stiffened when I mentioned leaving, but he didn't say a word. He didn't take his eyes off me either. He did, however, reach for the bottle of water I had given him during lunch and took a small sip. His half eaten plate of spaghetti was still sitting on the floor next to where the bottle had been; the noodles now hardened and dry and the sauce was probably ice cold. So because he hadn't eaten much and it was later in the evening, I considered he might be hungry now, and I didn't really wanna leave him without knowing he had dinner; especially since I knew Marcus would be tagging along with me.

I stood up, taking a small step in the direction of the door, and he instantly inhaled sharply, exhaling a ragged, whoosh sounding breath. "Where-"

I never had the intention of leaving the room without telling him where I was going, but by his reaction, he must have assumed that's exactly what I was doing. "I'm just going to get you something to eat. I'm not leaving yet. I promise."

I waited long enough to make sure he understood I was returning, and he did by nodding, then I made my way out to the boiler room to ask Marcus for something to feed Edward for dinner. Of course, I should have known he'd have something ready, that he'd know I'd want to make sure Edward was completely taken care of before we both left him. He had, after all, been caring for him for the last seven years.

He handed me a warm bowl of soup and a package of crackers he had waiting on the workbench. "I was wondering when you'd be out here for this."

As soon as I gripped the bowl in my hands, feeling the warmth against my palm, my eyes drifted down to the heated item in my hand, and I asked confoundedly, "How did you-"

"Uh… microwave," he said, grinning. He reached under the bench and pulled an old microwave off one of the lower shelves.

I shook my head, chuckling. "I should have known. Thanks, Marcus."

I took the soup and crackers and headed back to Edward. I suppose I could have just handed the food directly to him, but I didn't want to overstep the boundaries I knew were still in place. I was smart enough to realize that just because his head had been in my lap minutes earlier, didn't mean I could just openly approach him and he'd be okay with that.

"Marcus had some soup and crackers ready for you," I told him as I approached my wall - I called it that because it technically was - and sat down. "I'm just going to set it here beside me and-"

His movement effectively silenced me as he started slowly crawling toward me just as he had during lunch. I smiled as he grabbed the crackers in one hand and gripped his fingers around the bowl, pulling it with him as he scooted back toward _his _wall.

_More progress_, I thought to myself. _Please let me all the way in, Edward_.

I kept my eyes off him as he ate, because the last thing I wanted was for him to be self-conscious around me in any way, but I talked to him, telling him all about the idea Marcus and I came up with so I'd be able to stick around longer. I made sure to include, "Only if you want me to." at the end of the sentence, which he seemed to. At least, that's how I interpreted the grunt in response.

Sometimes I wondered if he ever tired of me talking so much, but then again, I had to make up conversation for two people. In the end, I guess maybe he didn't because he'd yet to ask me to stay away. I honestly hoped that day would never come.

Being that Edward presumably was a belated eater, or maybe it was simply because he still wasn't used to being around someone while eating, even though he'd been doing it for the past week now, he'd just finished when six o'clock rolled around. I glanced up at him when I saw through my peripherals that he was laying his bowl beside him.

"It's time for me to go, but I'll be back in the morning." I grabbed my tote bag, slinging it over my shoulder and stood up, stretching my limbs a little before I walked toward the only exit/entrance in the room.

"I wish-" he paused, as if hesitant to continue what he wanted to say. "I wish… you could stay."

I stood inches from the door now, unmoving. "I do too." I bit back the tears that stung the corner of my eyes. "But I'll be back tomorrow."

I moved through the doorway, knowing if I stood in that spot any longer or even chanced a look at him, I wouldn't be able to bring myself to leave, and that was not a possibility right now because I had to leave. I'd barely cleared three steps between me and the doorway when I heard him say, "You… you make it not hurt so much."

The tears fell relentless now.

* * *

I pushed through the entryway leading into the boiler room, feeling my heart wrench painfully in my chest when I stepped over the threshold. Marcus looked up from what he was doing, wearing a warm smile, but the smile disappeared the moment he noticed the tears. "Are you okay?"

"I'm alright," I said, wiping the tears that trickled down my cheeks. "I just hate leaving him."

He nodded in understanding. "I know you do, but you know you can't stay." He put whatever he was working on into a large metal canister, placing the plastic lid over the top then faced me. "I guess we should probably go, yeah? Your dad wants to meet me, and if he's going to trust this old man at all with his daughter, I spose' I better not be late to that meeting."

"Yeah," I agreed. I glanced briefly over my shoulder, reluctant to leave.

I didn't hear Marcus come up behind me, but I felt him as his hand gripped my shoulder, squeezing lightly. "I'll come back after I leave your place. He won't be alone." I swallowed back the sobs lodged in my throat as I nodded. He pushed against my shoulder, ushering me to keep moving. "C'mon now, we got somewhere to be."

* * *

Marcus had followed behind me in his van, parking in the yard. He wasn't comfortable with the idea of ruining a perfectly good lawn, not that we really had much of a lawn, but we didn't really have much of a driveway either, and he couldn't very well park in the middle of the road. I assured him it was fine, that our measly yard could handle an hour or two of his vehicle, and we approached the house.

I stopped just outside the front door, the knob gripped tightly within my hand, and turned to Marcus. "My Dad… he's the Chief of Police so he tends to ask a lot of questions when meeting new people. It's not often people get past him in a small town, but it happens occasionally. It's nothing personal, but I just didn't want you to be offended if he asks something personal."

He laughed. "It's alright. I'd expect nothing less. You are his daughter, and I am a stranger to him."

"But you're not a stranger to me." He blinked a few times, swallowing thickly. He was seemingly caught off guard by my response, so I gave him a small smile to ease the moment, then circled back around and opened the door. "Dad, I'm home," I called out as soon as I stepped inside.

He came walking through the kitchen toward me, eyes immediately averting from me to Marcus. The warm expression morphed to curiosity, and he shifted from father to police officer in a matter of three point two seconds. "You got here just in time. The pizza was just delivered."

"Oh, Dad, this is Marcus. Marcus, this is my Dad, Charlie Swan." I gestured between the two as I introduced them.

"Uh… nice to meet you." Charlie regarded him tentatively, but gripped his hand, shaking it. I saw the way his fingers tightened around Marcus's, like he was reinforcing a silent warning within that handshake. "Come on into the kitchen, you two, before the pizza gets cold."

I mouthed an, "_I'm sorry_." as Marcus passed me, walking directly behind Charlie toward the kitchen.

He just winked, mouthing back, "_It's alright_."

I heard a snicker to the right of me, and I turned abruptly, seeing Emmett standing just inside the living room, arms crossed at his chest and a smirk upon his face. He'd watched the whole exchange. I kindly stuck my tongue out at him and marched toward the kitchen. Marcus was already seated at the table, and Charlie was serving the pizza. "I'll get us something to drink," I told them as I went straight to the fridge.

Emmett came walking in, planting his oversized body in one of the chairs, smirk still in place. "I'll take some tea, Bells."

I gazed over my shoulder, glaring at him as I mouthed, "_Get your own_."

I, of course, poured three glasses of tea and brought them to the table, placing one in front of Marcus, Charlie, and then myself. Emmett went slack-jawed, so I smiled serenely at him and took a nice long gulp of my tea, exhaling a big 'ahhh' after swallowing.

He stood from his chair, huffing something under his breath as he made his way toward the fridge. Charlie eyed me, then Emmett, shaking his head. We sat in an uncomfortable silence for a bit, eating our pizza, before Charlie began conversation with Marcus. "So, Mr.-"

"Oh, sorry, the last name is Jacobs. But please, call me Marcus."

"So, Marcus," Charlie began, authoritative tone in place. "How long you owned that old hospital?"

"Ten years now."

"Ten years, heh?" Marcus nodded as he took the last bite of his pizza. "How come I don't see you around town?"

"Well, I pretty much keep to myself," Marcus explained. "It's just me at home, no wife or family, so I don't need for much. And any shopping I do, I do it up in Port Angeles. Nothing against Forks, of course, but I live closer to Port Angeles, anyway. I do occasionally grab a coffee at the diner, or pick up something I may need at Newton Hardware, but not too often."

"Hmm… well, why'd you buy that old place anyway?"

"Dad!" I choked on my tea. At this point, I was completely mortified. "What does that have to do with me working there?"

"No, it's okay." Marcus took a sip of his tea, then cleared his throat. "To be honest, I still to this day don't know why I bought it. I guess part of it was because I just saw a lonely place that needed some fixing up, and I took the chance on it. Lord knows I needed something to do in my spare time since I have lots of it, and I like to fix things up, or at least try. And I guess the other part was the history sparked an interest. I've always been interested in old places like that. They all have stories to tell just like people do.

"Folks around home say I should reconstruct it, make it into a department store or something, but I'm not looking to own no department store. That place has history, not all pretty, but it does, and I'm not about to go tearing it down, or go and make drastic changes to it. I guess if I was into doing something drastic, I'd fix it up so it could be used as a hospital again."

"And what are your plans with it?"

"Fix it up as best I can."

"And this is what Bella would be helping you with?"

"Yes, but she wouldn't be doing anything strenuous. And I don't generally work past eight."

"What then? I mean, after you fix it up?"

"I haven't really thought much past that. It's become a hobby of sorts."

"You consider that a hobby?"

Marcus laughed. "Well, in my opinion, it's no different than someone having a hobby of whittling wood. We all have our hobbies, Mr. Swan, and mine's fixing up that old hospital."

"Fair enough." Charlie shuffled in his seat, then clasped his hands together over the table. "I'm just going to cut right to the chase here, Mr. Jacobs."

"Please do," Marcus told him.

"Bella says she wants to work for you." Charlie glanced in my direction, then back at Marcus. "I'll be honest, I'm not too keen on the idea, but she says this is what she needs. My first issue, and the reason Bella ended up stuck at your place for twenty-four hours to begin with, is she has a bit of a problem with her… umm… equilibrium being off. I-"

"Dad," I interrupted. "I'm a klutz. You can say it."

Emmett started laughing, so I kicked him under the table.

Charlie frowned at me, then continued speaking. "As I said, I'm not keen about her being up at that place, but she is of age, so there's not a lot I can do in the way of stopping her. She says she needs this for personal reasons, not to mention the money she makes from you helps go towards what she needs for college. I just need to know that what happened won't happen again. You asked her to work for you, so I need your guarantee that she'll be safe."

"You have my word," Marcus promised. "I won't let anything happen to her, and she won't be there when I'm not present."

"I'll be working right with Marcus, Dad."

Charlie nodded. "Second, I'm not sure if Bella's made you aware of this, but when the semester starts, she's off to college as I just mentioned, which means she won't be working for you. Yeah, she'll still be here in Washington, but I'd rather she focus all her attention on school."

"I understand completely."

"So, if you agree to my stipulations, then I'll agree to Bella working for you."

"Agreed," Marcus told him. We smiled at each other, and I noticed Charlie watching us, but he said nothing about it. "Well, I suppose I should get going. I have a few things to do before I head home." He stood up and jutted his hand out for Charlie to shake. "It was nice meeting you, Mr. Swan, and I appreciate you inviting me to dinner."

Charlie shook his hand. "Thanks for coming."

"I'll walk Marcus to the door." I immediately stood up as I scooted my chair from the table, and followed Marcus to the front door.

I stepped outside on the porch, Marcus in tow. "See, that wasn't so bad," Marcus teased as soon as I closed the door behind us.

"You're right, it could have been worse." It was a bit too easy for my liking.

"Nah, your Dad's just looking out for you, and rightfully so. I'd be the same with my own daughter, if I'd had one." He started down the stairs, turning to face me when he reached the bottom. "Well, I'll see you tomorrow, Bella."

"You're… you're still gonna check on him, right?"

"Of course," he affirmed. "Now, go on and get yourself back inside so you can get some sleep. You need your rest, because there's a young man who needs you, and he'll be expecting you bright and early."

"Okay. Goodnight, Marcus."

"Goodnight, Bella."

I stood on the porch, watching him until his car was no longer visible from where I stood. I went back inside, cleaned up what was left of dinner, showered and went to bed, curling up under the softness of my comforter with nothing more than the thought of seeing Edward again within my mind.


	9. Chapter 9: Acquiesce

Okay, I need to start by telling you the **abuse warning** is in effect for this chapter. It's not a huge portion, but it's enough. And I guess that means some light is shed on Edward's past.

I have to thank my readers and reviewers. You have no idea how much I appreciate you. It's because of you I do this.

I also need to thank my amazing wifey and beta, Sophz456, for just being amazing as only she can be. If she hadn't kicked my self-deprecating ass into gear, this chapter would still be unfinished. Que quowle, bb. By the way, check out her story **Camisado**. You won't be disappointed.

I do have a **TUS blog **where I'll post teasers and anything to do with the story. Feel free to join me there. theunaccompaniedsoul[dot]blogspot[dot]com

Now that I've gotten all that out of the way, on to the chapter. I hope you enjoy!

I do not own anything Twilight. It all belongs to SM. No copyright infringement is intended. However, characterizations, plot lines, backgrounds and details of this story are mine. No copying or reproduction without my permission.

* * *

**Chapter 9: Acquiesce**

Morning routine was the same as the day before; get dressed, prepare lunch for three people and include something that may rouse Edward to open up further. Of course, that meant the same book I read to him yesterday since we'd barely gotten halfway through it, but it was entertainment all the same, and he really seemed to enjoy it. I even included my iPod just in case he fell asleep and I needed something to keep me occupied during.

I shuffled out of the house rather quickly and was on my way to the hospital nearly thirty minutes after I woke. That was probably a record for me, but when it came to Edward, I didn't waste time.

When I arrived, Marcus was on the second floor, filling a copious amount of lawn bags with garbage that lay cluttering the cemented floors. I chuckled at his incoherent mutterings. He was obviously not happy about this morning's agenda. "Bad morning?"

He laughed as he dropped the bag he held between his gloved hands. "You could say that." He looked around, exhaling a heavy breath in annoyance. "I knew this would be a lot of work, but no sooner do I get one portion finished, kids come through here vandalizing or partying, and I have a whole new mess to clean."

"Marcus, I-"

"That wasn't a jab at you, Bella," he interrupted, his tone compassionate. "So please don't take it that way."

I nodded, then cleared my throat and gestured toward my tote bag. "I brought you lunch. Should I set it on your bench in the boiler room?"

"Bella," he shook his head, sighing. "You have to stop doing that."

"Why?" I asked. "I just… I'm sorry if I offended you."

A small smile played at the corner of his lips. "You didn't offend me, I'm just not used to someone doing something nice for me, let alone wanting to. I've never been high on anyone's priority list. I guess what goes around comes around, right?"

"I don't believe that," I told him. "And it's never too late to let people see the real you, because I happen to see someone who's very unselfish."

"You're wrong, Bella. Taking care of one boy doesn't make up for years of being self-absorbed."

"I think it does. People change, Marcus. You're proof of that."

"If I've changed, it's _all _because of that boy." He hmphed under his breath, then gripped the lawn bag with his left hand and began filling it with more garbage. "You go on now and go see him, he's waiting on you." I'd just turned around and was about to take a step toward the stairs when he called to me. "And, Bella, thanks for the lunch."

I smiled. "You're welcome."

* * *

After placing Marcus's lunch on the workbench, I headed toward Edward's room. When I walked inside, he wasn't in the corner of the room, wasn't even against his wall, and because I didn't see him, panic set in.

"Edward? Ed-" I cut myself off the moment I spotted him near the far wall. My heart was thumping rapidly against my chest, but the biting fear eased the moment I laid eyes on him. He was okay.

He was sitting on the floor with his back to me, but I could make out Lancelot's feet hanging over his right thigh. I had no idea why he was there, just staring at the wall, the same wall he stared at when he woke from his nightmare. "Edward? Edward, are you okay?"

He didn't respond, so I took a few cautious steps forward. I didn't want to frighten him, but the overwhelming need to make sure he was alright was too consuming.

"Edward?" I whispered. Still nothing, only quiet. His silence was agony, so I made a few more steps in his direction. "Please, Edward, I just need to-"

"You... you were scared."

I paused my footing, confused by his statement. "What?"

He pivoted his body slowly along the floor to face me. He actually faced me, and my God, the anguish upon his face. That one look left me so gutted, I actually became winded and gasped for breaths, dropping my tote bag to the floor in the process. "I did that."

I literally dropped to my knees, colliding painfully with the hard cement, wondering how long he sat there suffocating in guilt for something he shouldn't feel guilty over. I swallowed against the sting now coursing through my legs because my pain was inconsequential to his. "No," I choked out. "You did nothing wrong, okay? You aren't to blame."

"He says it," he whispered.

"Who says what?"

"I know… I know what I am."

"Edward, I-"

"He tells me I… He says so."

I scooted closer, biting into my lip as my sore knees brushed against the rough cement. I suppose I expected him to flinch at the close proximity, but he didn't. Premature optimism settled in because I hoped it meant he was more acclimated to me, but as I got closer, I realized that was not the case. His eyes were glazed over.

My fingers tingled against my thighs with the need to touch him, to reassure him. "Edward?"

He was staring past me, unblinking, but his eyes moved as if he were reading a book or watching a scene unfold within his mind. "I didn't…mean to." He exhaled a shuddered breath, then swallowed thickly, murmuring words that were insightful, yet crushing. "She left and… she… I was bad all the time… but I took my medicine."

Medicine? He took his medicine? I imagined that's exactly what _he_ told him the beatings were; medicine. As if abusing Edward, though he didn't use that word I knew that's exactly what happened, was a cure-all. I didn't even want to imagine what all he'd been through. Just contemplating the thought had my stomach clenching with nausea. Yet, this was what I wanted, for him to let me in and speak to me, right? Unveiling himself, even just a fraction, was what I'd pleaded for, and now I'd received it in its cold, scathing and merciless form.

Hate flooded my veins, hate for the one who hurt Edward, leaving an acrid taste in my mouth. I could feel tears cascading down my cheeks, carrying with each droplet a portion of the ache in my chest. I wished they were able to carry Edward's too.

"No," I breathed.

I reached for him now, unable to stop myself from touching him because I wanted to comfort him. I placed my hand over his, feeling overwhelming warmth at the touch, and again I expected him to recoil or something, but surprisingly, he wrapped his fingers around mine and lightly squeezed. I gasped/sobbed, completely surprised but touched by his reaction.

He blinked away the fog and slowly met my gaze. I waited for him to pull away from me, but he kept his hand in mine. He peered down to where our hands were joined, wearing a confounded expression, then lifted my hand and turned it over slightly, furrowing his brow as if he were trying to ideate something.

"Edward?"

He glanced up to me, then back down to my hand, shaking his head while mumbling, "I don't understand."

I didn't think his musing was meant for my ears, but I did hear and I wanted to know what he meant. "What is it? What don't you understand?"

His gaze was still fixed on our hands, but he placed his free hand over his chest and began breathing in and out deeply. "I can breathe."

I was admittedly puzzled by his remark, but I nodded anyway. "Yes, you can."

He closed his eyes, then whispered so softly I almost didn't hear him, "You do that."

He squeezed my hand again, then opened his eyes to stare into mine. His breathing augmented as he grimaced, and I knew he'd had enough, that what he revealed today had taken a lot out of him.

I wanted to tell him it was the same for me, that even though I never lived through anything equivalent to what he had, he'd given me something to look forward to each day. Instead, I held his gaze, even with the tears falling, and squeezed his hand back, telling him with touch and a smile what I couldn't vocalize. And now, a subject change was needed.

"So," I began, wiping away newly formed tears. "How's my favorite protector?" I glanced between Edward and Lancelot. "Do you think he's ready for me to read to him again?"

Edward nodded, but didn't respond.

"Okay," I smiled. I released his hand, then pointed toward my bag that was still lying near the entryway. "I have to get the book from my bag, I'll be right back."

I stood up, choking back a groan of pain as much as I could. My hands instinctively reached for my knees, where most of the pain resided, but I stopped myself and moved moderately toward my bag. I bent over just as slowly to retrieve it, and when I was standing upright again, walking back toward Edward, I saw him watching me, an ample amount of concern within his eyes.

"You… hurt." It was not a question.

"I'm alright," I assured him.

I sat down as gently as I could, but I was still met with throbbing in my achy joints despite how easily I tried to move. I straightened my legs, then inhaled a deep, calming breath, exhaling in the same fashion. And just as I opened the book, Edward leaned forward and placed Lancelot over my knees.

"Thank you," I smiled. "I feel much better now."

He leaned back against the wall, patiently waiting for me to begin. I opened the page lined by the bookmark and began reading. Occasionally, I would hear soft sighs coming from Edward, or see him reposition himself comfortably against the wall. I'd smile to myself, but continue reading.

We stopped for lunch, and I excused myself long enough to use the restroom - where I noticed my knees were now bruised - then heat up the vegetable lasagna I brought for us to eat. Edward's eating habits remained the same, but regardless of the fact he was a slow eater, at least he was eating. I certainly couldn't complain about that. I finished before him and waited to continue reading until he, too, was finished.

He placed his near empty plate beside him, then leaned back against the wall, eyes drifting down to the book. I chuckled, then picked it up and began reading again. Reading was a pastime of mine, so spending hours doing so wasn't out of the ordinary for me. When the book was good, I found myself lost within it like I, too, was experiencing what the characters in the book were – which is exactly what I was doing, until I heard snoring.

My eyes instantly lifted from the book to Edward. His hands were resting in his lap, head bowed forward, chest rising and falling with even breaths; he'd fallen asleep. Sleeping like that, it couldn't be that comfortable, but I had no idea how much sleep he'd gotten the night before, and I didn't want to risk interfering with sleep he might really need.

I settled the bookmark inside the book, marking our page, and placed it inside my tote bag, pulling out my iPod to take its place. I circled around slowly, bringing my bag with me, then scooted back toward the same wall Edward was sleeping against, keeping distance between us just in case. I took one final look at Edward to make sure he was still sleeping before I leaned my head back against the wall, inserted the earbuds into my ears and turned on my iPod.

_I think I know what's on your mind, _

_a couple words, a great divide. _

_Waiting in the wings, a sparring spite, _

_crawling out the foreground from behind. _

_Even though you're the only one I see, _

_it's the last catastrophe. _

_Place your bets on chance and apathy. _

_Take anything you want, it's fine. _

_Keep up the slow life for the night. _

_Dont take it back, I'll just deny _

_this constant noise all the time._

I sat there, listening to the music, staring ahead of me into nothingness for quite awhile. This was meant as a form of relaxation to pass the time while Edward slept, but, of course, the tone of the song only served to help further plague me with Edward's words. He'd been abused, but to him, it was punishment; his medicine. It's obviously what he was led to believe. These thoughts forced me to imagine what he must have experienced.

_Even though you're the only one I see, _

_it's the last catastrophe. _

_Place your bets on chance and apathy _

_to the wind in front of you. _

_Even though you're the only one I see, _

_it's the last catastrophe. _

_Place your bets on chance and apathy _

_to the wind in front of you. _

_Even though you're the only one I see . . ._

Imaginations can run rampant, filtering in pictures that leave you speechless, even marred. So it wasn't exactly surprising the images that flickered inside my head turned my stomach. But it was the face of the little boy with green eyes, bruised and cut, screaming out apologies to lessen or stop the beatings that made my sensitive stomach that much angrier. I had to cover my mouth to hold back the bile, scrunching my eyes against the vivid images my mind's eye saw. It hurt my heart to have such horrible pictures inside my head while knowing what I was thinking was possibly mild in comparison.

I quickly changed the song to something more upbeat, forcing pleasant thoughts inside my head – like Charlie, Emmett, Alice and moments with Edward that left me feeling like I'd won a Pulitzer – to flush out the bad ones. I sat up, turning to my left, and shuffled through my tote bag to find the book. As soon as I pulled it out of the bag, I started reading from the beginning. Even though I'd read the book before, I refused to read past the part Edward and I were now at without him.

The change helped, and the tension that crept inside my bones dissipated. I found myself relaxing, a little too much, as I continued reading.

I should have known to keep my eyes open, to not allow myself to get too relaxed, because I ended up falling asleep. When I finally woke up, I sat upright abruptly, yanking the earbuds from my ears; the book was now resting in my lap half opened. I immediately glanced toward Edward, who was awake, watching me.

"I'm sorry," I told him. "I shouldn't have allowed myself to fall asleep." I glanced at my watch, seeing it was nearly seven. I'd slept much longer than I should have, not that I had intended to fall asleep to begin with. "I'm going to have to go soon."

I placed the iPod beside me, noticing his eyes locked right on it. "That's my iPod," I explained His head cocked to the side as he surveyed it. I gripped it within my hand again, his eyes followed my movements. "I'm not sure if you've seen one before, but it plays music. And these?" I held up the earbuds. "You put them in your ears, and when the iPod is on, you hear music coming through them."

His eyes slightly widened in appreciation, his tongue sweeping out to lick his bottom lip, as he continued staring at my iPod. "I don't… have-" He shook his head.

"It's okay," I told him. "You can borrow mine." His head snapped up, and he appeared hopeful. I smiled at him. "I don't mind."

I showed him where the on/off button was, then gave him a general explanation of how to use it. I extended my arm to hand him the iPod. He hesitated, eyeing the pocket-sized device, then grabbed it from my hands, his fingers brushing against mine. The moment our skin connected, I felt an electric current stream up my arm. And by his gasp and the fact that he pulled his hand away, glancing at his fingers then back to me, I knew he must have felt it, too.

"Bella," he breathed.

The way he said my name intensified the sensation to the point even my lips tingled. I pressed my fingers against my lips, bewildered by what I just felt. This was beyond the warmth I experienced previously, it was more acute. What the hell just happened?


	10. Chapter 10: Labyrinth

Ready for another update? I thought so. ;)

I guess I should start by thanking my wifey and beta, Sophz456. I couldn't do this without you, bb. Que quowle. Secondly, I need to thank all my readers, reviewers and those that recc'd me. I'm completely blown away by the response this story has gotten. Please know how much I appreciate every single one of you, because I truly do. You all make this journey worth trekking. Anyway, this chapter was a little on the difficult side to write, more a filler to me than anything, but I hope you enjoy.

I do not own anything Twilight. It all belongs to SM. No copyright infringement is intended. However, characterizations, plot lines, backgrounds and details of this story are mine. No copying or reproduction without my permission.

* * *

**Chapter 10: Labyrinth**

I tried to understand the sensation as I glided my fingertips across my bottom lip. It was unlike anything I'd ever felt before. It definitely felt like an electrical current or something of equal power, but it wasn't painful. On the contrary, it was warm and intoxicating, like heated silk whispering along my skin. How I managed to feel_ that_ by sharing a touch with someone was beyond me.

Edward's gasp interrupted my reverie, so I glanced up, meeting shocked eyes. I instantly froze, terrified that whatever happened between us in that touch would set him back, that I'd lose the ground I'd gained with him.

"I'm… uh… sorry." I ended up blurting out the first thing that came to mind, and it certainly wasn't that articulate.

Apologizing may not have been the right approach, but it wasn't as if I really knew what other approach to take. I was flying completely blind here. But my apology didn't seem to ease his tension, so I took a deep breath, doing the one thing I could think of to do. I told him the truth… sort of.

"It's okay, Edward, that was just a static shock. It happens sometimes when people touch each other or touch something metal. It happens to me every now and then when I grab onto a door knob." He seemed to ease moderately, but there was something that passed within his eyes, something fleeting that I couldn't name, but my heart definitely reacted to.

I went on to explain further, I think more now for my benefit than his. I needed something to distract my racing heart and my thoughts from questioning my reaction. "Sometimes certain clothing you wear are good conductors of electricity, and you end up getting shocked when you touch someone or something. I know the subject is pretty drab, but-" I paused, chuckling uneasily. "I'm rambling on again, aren't I?"

He simply stared at me.

I briefly met his gaze before shifting my attention to my watch. It was now just after seven in the evening. "Edward," I sighed as I glanced back up to his face. "I have to go, but I'll be back the same time in the morning, okay?"

His only response was a nod, solidifying that he was done talking. I made sure everything was tucked away in my bag then made my way toward the doorway, pausing just over the threshold. "Okay, well, I'll see you tomorrow, then."

He nodded once more, and I left, feeling a bit brokenhearted that I wouldn't hear his voice beforehand.

* * *

When I arrived home, just entering through the front door, I heard Emmett yell from the kitchen, "Dad, where's the rest of the leftover lasagna? There was still some this morning before I left."

I nervously bit my lip as I faced the door, closing it softly to camouflage that I was home, but unfortunately for me, Charlie was heading into the kitchen at the same time.

"Hey, Kiddo, are you sneaking in?" he asked in a sort of hmph/chuckle.

I jumped, abruptly turning around and placing my hand over my heart. "My God, Dad," I breathed out. "Don't do that, okay? You scared me."

He furrowed his brows. "I was just walking into the kitchen, Bells, and I wasn't even doing it quietly. What's got you so on edge? Are you okay?" I knew the look upon his face very well, the one that said, "Something's up".

"I'm fine and nothing has me on edge, Dad. I was just a little lost in thought and didn't hear you."

"What were you thinking about?"

"It's nothing in particular," I said, giving him a small smile. What was wrong with me?

"Bella," he warned. "I know you better than that. What's going on? Did something happen at the hospital?" His voice changed, laced with underlying anger.

I immediately started toward the kitchen with Charlie in tow, acting as nonchalant as I could, even though I was now blushing like I'd been caught red-handed doing something I shouldn't. "Seriously, Dad, it was really nothing. Just because I'd been in deep thought and got startled out of it doesn't mean anything happened. Why do you always assume that?"

_Get yourself in check, Bella, or he'll see right through you. It's his job, what he's good at._

I knew why I was seemingly transparent, why my guard was down a fraction - it was all because of what happened between Edward and me. Because of that, because it was obviously affecting me for whatever reason, I was slipping up, but I needed to get a handle on myself quickly. Charlie was way too smart for my own good, and I was definitely acting suspicious.

I stopped at the kitchen table, placing my tote bag on one of the chairs, and turned around, facing Charlie and his incredulous gaze. Emmett was rummaging through the fridge, mumbling under his breath. He pivoted around on his heels as soon as he heard me.

"Hey, do you know where that-" he paused as he looked between Charlie and me, the tension thick enough to slice through. "What's going on?"

I placed my hand on my hip, forcing a playful smile upon my face. "Nothing's going on but Dad being in cop mode."

"That's not what this is, Bella, and you know it."

"Dad, you worry too much," I teased

"You're my daughter, so I can't help but worry about you. And you working in that place, then coming home acting strange, I-"

"I'm honestly fine, Dad," I interrupted, softening my tone further while forcing myself to make eye contact. "And I wasn't acting strange. There's really nothing going on, I'm just tired. I did work all day, remember?" I lifted an eyebrow. "I just think you see more than there is because I'm working at that hospital, and you don't like it. You're blowing me being startled, which is something that happens to a lot of people, way out of proportion and making something out of nothing. I promise, if anything bad happened to me, or there was something that upset me, I would tell you," I assured him.

"You're sure?" he asked.

I nodded, smiling. "Dad, you know me, you know how lost in thought I get; especially when I'm tired."

"She's right, Dad," Emmett chimed in. "She's really easy to sneak up on. I've done it more times than I can count. She can't help she's a scatterbrain."

My head snapped in his direction. "Thanks, Emmett," I said through gritted teeth.

"No problem, Sis." He winked at me, and I realized he was deliberately deterring Charlie. Why, I wasn't sure, but I appreciated it all the same.

"Yeah, I guess so," Charlie agreed, shrugging. "I just worry about you being there, and I guess I get a little worked up because of what happened to you."

"I know, Dad." I cleared my throat, then sighed. "Alright, why don't you go sit down and I'll make you some dinner."

"Thank God." Emmett plopped his oversized body down on one of the kitchen chairs, folding his arms across his chest. "I'm starved."

I chuckled to myself, knowing that if it hadn't been for me, those two would be living off Hungry-Man meals.

* * *

After we finished eating, - more like they finished eating because I wasn't really hungry - Charlie, Emmett and I ended up watching _Robocop_ on the flat screen. It wasn't exactly what I considered an entertaining evening, but I sat through it for Charlie.

When the movie finished, I excused myself to bed. Charlie made sure to remind me that I was supposed to call Alice. I, of course, felt guilty afterward because she and I had spent so little time together lately, but I assured him I would before falling asleep.

I showered and changed into some comfortable pajamas before settling under my comforter and calling Alice. No sooner had she answered – after the second ring, I might add – she was reading me the riot act. "_I've called your cell I don't know how many times today, Bella, but you never answer, and then you wait until late to call me back. You always used to answer. It's like you just don't want to talk to me anymore_."

I couldn't very well talk to her while I was with Edward because he certainly garnered all my attention, and she didn't know about him anyway, but it wasn't as if I had service down in the boiler room. I couldn't tell her about Edward, so I settled for the latter. "That's not it, Alice. I don't get reception through most of the hospital. I'm sorry, okay?"

"_You seem to be there an awful lot these days_."

"I work there, so that's kind of expected."

"_I know that, I just… I miss you, Bella_, _and I wanted to talk to you, tell you about my day_."

"I miss you too, Alice. I'm not trying to avoid you, I promise. I just stay very busy working there," I explained. I could hear her sighing on the other end. "I don't wanna fight, Al. I'm sorry I haven't been around much, but I'm here now, okay? So what did you want to tell me?" She sighed again. "Alice," I coaxed in a playful tone. "You know you wanna tell me."

She giggled. "_I can't stay mad at you, you know that_?"

We both laughed, and she proceeded to tell me about her lunch date with Jasper, how he finally kissed her, and how her lips tingled afterward. Of course, this got me thinking about Edward and the way I felt when our fingers touched. I realized swiftly that was a thought I did not need to be having, so I forced myself not to think about it and just listen to Alice.

By the time our conversation ended, two things had occurred. I was completely exhausted – both mentally and physically - and I did in fact learn how her entire day went. I finally hung up the phone, but not before being made to promise that we'd do something together over the weekend, then settled into bed.

I'd just started falling asleep when I heard a knock at my door, then it partially opening. "Bella, can I come in for a sec?"

I rubbed at my eyes, grinding out the sleep. "Yeah, Emmett, come in."

"Sorry," he whispered. "I know you were sleeping, I'll only take a minute."

"What is it?" I may have come off agitated, but to be honest, I was. I was tired, and all I wanted to be doing right now was sleeping.

"I wanted to talk to you about earlier, about what happened between you and Dad."

Not only did he have bad timing for conversation, but he brought up a topic I was anxious about discussing too. I was hoping what happened earlier was long forgotten. "I'm gonna tell you the same thing I told dad, nothing is-"

"Bella," he interjected. His expression and tone were so serious, I actually felt panic settle in my bones. "I know what's going on. I know what you're hiding."

I felt like someone had just punched me in the chest while stealing away the air I needed to breathe. How could he know? How did he find out? What did this mean for Edward now? "I… I-"

"It's okay, I won't tell Dad or anything. It's nothing to be ashamed of, Bella, so I'm not sure why you think you need to hide it." He sat down on the bed beside me, and actually patted my leg like I was a little child needing reassurance. "These things do happen."

"Are you… are you serious?" I questioned incredulously, my voice rising with the question. I couldn't believe what I was hearing. "You act like _that_ is normal," he chuckled, shaking his head. "Why are you laughing?" I growled. "It's not funny."

"I realize it's new to you," he laughed. "But you aren't the first person to have a crush on someone."

"I can't-" My words caught in the back of my throat just as my brain finally understood the crazy he was speaking. "Wait, what?"

"I take that back," he smirked. "Crushing on Mike Newton _isn't_ normal, but who am I to judge?"

I may have vomited a little in my mouth while my ears tried to curl up inside my head so I'd go deaf. "Whoa, hold up there, big fella. What makes you think I have a crush on…" I had to swallow against the bile just saying his name, "Mike Newton."

His smile faded. "You don't? I mean, he said that he believed you were interested because of the way you looked at him, and he thought he'd seen your truck pass his house a few times in the evening, so I-"

"Of course I pass his house, Emmett." I cut him off. "He lives on the main highway."

"So you don't have a crush on him, then?" he asked. "Then why would Dad-"

"Okay," I admitted quickly. It was either allow him to believe I actually liked Mike Newton, or give him a reason to question me further, and I wasn't willing to do that, not when the cost was Edward. I had to silently plead with God to keep me from hurling before I finished speaking. "You caught me, you know my secret now. I have a crush on Mike. I… uh… can't help it, he's just so hot." My stomach was now turning. "Please don't say anything, though, because I'm not ready to be outed yet."

"I won't say anything," he promised. "But you really need to stop driving past his house like a crazy person. People might constitute that as stalking, Bella."

"Right, I'll just drive through the forest next time I go to and from the hospital," I mumbled sarcastically.

"What's that?"

"Oh, I'll try to keep it to a minimum, but it'll be hard to do. He's like a magnet, he just draws me right in." I tried to appear lovesick, but hiding the fact that I was actually cringing wasn't that simple. "But… uh… thanks for the advice, Emmett."

"Yeah, you're welcome." He sniffled a little as he threw his shoulders back, appearing smug. I imagined he was probably mentally fistpumping himself, or at the very least, giving himself a virtual pat on the back. "Anyway, I'll let you get back to sleep. Goodnight, Bella."

"Goodnight, Emmett."

With my stomach now aggravated and my brain feeling like it trekked through a maze today, I was positive sleep was not something I'd achieve much of.

* * *

When I arrived at the hospital, I didn't see Marcus anywhere around, though I didn't actually go looking for him either. So I headed down to the boiler room and left the chicken and dumplings I prepared for him as lunch on his workbench with a little note, telling him that despite the fact that he'd asked me to stop bringing him food, I couldn't in great conscious leave him to eat sandwiches or greasy fast food while Edward and I enjoyed a home cooked meal. And once I secured the note to the plastic food container, I made my way to Edward.

Edward had surprised me many times before, and I suppose I should have been more acclimated to that happening again, but when I walked inside that room, seeing him seated against his wall, eyes closed while listening to _my_ iPod, my heart nearly burst in my chest. I was so proud. It wasn't a smug proud, it was an 'oh, my God, you amaze me' proud.

I had no idea if he'd actually listen to it, but that was the purpose in leaving it with him, to give him something to keep him entertained and feel a part of. He'd be a part of the music and that would hopefully help drown out whatever plagued him when I couldn't be there to help do that for him. I know music certainly helped me when I was somber.

I could have stood there watching him that way all day, and I would have if he hadn't noticed me. But the moment he did, he pulled the earbuds from his ears, his eyes drifting up to meet mine.

"Hey." I swallowed against the emotion building in my throat. "I'm glad you were listening to it." I pointed to the iPod; he was still holding it within his hand. "Did you like it?"

He stared at me for a moment then nodded, whispering, "I did."

"I have a lot of songs on there," I told him as I sat down, back pressed against the wall, tote bag settled beside me. "I like all different genres." I watched his gaze fall from me to the iPod. "I don't know how long you listened to it, so the battery may need to be charged, but I could do that for you and then bring it back."

He once again made eye contact, and I smiled. "Okay."

He slowly moved forward, pushing his arm out toward me, then suddenly stopped, pulling back a few inches. He glanced between me and his hand, and I couldn't help but wonder if what happened yesterday made him a little weary about having any more physical contact with me. "Edward, you don't have to hand it to me, okay? You can toss it or slide it over to me."

Sliding it would obviously scratch it, considering the ground was cement, but I'd deal. I was looking at the bigger picture, and Edward being comfortable was more important.

He shook his head.

"It's okay," I assured him. "I don't want you to do something you aren't comfortable with. And if you're not comfortable with handing it to me, then-"

"No," he whispered, shaking his head, effectively ending my words. "Take it… Bella"

He leaned forward even more, sticking his arm out again, but his eyes were focused on the iPod within his hand, and I could see the appreciation he held for it. That appreciation was what led him to move toward me. I eased my body forward and, when I was in arm's length of him, I reached out, wrapping my fingers around the iPod. Once again, the sensation coursed through my fingertips, traveling through my body until it stopped at the nerve endings in my toes, bursting into little starbursts of warmth.

Edward inhaled sharply, exhaling his words on a jagged breath. "So warm."

He felt it too, and it was obviously more than just static shock. That was no longer an explanation I could factor into what was happening. I couldn't even be sure _what_ was happening or _why_ it was happening now. Did this mean we had some kind of a connection? Was I meant to save him all along?


	11. Chapter 11: Endeavor the Warmth

Are you ready for Chapter 11? I hope so. Some questions are answered in this. I hope you enjoy. Abuse warning is in full effect in this chapter.

Lots of love to my readers and reviewers. Without you, this story wouldn't be what it is. Yes, I know I write it, but you and your words inspire. Mwah!

Mad love to my wifey and beta, Sophy. I don't know what I'd do without you, bb

FYI: I've been nominated in 19 categories for the Total Eclipse of the Heart Awards. To those that voted, thank you so much. You leave me speechless. Nominations are still open.

http:/totaleclipseoftheheartaward(dot)weebly(dot)com/nominations(dot)html

I do not own anything Twilight. It all belongs to SM. No copyright infringement is intended. However, characterizations, plot lines, backgrounds and details of this story are mine. No copying or reproduction without my permission.

* * *

**Chapter 11: Endeavor the Warmth**

**There For You**

**Flyleaf**

_'Cause I hear the whispered words_

_In your masterpiece beautiful_

_You speak the unspeakable through_

_I love you too_

_I wanna be there for you_

_And be someone you can come to_

_I wanna be there for you_

_And be someone you can come to_

_The love runs deeper than my bones_

_I wanna be there for you_

I was staring openly at our hands to the exact spot our fingers touched. Neither of us made a move to pull apart, nor did the sensation dissipate the longer our skin stayed connected. "There's… so much," Edward breathed out.

My head snapped up, eyes locking onto his face. His were focused on our hands, but his expression more than defined his confusion – I understood that feeling all too well. I'd been wearing my confusion badge a lot since I'd met Edward.

One of his eyebrows was raised higher than the other, his nose was slightly wrinkled and there was an obvious crease between his brows. "Why, Bella?" he whispered, shaking his head.

I bit my lip hard, completely terrified of the underlying reason to his question. This thing that kept happening when we touched, was it too much for him? Would he want me to leave now? I was terrified that was the case, that I was going to be rejected by him now, and because of that, I'd never wanted to know someone's thoughts more than I did in this moment. "Why are you?"

"Why am I what?" I asked as I pulled my hand away, careful not to do so too abruptly. I tried to mask the tension in my voice, but knew I was failing miserably.

"It's so warm. Why… why are you so warm?"

"I don't-"

"He didn't… It was never…" He seemed lost in his musings, so much so, I felt as if I were standing outside a room, eavesdropping. "He wasn't warm."

The way he said it, the agony twined with his words, made my heart feel as though someone took a straight razor to it, slicing through the tough muscle to the source of me, penetrating my soul. His pain had such a daunting affect on me, and I barely knew much about him or what happened to him.

"Edward, what did he-"

He inhaled sharply, glancing down at his hands. "I don't want to, Bella."

"What, Edward?" I wanted to reach out to him, terrified I might be pushing too hard. No, what I really wanted to do was touch him again. "What don't you want to?"

His eyes met mine pleadingly, and he exhaled his words on a crushed whisper. "Be in the cold anymore."

"I don't want you in the cold either," I choked out. "I…" I bit my lip as the compunction for what he lost and what he should have had consumed me, fueling my need to tell him what I was feeling. "I just… All I want to do is bring you out of the cold."

His body eased, but his eyes shadowed over as his face shifted through emotions, finally settling with a bemused expression. "How?"

"We could... uh… talk."

He cocked his head to the side, eyeing me wearily. I wasn't sure if he'd answer or simply just stare. "We do," he murmured.

"I know," I told him. "It helps, right? When we talk, I mean?"

He slowly nodded. "You give the warmth." He spoke so softly I almost didn't hear him.

I swallowed thickly. "I… I wanna try something, Edward."

His eyes widened, breathing now staccato. "Bella." He said my name in a plea, making me nearly second guess what I was about to do. But I knew I had to; I had to break through the wall for him.

"I won't hurt you," I promised him. "I'd never hurt you. And I will never let anyone hurt you again." I tried to show him through eye contact and facial expression the conviction of my promise.

He closed his eyes, breathing in and out. "What… what did you-" He paused, waiting for me to answer.

I smiled. "I want to play a little game. I think it could help with the cold." His eyebrows lifted in ambiguity. "It's the yes, no game. Lancelot can play too." I nodded my head toward Lancelot, who was sitting upright against the wall right beside where Edward normally sat.

His lip twitched as the left side of his mouth pulled up. My breath caught in the back of my throat as I watched him in awe. "Game?" I nodded. "I don't really-"

"It's like this," I laughed. "Is your name Edward? You'd then answer yes or no."

He was briefly passive, then said, "Yes."

"That's good," I smiled. "Now, you ask me something."

He sat rigid. _Please, Edward, let me in_. _Let me help you, it's all I want_. As he started speaking, all I could do was beam a smile at him. "Is your name…Bella?"

"Why, yes it certainly is," I told him, still smiling, and he actually smiled back. To an outsider, it wouldn't be considered drastic, but to me, it was nothing short of a miracle. I thought my heart was going to burst from my chest. "My turn." I placed my right pointer finger against my chin, feigning deep thought. "Oh, I got one," I started. "Do you have two feet?"

He literally snorted. "Yes." _He finds me amusing, this is good._

"Do_ you_ have… two feet?"

I leaned forward slightly, speaking just above a whisper, as if I were trying to conceal a secret. "I have three and one is hiding under my armpit, but that's a secret between you and me." I winked.

At first his face morphed to horror, like he thought I was being serious. I shook my head, laughing, and then the smile formed once more, melting my heart all over again.

"My turn," I told him_. Just a few easy questions, Bella, to ease him, then move to the tougher ones. _"Do you like flowers?"

He shrugged, shaking his head as he clasped his hands tightly in his lap. "I… I'm not… I don't-"

"It's okay," I assured him.

Has he never seen a flower? Dear God, what happened to him? Was he locked up somewhere, unable to go outside? Who could be so damn warped to do such a thing?

"It's your turn." I smiled to encourage him.

He exhaled a resonant breath while looking down at his clasped hands as he asked, "Do you like flowers… Bella?"

"I do. Lilies are my favorite. I think it's my turn, right?" He nodded. It was decided that my next question would be something simple, but about him. And then again, just because it was about him didn't mean it was simple. I needed to know if he knew the answer, if he'd tell me, and more importantly, what that answer was. "How old are you?"

His brow furrowed as he stared at his hands, moving them in his lap while stalling to answer. "Twenty," he mumbled. "I'm twenty." _Hmmm… he knows his age_. "Your turn."

He was hesitant to start, eyes darting back and forth between his fidgeting hands and the ground. "How old?" He lifted one of his hands just partially from his lap, gesturing in my direction.

"I'm eighteen. I'll be nineteen in September."_ Now or never, Bella_. "Do you know how long you've been here… in this hospital?" I immediately bit into my lip the moment the question hit the air.

His head snapped up, eyes locking with mine, body immediately taut with fear. "I… I-" I could taste a tinge of blood in my mouth from the force my teeth clamping down on my lip caused.

I knew our game was coming to an end, and I knew he was going to close himself off again, but I needed him not to. I needed him to let me in so I continued. "Did someone hurt you?"

A sound bubbled up from his chest, tearing through his lips in an agonized groan. I froze where I sat, feeling the crushing sensation of his pain in that small room. My heart constricted sharply, forming a pyre-like sensation. "Edward, I-"

"No!" he cried, backing himself against the wall.

"I'm so sorry," I whispered, tears now cascading down my cheeks. _Will you ever let me in_?

As soon as his back touched the hard wall, he swiveled around to face the wall in a kneeling position, settling his lower body down on his calves, then bent forward so that his stomach was pressed against his thighs, head resting on his knees and his palms flat against the wall, completely molding himself around Lancelot. That sound, the one he made that dismembered me from the inside out, continued.

"Oh God, Edward, I'm… I'm so sorry. I'm not doing this to upset you, I'm doing this to help you," I sobbed. "I wanna take away the cold. Let me in, let me give you warmth. Please."

I wiped the tears that obstructed my vision, taking deep breaths so that I could sedate my emotions. Edward needed my strength; I couldn't fall apart now. When my vision became unclouded, I noticed Edward's shirt had bunched up, and at the small of his back was some kind of strange line. I wanted to know what the mark was, so without really reflecting on what I should or shouldn't do, I scooted forward just a few inches to make it out clearly.

When I realized what it was, I nearly vomited where I sat. There, on the lower part of Edward's back, was a scar I'd guesstimate to be nearly six inches in length, quite thick and raised but pale in color. And because I was so much closer to him now, I could see the hint of a similar mark peeking out from beneath the shirt. He'd obviously been whipped or beaten hard enough to scar his flesh permanently.

"What did _he_ do to you?" I choked out, still lost in my own reverie. New tears, angry tears, spilled from my eyes and again I reacted without thinking. I moved forward further, putting myself at arm's length from Edward. I reached my hand out, brushing my fingers lightly along the scar on his back. I wanted to touch him, touch the source of his pain and make it disappear. Instantly, I felt the spark that occurred when we touched.

His body tensed as he inhaled a jagged breath, then my name fell from his lips in a crippled whisper, "Bella."

I blinked a few times at the mention of my name. "I shouldn't… I'm sorry."

I started to pull my hand away. "Please," he murmured. "Don't."

"I don't want to make-"

His body relaxed minutely. "It makes it better."

"That's all I want, to make it better."

"You do," he breathed. "It's your warmth." He turned his head slightly to the right, but remained resting against the wall, staring from the corner of his eye; Lancelot's legs were just beneath his head. "I can't-" he paused, taking in a deep breath. "Be like you… Bella. I'm all gone." He sounded so defeated, as if he'd accepted those words long ago and believed them fully.

"No." I shook my head, fresh tears rolling down my cheeks. "You're not.

"He took it… everything."

"He didn't," I promised him. I wiped away the dampness that accumulated from my tears. "I can see you, see what's inside. If I can see it, it's still there."

I reached for the hem of his shirt, glancing up toward his head even though I knew he could only see me through his peripherals. "Did he?"

He hesitantly nodded.

"Can I?" I had his shirt within my hands, ready to pull it upward to look at the rest of his back.

I could feel the fear rolling off him in waves as his body stiffened. "I'm… It's not-"

"It's okay," I assured him, forcing my voice to remain calm while running the fingers of my left hand along the scar I'd touched minutes prior. "I'd never hurt you. I only want to see."

He remained stiff, but slowly nodded, his chest rising and falling with heavy breaths that resonated through the room. I re-gripped his shirt in both hands, gently pulling upward. I had to clamp my hand over my mouth to stifle the sob when I revealed more skin etched with more scars. There were five other scars that mimicked the first one.

"Oh God, Edward," I gasped.

"I took… my medicine." His voice sounded far off, empty.

"No, that's not medicine. That's cruelty."

"He said so. He… he told me, but I didn't listen. I was supposed to listen. He warned me." The anger flamed deep inside me. I never thought I'd hate another human being. Hate is such a powerful emotion, one that can set you upon a dark path, but I knew I hated the man who hurt Edward. I felt that hate so deeply my mouth was saturated in the taste of it, my veins burned with its venom.

"If you do it..." He seemed so lost in his own mind, in what he was saying. "The crime, you take your medicine… and go in the dark." His voice lowered, sounding apologetic and fearful. "I was so hungry… I should have, but I… It had bugs on it." I felt my stomach lurch. "I wasted, and I wasn't supposed to waste."

I closed my eyes, inhaling a deep breath. "Is that why you have these? Did he-" I paused, proceeding cautiously, "_do_ this because of that?"

I ran my fingers gently along the other scars on his back, and he shivered beneath my touch.

"Yes."

"He's a bad man, Edward."

"I was bad."

"You weren't, you were just a child. He did things to you that-"

"I know what I am," he whispered, cutting me off.

"He lied." I applied more pressure against his back with my fingertips. "You aren't what he says you are. You never were. You're so good, Edward." I leaned forward, pressing my face against his back while running my fingers gently across his marred flesh. I probably shouldn't have, I knew that, but I seemed to lose myself in him, in what I thought he needed, and the only thing that mattered was comforting him, giving him the warmth he felt in my touch. "Please let me in."

He sighed, his body trembling against mine, but he never asked me to move. We sat there for some time in comfortable silence, though his body continued slightly trembling, with him pressed against the cement wall and me pressed against him. Finally, he decided it was enough.

"Can I rest… Bella?"

I pulled back, palming my hands against the ground and began scooting backward toward my wall. "Of course, I'll just-"

He peered over his shoulder. "Stay… please," he pleaded.

"Okay." I scooted back toward him, settling myself beside him against the wall. I lifted my knees just partially toward my chest. He turned away from the wall slowly, and, just as slowly, laid his head in my lap along with Lancelot's, easing my legs down to an outstretched position as he did so. We stared at each other for some time before he pressed his face into my stomach and sighed, closing his eyes.

I ran my fingers through his hair, marveling at how soft it was against my fingertips and at how much he did let me in, knowing how much it hurt him to do it. "Just sleep, Edward. I'll watch over you."

* * *

I was just starting to fall asleep, the numbness in the lower half of my body more acute, when he began stirring in my lap, so I lifted my head off the wall and peered down at him. He was staring up at me, so I smiled. "Hey, did you sleep good?"

"I did," he answered.

"You weren't asleep long." I raised my arm, glancing down at my watch. "It's just after lunchtime. Are you hungry?"

He shrugged.

"I'll tell you what, I'll get our lunch ready and if you're not hungry right away, then I can store it until you are. I made us some chicken and dumplings,"

He sat up, seating himself to the right of me, but his head was facing me, eyes locking with mine. "I've never-"

"You've never had chicken and dumplings?" I asked.

He shook his head. "No."

"They're really good. It's basically just shredded chicken in a stew with chunks of biscuits."

"Oh." He legitimately sounded intrigued.

I laughed. "I think you'll like them, and if you don't, we'll get you something else." I palmed the floor and moved to pull my legs toward me for leverage to hoist my body up, but they were still quite tingly. I groaned. "I just need a minute." I started rubbing them to relieve the numbing sensation so they'd be back to full mobility.

Edward gasped, and I abruptly lifted my head, like a knee-jerk reaction to the noise he made. He was staring down at my legs, looking completely frantic as he watched me knead them back to full recovery. "Did I… I hurt you. I didn't mean-"

"No… no, you didn't." I immediately removed my hands from my legs. "My legs are just numb. It's like a tickling sensation. It happens sometimes when you sit too long. Really, I'm not hurt, and you did nothing wrong. I promise."

"You're… sure?" He still seemed skeptical.

"I'm sure. I'll never lie to you," I smiled reassuringly. "I'm going to go get our lunch. I'll be right back."

He nodded as I stood up from the floor, retrieved our food from my tote bag and made my way out of his room. When I entered the boiler room, Marcus was leaning against his bench, eating the chicken and dumplings. I laughed, shaking my head. "These are good. But you really need to-"

"I know, I know," I said, holding up my hands in mock surrender. "You want me to stop bringing you food, but I have to warn you, I have selective hearing."

He shook his head as if he were disappointed in me, but I could see it was for show; especially with the twitch of his bottom lip that threatened to pull up into a smile. "Uh-huh… is that a smile I see beginning?"

His lip twitched further until it formed a complete grin. "It's no wonder the boy's become attached to you. You're good for him." I blushed at his comment, and he noticed, then cleared his throat. "So… uh, how's it going in there?" He gestured toward Edward's room.

I glanced down at my feet, biting my lip before I raised my eyes back to him. "It's bad, Marcus."

He set his bowl down, stepping forward a two steps, now visibly tense. "What do you mean?"

"I attempted to get him to open up to me by playing the yes, no game," I explained. "I asked him a question, he answered and reiterated. It started well, but slowly began to sink when I asked him his age."

His eyes widened. "And did he tell you?"

I nodded as I approached the microwave, placing mine and Edward's bowls inside. "He did. He's twenty."

"I guess I figured him to be around that age. What happened after?"

"I asked him if he knew how long he'd been here, then proceeded to ask if someone hurt him. He started shutting down on me, making this horrible sound. Marcus, you don't know how horrible it was. He faced the wall, and then I saw this mark on his lower back, so I moved closer to him to see what it was and-" I paused as my voice began cracking, tears building at the corners of my eyes. I swallowed, then began again.

"He had scars on his back, Marcus, at least six of them. They looked like something caused from a whip, maybe. He let me touch them, and he told me a little about-" I stopped, knowing he'd understand.

"I knew it would be bad," he whispered. He reached back, grasping the bench, leaning against it once more. "Did he say… never mind. He told you these things, and I imagine he wouldn't want you telling anyone."

"You're not just _anyone_, Marcus." I wiped the tears that spilt over and trailed toward my lips. "I only know it was a man, and he tried forcing Edward to eat food that had bugs on it, and when he didn't he was beaten, leading to the scars on his back."

His fists clenched at his side, his face an angry red. "I'm a lot of things, Bella, and I've even considered a lot of things, but never have I considered killing someone… until now. If I were to come across this _man_, I'd end up a murderer." I gasped and his eyes met mine, his expression saddened. "I know it in my heart."

"Don't say that," I cried. "You and I are all Edward has. It may not seem like it, but he needs you too."

"I like to think so."

"He does."

The microwave timer beeped, startling us both. He scratched his head, forcing a smile. "He's probably wondering where you are, and as upset as we are about what's happened to him, what he's feeling is much worse." He turned around, opening the microwave and pulled out the bowls, handing them to me. "Go on and get him fed."

I smiled back. "Thanks, Marcus."

He winked, though the sadness was still present upon his face. "Anytime."

I took the bowls and headed back to Edward. He was still seated against the wall beside Lancelot, waiting for me. "Okay, chicken and dumplings coming right up," I chuckled as I walked toward him, handing him his bowl.

He reached for it, taking it from my hands. It occurred to me, as I watched him observing the contents of the bowl, that even though he'd taken food directly from my hands previously, it had never been with me approaching him. "Do you mind?" I gestured toward the spot near him.

"Uh… no." He was still studying the bowl as I sat beside him.

"It tastes better than it looks," I laughed. "But if you don't want to eat it, that's alright. I'll get you something else."

He lifted his head, meeting my gaze. "I'll eat it."

I gave him a small smile, then took a bite of my food. He watched me, possibly waiting for me to react abhorred to the taste or something. But as soon as I swallowed the bite, coupled with a hearty, 'mmmm' afterward, he braved a bite himself.

"It's not so bad, heh?"

"It's not so bad," he agreed.

We finished eating, probably about forty-five minutes later. Edward was hungry but he always ate slowly, like he was savoring each bite for fear it would be his last. I glanced down at Lancelot, who was seated between Edward and me. He was such a tattered looking thing with his one arm and wilted fur that I imagined was once plush.

As I stared at him, noting all the things that were physically wrong with him, a question came to mind… about Edward, of course.

He was staying in this old abandoned hospital and as far as I could tell, he never left this place, yet he always appeared clean, other than his clothing. His hair was always soft, never matted with dirt, and I recalled as I gazed at the scars upon his back that even his skin was clean, which meant he had to wash himself somewhere. But where?

I was curious about it to the point where I was biting the inside of my cheek as I debated whether or not I should ask him. I'd asked him enough already and the outcome of that was obviously not a good one, though I'd become privy to some of what he'd been through. Could I ask him without upsetting him? I needed to know, in case wherever he was bathing himself wasn't sanitary.

It was a risk I was just going to have to take. But my approach, well, Lancelot was going to help with that.

"You know," I started as I gripped Lancelot in my hands, placing him in my lap. "I have a feeling Lancelot would love to have a bath soon."

Edward's eyes met mine. "He… he already did."

My mouth went agape. "He did?"

Edward nodded.

"When?"

He didn't answer right away; in fact, I felt like he was studying me. "Yesterday."

"And did you-" I cleared my throat. "Uh… have one too?"

"Yes."

At this point I was too curious to be cautious. "Where, Edward?"

I swear his lips formed a small grin as he said, "Here."


	12. Chapter 12: Method of Secrecy

Let me start by saying, this chapter was SO not what I expected. It went completely the opposite direction of what I expected. I'm a bit nervous, but it is was it is.

I've got to give lots of love to my wifey/beta, Sophy (aka Sophz456), for putting up with my self-deprecating bullshit because I am seriously a pain in the ass sometimes. Que quowle, bb. Go check out her story Camisado. It's beyond amazing. Also, some love to my other wifey, marybetherrrrs. She endured my shit too. She's got a Jasper/Alice fic on here called Fortuna di il Prelievo. Give it a read, you won't be disappointed. And as always, lots of love to my readers, reviewers and those that have rec'd TUS. Your support means the world to me. Much love!

So here it is, I hope you enjoy.

I do not own anything Twilight. It all belongs to SM. No copyright infringement is intended. However, characterizations, plot lines, backgrounds and details of this story are mine. No copying or reproduction without my permission.

* * *

**Chapter 12: Method of Secrecy**

My mouth dropped open and my eyes widened in shock. His answer was not one I expected to hear at all. "What do you mean 'here'?" I asked incredulously. He continued staring at me, wearing the same expression upon his face. He seemed thoroughly amused by my confusion. "You actually take a bath here?" He shook his head, which only served to confuse me more. "But you just said-"

"Shower, not bath… Bella," he interrupted, cocking an eyebrow while still wearing that little smirk. My eyes widened further at his statement and facial expression. His reactions proved exactly how much of an enigma he really was. There were many layers to Edward; that much I ascertained.

"But I don't… How do you..." I paused, running my hands down my face and shaking my head. I was completely stammering my words, thrown by the fact that he actually showered here. I never in a million years expected that; it just didn't seem probable to me. Yeah, his body didn't appear dirty, so I'd figured he was able to manage some kind of personal hygiene, and I guess I really didn't know what I'd anticipated him to say, but it wasn't that. "Why…I mean, where do you shower in this place?"

He stared at me, eyes twinkling with intensity as his face shifted through emotions. I was trying to read him, trying to understand what I was seeing behind those green orbs, hoping to understand the reason behind his silence and the look he was giving me. And it dawned on me as his eyes roamed my face that he was doing the same, trying to read me. Was he afraid to tell me?

His brow furrowed, eyes finally lowering toward his lap as he whispered, "Where… where I found you."

"What?" I nearly screeched. His head snapped up, body tensing, expression fearful. I realized I practically yelled at him, which was a stupid move on my part, one I had to rectify right now because he was afraid, and I never wanted him to be afraid of me.

"I'm… I'm so sorry, Edward," I whispered, keeping my tone even, unthreatening. He'd just opened himself to me, allowed me to console him and touch his scars, and I wasn't about to risk him reverting back into himself. "I didn't mean to yell like that. I just, it caught me off guard. I'm so sorry." His eyes scanned my face, contemplating what I said, then his body visually relaxed some and he nodded.

"So you… uh… take a shower in that coed bathroom then?" I asked, biting my lip. His brow furrowed, so I mentally rolled my eyes at myself, realizing the ridiculousness of the question, considering I should have known he wouldn't know what a coed bathroom was. But in my defense, I was discovering you couldn't just assume with Edward. Not to mention, my brain was still stuck on the fact that he showered in a place like this. "That bathroom, with all the showers, you shower in there?"

"Yes."

"But how?" I asked. "I mean, it was a mess and-" I paused, glancing around the room as I ideated that night, remembering I hadn't searched through all the stalls before I heard the bang. My eyes drifted back to him, seeing he was observing me. "Marcus. He made sure one was working for you, didn't he?"

Of course Marcus would. When it came to Edward, Marcus did what needed to be done for him. If he couldn't get him to leave as he wanted to, he'd give him as much normalcy as he could, even in a place like this. He'd spent all that time standing outside the door, talking to Edward. He would have told him about the shower. He would have made sure Edward had access to whatever he needed, whether he utilized it or not. That was just Marcus. And apparently Edward did utilize some of what Marcus provided. He was obviously more self-reliant than I assumed. I mean, he obviously wasn't shaggy looking or anything, and that was definitely a topic I was curious about too.

He sat there verbally taciturn, but he did give me a nod.

So that night, when I first laid eyes on him in that shower room… that's why he must have been in there. "You were going to shower when you found me, weren't you?"

"Yes."

Of course, because he'd wait until Marcus left before attempting to leave this room. It occurred to me as I thought about him showering, that I'd never once seen him need to use the restroom. Not at any point in time had I ever seen him out of this room, other than when I first laid eyes upon him. I mean, it was part of being human, and he had to at some point need to relieve himself.

I was curious about this, so I knew I'd ask, but I felt awkward doing so. It certainly wasn't a topic you discussed over dinner or anything; it wasn't even one I was remotely comfortable with at any time of the day, and it wasn't as if I was normally interested in someone's bowel schedule, but when you notice the fact that a person never excuses themselves to the restroom in your presence, especially when you're with them for over eight hours a day, there's a cause for concern on that matter. Surely he couldn't be holding it in all day. He'd have to be uncomfortable.

"Edward, can I ask you something?" Once the words fell from my lips, I mentally chastised myself for approaching the subject the way I did. And I did even more so when I saw the fear within his eyes, heard his breath catch, eyed the tremors his body made. "It's okay," I assured him softly. "It's nothing bad."

The trembling his body made didn't completely dissipate, but he seemed to be calming. "I was curious about something, and you don't have to answer or anything, but I just wondered… umm…" I bit my lip as I contemplated how to word my question. "Do you, you know, go to the…uh…bathroom?" I immediately rolled my eyes at myself because I was sounding quite inane. "I mean, I know you go, but I just, I never see you leave this room and I-"

"I wait," he interjected.

My eyes widened. "All that time?" He nodded. "But why?" He just shrugged. "You have to be uncomfortable, Edward."

"I can't-" He paused, shaking his head. His eyes met mine pleadingly, like he was silently asking me to understand what he was trying to say.

I reached out, placing my hand over his in reassurance. I couldn't help but gasp as I felt that intense warm current surge up my arm as my skin came in contact with his. It only seemed to become more acute the more we touched. He inhaled a crippled breath, closing his eyes as he did so. He flipped his hand over, palm up, and squeezed my hand. I'm not sure if either of us would ever get acclimated to that feeling.

It wasn't painful by any means; in fact, it was quite comforting. Truthfully, the warmth felt good. Really good. It reminded me of something, but I couldn't put my finger on it. I could feel the intensity even through my esophagus, so I had to clear my throat before I could speak.

"I understand," I told him, and even though I'd cleared my throat, my tone was still coarse. I kept speaking, hoping the grittiness in my voice would disappear so it wouldn't be so obvious how affected I was. Whether I understood it or knew why, touching him affected me and it was beyond confusing. "I know my promising Marcus won't hurt you won't make a difference right now, but I hate the idea of you sitting here uncomfortable. And if it's me, if my being here also makes it difficult for you to… uh… do what you need to do, then I can go and-"

"No," he said abruptly, shaking his head almost violently as his fingers wrapped tighter around my hand like he was trying to anchor himself to me. "Don't go away from me… Bella."

I swallowed thickly, my heart aching over the fear within his voice, the fear that I'd leave him. As if I ever could; that simply was not a possibility now.

"I won't go away, I promise." I squeezed his hand back. "I only meant I'd leave the room to give you space until you were done, and then I'd come back. I just don't want you uncomfortable in any way; never for me, never for Marcus, never for anyone. I don't want that for you, okay?"

He sighed as he leaned his head back against the wall, exhaling in relief. "Okay."

"Would it maybe help if I made sure Marcus wasn't around so you didn't have to wait?" He lifted his head to look at me. "I'd do that for you, he'd do that for you… I mean, if that's what you want. And I can wait here, or I can…uh… I don't know, walk with you so you aren't alone."

This was such an uncomfortable subject, but I'd deal with it because all that really mattered was that he was comfortable. Discomfort over subject matter was a lot less traumatic than physical discomfort, and there was no way I believed he hadn't been suffering physically.

His eyes widened, which, of course, spiked my fear. Not of him, but of upsetting him. I was used to gauging his facial expressions now, and with him, wide eyes usually meant something bad. It was so hard to know what to say and do or what not to say and do sometimes. I felt like I was walking on a thin sheet of glass, meant to only step on certain spots or it would shatter beneath me.

Each step forward had to be made cautiously. I knew that, but the fact of the matter was I was inexperienced, and with inexperience came mistakes. And there simply was no room for mistakes with Edward, not if I had any chance of helping him; especially since I knew eventually a third party would need to be involved, and I had to have him as emotionally stabile as I possibly could by that time. I refused to entertain the idea that he could be locked away, and I knew that's exactly what would happen if he'd be found right now.

But I also knew that somehow, deep inside my soul, I was meant to be here. He was meant to find me that night, we were meant to know each other, and I was meant to save him in whatever capacity I could. It was like some sixth sense that I could feel throughout me; I just knew.

"Edward, I'm sorry, I only-"

"You'd… you'd do that?" he murmured, his brow now furrowed. I understood then that the wide eyes weren't because he was afraid of my suggestion - it was because he seemed bewildered by it. Obviously, no one had ever offered to do anything for him previously; they'd never wanted to.

I smiled. "I would."

His forehead creased as his eyes moved consistently over the entirety of my face, and his lips twitched as he observed me intensely. He was in deep thought as he gazed at me, the intensity of his thoughts darkening the green of his eyes, and once again I wanted to be a mind reader. It occurred to me that maybe he was searching for something, but I wasn't quite sure what it was. And when he finally came to whatever conclusion he'd come to, his face softened and his lips pulled up into a small smile.

"Okay," he whispered, then gently released my hand and began to slowly stand before me. I watched him with astonishment as he stood upright, then lowered his head, fixating his eyes on me. His body began trembling, but he stood grounded.

My eyes lowered over him in inspection. This was the first time I could legitimately recollect him standing before me like this, other than when I first saw him, and I didn't really count that time because the darkness obstructed my view of him. Besides, I hadn't really noticed much beyond his eyes at that point, I'd been paralyzed by them.

I glanced all the way down to his feet, realizing how desperately he needed new clothing and shoes. Marcus had attempted to give him new clothing, but he never took them, and I couldn't understand why. He was tall, and if I had to guess his height I'd say around six-foot. The pants he wore were tight on his legs and a few inches too short. There were tears in them, the same as his shirt. He was definitely in dire need of new clothing, and that was something I was going to rectify immediately. I worked my way back up his body, ending at his face. I gasped the moment I made eye contact. He'd been watching me watch him.

"Bella?"

His jaw tensed, fear and discomfort palpable upon his face, and his fists were clenched and white knuckled at his sides. I smiled up at him, hoping to ease him because I knew what he was doing was hard enough without my gawking adding to the tension. He looked like he was ready to fold in on himself at any moment. "I was just thinking how I'd like to bring you some new clothing tomorrow when I bring back the iPod."

The moment I mentioned the iPod, the tension in his jaw eased and his eyes actually twinkled. I swear it was like a spectrum of greens. I glanced down at his hands, noticing his fingers had loosened their grip. _So the iPod had made a difference_, I thought.

"Did you like it," I asked as I slowly stood up. I made no sudden movements because I didn't want to frighten him anymore than he already was, and I figured talking about music while I stood up might help distract him. "The music, I mean?"

He nodded, keeping his eyes on me. "I did."

"That's good," I smiled. "I'll add more to it so you have a larger variety to listen to. I don't really know what you like, and I know I have rather eclectic taste in music, so if there's anything you don't like, I-"

"I like your taste… Bella," he whispered, his eyes still focused solely on me.

And for some reason, that statement affected me more than it should have. I knew he didn't mean anything by it, and I couldn't rationalize why I was so damn affected, but I was to the point I actually had to look away from him and clear my throat, hoping that once I spoke I'd be able to do so evenly. "Uh… I'm glad."

Not only was my voice shaky, but I actually being less than articulate with my words and I knew I needed to right myself immediately. I didn't want him thinking he'd done something wrong because he hadn't, and stepping away for a minute would help with that. "Were you… Did you wanna go now?" I asked him.

His body instantly tensed again, but he nodded, murmuring, "Yes." as he gazed toward the door.

His reaction was enough to make me forget about my elementary behavior. I didn't want him to push himself if he wasn't ready, and I certainly didn't want him to do it for me or because he thought I expected him to.

"Edward," I said as I hesitantly reached for his hand. "We don't have to do this if you don't want to." He flinched when I touched him, so I went to pull my hand back, knowing I'd made one of those mistakes I'd prayed not to. The dread washed over me, rippling through my body and bubbling its way up my throat in the form of a sob, as the notion I'd had a hand in doing something that caused him discomfort settled in my brain. I bit my lip to hold in the noise.

But his fingers clasped onto mine, squeezing as if my touch was the only thing holding him afloat. "Please," he pleaded, his eyes watering over with unshed tears. "I need the warmth. Please… don't take it."

A hot, angry tear slid down my cheek, but I nodded. "I won't," I choked out. "I promise I won't."

Why was he doing this? Why was he pushing himself? Was it because of me? Did he think he had to, that that's what I wanted of him? He had nothing to prove to me. I only wanted him to be comfortable, to know he didn't have to sacrifice and endure physical pain because of me or Marcus… ever.

But this, seeing him this way, was unbearable. I ached deeply for him, to the point my chest felt punctured. I wanted to scream and lash out at the man who hurt him, to make him suffer the way Edward was, because going to a damn bathroom should not inflict this much trauma on a person. It was something so trivial, something every human dealt with, but nothing was trivial when it came to Edward. What came easy to most of us meant fear and hard work for him.

All I wanted to do was hold him, which was something I found myself wanting to do so often. There was something I was able to offer him, warmth, and that seemed to alleviate him somehow. I was willing to give it, whatever he needed from me for as long as he needed it, just to catch a glimpse of peace within his eyes, peace he'd been denied but should have had all along. In such a short time, Edward had managed to claim a part of me, and there was no turning back now; I was in too deep.

And I needed him to know that what happened here, it was about him, about his needs only. "Edward," I began softly. "You don't have to go out there if you're not ready. I want you to do this because you want to, not because you think it's what I want you to do. I'm so proud of you, and I'll continue to be proud of you either way. You're so strong for even trying, and if you want to wait longer, we can. We'll wait until you're ready and not a second sooner. But if you want to try, knowing Marcus is here, then we'll do that. I'll make sure he leaves, we'll walk to that bathroom together and I'll wait near the door for you. I won't let anything happen to you. I swear to you I won't."

He inhaled sharply, a tear rolling down his cheek as he did so, then exhaled a quivered breath. He should never be this afraid, especially of someone who would rather hurt themselves than him, but he didn't understand that yet. It didn't matter that Marcus had a kind soul and a huge heart, I guess it only mattered that Marcus was a man and a man had hurt him. There was nothing I could do to change that right now, but I wanted to so badly. If only he knew what he meant to Marcus.

But his pain and fear were ingrained in him, and somehow, in the midst of our time together, his emotions had interwoven with mine. When he hurt, I hurt, and all I wanted to do was make that hurt go away.

It had become a need for me, a need that was ingrained in me. So I reached up with my free hand, even though I probably shouldn't have, and wiped away the tear that slid down his cheek. A part of me registered that his breath caught as my fingertips glided across his cheek, removing the tear. "I'm so sorry," I mumbled. I was so engrossed in my thoughts, I began to vocalize them without meaning to. "I want to take away your pain. I don't want you to hurt anymore."

"Bella," he breathed. The way he said my name, extending it on a long breath, snapped me out of my musing.

His eyes were closed and my fingers were still resting on his cheek, the tips damp from his tear. I dropped my hand and began apologizing to him. "I'm sorry, I shouldn't have done that. I should have asked." I felt guilty for forcing my touch on him, knowing he was already emotionally distraught.

I started to pull my other hand free from his grasp, but he squeezed it, letting me know he was alright. "I'm ready," he whispered.

I glanced up, looking him in the eyes. "Are you sure? You don't have to. I would never force you."

"I'm ready," he repeated.

"Alright, I'm gonna go out there and have Marcus leave, and then I'll be back," I told him. "Do you wanna wait here, or walk in the hallway with me?"

"Wait here."

I expected that answer. He may have been behind a closed door, but being in that hallway meant being closer to Marcus, and that was something he wasn't ready for yet. We'd work up to that. I squeezed his hand one more time before releasing it, and gave him one final glance over my shoulder before heading into the hallway. When I entered the boiler room, Marcus was on his way up the stairs, carrying a paint can under his left arm.

"Marcus," I called out to him.

He stopped, almost half-way up the stairs, and turned his head toward me. Of course, I was biting my lip the moment he looked at me. His brow furrowed in concern. "Is everything okay?"

I nodded. "Yeah, yeah, everything's fine. I just… I need another favor."

He started back down the stairs. "Of course."

"I need you to leave for awhile," I blurted out.

His eyes widened. "Umm… okay," he stammered. "Why?"

"I'm sorry, that wasn't a real couth way to say that, was it?" I blushed and he laughed. "It's just that I found out Edward doesn't, you know, use the restroom when we're here. I knew he had to be uncomfortable, and I hated the idea of that, but he won't-"

He held up his free hand, smiling. "You don't have to say anymore, Bella, I understand. He's afraid of me right now." He was still smiling, but it wasn't reaching his eyes. "How much time do you need?"

"An hour, maybe an hour and a half. I mean, I don't really know with him."

"You got it." He gripped the paint can within his arm, pushing upward to secure it better. "I've got some supplies to get, anyway. I'll be back later."

I mouthed a 'Thank you', and he nodded, disappearing up the stairs.

I made my way back to Edward; he was still standing in the same spot. "He's gone now. Are you sure you sure you still want to do this?"

His trembling increased, but he nodded, saying, "Yes."

"There's no rush, we'll go at your pace." I held my hand out to him, and it took him a few moments, but he gripped onto me, almost painfully. It took us probably fifteen minutes and a lot of verbal reassurance on my part just to get down the hallway and through the door leading into the boiler room.

The moment we reached that door and I opened it, pushing the blanket aside so we could see inside the boiler room, his body started trembling almost violently. The force was actually making my body shake.

He stopped at the threshold, his breathing so repetitious he was on the verge of hyperventilating. I didn't know what to do. I couldn't force him through that doorway. He'd been doing this for years, but it was by himself. He'd never had someone with him, and that alone had to be terrifying. But he'd become accustomed to waiting until Marcus left, and now not only was he with someone, but his scheduling was off.

I wondered if he did this every night, having to psyche himself up enough just to go to the restroom. And then I wondered if my going along with him was the best move, but it was what he wanted, and I knew I'd give him anything he wanted. He talked about the warmth, needing it, but holding my hand didn't seem to be enough. Would wrapping my arms around him and holding him against me be enough? Would he let me? Did I even want to attempt it with as terrified as he was?

I had to do something because he needed me. I had no idea if what I was about to do was right, but I had to try for him. So I moved slowly, telling him every step of what I was doing. He didn't pull away from me, but he didn't move toward me either as his trembling persisted. And when the last step was me wrapping my arms around him, I said, "Let me help you. Let me give you warmth, Edward."

I wrapped my arms around him, pressing myself against him.

The sensation I'd experienced before was nothing like this. I literally felt like I was wrapping my arms around the sun, being consumed by it. And instead of pain, there was peace. The sensation was so intense, my knees nearly buckled underneath me. This wasn't what I expected at all. I don't even know what I'd expected, but it wasn't this. And still, I held onto him because I didn't want to let go; I wanted to feel this, and I hoped that whatever I was feeling, he was feeling too.

I wrapped my arms tighter around him, praying he found the warmth he needed, that he was receiving from me what I was receiving from him. I hoped the aftermath of what I'd done wouldn't scar him, because I couldn't live with hurting him ever.

The trembling of his body eased, but didn't completely disappear. The warmth increased, surging through every part of me when I felt two arms wrap around me and two hands grip the back of my shirt tightly as he lay his head on top of mine. It all seemed to happen at once, the way he gripped onto me and the crippled exhale from his lips. I had no idea what would happen next, what the aftermath would be, but, whatever happened, I'd become altered, and that terrified me.


	13. Chapter 13: Discern

I've got to give lots of love to my wifey/beta, Sophy (aka Sophz456). As always, lots of love to my readers, reviewers and those that have rec'd TUS. Your support means the world to me as does your words. Much love!

I do not own anything Twilight. It all belongs to SM. No copyright infringement is intended. However, characterizations, plot lines, backgrounds and details of this story are mine. No copying or reproduction without my permission.

* * *

**Chapter 13: Discern**

**Live To Tell**

_I know where beauty lives_

_I've seen it once, I know the warm she gives_

_The light that you could never see_

_It shines inside, you can't take that from me_

_A man can tell a thousand lies_

_I've learned my lesson well_

_Hope I live to tell_

_The secret I have learned, 'till then_

_It will burn inside of me_

_The truth is never far behind_

_You kept it hidden well_

_If I live to tell_

_The secret I knew then_

_Will I ever have the chance again_

_If I ran away, I'd never have the strength_

_To go very far_

_How could they hear the beating of my heart_

_Will it grow cold_

_The secret that I hide, will I grow old_

_How would they hear_

_When would they learn_

_How would they know_

We remained in the doorway, standing on the threshold between his hallway and the boiler room, silent but holding onto one another. I never loosened my grip on his trembling form. If anything, I tightened it further. But now, I was feeling a little bit selfish here because I didn't want to let him go… ever. I would gladly stand in this very spot for eternity, endure unspeakable leg cramps and discomfort, just to hold him, just to feel _this_… whatever it was.

And I felt guilty for it, for feeling this way, because it shouldn't feel this right, and he certainly couldn't reciprocate. That wasn't a possibility, and I was angry at myself for allowing this feeling to creep up on me, for _needing_ it, even if I didn't quite understand it – which only served to add frustration to the many emotions enveloping my body now.

But he pressed his face further into my hair as he wrapped his arms fully around my waist in a tight embrace, then whispered in a shuddered breath, "Meu calor, meu anjo."

I had no idea what he'd just said or even what language he spoke, but I did believe that it wasn't actually meant for my ears to hear; it was more a verbal musing that wasn't really meant to be verbal. Edward was certainly proving to be more than I expected, not that that should have surprised me, and I had a feeling he just unknowingly revealed another layer.

I gave him the time he needed, encouraging him with my touch. And finally, he released his hold on me, determination on his face. Though he never stopped shaking physically, we took the journey through the old hospital together, my hand in his.

* * *

Two weeks had gone by, two weeks that I spent every moment I could with Edward. Being away from him had actually become uncomfortable. Not in the physical sense, but definitely emotionally. I missed him, missed his presence.

On weekends, I found myself purposely taking long detours near the hospital while running errands for Charlie or on my way to visit Alice just to get a glimpse of it, knowing he was inside there. At least I felt a little closer to him then. But he was in essence alone. I hated the idea of him being alone, though I knew Marcus was there, and hated that I couldn't be there with him as much as I'd like even more – which honestly was 24/7. And when I'd admit that to myself, admit that I'd give up every second for him, that feeling I experienced because of him crept its way back in. It was a constant battle to push it away now, and I chastised myself more often than not for feeling it to begin with. I couldn't explain it, but I knew I shouldn't feel it.

I spent the majority of the time I was away from him trying to decipher what the hell these emotions were trying to tell me, becoming frustrated with myself all over again for even having them. _Damn traitorous emotions_. And because of that, when we were together, I caught myself staring at him seconds longer than necessary. And dreaming of him, that had become a nightly ritual no matter what I forced myself to think about initially.

Things had been different between us since we stood in the entryway of the boiler room embracing each other. That sensation still crackled in the air between us, but I advertently tried to ignore it. Let me tell you, that feat was not an easy one at all. Labeling it difficult was a mild understatement.

But I kept it to myself because that was a conversation I simply could not have with Edward; especially when I had no idea how to explain it, anyway. And really, what could I say? "Edward, I spend so much time thinking about you, it's got to the point where I'm dreaming of you every night. I think it's because I really like you." Yeah, that would not go over well in conversation. Not to mention, it would make me sound like an insane, obsessed person. No thank you. _Damn traitorous emotions_. Why'd I have to have them, anyway?

He was opening up more, day by day. It wasn't a huge contrast verbally from what he'd already shared with me, but the steps were made, and I was proud of him. It was more physically than vocally. He was becoming comfortable near me, enough to sit beside me when I was with him. And, of course, my body was aware of his presence beside me. I was even blessed with several smiles, the kind that met his beautiful green eyes, making them shimmer so bright my breath caught and my heart banged in my chest. Those days, yeah, those days were the best. But I never took for granted what I was given, each thing more precious than the last. It was so difficult for him to do, but it was like he pressed himself even more every day, pushed himself further up the wall that divided him from what society deemed as "normal".

So, as I sat there on Alice's bedroom floor, staring off into space while allowing her to paint my toenails, I thought about Edward, about those words he'd spoken to me in a different language. I had no idea what they were or what they even meant. They sounded beautiful, though. And the way they rolled off his tongue, the way his warm breath felt on my neck as he said them… I felt my face flush at the mere thought. I had wanted to Google them to find out their meaning, but I had no idea how to even spell what he'd said, and I couldn't ask him because I knew I wasn't really meant to hear, so the prospect of finding out was very slim.

It was aggravating because I desperately wanted to know. And, of course, Alice noticed my lack of attention to what she was talking about, which happened to be Jasper as per usual.

"Hello? Earth to Bella." She tapped her fingers rather roughly against the top of my bare foot to get my attention. My eyes finally focused on her, noticing the cocked eyebrow. Yeah, she was annoyed. "Where are you these days? Every time we talk anymore, you're off in your own little world. Did you even hear what I said?"

I rolled my eyes. "Obviously. I'm sitting right here, Alice – of course I heard you."

She snorted, eying me incredulously. "Really? What was I saying then?"

Yeah, I was screwed. "Umm… you were talking about Jasper."

"And what exactly did I say about Jasper?"

She was so not relenting. "Uh…" I couldn't finish, so I simply shrugged.

"See, Bella, that's what I mean," she interrupted. "What's going on with you? I know something is, but you refuse to tell me what. Why? Are you in some kind of trouble?"

"No!" I blurted out. "It's nothing like that. I don't know, Alice. I've just been distracted. I can't explain it."

"No, you _won't_ explain it." She shook her head, frustration rolling off her in waves, but she began painting my toenails again. "I'm supposed to be your best friend, the one you tell everything to, the one you can _trust_." She sighed, her face emitting sadness. "And you used to. You used to tell me everything, but you don't anymore. What changed, Bella? Did I do something to make you not trust me?"

I leaned forward, reaching for her hand, stilling the one that held the brush. "You didn't do anything, Al. I promise. It's not like that, okay? Can you…" I bit my lip, then drug my hands roughly down my face before meeting her curious gaze. I couldn't lie to her, but I couldn't tell her about Edward yet. I needed more time with him. "Can you just give me a little time? That's all I'm asking. I just need a little more time, and then we'll talk."

Her eyes remained fixed on mine, face still sullen. I could see how heavily she was contemplating what I'd said, and I expected her to argue with me, to put up a resistance, but she didn't; she simply nodded. "Alright, Bella, time I can do. I just… I have one request." I swallowed thickly, tension bubbling up within my body at the mere mention of a request. I knew how Alice operated. "Can you at least tell me if you're really alright? I can wait for the other stuff, but I can't wait for that. I just need to know you're fine."

I smiled a genuine smile as I thought of Edward. "I'm good, Al. I really am."

She shook her head again, but returned my smile. "I missed this, you know? I missed you."

"I missed you too."

"Bella?"

"Yeah?"

"Don't stay away so long again." She kept her attention on my feet, coating the big toenail of my left foot with soft pink polish, but I could see the smile pulling up her lips. "I don't really like it."

I laughed. "I won't, Al."

So I forced myself for the remainder of the evening to focus on my best friend, talking and laughing with her, listening to what had been going on in her life while I wasn't around, and not about the man who'd become such an intricate part of my life for the last month.

Just before we settled in for the night, popping in a DVD to watch as we lay in bed, Carlisle knocked on the door to check up on us. "Hey, you girls doing okay?" he asked. He then directed his statement toward Alice. "Your mother asked me to check in on you, make sure you didn't need anything before we went to bed."

"We're fine, Dad," she assured him.

He gave us a small smile, mainly looking at me as he did so, then nodded as he closed the door. Since the hospital, I had this odd feeling that Carlisle suspected I was lying, but he never said anything, and I certainly wasn't going to approach him about it. So I settled back in bed, watching the movie until I fell asleep.

When I woke up, sunlight filtering through the window and dancing across my eyelids, Alice was already awake, sitting up on the twin mattress nestled on the other side of the nightstand that sat between her bed and the one I was now laying on. She had this odd look on her face, brow furrowed, mouth in a straight line, and for some reason that look left me with a feeling of dread. I sat up quickly, rubbing the sleepy haze from my eyes with my palms. "Alice?" My voice sounded hoarse, mostly because my mouth was dry and not particularly tasting very good. I hated morning breath. "Alice, what's wrong?"

"Who's Edward, Bella?" That one question answered the overwhelming feeling of dread that now intensified to the point where my stomach rolled in nausea.

"What?" I whispered, because I could clearly not speak above that. Honestly, I was surprised I was able to speak at all. I cursed my sleep talking because this was not a good time to be doing so, not when I was at Alice's home and not when she was so inquisitive to begin with. I thought I had a handle on it, but I was apparently dead wrong.

"You kept making weird sounds." Her eyebrows lifted as she leaned forward, forming an 'o' around her mouth with her hands while whispering, "Like sex sounds, and you said 'Edward' several times."

I imagine I probably wore a look of mortification because that's exactly how I felt. I didn't particularly remember having a sex dream about Edward, and if that was the case, I was mortified by it, but even more so that Alice had apparently heard said sex dream.

I wanted to dig a large hole and bury my head inside it, proving that action a lot more counterproductive. And then the mortification morphed to guilt because if I did actually have an Edward sex dream, I was admittedly disappointed I couldn't remember it. And though I was disgusted with myself because of that, I had to get myself in check quickly and come up with something reasonable because I couldn't tell Alice yet, and it was clear by her expression she was not letting this go without an appropriate answer.

I scanned the room as if there were an answer embedded somewhere in the plethora of Alice's belongings to the looming question that tainted the air around us. And just as I was about to give up and tell her I simply couldn't answer, which would only fuel her quest to find out further, I spotted the DVD case to the movie we'd watched last night lying beside Alice's television. It was _Keeping the Faith _- which just happened to star Edward Norton. If that wasn't luck, then I didn't know what was. "Edward Norton," I said in a rush. I took a deep breath in an effort to sedate my nerves. "I'm so embarrassed, Al," I breathed. "I guess I must have been dreaming about him. I mean, we did watch that movie with him before we went to bed, and he is pretty hot."

She giggled, seemingly appeased with my answer. It did make sense, after all. "Well, Bella Swan, who knew you had it in you. I just never expected to overhear you and one of your porn dreams." I blushed profusely, very uncomfortable with the term 'porn dream'. I imagined I looked as red as a beet at this point – which, of course, spurred her on. "But I get it. He is hot….for an older guy."

"Alice," I scoffed, though internally, I was rejoicing the escape of near disaster concerning Edward. "He's, like, forty. That's not old."

She cocked her head to the side, rolling her eyes. "Bella, if he's old enough to be your dad, that's old."

I laughed, throwing the blankets off my body and climbing off the bed, heading toward the bathroom attached to her bedroom. "Oh, how I adore you, Alice."

I could hear muffled giggles as I closed the bathroom door. "This I know, Bella!" she shouted. "This I know!"

* * *

After having a rather long, drug out breakfast and interesting conversation with Alice, I headed home. Charlie was sitting in his recliner watching ESPN, and Emmett was apparently out with Rosalie and some friends. I rolled my eyes the moment Charlie told me who Emmett was with.

"You have any plans today, kiddo?" he asked.

"No, why?"

"Well," he started. "I thought you could ride with me to Newton's, then we could go to the diner, maybe have some lunch together?"

"Sounds great, Dad, just let me go get a shower first."

I showered, then dressed in a white fitted t-shirt and my favorite pair of jean capris. When we arrived at Newton's, Charlie informed me he had a few things to pick up for his fishing trip scheduled the following weekend with Harry Clearwater. I told him to go on ahead and get what he needed, and I'd just rummage the store while I waited. When we'd first arrived, Mrs. Newton was behind the register, so I assumed Mike wasn't around… thankfully. So as I traveled down the long aisle of hunting apparel, I swiftly realized that my luck in not running into Mike Newton was going to run out.

I'd just been reading a t-shirt that said, '_Does this shirt make my bass look big?_', chuckling to myself at the absurdity of what it said, when I felt a hand tap my shoulder, followed by the nasally sound of my name being said. "Bella… Hey. I'm glad I ran into you." He actually allowed his fingers to linger on my shoulder.

This was the part where I cringed… internally, of course. I turned around, trying to be suave in the removal of his hand from my shoulder, and smiled at him. "Hey, Mike, how are you?"

"I'm good," he said in a rush. And then he smiled this big goofy smile. I suppose I would have been a tiny bit flattered at the extent of the smile, considering it was because of me, if I hadn't been distracted by the piece of carrot stuck in his front teeth. How he didn't realize that thing was there was beyond me. And as he talked, I noticed it move slightly. I couldn't focus on anything he said, because really, all I wanted to do was reach up and pull that thing from between his teeth.

And, of course, he noticed me staring at his mouth. "Hey, is a… is there something on my face?" He started brushing his hand across his mouth as if to remove whatever it was that I'd been looking at.

I shook my head, thinking, 'No, but you have something in your teeth.' His mouth pulled up into a smug grin as he ran his tongue along his bottom lip. It was like an instantaneous reaction. My nose slightly wrinkled up in disgust, but my eyes met his. And the twinkle in his eye, the way he continued licking his lips, he had clearly mistaken my mouth staring for me contemplating kissing him. When that realization dawned on me, my stomach turned. I mean, the idea of that alone was disturbing, and I may have even blushed at the way he was looking at me if I hadn't been so disgusted. My throat started closing up, and I had to continually swallow against the nausea. "Uh, Mike, I… uh… gotta go." I turned around quickly, moving through the store in search of Charlie.

Luckily, he had what he needed and was ready to go.

Needless to say, when we arrived at the diner, I wasn't that hungry. I ordered a small bowl of soup and a sprite. "Not very hungry, Bells?" Charlie asked.

I shook my head. "Not really. I had a big breakfast at Alice's." That was the truth; I did have a big breakfast, but it wasn't the reason I was no longer hungry. I recollected my conversation with Emmett about Mike, so I couldn't burn that bridge with Charlie in case I needed to use my mock attraction to Mike at a later date.

"You seem… distracted."

"I'm just tired, Dad," I explained. "Alice kept me up late doing my toenails and watching movies." Again, this was the truth.

"Did you girls have fun? I mean, you don't spend that much time together so…" He paused, and I thought he was going to finish his sentence, but he took a bite of his burger, lifting his eyebrow at me. He was obviously awaiting an answer.

"Oh, well, I'm working now and she's dating Jasper Hale, so that sorta leaves time to hang out a little scarce." I began stirring my half eaten soup as a distraction.

"Jasper Hale, eh? He's a good kid."

Yeah, he is," I agreed. "Alice really likes him."

"And you…" He gestured toward me with his hand. "You… uh… have any boys you like?"

I blushed. "Dad, are we seriously gonna talk about boys?"

He laughed. "I guess not." He became silent, biting into his burger. I took a bite of my soup even though I wasn't hungry, figuring the conversation was over. And just as I reached for my sprite, he said, "I just want you to be happy, Bella. The only place you really go besides the store is that mental hospital. You're a teenager, and it's okay to act like one. Don't make everything about work. Go hang out with your friends too, okay?"

I nodded. "Okay, Dad." He smiled, and the remainder of lunch was done in silence. If only he knew why being at that hospital meant so much to me.

After we made it back home, I excused myself and headed upstairs while Charlie made his way into the living room, sitting in his recliner to watch sports or the Outdoor channel. I told him I was tired, which was the truth, and was planning a nap.

I lay in bed for awhile, wrapped in my thick comforter, tossing and turning. I was anxious for Monday to arrive because that meant I'd see Edward. And if I could actually get myself to sleep, once I woke again, I'd be that much closer to seeing him. So I closed my eyes, forcing myself to think about calming thoughts. Finally, after some time, I was able to sleep.

* * *

I jolted awake, startled by my dream, and sat upright immediately, running my clammy palms down my face. I ground my fists against my eyelids, rubbing out the sleep, and glanced around my room, noticing the sky had darkened some outside. I must have been asleep for awhile.

My heart was beating rapidly in my chest, my breathing was elevated and my skin was coated in a thin sheen of sweat, obviously inspired by my latest dream. I didn't understand it, but felt like it was foreshadowing something monumental.

Edward was sitting in the darkness, surrounded by the empty blackness as he reached out to me, fear palpable upon his face. He kept saying my name pleadingly, his voice becoming louder and more desperate the further he was pulled from me by an unseen force, making my vision tunnel as the distance increased. And though it was only a dream, the feeling it educed rocked my insides painfully.

The fear left a strong, acidic taste in my mouth, burning my esophagus as I swallowed. I didn't like this feeling; it terrified me. I had to see him. I had to know he was alright. So I flew up off my bed, practically catching my footing inside my comforter.

I ran into the bathroom, splashing some cold water over my heated face and brushed my hair, pulling it back into a ponytail. I ran back into my room, slipping on my tennis shoes and grabbing my tote bag. I bound down the stairs, holding onto the railing to keep from falling. I thought I was alone, which was exactly what I was supposed to be since Charlie was supposed to be at the station, and Emmett made it clear he wouldn't be home until late. At least that's what my understanding was during lunch.

"Bells, is that you?"

My stepping halted, and I gasped, placing my hand over my chest, completely alarmed by his voice. I took in a deep breath, exhaling in the same manner. "Yeah, Dad."

"You going somewhere?" I couldn't see him at this point, but I could hear him.

"I'm just going out for a bit, maybe going to Alice's. I haven't decided yet; I just need to get out."

"Oh, okay. Well, be careful and have fun."

"Thanks, Dad," I called out as I stepped outside.

I'd practically kept the gas floored until I got to the hospital. I was pretty anxious, and I had no idea why. I threw my door open, grabbed my bag, and sprinted inside the hospital.

I moved swiftly but efficiently through the hospital, an ability that was very rare for me. As I passed Marcus in the boiler room, I hollered, "Hi, Marcus. Bye, Marcus." before yanking the blanket aside that shielded the hallway door leading to Edward. His laugh was still resonating through the boiler room as I closed the door behind me, making my way down the hallway quickly.

The moment I reached that doorway, his eyes shifted upward, like he sensed me before he saw me, distress evident on his face. He released an ear piercing breath of relief, whispering my name alongside it.

"Bella." He closed his eyes, leaning his head against the wall.

My knees nearly buckled underneath me, but I fought the urge to drop where I stood and approached him. He was seated in the corner that I'd seen him recoil to many times, Lancelot resting comfortably in his lap. "Hey," I murmured as I sat beside him. "You okay?"

He was silent a few moments before he finally lifted his head, whispering, "I… I had a bad dream."

_Funny, that makes two of us._

"You wanna talk about it?" I asked. I didn't want to press him, but I wanted him to know that I'd listen if he needed me to. "I'd be more than happy to listen. I mean, if you want to talk, that is. I just want you to be comfortable."

His eyes met mine. There were so many secrets hidden in those eyes of his. "It's not so bad _now_."

I nodded, knowing that if and when he was ready, he'd tell me.

"You… you don't come here today," he mumbled. At first I wasn't sure what he meant, then understanding set in. He was right because I didn't generally show up on the weekend.

"Yeah, I don't, but I just… I needed to make sure you were alright. I was napping, and I woke up with this strange feeling, and I-" I abruptly stopped myself, cutting off the words I was speaking once my brain caught up, realizing who I was talking to. I didn't want to say something that might frighten him.

"You had a bad dream?" he asked. I hesitantly nodded. "You want to talk about it?"

I laughed at the irony of his attempt to console me. He was doing and saying exactly what I had not minutes prior. "No, that's alright. I'm better now too."

He cocked his head to the side, eyeing me so intensely it felt like he was looking through me. "You have sad eyes… Bella."

I was caught off guard by his comment. "Why do you say that?"

"Because."

"I'm sorry, I didn't-"

"I don't want you to have sad eyes."

I had to look away, because the way he was staring at me, it was too much.

"You have sad eyes too," I whispered, swallowing against the newly formed lump in my throat. "And that makes me sad."

"I don't… _want_ to have sad eyes." My head snapped in his direction the precise moment he shook his head, his voice vibrating with emotion. "I don't want to be _this_." His eyes roamed over the parts of himself he could see, then met mine, silently pleading for me to understand what he was trying to say.

The burning ache in my chest amplified, and God, how I wanted to sob to ease his pain and mine. He had to know that even though he was lost, he could still be found, and that it didn't mean he wasn't a good person. I had to tell him, had to make him understand. "Edward, you don't see yourself the-"

He shook his head again. "I see," he interjected. "I always knew. He made me."

"He made you what?"

"See myself," he whispered. "See what I really am." And just like that his eyes glazed over, plummeting him into a place inside his mind he couldn't escape. He was sitting beside me physically, but he was no longer beside me emotionally.

"He's… I can't even sleep without… He's always..." He paused. "It burned and I saw the hole, the blood it made, but I didn't want to look. I didn't… want to see it. It hurt, but he made me look." My stomach turned at the mention of the burn that caused blood.

"I tried… but it was so hard to read. I didn't know that much. I wanted to do it right so he wasn't angry. He said I should know, he showed me, but it was so hard to read it. He reminded me every day, that he could take it and I shouldn't have it… my life. It was never mine, it was his. He gave it to me. He could take it. I made him lose her, and I… I was to know the day every day, because I ended his life the day I came into it."

I held my tongue, biting into my cheek hard to keep from making any kind of noise. As hard as it was to hear, he was musing aloud, unconsciously opening up, and I had no idea if and when this would happen again. "I had to know the day. But that day, I thought when he was showing me… when he let me read it that he might… but he didn't. He could never feel that...for me. He showed me how, but it was never for me."

His hand gripped Lancelot, squeezing tightly against the marred fur. "I had nothing, I was nothing. He always told me. I took my medicine… every day to remind me. I learned. He let me, but it was for him so I would know… I would know in every way, because there's more than one way to take your medicine. He said I had to see and hear it. It got harder to hide in my head when it hurt. _He... _Aro tried to take him from me, because… because he was my only friend."

I couldn't hold back the sobs any longer. I knew he was talking about Lancelot, about a stuffed bear, and I understood now the true significance of that simple, stuffed bear. But he wasn't really simple at all. He was salvation to a boy who had nothing else. I guess I always knew, but he was admitting it aloud and it hurt to hear. Lancelot was all he had to hold onto when he was being tortured, the only light in the agonizing darkness.

He blinked rapidly as he immediately turned his head toward me. The cloudiness was gone, replaced with a pain so caustic my insides felt shredded beyond repair. He shook his head, his eyes tearing up. "I can't anymore, Bella. I just… can't."

I faced him, then lifted up on my knees and reached for him, wrapping my arms around him without even questioning whether I should or not. I held him against me, feeling that ever present warmth, his face pressed into the crook of my neck, crying. And I cried with him, for him.

I don't even know how long I held him, both of us openly weeping before his sobs became hiccoughs that eventually became silence. I thought he might be sleeping, so I attempted to move to get comfortable, but the moment I shifted my body just a fraction, he wrapped his arms tightly around my waist, whispering hoarsely. "Please… don't go."

My decision was made even before I realized it. I knew what I had to do. I leaned back enough to look him in the eyes. "Give me just a minute, and I'll be right back, okay? I need to take care of something out there." I lifted my hand, pointing toward the doorway over my shoulder. "But I'm not going to leave you. I'll only be gone a minute, I promise."

He was hesitant to let go, but he did, nodding. I assured him again that I'd be right back. I reached inside my bag, pulled out my cell and made my way out of the room.

I didn't pass Marcus as I made my way to the main floor of the hospital. I assumed he was probably running errands, comfortable to do so because I was with Edward. I flipped my cell open, immediately entering my contact list. I hit send the moment the name was highlighted. And as soon as I heard her voice answer, I said, "Alice, I need you to do me a favor."

* * *

Meu calor, meu anjo = My warmth, my angel


	14. Chapter 14: State of Serenity & Rapport

Here we are with another chapter. It's a few days earlier than I expected, but I'm figuring you don't mind. Lol. It's a much longer chapter, the longest I've written so far. In any case, I really hope you enjoy.

Lots of love to my wifey, Sophy, and I have to give major props to my biggest TUS pimp, Bbebar. That woman works hard to pimp my story. There are many others who support and rec TUS, and I can't thank you enough. You mean the world to me. Also, to my readers and reviewers, you seriously complete me.

P.S. I will be listing some fic recs on my blog tomorrow to check out. Please, if you have a chance go look and check out the stories. If you do, make sure to leave them some love too.

http://theunaccompaniedsoul[dot]blogspot[dot]com/

Meu anjo is Portuguese for My angel.

I do not own anything Twilight. It all belongs to SM. No copyright infringement is intended. However, characterizations, plot lines, backgrounds and details of this story are mine. No copying or reproduction without my permission.

* * *

**Chapter 14: A State of Serenity and Rapport**

**"Look After You"**

_If I don't say this now I will surely break_

_As I'm leaving the one I want to take_

_Forgive the urgency but hurry up and wait_

_My heart has started to separate_

_Oh, oh, oh_

_Be my baby_

_Oh, oh, oh_

_Oh, oh, oh_

_I'll look after you_

_There now, steady love, so few come and don't go_

_Will you, won't you be the one I always know?_

_When I'm losing my control, the city spins around_

_You're the only one who knows, you slow it down_

_Oh, oh, oh_

_Be my baby_

_Oh, oh, oh_

_Oh, oh, oh_

_I'll look after you_

_If ever there was a doubt_

_My love she leans into me_

_This most assuredly counts_

_She says most assuredly_

_Oh, oh, oh_

_Oh, oh, oh_

_Be my baby_

_I'll look after you_

_It's always have and never hold_

_You've begun to feel like home_

_What's mine is yours to leave or take_

_What's mine is yours to make your own_

"_Bella_?"

"Uh, yeah, Alice, it's me."

"_Sorry_," she whispered, her voice gritty. "_I had just dozed off when you called_."

I laughed. "Well, we had a late night, so I'm not surprised. I took a nap earlier myself."

She chuckled loudly, but the sound was interrupted midway by a heavy yawn. "_God, sorry about that_," she giggled. "_Did I hear you say something about needing a favor_?"

Our comfortable exchange had minutely distracted me from the reason I'd called to begin with, but now, well, now I was once again stressed. My whole body felt weighted by it. I had no idea if calling her was an entirely smart idea or how much I could and would tell her, but I knew in asking for her help, she was going to require something in exchange. And truthfully, even though I trusted Alice with _my_ life, it wasn't my life I was concerned about. But in order to pull this off, to be able to stay the entire night with Edward, I needed an alibi and complete secrecy when giving it. Alice was the only one who could give me that.

"Yeah," I responded nervously. "I did." I was positive she could hear the tension within my voice.

There was silence on her end as she waited for me to continue and silence on my end because I had no idea what my approach was yet. It wasn't as if I had a great deal of time to think this through, so I needed the quiet to mull over what I should say to her.

"_Well_?" she finally asked, breaking through the dead air. "_What's the favor_?"

I still wasn't entirely prepared, but I bit my lip as I readied myself to speak. _Here goes nothing_, I thought. And instead of speaking articulately, my response came out in a garbled rush. "Ineedyoutogivemeanalibi."

"_I…uh…blah, blah what_?" She was clearly mocking me. "_English, Bella_."

I groaned out of frustration directly into the mouth piece, running the fingers of my free hand roughly through my hair. "I need you to give me an alibi."

"_Oh, so that's what you were saying_," she smirked. "_What for_?"

"The entire night," I murmured.

"_WHAT_!" She practically squealed. "_What are you up to, you naughty girl_?" I had no doubt the wheels were turning inside that brain of hers, running through a plethora of scenarios leading me to asking such a request and none were appropriate.

My face flushed in embarrassment at her words, and I responded immediately without ideating how I should _actually_ respond. "It's not like that, and I can't get into a lot of detail right now, Alice. I promise I'll explain what I can later, but please, I just need to know if you'll help me. I really need you to do this for me. It's important."

_Way to go, Bella. That statement in itself would obviously fuel the "need to know" fire._

"_Oh, no, Bella Swan_." I could hear the sound her head made through the phone as she shook it, her tone firm when she spoke. "_No info, no alibi_."

"Alice, please… I just-"

"_I said, no info then no alibi_," she interrupted. "_Whatever this is, I can keep a secret, Bella. I can. But you're asking me to lie to my parents, to your dad. And as much as I hate lies, I'll do it for you, Bella. For you I would. It's just… don't you think that at least entitles me to some honesty? That I at least deserve a reason why I'm lying_?"

As much as I hated to admit it, she was right. I was asking her to do something she hated doing, something I hated _asking _her to do, and I was expecting her to do it with nothing in return from me.

"Okay," I sighed. "I'll tell you what I can. Will you at least settle for that?"

"_Deal_!" she exclaimed.

"And I'm taking you at your word, Alice. You can't say anything to anyone, no matter what."

"_Bella_," she laughed. "_I promise. Cross my heart_."

"There is… someone," I began hesitantly. Alice gasped, and I continued speaking immediately to clear her suspicion. "But it's not like that, Alice. We aren't a couple. He's just… things aren't good for him; in fact, they're pretty bad. He has no one to turn to, no one who cares what happens to him. And I just can't… I'm the first person he's really let inside, the first person he felt like he could maybe trust, and I can't walk away from that, from him. Not now. Tonight was really bad for him, and I can't leave him alone. That is why I need you to cover for me."

She remained silent for a few moments, and when she spoke again, her tone was soft, understanding. "_This person… they're really important to you, aren't they_?"

"He is," I answered; no delay, no hesitation.

"_I can tell_." And for some reason, because of the way she acknowledged Edward's importance to me, my heart began thumping wildly in my chest. _"Well, how and where did you meet him?"_

"It's complicated."

I knew she was waiting for me to explain further and when I didn't, she finally said_, "I suppose that's all you're going to tell me, right_?"

"It is. I'm sorry, Alice. I know it's not much, I hate that, and I don't want you to think-"

"_I get it_," she told me, cutting me off. There was nothing in her tone that indicated anger. "_You probably feel as if you're betraying him by saying anything more_."

I nodded, though I knew she couldn't see me. "As much as I trust you, it's not my story to tell."

"_I don't know him or his story, but I know you, and if you say this is important, then I believe you." _The tension coiled through my body dissipated, and I felt unbelievably grateful for Alice. _"I'll be honest, Bella, I am curious about all this. I do want to know who this person is and what makes them so important to you that you'd lie to your dad and keep secrets from me, but I know you wouldn't do it unless you had a good reason. I also know when to let things go and to be patient and wait. It's not always easy for me, as you well know, but I can do it. I can also be discrete_. _And I know if the roles were reversed, you'd do the same for me_. _So you just tell me exactly what you need me to do,_ _and I'll do it_."

I swallowed thickly, forcibly beating down the emotion caught in my throat. "Thank you, Alice."

"_You're welcome_," she laughed. "_Besides, it's kinda cool, this whole secrecy thing. I feel all covert, like I'm on a secret mission or something_."

I chuckled. "I guess that's one way to look at it."

I could hear the smile in her words. "_It really is_." Silence ensued from her end, and suddenly, the air around us changed. I knew the seriousness of what she was going to say before she even spoke. "_Can I ask one thing, though? You don't have to answer or anything, but I just have this feeling, and I guess I need to know if I'm right_."

"Okay."

"_This guy, is there someone after him? Is that why you can't tell me anything more_?"

"Honestly, Alice," I started. "I don't know. It's a possibility, and because of that, I can't risk him. But it's not all about that, you know? I hate being so evasive with you, but this isn't about me, it's about him, about what he needs."

"_It's not the mob or anything, right? Please tell me you didn't get mixed up in something illegal with this guy_?"

"No, Alice." I laughed, actually snorting at the inanity of her question. But I understood her concern and then again, I really had no idea what _Aro_ dappled in. I'd only just learned his name and the fact that he was abusive, but as far as any other details about him, I was oblivious to them.

"_Okay, good_," she breathed in relief. "_So, what do I need to do_?"

I then explained to Alice that I was going to call Charlie and tell him I was staying overnight with her again. Timing couldn't have been more perfect because she informed me her parents were gone for the evening, attending some charity ball in Seattle and weren't expected home until Monday morning. Neither was keen on driving home, knowing it would be late when the ball was over so they'd settled for renting a hotel room instead of traveling back at such a late hour. She said she'd call them and tell them I was staying over so she wasn't alone.

She asked if there was anything else, and though I hadn't really thought about it before she asked that question, with all things considered, it would be nice to actually sleep in something comfortable if I was going to be sleeping in an old, abandoned hospital on a cold floor, so I asked her to bring me some of her pajamas.

Of course, this was the point where I had to lie to her, telling her Marcus had asked for my help so she wouldn't questions about why I was at the hospital, and it wasn't until I was here that I knew I'd need her help, but if I went home I'd have to lie to Charlie's face, and I knew I couldn't do that. That was part of it, but truthfully, I wasn't willing to leave Edward. And sending Alice to my house to grab clothing for me was not a possibility because it would be too suspicious. Nothing I said was well thought out, but she seemed to accept it, and really, that was all that mattered. She agreed, telling me she'd be around in about fifteen minutes. I called Charlie as I waited.

And fifteen minutes and a lot of pacing later she showed up, handing me a paper bag with everything she thought I'd need for the night. I quickly thanked her, giving her a hug and telling her that Marcus was probably wondering where I was, then ran back inside.

I never stopped running, even when I nearly lost my footing, not until I reached the boiler room. I stood outside that door, hand pressed against my chest as I fought to recover my breathing. I pushed the blanket back and opened the door, moving down the hallway at a steady pace. The closer I got to his room, to him, the more reposed I felt.

As soon as I stepped over the threshold between his room and the long hallway, his eyes immediately sought out mine, and his rigid body eased against the cement wall.

"I'm sorry I took so long," I said as I approached him. I quickly sat down beside him. "There was something I had to take care of before I could come back."

His head cocked to the side, curiosity within his eyes.

"Remember how I said I wasn't going to leave you?" He nodded. "I meant that; that I wouldn't leave tonight. But to be able to stay, I had to take care of some things so I could."

"Like what?" he asked.

"Well," I began. "I had to call Alice, my best friend, and ask for her help. Once she agreed, I called my dad."

"What did you ask her?"

I'd never seen him this curious before. "It's not something I like doing, but I asked her to sort of cover for me so I could stay here. See, my dad thinks I'm spending the night at her house, and if she's asked, she's going to say I am when I'm not."

He shook his head, whispering, "I feel better… when you're here, but you shouldn't lie for me, Bella. Not me."

"I wanted to," I assured him, reaching for his hand. "For you, I wanted to. "

His hand gripped mine, and the warmth coursed through my fingertips, working its way up my arm and through the rest of my body. He exhaled a shivering breath as he gazed down to where our fingers connected. "Meu anjo," he murmured softly.

"What does that mean?" I asked, grinning. I recognized the words, he'd said them once before. And just like last time, the way he spoke them, how they rolled off his tongue as if he were always meant to say them, left me curious and content simultaneously.

The left side of his mouth pulled up into a small smile, but he never answered my question. We just sat there in the dimly illuminated quiet, hand in hand.

After we'd sat for some time, unmoving, his stomach began to rumble. He actually chuckled in embarrassment, but it was the sweetest sound I'd ever heard.

"I'd say that means it's dinnertime," I laughed. "Does pizza sound alright?"

He nodded.

"Okay, be right back." I braced my hands against the floor, pushing myself up.

"Where are you-" he paused, glancing between me and my tote bag.

"Oh," I smiled. "It's not in there. I need to see if Marcus will go pick some up."

His body stiffened while his eyes lowered to his lap at the mention of Marcus's name.

"It's alright, he won't come in here. " It upset me to know he feared Marcus, because Marcus was the last person that would attempt to harm him, other than myself. And even if Edward wouldn't give him the opportunity to show that right now, I had to hope that someday he would, he'd be strong enough to try. But until that time, I was going to be the voice for Marcus. "But, Edward, he'd never hurt you. He's a good man, and he cares about you. I know that's hard to believe, but he does."

He shook his head, his bottom lip trembling. His eyes met mine again, and the guilt within them tainted the perfect green. "I'm sorry, I-"

"It's okay, I understand." I said the words because I did.

"I don't want… to feel like this, Bella." His voice faltered, words coming out choppy as he forced himself to speak through his emotions. "I look at you, and I don't see… but when I saw him…" He shook his head, shoulders bowing forward in defeat.

"He's a man, and a man hurt you." It wasn't a question, it was a statement.

He nodded.

"But Marcus isn't Aro, Edward."

He flinched when I spoke Aro's name, reacting almost as if someone had slapped him.

"I'm sorry," I uttered soothingly. "We don't have to talk about this right now, okay? You're hungry, I'm hungry, and I don't know about you, but I'd really love to have me some delicious pizza right about now."

I licked my lips and rubbed my belly, making silly faces as I did so in hopes to lighten the air around us. It seemed to work because he laughed.

"I'll be right back," I told him before heading out to find Marcus.

As soon as I stepped into the boiler room, I saw him gathering up his belongings. "Hey, Marcus, are you leaving?"

"Not yet, I was just making sure everything was ready when I did. I try to stay as long as I can. You know…" His eyes shifted toward the door as he nodded his head. "…in case the boy needs anything. He never asks, but I stay anyway."

My heart ached for him. He wanted Edward to reach out to him so badly. "It's not you, Marcus, the reason he doesn't talk to you. It's nothing you did." His eyes met mine. "He just needs time to be able to distinguish between males in general from the one that hurt him. He feels bad about, you know, not talking to you. He just needs time."

"You don't have to explain, Bella." I caught the moisture coating his eyes before he turned his head. "I saw how traumatized he was when I found him. His fear of me is understandable, even if it is misplaced. I won't add to his trauma, I won't force him to know me, but I_ need_ to be here. Do you understand what I'm saying?"

"I do."

His words unveiled the attachment and love he felt for a person he really didn't know, a person he had built the last seven years of his life around, a person he'd do anything to help without question. I understood all too well the power Edward held over him, because it was the same power Edward held over me. It wasn't anything he deliberately did it was just Edward in general. He was like a magnet that drew you in, whether you knew him five seconds or five years. It didn't matter that he was broken right now, because I had no doubt if he'd been a whole person when I first met him the effect would have still been the same.

He cleared his throat; an obvious sign of conversation change. "So, did you come out here for a reason? Was there something you needed?"

"Uh…yeah, I was just gonna see if you wouldn't mind picking up a pizza for Edward and I for dinner."

"I don't mind at all, but I figured your dad would want you home for dinner."

I chewed on the inside of my cheek. "I'm sorta not going home tonight."

He cocked an eyebrow. "Is that so?" I smiled. "And you're planning to stay here?"

"Yeah, that's the plan."

He shook his head, laughing. "I'm not even going to ask how you managed that, Bella."

"What?" I shrugged, biting back the smile.

"Nothing," he chuckled. "I'll be on my way to get that pizza now."

So while Marcus left to pick up the pizza for Edward and me, I went back into the room and informed Edward what was happening and grabbed my cell, then headed up to the second floor of the hospital to use the restroom, check to see if I had any calls and call Alice to check in.

We spoke for a little while, and thankfully, she didn't ask any questions. A few minutes after I headed back into the boiler room, Marcus showed up with the pizza. I thanked him and offered to pay for the pizza myself, but he respectively declined. I asked him if he was sure, and by the look he gave me, it was obvious his decision was non-negotiable, like my asking was somehow emasculating his ability to pay – which was certainly not the case. It wasn't that he appeared angry or anything and it certainly wasn't that I wasn't appreciative, I just felt like it was my responsibility to cover the cost. He, however, didn't see it the same way. So I dropped it, thanked him again for the pizza, said my goodbye and went back to Edward.

We ate the pizza rather quickly. I anticipated it from myself, considering I hadn't really eaten much since breakfast, but I was quite shocked at how fast Edward ate. It wasn't something I'd ever seen before now. He caught me watching him at one point, and he immediately stopped, appearing embarrassed, maybe even mortified. "You hungry?" I teased, hoping to ease him so he'd understand there was nothing to be embarrassed about.

He wiped his mouth with the back of his hand. "I'm… I didn't mean to-"

"You have nothing to apologize for," I told him. "I'm glad to see you eating so well. It helps make my eyes less sad."

"I didn't eat yet. The dream… I just couldn't eat." He stared down at the pizza, then brought his eyes back up to mine. "I didn't… disgust you?"

"You could _never_ disgust me," I assured him.

He seemed visibly sedated by my remark, and we finished eating in silence.

After I cleaned up our dinner mess, which basically meant closing up the pizza box, I opted to read to him for awhile. He seemed interested, so I grabbed the book we were now on, _Pride and Prejudice_, and sat Indian style in front of him, starting from the page we left off on. We'd only been reading the book an hour or two when I heard him sigh. I glanced up, seeing his head was leaning against the wall, and he was staring up at the ceiling, his fingers running absently along Lancelot's matted fur as he lay beside Edward. "Are you bored?" I laughed.

His head snapped forward, eyes locking with mine. "No… I was just-"

"Edward, listen to me." I placed the bookmark in the book, laying it beside me. "I want you to know that you can tell me anything and know that you won't have consequences for doing so, okay? If you want to do something else, you say so and we will. You don't have to be afraid to speak up and tell me what you want or don't want. Never ever be afraid to tell me. I want you to."

He stared at me for a long while, finally saying, "I don't… I don't want to read anymore."

"Then we won't." His lip twitched, possibly out of nervous or maybe it was because he seemed like he wanted to say something. "Is there something you _want _to do?"

He shrugged. "I don't know."

I pulled one of my legs up to my chest, leaning my chin against the knee as I flitted through random ideas to entertain him with. I wasn't equipped with much, I knew that, so there was only so much I could offer. And as I sat there thinking, I had an epiphany or whatever you wanna call it.

He spent almost every second of his day in this small, nearly darkened room. There was barely any light, but it was artificial light. A flower needs the sun to grow, to keep it healthy, and I always assumed people were much the same. And I wondered if maybe the lack of sun kept him wilted. Obviously, it was going to be impossible to get him to go outside at this point, though that was a goal I certainly strived for, I could at least get him out of this room for awhile so he could breathe in some fresher air.

I mean, we'd made it up to the second floor so he could use the restroom - the restrooms on that floor were much cleaner, so it wasn't as if we'd never left this room together. The problem was, that little trek was less than what I was about to suggest.

"Edward," I began softly. "I have an idea, something we could do to pass the time."

His fingers were no longer skimming over Lancelot; they were now gripping against him as the obvious tension surged through his frame. "Okay."

"It's okay. You don't have to be nervous. I just thought maybe we could go for a little walk."

"Bella, I don't really-"

"Do you remember how you told me that you didn't want sad eyes? That you didn't want to be like you were?" He nodded hesitantly. "I really think being in this room so much is inhibiting you from changing. Don't mistake that as me saying there is something wrong with you, because there's not, but I want so much more for you than this little room. It's nearly dark in here, and you deserve to be in the light. You deserve to be in the sun.

"I'm not saying we're going outside, but I'd eventually like to try that when you're more ready. All I'm asking for right now is to go for a little walk around the hospital. It's nothing we haven't done already. The only difference will be that we walk just a little farther. If it becomes too much for you, tell me and we'll turn around. It'll be just me and you. We can go up to the second floor where the restroom is and walk that floor. You know the floor, you know the way there. We'll just continue past the restroom, but it's still the same, familiar floor. Would you be willing to at least try?"

I had no idea if what I was saying was helping, if what I was saying was right in regard to him, but I was attempting to do what I felt was right. I hated seeing him locked up in this small room, ensconced by a dim environment.

I sat and watched him, gauging his reaction to my request. He didn't say a word for a long while, just gazed around the room, his facial expression transition with each new emotion. I'd nearly given up on the idea when he finally said, "Alright… I'll go."

I couldn't help the smile that spread across my face. He saw this, saw that his willingness was the reason behind my smile, and he smiled in return. Deep down I knew he was doing this more for me, and though that saddened me because I wanted him to want this for himself, he was still going and I could work with that.

"Okay, well, I'm gonna take my bag with. I have my pajamas in there so while we're up there, I can change before we come back down." I stood up, grabbing the paper bag. "Is there anything you need to take with you?"

He shook his head.

"You know, I think it's time we get you some different clothes too. Kind of like a celebratory step towards getting rid of the sad eyes. Would that be alright?" I asked.

"Umm… yeah?" It came out more a question than statement.

"I'll tell you what, I'll go make sure Marcus has left first. I know he has other clothes around here for you so I'll find them, and then I'll be right back." He never responded as I made my way out of the room.

Marcus was, in fact, already gone when I entered the boiler room. He'd mentioned bringing the box of clothes for Edward this past Friday, and I decided the only place to look for the clothing would be around the bench. There was a box shoved on the lower shelf, so I pulled it out, finding clothes inside. I briefly skimmed it, pulling out a t-shirt and pajama pants. I decided to bring the entire box back with me, so he could change in the morning if he wanted to.

When I made my way back, I set the box down and handed him the outfit I held in my hands. "Here's a t-shirt and pajamas. There's other clothing inside that box over there. I just figured since it's nearly bedtime you'd want something comfortable to sleep in."

"Thank you."

"You're welcome. You ready to go?"

He glanced down at Lancelot, then looked back up to me, nodding as he stood. I no longer had to coach him down the hall or up to the second floor. He'd grown accustomed to me being with him, but it was still a slow go in getting to that second floor. His body still trembled when leaving the security of his room, but it wasn't paralyzing anymore.

I led the way through the boiler room, up the stairs, through the closet that led to the basement floor, but walked alongside him as we approached the stairs that led upward to the other floors. Each floor now had operating light sockets that lit the entire length of the halls instead of the scarce patches of less than acceptable lighting that had been there prior. Marcus made it an extra point to do so when I told him about the restroom incident and how I nearly fell over my own feet because the lighting sucked and our flashlight quit working midway.

I never pushed Edward, never forced him to pick up pace. I talked to him, keeping him distracted as we walked. His fingers wrapped tightly around the clothes within his grasp, as if they were a life raft, but he continued moving.

When we reached the bathroom, he stopped so I stopped with him. "Edward, are you alright to continue?"

His breathing increased, becoming staccato. "I just… need a second."

I opened my mouth, ready to tell him that we really didn't have to go any further when he reached for my hand, entwining his fingers with mine. "Can I… can I just hold your hand, Bella?"

I squeezed his hand in response and took a step forward, and he followed my lead, like the feel of my hand in his invigorated the strength within him to keep going. I started off with smaller steps until I was comfortable enough to know that he wouldn't freak out. I was so unbelievably proud of him, and my heart felt like it was going to burst out of my chest with the feeling.

"You're doing so well, Edward." I squeezed his hand, smiling at him when he looked at me.

We moved down the hall, and I kept talking, describing all the changes Marcus had made to keep him distracted and comfortable. He actually seemed curious, his eyes darting around as he took everything in. But he never once let go of my hand, never once eased the tight grip he had on me.

"Does he always fix things?" he asked at one point. It was then I noticed our stepping had also slowed.

I smirked. "Well, Marcus likes to think he does. It's funny watching him sometimes. I walked in on him one day fighting with a garbage bag, and truthfully, I think the garbage bag won."

His brow furrowed, his eyes blinking perpetually as he no doubt tried to understand the logistics of Marcus and a garbage bag fighting.

"It was a joke," I laughed. "He didn't actually fight with the garbage bag. It kept closing on him while he filled it with stuff that's been littering the floor."

"Oh," he said, following his words with a chuckle. I couldn't help but laugh at his reaction. We continued a bit further, looking inside the empty rooms that lined the hall, when he said he was getting tired.

We immediately turned around and stopped at the restrooms, completely readying ourselves for bed before me made our way back down to the room. I, of course, cursed Alice for the pajamas she sent me, which consisted of a thin strappy tank shirt and silk pajama pants, but it was all I had. The idea of sleeping in my jeans was not an appealing one. Needless to say, had I entertained the idea of removing the bra, it was certainly not a possibility now. She'd stuffed a sweatshirt inside, so I threw that on to conceal some of my exposed skin. I realized I was probably going to sweat at some point, but I'd deal.

And when I walked out of the women's restroom, seeing Edward standing there in the t-shirt and flannel pajama pants, his hair in complete disarray, my heart leapt in my chest. It was so strange seeing him in different clothing, but even stranger that I thought he looked good in them. Like, really good. The shirt molded to his frame, showing that his muscles actually did appear to have some definition underneath. I was surprised by that, but I figured eating better was part of it. I bit my lip, scolding myself for being a perv, because clearly I was in thinking he looked good, and immediately shifted my gaze downward toward my feet.

When we stepped back inside his room, though it was quite obvious Edward was tired, he seemed lighter somehow.

He immediately headed toward his wall, sitting down beside Lancelot. I thought he was going to just sit there, but when he laid his body down, placing his head on Lancelot's body, I glanced between him and the thin mattress toward the other side of the room. The same mattress that I had once lay on while unconscious from a head wound.

"Edward?" I asked as I placed my bag beside the wall near the door. "How come you never sleep on the mattress? That's what it's there for."

He sat up, gazing at the mattress then at me. "I never had a bed before. I wasn't allowed to. He said I didn't deserve one… so the floor is all I know."

"You've never slept in a bed?"

He shook his head.

"Never even tried to sleep on this one or anything?"

"No."

"Well, tonight you are." I strode toward him, jutting my hand out to him. "Come on, Edward. You're more than deserving of that bed, and anyone that tells you different is full of themselves."

"But I've never-"

"Is that floor honestly comfortable?"

"No."

"Then let's get you in that comfortable bed, shall we?" He finally reached for my hand, though cautiously, and I pulled, helping him up. "Grab Lancelot, he's not sleeping on the floor either."

He bent over and grabbed Lancelot, then I pulled him toward the mattress. I could feel the hesitation in his movement, but I was not going to let him sleep on that floor any longer.

He stood there, eyeing the mattress. "Go on," I told him. "No one is going to stop you, and even if they tried, they'd answer to me."

He slowly maneuvered down on the mattress, but stayed upright. I watched his hands as he pressed into the material, feeling it beneath him. "How does that feel?"

"It's… it's nice."

I chuckled. "It is, isn't it? It's much better when you lay on it, though."

He glanced at me, then down toward the mattress. He kinda bounced for a second, then slid downward, laying his body flat on the mattress. It was almost like watching a kid experience his first time in a candy store.

He turned his head to the right, just enough so he could see my face, and beamed a smile up at me. I mean, it literally beamed. And me, well, I was an instant puddle of goo at that point.

"Look at you," I said proudly. "I think that bed suits you."

I sat down on the floor beside him, and his smile instantly became a frown. "Bella, you don't have a bed."

"It's okay. I'm not real tired right now, anyway."

"No." He shook his head, sitting up. "I can't just let you-"

"Here, how's this?" I pressed my hands against the mattress, hoisting myself up to a sitting position on it. "How about I just sit here, okay?"

That seemed to appease him. "Okay."

"You can lay back down now."

He slowly eased himself back down on the mattress, keeping his eyes on mine. And there we stayed, him laying on the mattress and me sitting, just staring at each other. I didn't really know why we never spoke, why we only held eye contact, but we both seemed content with the silence.

Finally, his eyes grew heavy and the yawns became more persistent. He tried to stave the sleep his body desperately craved, but he finally caved and his eyes didn't open again. His breathing evened out, his body relaxing as he settled deeper into sleep.

And as I suspected, I grew increasingly hot with the sweatshirt on. Seriously, you'd think being below ground you'd be cooler, but that did not seem to be the case tonight. I was hot, I was tired and I just didn't have the patience to keep the sweatshirt on. So I pulled it over my head, setting it beside the mattress. I mean, I rationalized that it wasn't as if I were naked or anything. I was fully clothed.

Removing the sweatshirt had alleviated the heat, but it did not alleviate the tire settling in my bones. I fought hard to stay awake, to keep my head up, but I caught myself dozing off when my head jerked forward. So I did something I probably shouldn't, telling myself I was just going to rest for a little while. I covered Edward with the blanket and lay down beside him and Lancelot. I watched him as my eyes strained to stay open, the sounds of his breathing lulling me further toward sleep. And the warmth of his breath whispering across my face deepened the calm I was feeling. The last thing I remembered before giving into sleep was lifting my right hand and brushing the damp hair off his forehead.

"_Edward, don't go… please don't go." I was reaching for him as the blackness moved toward him, ready to claim him and take him away from me._

"_I can't stay, Bella, he won't let me."_

"_Please, don't leave me. I just found you."_

"_I don't want to go_," _he murmured, holding his hand out toward mine. "But he found me, and he won't let me stay."_

_I tried to move, to go toward him as the blackness grew thicker, carrying a pungent smell of bile and evil with it, but I couldn't move. I was deadlocked where I stood. Everything wrong in the world propagated inside that blackness, and it ached to consume anything with light. I screamed until my throat burned, begging for it to take me instead of him. But it didn't want me. The tears felt acidic as they burned down my cheeks while I watched it engulf him, taking away his light, taking him from me. And the fear upon his face shredded my soul, leaving a permanent hole inside me that couldn't be filled by anyone but him. _

_I felt so cold, so empty, as my screams continued, but they were fruitless to bring Edward back to me. The cold actually became so entirely painful, I wished for death just to be rid of the feeling. But suddenly, intoxicating warmth spread through me, wrapping around me, carrying hope and life. The pain stopped, the cold stopped. There was nothing but calm and comfortable sleep. _

My eyelids flickered as they attempted to open. They felt heavy and weighted down against my rather sore eyes. I lifted my hand, rubbing at my eyes, hoping the action would allow me to actually open them. It wasn't until I felt my palm pushing against my eyes that my body not only registered the warmth of another body next to it, but the feel of something draped over my waist. It took me a moment to remember I wasn't in my bed and recollect where I actually was.

I immediately opened my eyes and glanced toward my waist, noticing an arm lying across it. My eyes traveled up the arm and over the body it was attached to, stopping at the face. Of course, it was Edward and I noticed he wasn't looking at my face, but he _was_ looking at me. I wasn't really sure what the expression was upon his face, but if I had to guess, I'd say curiosity. Instinct told me to look at what had him so enthralled by me, and when I glanced down to where he was looking, I noticed my bra strap had slid off my shoulder and was resting against my upper arm, but the tank shirt was also hanging low in the front, showing a bit of cleavage. My face instantly heated with embarrassment, and I gasped unintentionally. The moment the sound left my lips, Edward's eyes snapped upward, locking on mine.

I realized swiftly that my assumption of curiosity was correct, but the expression morphed from curiosity to terror in a matter of three point two seconds, and his body immediately stiffened beside me. This was not good.

I bet you're all wondering what he was thinking while looking at Bella's chest, now aren't you? ;-)


	15. Chapter 15: A Piece of Beautiful

Lots of love to my wifey, Sophy, and again major props to my biggest TUS pimps, Bbebar and tg10781. Also, major thanks to kstewfangirl for helping me hash out "the scene". There are many who support and rec TUS, and I hope you know how much you mean to me. Also, to my readers and reviewers, I may not have a chance to answer every review, but I hope you know how important your words and encouragement are to me. You seriously complete me. I'm now going to hide while you read this. *bites nails*

I do not own anything Twilight. It all belongs to SM. No copyright infringement is intended. However, characterizations, plot lines, backgrounds and details of this story are mine. No copying or reproduction without my permission.

* * *

**Shattered**

_But i know _

_All i know _

_Is that the ends beginning _

_Who I am from the start _

_Take me home to my heart _

_Let me go _

_And I will run _

_I will not be silenced _

_All this time spent in vain _

_Wasted years _

_Wasted gain _

_All is lost _

_Hope remains _

_And this war's not over _

_Theres a light _

_Theres the sun _

_Taking all the shattered ones _

_To the place we belong _

_And his love will conquer_

**Chapter 15: A Piece of Beautiful**

Edward's arm twitched against my hip, then he pulled it abruptly away as he nearly flung himself upright, scooting backward, eyes darting around the room, no doubt contemplating running. If he moved any further from me, he'd fall right off the mattress onto the floor. His knees were immediately pressed against his chest, arms wrapped around them, and his cheeks were as flushed as mine. "I…I'm…I didn't-" He was stammering his words and as he did so, he never looked at me. In fact, he looked everywhere _but _at me. Every word carried an intonation of regret and fear, and I felt sickened that he felt that way. But more importantly, I worried what feeling that way would do to him, if it would affect what we'd gained.

Here I was reacting to the fact that my chest was practically hanging out, but I never took into consideration how my reaction would affect him. It was obvious I'd not only startled him, but made him fearful too. I hadn't meant to do either one, I'd just never had a guy openly stare at my chest that way. I'm Bella Swan, after all; hopelessly clumsy and hopelessly plain.

I mean, I knew his thoughts weren't the same as other guys, but his face still showed curiosity, almost to the point of fascination. And that, the look in his eyes, the way his eyes studied me, heated my skin from head to toe, making me gasp more from that then embarrassment. I could blame my actions solely on the embarrassment but I_ knew_ better.

Him staring at me, though I'm sure on his part was innocent, affected me and I had no idea what to do with that knowledge. But right now, what I felt didn't matter because he was sitting there afraid and fixing _that_, that's what mattered.

"Edward," I began in a soft, nonthreatening tone. I had no actual idea what I was doing here, what to say, but I had to make an attempt. "Please don't be upset. Please don't pull away from me. I was half asleep. I just… I was startled and-"

"It's okay," I told him. "Really. Edward, I'm not angry. There's no reason to be angry, okay? You didn't do anything wrong."

"I just… wanted to know," he whispered. His eyes finally met mine, glistening with unshed tears, but his bodily relaxed minutely.

"Know what?" I asked. My heart was aching painfully in my chest for him. He really seemed to think what he'd done was no short of depravity.

"About the softness." He lowered his head, eyes focusing on his lap in shame. The more he revealed, the lower his voice became. "He told me about it…. the softness a girl has. He said it was beautiful. He said… he said I'd never know it - I wasn't worthy. I didn't understand what he was saying, but I just wanted to know if I could _see_ it… what he meant because I won't… ever know it."

"He lied, Edward. You aren't unworthy. You could never be unworthy. It's just… I don't know that you can actually _see _softness like that." I shrugged. "Or maybe you can when two people love-"

"Love?" He interrupted, brow furrowing in question. "I don't know if…" He shook his head, eyes lowering toward his lap again. "I've never had _love_."

I should be used to the feeling, considering my heart was an unending ache for him and all the things he didn't have but should, yet it still hurt with each new devastating thing I learned about him. "I'm sorry, Edward, because _everyone_ should know love. It can be beautiful." I wasn't exactly experienced on love, other than the love for family and friends. And what I felt for Edward, I had no clue how to label that. "It makes you feel strong, important, needed, wanted. Loving someone can be your greatest strength and your greatest weakness. You can feel a whole person because of it. The feeling you have when you love someone and know they love you back, it heats every part of you in a good way. You feel so warm inside."

His eyes met mine again, a sort of understanding twinkled within them. "I... I feel warm with you."

My face immediately heated as his words melted over me. I knew what he implied, but for some reason unknown to me, I felt disappointed it hadn't meant something else. And because of that, I barely heard his question.

"Do you?" he asked.

I blinked a few times before clearing my throat. "Do I what?"

"Do you know love?" He seemed almost afraid to ask.

"I do," I answered.

His eyes lit up, and his lips turned upward, but he didn't respond further with a statement or question. I never went into detail either, but he didn't seem to mind. I couldn't help but wonder what he was thinking as he smiled.

I finally broke the silence between us. "I should…. probably run home and change, but I'll be right back, okay?"

I could see the change in his posture, see that the mention of my leaving wasn't what he wanted, but he nodded in understanding.

I grabbed the sweatshirt off the floor, pulling it over my head. I reached for his hand, and he let me take it within mine. I squeezed gently, smiling at him. "I'll be right back, and I'll bring you a present."

His eyes widened, like what I'd said was the most shocking thing he'd ever heard. "You're gonna bring me a present?"

"I am."

His eyes lit up. "I've never had one."

"Now you will."

And then he smiled. It wasn't the half smile I was used to, the one that only turned up one side of his mouth partially. No, this smile was a full on glorious smile that reached his illuminated eyes, showing near flawless teeth it was so wide – Yep, he definitely brushed.

I completely melted at the sight of him. Seeing him this happy and knowing I was the reason for the smile, I wanted to be the reason that smile beamed upon his face all the time, to give him the hope that was so clearly brightening those green orbs. It warmed me to my soul seeing him this way.

After grabbing my belongings and promising to be right back, I made my way to the boiler room. I noticed Marcus wasn't around, but there was something sitting on his bench that appeared to be an iPod. I was curious so I approached the bench, seeing that it was in fact a blue iPod and there was a note addressed to me beneath it.

_Bella,_

_You mentioned the boy liking your iPod, and I figured he'd do good to have one of his own. Give it to him for me and let him know it's from you and me. I figured I'd leave the adding music to you. You'd have a better idea of what he likes than I do. I'm sorry I didn't stick around to greet you this morning, but I woke up feeling pretty run over. I assume it's the flu, so I'm gonna stay home and rest while you're with him. I know he's alright with you there. Besides, I figured you two could do with some time alone, maybe get him to go on a walk during the day if you think it's safe enough. He might like it. You have my number if you need anything. I'm just a phone call away and I'll be there, sick or not. I know you generally leave around seven, so I'll be there before then so he's not alone. _

_See you tonight,_

_Marcus_

I couldn't help but worry about Marcus being sick, but I assumed if it were something more than flu, he'd tell me. At least I hoped he would. I'd be sure to bring him soup for tonight just in case he didn't eat. I smiled down at the iPod as I gripped my fingers around it, knowing Edward would love it.

As soon as I made it outside, I checked my cell, finding a text from Alice, telling me to answer my phone. There was also three voicemails; one was from Charlie, calling to let me know he was at work and he'd see me tomorrow since he knew I'd be at Alice's tonight because of her Open House, the other two from Alice, making sure everything was alright and reminding me about the Open House – which was tentatively set for those under fifty to begin at seven. If I hadn't been reminded, I would have forgotten. I text her, telling her everything was fine and I'd be there later.

Once I got home, the plan was to take a shower while syncing music to Edward's iPod. I connected the iPod to the USB port of my laptop and opened my iTunes program. I initiated the sync then went to my closet to grab some clothing for today and what I'd need for Alice's, placing what went with me in my tote bag.

I entered the bathroom, stripping myself of the pajamas Alice lent me and pulled back the shower curtain, seeing fresh drops of water zigzag down the material. I turned the handles and dipped my fingers underneath, checking the temperature. I waited and waited for the water to warm up but the lukewarm turned to ice cold. Obviously Emmett had just recently showered, which meant he'd been running late for Football camp.

I sighed, aggravated that I wasn't going to get a shower this morning before putting on clean clothes, but I wasn't willing to wait around for it to warm up while knowing Edward was alone. I put the clothes on, pulled my hair up into a messy ponytail, then headed back into my room.

I reached underneath the bed, pulling out the large hidden container of homemade peanut butter chocolate chip cookies I'd baked for Edward – I knew Emmett would eat them if he knew I'd made them. I threw on my shoes, detached the iPod from the USB port and placed it in a side pocket of my tote bag.

It took me an additional fifteen minutes to prepare Marcus's soup, along with my and Edward's lunch and dinner - lunch consisted of tuna salad sandwiches, chips and thermoses of juice while dinner was the same soup I gave Marcus. I threw everything into my tote bag and hurried to my truck.

When I made it back to Edward's room, he was no longer in his pajamas, but was now wearing one of the outfits that had been inside the box of clothing Marcus brought for him. He wasn't on the bed anymore either. He was seated on the floor with his back and head pressed against the wall, eyes closed. His knees were pulled up, but not quite at his chest, and hands were clenched into fists, resting above his knees. As soon as he heard me, his head lifted and his eyes opened up to gaze at me.

"They seem to fit," I said, pointing toward the clothing. He had a black t-shirt on and a pair of jeans, but no socks or shoes. I set my tote bag down and sat beside him. His posture relaxed the moment I sat down.

"They do."

"Well, I like them."

His eyes met mine and he smiled. "Me too."

As much as I found myself wanting to look at him, needing to, it almost seemed too personal the way our eyes connected, like there was a silent conversation between them that I wasn't privy to, so I had to look away.

"Your hair is up," he whispered.

I lifted my hand, pulling at my ponytail. I felt embarrassed by the fact that I hadn't showered before coming back, that he was seeing me this way. It bothered me more than it should have. At least I put on deodorant before I came to halt any body odor. "Yeah, my brother Emmett used up all the hot water, so I wasn't able to take a shower before I came back, and it was either messy hair or ponytail. I opted for the ponytail. Sorry."

Why did I just apologize?

His eyes averted upward, scanning my hair, and then he chuckled. "I like the ponytail… Bella."

As much as I knew it was a simple observation, that he was being kind because I'd commented on his new clothes so he reciprocated, I couldn't stop the flush that crept across me cheeks or the sensation within the pit of my stomach.

Jesus, I needed to get a grip.

"So… uh…" I looked down at my tote bag, sticking my hand inside to grab the container of cookies. "I promised I'd bring you a present when I came back."

I focused back on him, gauging his reaction. He leaned forward, eyes moving toward my bag. He was definitely anxious to see what I brought him. I laughed as I pulled out the container of cookies and handed it to him.

He stared at the container, then glanced back at me. "What is it?"

"Open it up and look inside."

He looked at me a beat longer, then gazed back down at the container before pulling off the lid.

"They're homemade peanut butter chocolate chip cookies. I made them for you."

"You made all these?" he asked, surprised. "For me?"

I nodded. "Yes. They're all for you." He stayed silent and his gaze never left the cookies. I was afraid he didn't like them. "I know it's not much, and if you don't like them I can make-"

He shook his head furiously. "No, Bella… I like them. I didn't mean-"

"It's okay," I assured him. "I know you didn't. I was just worried you really didn't like that kind."

"I do. I like that kind." He said the words, but I was positive it was for my benefit, and that he'd never really tasted that particular cookie.

"Go ahead and try one."

He carefully reached inside the container, snatching one of the cookies. He lifted it toward his mouth, glancing at me before he bit into it. He chewed for a moment before closing his eyes and sighing loudly.

I giggled. "Good?"

He nodded, causing crumbs that had accumulated on his lips to drop into his lap. I was ashamed that I had in fact noticed this.

I quickly looked away. "I have something else for you too."

"You do?"

"Yeah."

His head lowered, shoulders falling forward in defeat. I didn't like that, not at all.

"Edward, what's wrong?"

Did I offend him somehow?

His voice was just above a whisper, cracking with deep-rooted emotion. "I don't… I have nothing to give you, Bella."

"Hey." I grabbed his hand and squeezed. He reciprocated the action, but there wasn't much pressure from his shaky hands. "Edward, I don't give you these things because I expect you to give me something back. I do this because I want to, because it makes me happy to see _you_ happy. And though you think you don't give me anything in return, you do. Seeing you smile, that's the best present I could hope for. Please don't be sad or upset about this."

He squeezed my hand again, and I took that to mean he was accepting what I'd said to him, even if it was merely to appease me.

I reached into the side pocket of my tote bag and grabbed the iPod. "So, as I was saying, you have another present, but I can't really take credit for this. Marcus, well, he bought it because I mentioned leaving mine for you so he wanted you to have your own. I took it home and added my entire library to it, so you'd have a large selection to listen to."

I realized I hadn't showed him or stated what I was talking about, so the curiosity overriding his features made perfect sense.

I completely pulled the iPod out of the pocket with my free hand and placed it in the palm of his. His entire body became rigid next to mine when he realized what I'd put in his hand.

"Edward?" I questioned.

Was it too much? I mean, he wasn't used to getting gifts. Did I push too hard?

"I'm sorry. I thought you'd like-"

His hand wrapped tightly around the iPod and he pulled it up to his chest, pressing it against his heart. He turned his head, giving me full view of his face.

And that was the first time that I'd seen and not just heard Edward cry. But this time, it was happy tears.

After lunch, I read to Edward for awhile. He wasn't too focused on what I was saying, basically because his attention was centered on the iPod buried in his grasp.

I was in the middle of reading a line when he suddenly glanced up, interrupting what I was saying. "Will you tell him… for me?

I placed the book face down in my lap and smiled at him, knowing exactly what he was asking of me. "I will."

"Thank you," he murmured while glancing back down at his iPod.

I placed the bookmark inside the book, knowing our reading time was over. "You know what? I think we'll stop reading for now, maybe listen to some music for awhile. We could even go for a walk."

His head snapped up, eyes widening as he stumbled out words. "I… I can't do-"

It was then I realized I had forgotten to tell him Marcus wasn't even around. "It's okay… it's fine. Marcus isn't here. He won't be here until tonight. It's just me and you." I angled myself so that I was facing him. "I know you're afraid, but I swear to you that Marcus won't ever hurt you. He's not Aro. Not all men are like Aro.

"I know that's hard to understand, but there are good men, loving men, out there. My dad is one of them. " I hated seeing that void in his eyes, the lack of connection toward what I was saying. He wouldn't understand, because he'd never had the love of a parent or anyone for that matter. Well, not until…

I purposely interrupted that thought and began speaking again. "He's good to me and he loves me. He takes care of me, and when I'm hurt or upset he does whatever he can to make it better for me. Marcus wants to do that for you, just like my dad does for me."

"You do that for me… Bella." I swallowed loudly, feeling the emotional lump move with the force as I bit back the tears that fought to spill from my eyes.

"But it's not the same." I chewed my lip, knowing I was losing the battle to hold myself together. "He's been here with you every day for seven years, and if he wanted to hurt you he could have done that a long time ago. But he never did because he cares. He cares about _you_."

"He shouldn't."

That one comment was enough to break the dam, allowing the tears to seep forward. "Why? Why shouldn't he?"

"Because I don't deserve it," he whispered.

"Because Aro said so?" I choked out. "He was wrong, Edward. He was so wrong. And you're proving him even more wrong everyday by all that you succeed at. Look how much you've accomplished, Edward. I'm so proud of you, so very proud.

"But I want you to believe that you do deserve more. You deserve so much more. I want to show you that, Marcus wants to show you that. I'm not saying right now, but can you consider, just consider, meeting him one day?" He tensed up, so I quickly added, "And I'd be there with you when you do. I'm saying when because I'm not giving up on you or the idea of getting you out of this place to somewhere better."

He closed his eyes, exhaling sharply. "I'll… consider it."

Again, I felt guilty because he was ceding for me and not for himself. But like before, that ceding gave me a window of opportunity to work with.

I changed the subject, for him and for me, and offered up taking a walk again. It was still daylight out and probably not the best time to venture through the hospital since anyone could show up, but I figured we'd stick to the basement floor after hitting the restroom.

He accepted, though the trembling began.

I stopped him just before we entered the boiler room, lifting my head to make eye contact – he was so much taller than me. "I have an idea," I told him. "Give me your iPod."

He was hesitant, so I smiled at him, assuring him everything would be fine. It was cute how attached he'd become to it already. He placed the iPod in my hand, and the moment I felt it against my palm, I explained my idea. "Music has always been very relaxing for me, especially during times I was afraid. See, I'd listen to the music and focus on the sound and that helped distract me from my fears. So what I'm going to do is put the earbuds in your ears, and you're going to turn on the iPod and listen to the music I added for you."

I reached up slowly, keeping my eyes locked with his as I placed the earbuds in his ears. "There. Now you can turn on the music."

And he did, continually listening to it as we stopped at the restroom first, then worked our way back down to the basement and trekked the long hall.

The only conversation held between us was the one his hand made with mine as he squeezed it the further we moved through the basement, or the occasional pointing I did if I found something of interest.

He was more relaxed than I'd ever seen him during our walks through the hospital. I even caught him humming a tune under his breath. That moment, I felt like he'd shared something profound with me, a huge part of himself that no one else would ever know, even if he had no idea I was listening. And that moment, he filled my heart a little more.

After returning back to Edward's room, he started for the wall, but I reached for his hand to stop him. I pulled an earbud from his ear. "Edward, why do you sit on the floor when you have a mattress you can sit on?"

He shrugged. "I'm not used to the mattress yet."

"Come on." I pulled him toward the mattress by his hand. "We're not sitting on the floor anymore, okay? I'll talk to Marcus about getting two chairs in here, one for you and one for me. If he brings them, I'll put them in here."

"If you'll… wait until he leaves I can help."

"I think I'd like that."

I walked over and grabbed my tote bag and juice thermos while Edward got comfortable on the mattress next to Lancelot. I sat down, then placed my bag in my lap, sifting through it to find my iPod. When I found it, I dropped the bag near the mattress and pivoted around to face Edward. He'd been watching me, was still watching me, so I smiled at him as I put my earbuds in my ears. I turned it on, then laid back against the mattress, closing my eyes and placing my hands behind my head as the voice of Jason Wade filtered through the tiny speakers.

Sometime later, I felt shuffling above the mattress and body heat. I opened my eyes, turning my head a fraction to the left to see Edward was mirroring my actions.

I laughed, knowing he wouldn't hear me, then returned back to my original position, glancing at the ceiling a few seconds before closing my eyes.

I think I may have dozed off at some point, but jolted awake. I immediately turned my head, noticing Edward was asleep beside me, earbuds still in place.

My mouth was dry so I blindly reached for my thermos, lifting my head partially to take a sip when I found it and removed the lid. Unfortunately, I managed to spill the juice because I'd been too comfortable to move too far from the warmth Edward's body provided. I felt the liquid running down my neck, and my shirt was now drenched in the front.

I sat up, silently cursing myself for being a clumsy idiot.

I could leave the clothing on and wait until I got to Alice's house, but I'd be all sticky before then, and that was something I simply wasn't okay with.

I had no idea what inspired my next thought, other than the fact that I didn't want to be sticky, but I could slip away while Edward was sleeping long enough to take a shower. I mean, if it was good enough for Edward it was good enough for me. And I could hurry and be done before he ever knew.

Again, I cursed my lack of grace and genius, but in all fairness, being that close to Edward, feeling that heightened warmth, it was something I was beginning to crave, and I found myself clinging to it when it was given.

I tried to endure the sticky dampness on my shirt and neck, but it became too much. I was already feeling dirty with not having a shower since the day before. Even though I knew it was such a bad idea, that I should not be contemplating what I knew I was going to do anyway, it made no difference. I told myself I'd hurry, and that was all the encouragement I needed.

I sat up, reaching inside my bag and grabbed the clothing I'd put inside. I took one final glance at Edward as I started for the door, making sure he was still asleep.

He was.

I hurried down the corridor, pushed through the door to the boiler room and rushed up to the basement floor. I walked the length of the hall and entered the room that led into the coed bathroom, moving through it until I was stepping inside the bathroom.

Marcus had obviously been in here cleaning up because the broken shards of floor were now gone and the room seemed cleaner.

I advanced to the last stall and was just about to enter when something shiny to the left of the stall caught my eye. I took another step forward to inspect and saw a metal stand with towels, rags, body wash, shampoo and conditioner, razor, toothbrush and toothpaste, even scissors – well, that explained Edward's non grizzly look. He'd obviously been cutting his own hair, and you could see at closer observation that the length wasn't even. And now it made sense why.

I laughed to myself, thinking how apt Marcus was. He made sure Edward had everything he'd need.

I grabbed what I'd need, placing my clean clothing where the shampoo had been on the stand, and entered the shower, closing the tiny strip of a curtain behind me – it was pointless to do, considering nothing I had was concealed by the torn fabric . I stood there stagnant, warring whether I should do this or not. I finally chastised myself, pointing out the longer I took arguing with myself, the longer it would be before I was back with Edward.

I removed my clothing, setting them in a heap outside the stall, and turned the faucet handles, adjusting the temp to my liking. I stepped into the spray, feeling the hot water pelting against my flesh. This place surprisingly had nice water pressure, and it didn't stink like rotten eggs.

_God, this shower felt good._

I grabbed the rag, suddsing it up with body wash, and washed my entire body, saving my face for last. I scrunched my eyes shut as I rinsed the soap from my face, wiping my hands over my eyes to remove the water so I could open them to see.

I bent over, grabbing the shampoo. Once I was satisfied that my hair was cleansed enough, I rinsed out the shampoo and repeated the same action with the conditioner.

I stood under the shower head, mind drifting off because I'd become so relaxed in the enclosed heated space.

I envisioned what Edward might be like a month from now. Would he be more open? Would he have already tried to speak with Marcus? Would he move freely through the hospital? Would he still be in the hospital? Would he let me take him outside to show him the sun, the moon and stars? I believed he'd like them once he saw them.

And then I envisioned what I'd like to see. Edward sitting on a bed that was no longer resting on a dirty ground, but inside a home. A real home. Edward smiling openly because it felt natural to do, and not because he had to be encouraged to do so. Edward having consistent normalcy and care in his everyday life. I guess I figured in these visions he'd be living with Marcus. It made sense to envision that outcome.

All these questions and scenarios compiling themselves within my brain, it was normal, what I'd done daily since Edward came into my life. I could distinguish between him and myself, I certainly hadn't lost who I was, but I had changed because of him. I liked to think it was into something better. I think he made me better.

I allowed myself an additional five minutes, maybe ten, to enjoy the feel of the water heating my skin. I reluctantly turned the handles, effectively ending my shower. I gripped the towel off the hook that was embedded in the tiling beside the shower head - it really was a stupid place to put one – and wiped my face, then worked the towel over my body before wrapping it around me.

I was mid-wrap around my body when I heard an audible gasp behind me. I pulled the towel completely closed, then spun around, coming face to face with Edward.

His hands fisted at his side, his eyes wide, mouth parted as he stared at me. I had no doubt he'd seen more of me than I was comfortable with. And at that thought, the color drained from my face.

Why was he here?

How did he know I'd be in here?

Why the hell did I come down here and take a stupid shower to begin with?

I was asking these questions, but was unable to voice them aloud. Why couldn't I speak? I knew it was probably due to the way he was looking at me. And why was he looking at me like that, like he didn't recognize me or was trying to understand something?

I struggled with the part of my brain that controlled my mouth and went to say his name to break the silence and his stare, hoping that what he'd seen hadn't scarred him somehow because I'd managed to not only flash him cleavage, but the back of my naked body… all in one day. My mouth formed the first syllable of his name, yet the sound caught in my throat, falling into the bottomless pit of unspoken words as his hands loosened at his sides, and he began approaching me slowly.

I tried looking downward, to make sure the towel was covering my most intimate parts, but I couldn't control my body. He stopped right in front of me, his eyes still holding mine, face now softened. I tried to understand what I was seeing within them. It wasn't lust or want; that much I could see. But there _was_ something there.

He broke eye contact, his gaze traveling over my face, then moving lower. Normally I'd be self-conscious and put off by a guy openly gaping at me, but somehow, even though he was blatantly looking at me, it didn't feel sexual at all. I knew it wasn't about that. I could tell by the way he stared at me.

"Tão brilhante," he whispered.

What was he saying and in what language?

"So much light." He was now speaking in English.

His eyes continued to roam my body, a far off look upon his face. I was afraid to say anything, knowing if I did he'd probably shrink away, and I wasn't sure I wanted him to stop looking at me right now. I was being selfish, I knew that, but I still wasn't ready for it to end.

What was he doing to me?

He slowly lifted his right hand, stretching it out toward me. My heart started thudding rapidly in my chest, and the breath I was ready to exhale lodged itself within my throat.

His fingers pressed against the flesh covering my heart and he suddenly smiled - his eyes no longer held that distant look. They were once again staring into mine. There was so much emotion there, pulling me in and showing an opening into his soul – which nearly left me winded by what I saw.

He licked his bottom lip, then said, "Eu posso ver seu coração. Ele brilha para mim, Bella."

* * *

Tão brilhante = So bright

Eu posso ver seu coração. Ele brilha para mim, Bella = I can see your heart. It shines for me, Bella

Answers as to why he was there next chapter. The shower scene wasn't meant to be sexual, I hope that showed, but it is the start of a turning point.


	16. Chapter 16: Truth Unfolds

Sorry about the delay in posts, loves. I broke my tailbone, so I've been in a lot of pain and writing wasn't something I did much of. Anyway, I'm admittedly nervous about this chapter. Things sorta took a different route than I initially expected, and this is what came out. I hope it's not too disappointing. Abuse warning is in effect for this chapter.

Lots of love to my wifey, Sophy, and again major props to my biggest TUS pimp, Bbebar. There are many who support and rec TUS, and I hope you know how much you mean to me. Also, to my readers and reviewers, I may not have a chance to answer every review, but I hope you know that I read every one, and how important your words and encouragement are to me. You seriously complete me.

I do not own anything Twilight. It all belongs to SM. No copyright infringement is intended. However, characterizations, plot lines, backgrounds and details of this story are mine. No copying or reproduction without my permission.

* * *

Chapter 16:

**Angel**

_You are my angel_

_Come from way above_

_To bring me love_

_Her eyes_

_She's on the dark side_

_Neutralize_

_Every man in sight_

_To love you, love you, love you ... _

_You are my angel_

_Come from way above_

_To love you, love you, love you ..._

Edward's eyes lowered to where his fingers grazed my skin. The spark from his touch surged through my body, making even the tips of my toes tingle. Goosebumps formed across my skin, covering every inch of me.

"Meu anjo," he whispered. "Leva o mal." He gently rubbed his fingers back and forth over my heart.

I had no idea what he said to me, but the words were beautiful, and because they seemed so personal, my eyes closed from the intensity in which they impacted me. I knew whatever he'd just said was mine alone, that he'd never said the words to anyone else. They were meant for only me.

"Edward," I breathed. I didn't realize I was even speaking until the sound of his name hit the air.

His fingers stilled over my heart, and I opened my eyes, meeting his guilt ridden ones. "Bella…I… I'm sorry. I shouldn't have… but your heart, I wanted to touch it and-" He paused shaking his head, then began pulling his hand away.

If he only knew how much he'd already touched my heart.

I gripped his hand in mine, bringing it back to cover my heart with his palm. I wanted him to know it was okay, that he did nothing wrong. "You don't have to be sorry for touching me."

"It's true," he whispered as he stared at the hand placed over my heart.

"What is?"

"About the softness," he murmured. "You _can_… see it." His eyes met mine again. "I see yours because you _are_ softness. It's your heart, Bella."

I bit my lip hard to keep from shedding the tears that accumulated at the corner of my eyes. He had no idea how much what he said affected me. Affecting me was all Edward seemed to do anymore. Before I realized what I was doing, my hand lifted, reaching for him.

"Can I?" I whispered. I didn't have to finish; he seemed to know what I was asking because he simply nodded.

My fingers skirted over his shirt, stopping at his heart and feeling the rapid thud it made below the skin. His breathing increased the moment my hand palmed over his heart, just as he was doing mine. I watched my hand's movements, but glanced up at his face when I heard the heavy breath escape his mouth.

His eyes locked with mine; the intensity within them made my heart nearly burst from my chest and my own breathing elevate.

"Bella," he whispered. My skin pebbled with goosebumps, a shiver running down my body at the way he said my name.

What was happening to me?

I swallowed thickly, my voice gritty with emotion when I spoke. "You're right."

His brow furrowed as he looked at me in question.

"About the softness," I clarified. "You can see it just like you said. I see it too… inside you." I rubbed my hand in a back and forth motion over his heart. "Inside here."

"I have… softness?" he asked, eyes wide, mouth falling open. He reacted as if what I'd just said was the most shocking thing he'd ever heard.

I nodded, smiling. "More than anyone else I know."

We stood there staring at one another, neither of us saying a word for what felt like hours but was mere minutes. Something was different now. Something shifted between us, but I wasn't positive what it was yet. I only knew _we _felt different somehow, and I could see in his eyes he felt the same.

I finally broke the silence, shivering as my damp body registered it was cold. "I should…. I need to get dressed."

He blinked a few times, then eyed the stand beside the shower I was in front of where my clothing lay. "Oh… I'm sorry. I shouldn't be-"

"No, it's okay," I assured him. "Just turn around for a minute." I could have told him to leave the room, and I knew he would have, but something inside me told me not to, that he needed me close.

His brow furrowed, but he did as I asked. I stepped around the stall and grabbed my clothing off the stand. I glanced around the wall of the shower that partially shielded me the moment I dropped my towel, seeing his body shiver at the sound of the towel hitting the floor. I wasn't sure if the sound startled him, or if the cause was something else, but I quickly dressed, praying I wouldn't fall flat on my face the entire time.

"Okay," I told him when all my clothing was righted. "You can turn around now."

He turned around slowly, his eyes meeting mine with a look I didn't understand.

"You okay?" I asked, concerned I'd done something to upset him – which was the last thing I ever wanted to do.

He nodded. "I'm okay."

"You ready to go back to the room now?"

He frowned, his body tensing. "You're coming right?"

I smiled. "Of course I am."

My confirmation seemed to ease the tension in his body. I grabbed my dirty clothes and the used towel, carrying them under one arm while I held the other out to him. He willingly placed his hand in mine, and we walked together back to his room.

It wasn't until we stepped inside and I placed my worn clothing in my tote bag that I addressed why he'd been in the bathroom to begin with. "Edward, when you saw me… in the bathroom, why were you there?"

He was still standing near the doorway, eyes focused on the mattress that was empty except for the sheet, pillow and Lancelot spread out on top of it.

"Bad dream," he whispered in a trembling breath. He finally turned his head to look at me. "I had a bad dream, and when I woke up… you were gone. I needed to see you. I don't…. I don't have them when you're here."

I sat down on the mattress, patting the spot beside me. He moved slowly toward me, easing himself beside me as he cautiously gazed down at the bed. It was like he thought because he'd had those dreams, somehow they'd been siphoned into that mattress where they waited to haunt him some more.

I reached for his hand, threading my fingers with his. "Was it about _him_?"

He nodded.

"It was just a dream. He can't hurt you, okay? I'll never let him hurt you again."

"You were gone," he murmured.

"I'm sorry. I just… I woke up thirsty and clumsily spilled juice on me. That's why I was showering. I felt sticky." I chuckled, hoping to lighten the air around us.

He gave me a small smile, then gazed down at our clasped fingers. "I don't like when you're gone, Bella."

I stared at him, though he wasn't looking back. "I don't like when I'm gone either."

His head lifted, our eyes once again meeting. "I think… I think he waits for when I'm alone." He inhaled sharply, exhaling just as loudly. "He can't…. you keep him away. Meu anjo."

"What does that mean?"

His lips turned up into a genuine smile.

I smiled back. "You're not going to tell me, are you?"

He shook his head, still smiling.

"How did you know to speak another language?" I asked curiously. "I don't even know what language you're speaking."

"Portuguese," he answered. "I had to-" He paused, lowering his eyes to his lap. "I had to learn it if I wanted to eat."

I felt the anger rush through my body. "He made you learn to speak another language or you couldn't eat?" I lowered my voice mid sentence, realizing it increased an octave because of the anger I felt.

"Yes."

"Was he…uh… from Portugal then?"

"No," He shook his head. "But he knew the language well. He was born here, but had family from there."

"But speaking it now, doesn't it remind you of what he did to you?"

His head lifted so that I could once again see those beautiful green eyes. And the way he spoke, there was no sign of animosity. "It's not the language that hurt me, Bella. It's not anything Portuguese that hurt me. I'm thankful to know it."

I nodded. "You're right, I just…" I trailed off, understanding completely how he felt. Though he was forced to learn it, no one could blame the language for the hell he was put through. It was obvious nothing done to him would taint what he found innocent. The blame was solely one person's, and as harsh as it was to think, I hoped he was somewhere paying for all he'd done to Edward. "It's beautiful, what you're saying, even though I'm not sure what it means."

"It _is_ beautiful." He smiled again, and the way he stared at me intensified, causing my body to heat up and my breathing to elevate. "And when you're lucky enough to experience something beautiful… you learn to appreciate it no matter how you came across it."

I was stunned by his words, feeling like he revealed another part of him he kept hidden. I had to look away, hoping he wouldn't see the blush now covering my face and chest. He was so much smarter than he probably realized, but I believed it was a natural intelligence. "I wish I knew what you were saying," I murmured.

He chuckled at my response, and I couldn't help but reciprocate. I loved the sound of his laughter, though the action was far and few between. But when it happened, my God was it the most beautiful sound I'd ever heard. I felt it just as well as I heard it, like heated silk gliding across my flesh. And he knew exactly what he was doing by not telling me what he was speaking in Portuguese, but I hoped that someday soon he would.

I started fumbling with the hem of my shirt with my free hand. "So, you know the language well then?"

"I do," he answered.

"How did you…" I sighed before continuing. "How did you learn to speak it?"

He glanced back down to our connected hands. "Mostly books. They… they were translation books. And a few story books. I liked those a lot. But he never helped. I wasn't allowed that. There were a few tapes." His brow furrowed in concentration, like he was searching for the correct wording. "Audio tapes, I think they were. He locked me in the…. I had to listen to them all night."

"Edward," I whispered, squeezing his hand in mine. "Where did he lock you at?"

His hand began trembling in mine, and when he spoke, he sounded disconnected, like he wasn't really beside me but somewhere else. "It was always in the dark. Always cold. And the smell… I-"

His entire body was now trembling, and as much as I was curious as to what the end of that sentence revealed, I feared more for him. His comfort would always come first. "Edward, we don't have to-"

"Even that was too good for me, the dark and the smell. It's what he told me. I had to suffer for her going."

The sting of tears prickled at the corner of my eyes, and the agony in his words made me ache painfully in my chest. No person should ever carry this kind of painful weight, especially over something that was beyond their control, but he was and obviously had been since birth.

I assumed he was speaking about his mother, that Aro blamed him for what happened to her. But I also assumed because of what Edward had said previously she'd died in childbirth. "Edward, you aren't to blame for what happened to your mother. You were just a baby, okay? You weren't responsible for her dying. That sometimes happens in childbirth and that's-"

His head snapped up, the movement actually causing sound. "She didn't die, she left."

"What?" I asked incredulously. It wasn't that I doubted his words I just couldn't believe a mother would leave their child behind like that, especially with a monster like Aro. What could possibly have happened for her to leave? And if she knew the type of man Aro was, how the hell could she leave Edward behind?

"She… she left," he repeated in whisper.

"Why?" I blurted out, angrily. "How could she? How could she just leave like that?"

He flinched at my tone, and I quickly apologized as I squeezed his hand in mine and lowered my voice, assuring him that my anger was not directed at him. He was opening himself to me again, giving parts of him that were painful to remember let alone speak, and he certainly didn't need my anger for those that hurt and abandoned him on top of it.

His voice trembled as he spoke, but came out distanced, almost ghostly. "He said I was the wrong baby. I wasn't what she wanted."

The tears spilled down my cheeks, carrying anger and pain with each drop. "How could anyone not want you?"

"She didn't," he choked out, a single tear rolling down his left cheek. "Aro said she wanted a girl, but got me instead. They couldn't… they could never love me. I was the wrong baby. He made sure I knew." His eyes met mine, and the devastation within them tore at my soul. More tears spilt down his cheeks, dripping off his chin into his lap. "I never asked… for anything. But I… I wanted to be wanted. Even if it was selfish to want it, I did."

I pulled my hand from his and propped myself up on my knees directly in front of him, cupping my hands gently around his face. At first he flinched at my touch, his entire form tensing, but then his body gradually eased and he closed his eyes as I whispered soothing words, leaning further into my touch while I rubbed my thumbs against his jaw. I stared at him, feeling my own hot tears continuously drip down my cheeks as I replayed mentally what he'd just said to me.

"You are wanted, Edward. Don't you see that?" He opened his tear filled eyes, staring back into mine. "You have people who care about you now, who want you in their lives. Marcus cares about you, I care about you. So much. And it's not selfish to want that, to feel wanted by someone." I pleaded with my eyes for him to understand and believe my words.

"You weren't the wrong baby. You did nothing wrong, and even if you had done something wrong, it would never be enough to deserve what was done to you. Never. You don't have to be perfect to be loved. You just have to be yourself. That's all. We all make mistakes, Edward, but those mistakes don't mean we shouldn't be loved. And it should not have mattered whether you were a boy or a girl because you were still theirs, and they should have loved you unconditionally regardless because that's what you deserved from them. That's what every child deserves from their parents.

"It was their responsibility to give you that, to provide everything you'd need to learn and grow in a healthy environment. They _never_ provided that for you. They were the failures, not you. It was never you. Do you understand? They are both to blame, equally. They may not have wanted you, Edward, but you _are_ wanted. You are."

His eyes widened. "I am?"

I nodded, smiling. "You are."

"But they didn't-"

"They didn't deserve you. They never deserved someone like you in their lives. You are too good for them, and-" I paused, removing my right hand to wipe at my tear soaked face before placing it back against his cheek. "You said my heart was softness, but I've never known a heart like yours, Edward, or seen such strength in one person before. They may have broken you physically, but they could never break you spiritually. Look at you. Look how far you've come."

He shook his head. "How can you-"

"Because I can see you," I interrupted.

"But he said-"

"He lied," I stressed, straining to keep my voice from breaking. "You are none of the things he said you were, Edward."

"Then why?" He swallowed thickly, emotion coating his words. "Why didn't they want me, Bella? Why did he… why did he lock me in the dark for being bad?"

"Edward," I cried, completely losing the emotional battle warring within me. "He was the bad one, not you."

"I don't want to be in the dark anymore." More tears spilled down his cheeks as he bare his soul to me.

"You don't have to be," I promised him. "But I need you to let me in. I need you to tell me what he did to you."

His lips trembled, the shaking his body made progressed. "Bella… I-"

"Please," I pleaded. "Please, let me help you. Let me bring you out of the dark."

"Will you… will you stay with me?"

"I won't ever leave you." No words could have ever been truer.

"I'm scared," he admitted.

I knew what he meant by being afraid, because telling me, being that open, that was giving me the power to hurt him if that's what I chose to do. And verbalizing all that he'd been through was opening wounds he tried to camouflage, letting them bleed freely and making him all the more vulnerable. It was going to hurt.

"I know you are, but I won't let anyone hurt you. I swear to you."

He immediately turned his head, causing my hands to drop from his face. He glanced around the room in desperation, obviously in search of something. "I need…I-" His eyes lowered over the bed, locking onto Lancelot who was laying behind me. He reached for him, gripping him tightly in his hands, pulling him to his chest.

His need for Lancelot made sense, considering the bear was the only thing he had as a form of protection and companionship growing up. I believed Edward knew I'd never hurt him, that what I'd promised I meant, but there was still the need to preserve himself, to provide a shield from potential harm, and that shield was Lancelot. His reaction was instantaneous because it was instinctual to him.

I watched him, cradling the bear to him, like that little stuffed animal could hold him afloat, wrap around him and lock out what aimed to harm him. And seeing Edward now, knowing he was a survivor, I had no doubt whatever faith he put in Lancelot, it's what helped pull him through the hell he'd lived in. That knowledge was enough to make me love that stuffed animal even more, because through him, no matter how miniscule it might have been, Edward was still able to have hope.

"He helped you, didn't he?" Edward's head lifted, brow furrowing in question. I pointed to Lancelot so he'd understand my meaning. "Lancelot helped you."

He nodded, gazing down at the bear, speaking barely above a whisper. "Sometimes it was too much, the pain. Going away with him inside my head was the only way I could handle the pain." He exhaled a shuddered breath. "It never hurt there."

I swallowed against the bile rising in my throat. "When you… when you went away with Lancelot, was Aro… was he hurting you?"

"Yes."

I bit my lip painfully as the ache in my chest traveled through my body. "Did he hurt you a lot?"

He was silent for the longest time, and I was unsure as to whether he'd give me an answer, but he finally spoke softly, though his eyes looked beyond me and never at me. "Every day."

Anger and devastation flooded my veins. "He hit you every day?"

"It wasn't always with his fist, but mostly. There's more to pain than just physical," he explained. His eyes held that glassy look, like he was once again lost in memory.

"So he said awful things to you too?"

"He always said things_._ He always hit_._ I had to be punished." He squeezed Lancelot tighter. "I took his love away. I made her leave him so I wasn't allowed to have it. Eye for an eye."

"Oh God," I cried, my stomach turning angrily. "How could he? You were just a baby. You were an innocent baby, Edward. You didn't take his love away, she did."

His eyes finally met mine, glistening with unshed tears and long held defeat. "But she left because of me. I did that, Bella. Me. Why did I have to be this?" He gestured over himself with his hand, his quivering lip altering his speech. "Why did I have to turn out wrong?"

Nothing in the world could have stopped me from going to him and wrapping my arms around him. And nothing did. I sat beside him, wrapping my arms around him and Lancelot, vowing to do whatever I had to do to heal the broken pieces Aro left him in.

"There's nothing wrong with you." I leaned back just enough to look at him, but kept my arms around him. "Look at me, Edward." He made no movement. "Please, look at me." He slowly lifted his head to make eye contact. "There's nothing about you that's wrong. Do you wanna know why I know that, why I feel that in my heart?"

He just stared at me and regardless of whether he answered or not, I was going to tell him, make him understand. "I know because when I'm away from you all I want to do is be here with you. When I'm here, I may be in this old hospital where it's mostly dark, in a small room, but here with you is where I'm happiest. I _want_ to be here, Edward. Do you think I'd feel these things, want to be here every day if there was something wrong with you? I'm here and feel what I feel because of you.

"Someone bad wouldn't be able to make me feel this way. Someone bad couldn't make me care about them. And I care, Edward. I care a lot." He inhaled sharply, closing his eyes as tears fell down his cheeks. Maybe what I said was too much, maybe what I said wasn't enough. I wasn't sure, but it's what felt right. "So does Marcus. Your parents, they were sick people. You had to pay for their sickness, and that breaks my heart. Everything that was done to you, it hurts my heart."

"I never want your heart to hurt… Bella," he whispered.

"I know," I told him. "And someone who was bad wouldn't feel that way. They wouldn't care about someone else's heart. But you do, and that's how I know there's nothing wrong with you. It's also how I know that my heart won't stop hurting until yours does."

"I don't know how to make it stop."

I placed my hand along his right cheek, smiling at him through my tears. "We'll figure that out together."

It was then he asked me to stay again because he didn't want to be alone. And I knew I would, because the idea of leaving him, being away from him at all, I didn't like the way it made me feel inside. I promised him I would stay, but I had to leave for just a little while.

It took some time to explain to him that just like the day before for me to be able to stay overnight with him I had to leave for just a little while to make that happen. He didn't like the idea of me leaving, not at all, but he understood because he knew I was coming back.

I promised him I'd be quick, but I wouldn't be leaving until I knew Marcus was there so he wouldn't be alone. He asked me once again to thank Marcus for the iPod and clothing, and I assured him I would.

I knew when I came back what would happen, or at least what I hoped would happen. I wanted him to tell me more about his life before ending up at the hospital. Growing up, those around me always said talking about your problems, your pain and fears, it was cleansing. They said it was a means to heal your heart and soul. It's what my father did with Emmett and me when my mother passed away.

I wasn't sure if Edward telling me everything would be at all healing for him, but I hoped that might be the case. It made sense anyway, considering all the Psychiatrists in the world. I certainly wasn't qualified, but that didn't mean I couldn't be helpful, that I couldn't be what he needed. I mean, he'd already changed so much in the time I'd been coming to see him, and he was talking a lot more. I had to be doing something right for him.

So when Marcus showed up, still visibly sick, I told him I'd be back so he wouldn't have to stick around too long. I did as I promised, thanking him for Edward. And even though he was most definitely sick, Marcus's face lit up as I told him. That was another moment discovered in this hospital that I'd always cherish.

When I finally arrived at Alice's, she seemed a bit put off that I was running late. I knew I was neglecting our friendship, and I felt terrible about that, but as terrible as I felt, Edward needed me, and I couldn't feel guilty about being there for him.

But I apologized to her anyway, giving her a big hug and telling her I missed her. She giggled and pulled me by the arm, taking me around the room to introduce me to guests. I briefly exchanged words with Mr. and Mrs. Cullen.

"How are you, Bella?" Carlisle asked. "We don't see much of you anymore?"

"I've been working a lot," I explained.

"Oh, right," he said, nodding. "At that old mental hospital. Alice told us all about it."

"Umm… yeah." My response wasn't that articulate, but I was sort of in a hurry to speak to Alice then leave.

Esme laughed. "You girls go on ahead and enjoy the party."

Alice and I both nodded before heading off to other groups of people in the room.

I made sure to make a few rounds, talking to people, paying some attention to Alice before I pulled her off to the side. "I need to talk to you. Can we go upstairs to your room?"

She eyed me curiously, but nodded. "Yeah, sure. You okay?"

"I'm fine. I just need to talk to you for a minute."

We headed up to her room, and I immediately went to the bed, sitting on the edge. "I can't stay tonight."

"What?" she asked, irritation in her voice. "Bella, you promised."

"I know I did, but I can't."

"Let me guess," she said sarcastically. "The mystery man, right?"

I sighed. "Alice, I know you're upset with me, but he needs-"

"He's not the only one that needs you, Bella," she interjected. "But he seems to be the only one who gets you anymore."

"Alice," I started. "It's not like that, it's just-"

"Complicated? Yeah, I've been told that already."

"Don't be mad at me," I pleaded. "I'm not doing this to hurt you. I wish I could explain."

"You can explain, and you're going to." She stood grounded in front of me, hands on her tiny hips. "This whole complicated speech isn't working anymore, Bella. "

"Alice, it's just I can't-"

"No," she shook her head, holding her hand up in front of her in a stop gesture. "You're not leaving until we talk about this. If you're worried about me blabbing to anyone, you should know by now I'd never do that. I've already lied for you once so you could stay with this guy. I'm asking for some honesty, Bella, because all you've seemed to do lately is blow me off and leave me in the dark, yet when you ask for my help I give it to you with little to no information. I deserve to know more than the situation just being complicated."

"You're right," I agreed, running my hands nervously through my hair as the tears once again made a grand entrance. "And this has been eating me up inside. It's hard carrying this on my own, but if there's anyone I can trust, it's you." I think part of me knew talking to Alice would happen once I came to see her.

She sat down beside me, the anger upon her face now morphed to concern. "You can trust me. I promise you can. So what is it, Bella? What's going on?"

I stared straight ahead, knowing if I looked directly at her I'd completely lose my already weak composure. "There is a guy, just like I told you there was. And I told you his situation was bad. But bad, well, that's an understatement. He was physically abused by his father up until seven years ago. And the abuse, the things that were done to him, Alice, just knowing would permanently scar you. I have that inside my head, knowing things that were done to him. I can't tell you how much it hurts knowing what was done to him.

"He's so afraid of everything. He was afraid of me for awhile, but it's different now. I'm the only one he'll let near him, the only one he lets inside at all. But when he lets me in, Alice, it's amazing. He's got a beautiful heart. I've seen him smile, heard him laugh, and I've caused those reactions from him. You have no idea how much it meant to see that, to know that it was because of me he experienced something happy. Because Lord knows he's barely had any." I continued talking about him, about things I'd kept hidden until now - though I still remained scarce in giving certain information and detail - staring ahead, lost in my thoughts of Edward. "I want him to be able to walk away from that place and live life fully. I want him to smile all the time. I don't want him to constantly look over his shoulder out of fear of what might be waiting to hurt him.

"I want so much for him. And today when he asked me to stay, I couldn't tell him no. He needs me, and I can't walk away from him. It's just not possible now."

I heard her gasp to the right of me, and my head immediately snapped her direction, seeing her hand covering her mouth, her eyes wide in shock.

"What's wrong?" I asked.

She uncovered her mouth, whispering as she spoke. "You didn't, Bella?"

"Didn't what?" What was her problem?

"Oh, my God, you did." She gasped again.

At this point I was becoming impatient and aggravated. "Enough with the cryptic talk already, Alice. What did I do?"

She shook her head, her tongue clicking together a few times. I was just about to the point of screaming at her to tell me what the hell her problem was when she crossed her arms against her chest, looking smug, like she'd come to some shocking revelation that no one else was privy to but her. "You can't tell me you don't already know. Seriously, Bella, are you that blind?"

"Blind about what?" I growled.

"Gee, I don't know," she laughed. "The fact that you're in love with him."

My mouth dropped open, eyes nearly bulging out of my head. "I'm what?"

* * *

Leva o mal = You take away the bad

Meu anjo = My angel


	17. Chapter 17: Realize

Sorry about the delay, loves. Between RL and the broken tailbone, life hasn't been too kind on the writing front. Anyway, here's the new chapter. I'm really really nervous about this one. But, well, the characters took over and this is what happened. Lol.

Lots of love to my wifey, Sophy, for just being amazing and supportive. Que quowle, bb. And lots of love to my TUS pimp, Bbebar, cuz she's just awesome. Also, a shout out to beejelly_, Liliana_A, and ele05gs for the help with translation. You ladies are awesome.

Once again, I need to thank my lovely readers and reviewers. I know I say this every chapter, but you all mean more than I can tell you. Your words and support keep me going, and make writing this story that much more enjoyable. Thank you so much!

I do not own anything Twilight. It all belongs to SM. No copyright infringement is intended. However, characterizations, plot lines, backgrounds and details of this story are mine. No copying or reproduction without my permission.

* * *

Chapter 17: Realize

**"Innocence"**

I found a place so safe, not a single tear

The first time in my life and now it's so clear

Feel calm, I belong, I'm so happy here

It's so strong and now I let myself be sincere

I wouldn't change a thing about it

This is the best feeling

This innocence is brilliant

I hope that it will stay

This moment is perfect

Please don't go away

I need you now

And I'll hold on to it

Don't you let it pass you by

"I'm what?" I repeated.

She smiled. "You're in love with him. You know it, and I know it."

"No, Alice," I shook my head furiously. "I can't be in love with him."

"Well, you are." She stated it so matter of fact, like it was the most obvious thing in the world. Maybe it was… to her. I guess maybe deep down I knew, but I tried to deny it. Denial seemed easier, more manageable. When I could focus solely on him and not deal with myself, I could pretend certain things didn't exist. I suppose subconsciously I felt I needed to do that to be able to face him without seeming different. My falling in love with Edward was certainly something he didn't need right now. He already had enough to deal with, and he didn't need my feelings to complicate things more.

Alice and I continued talking about Edward until I couldn't talk anymore. By the time I finished speaking, my clothing was waterlogged from tears, she knew everything, and I was emotionally exhausted. I'd never felt so opened up.

"I don't know what I'm doing," I blurted out, tears leaving my skin a blotched mess of runny mascara as they traveled down my cheeks. It was the first time that I openly admitted that I wasn't sure if I knew what I was doing, that I didn't know if what I'd already done to help Edward was enough in the grand scheme of things. I didn't know if I was enough. I was questioning myself and my ability to help him, but talking to Alice after holding all this in for so long unraveled me, making me really see what I'd been trying not to. Edward needed more.

I wanted to believe I was healing him somehow, even if it was only a small fraction. I think I was, but there was so much in depth pain buried inside of him, I wondered if I'd barely even scratched the surface. My feelings kept me from being objective about him because I wanted to believe I could do it on my own. I realized I was being naïve, and in doing so, I was being selfish.

She reached for my hand, giving me a warm smile. "Bella, you reached out to him, he reached back. From what you've told me about him, that's a big deal. You did that. You made that happen. And personally, I think the fact that you love him was the catalyst for what he's overcome."

"Yeah, but is loving him enough?" I questioned. "And I worry that the way I feel about him might do more harm than good, especially now."

She stared at me incredulously. "Why would you say that? Why would you think loving him would be harmful to him? Look what loving him has already done. Maybe if he knew or-"

"No," I interrupted, shaking my head. "I can't tell him how I feel about him."

"Why not? Maybe that's what he needs. Maybe he needs something solid to hold to."

"That's just it," I stressed. "You don't know Edward like I do. If he knew I loved him, he'd feel obligated to do what he felt I wanted him to, maybe even reciprocate those feelings toward me. And if he couldn't feel that way because of how broken he is inside that would be one more thing he'd take on himself. One more thing he could say he was to blame for. One more failure of his. That's not what I want.

"I don't want him to feel like he has to give me anything because I feel the way I feel. I'm so afraid if he pushes too hard to get better, he'll fold in on himself and fall deeper inside his own head, and then I'd lose him. I'm not too stupid to realize his recovery is going to take time, lots of time, and he doesn't need the fact that I've fallen in love with him hanging over his head as a distraction. And it would be. I can't put that kind of pressure on him, Alice. I don't want him to want to get better because of me. I want him to want to do it for himself. This is about him, not me. It's only ever been about him."

"I understand what you're saying, sweetie, but I think you're wrong." I turned my head to look at her and wiped the tears that marred my vision. "I do, and I may be wrong, because as you pointed out, I don't know him like you do. That's true, but I imagine he's lonely. Even though you're there with him, he's still lonely inside, Bella. He's probably more lonely than you or I could ever know, and that has got to leave him feeling empty. He's been in that place for so long and managed to keep enough sanity to function, to even be able to come along as far as he has. To be able to do that, it shows how strong he is. He's overcome a lot from what you've told me. But through all of this, he's never had someone to care or love him… well, not until now. I know you said that Marcus guy cares, but nothing he's done has ever been one-on-one with Edward. So don't you think he'd want to know, want to feel that? You said he pleads with you stay. Why do you think he does that, Bella?" She paused, possibly waiting for me to answer her. I shrugged in response, sniffling. "You wanna know what I think?"

I nodded, because I did want to know. I needed someone to shed some light for me, to help me understand what I should do next because I honestly didn't know.

"This is only my opinion, and I could be way off base, but I'm going off what you've told me, okay?" I nodded again, mouthing 'Okay'. "You're the first person in his life that didn't try to hurt him, the first person who willingly and intentionally cared. When someone is hurting, when they have a lot of emotional pain and scarring, it's frightening to experience that because it's warm and it's unfamiliar. Change is terrifying. Change of that level can cause hope, and having hope causes them to become vulnerable, but if it's taken away, well, I'm sure you can imagine with a history like he has what that could do to him? We don't know all the specifics, but what we do know is horrible. I think you give him hope, Bella, and as much as that frightens him, he's realized he still needs it. He needs you, you need him, and if he knew how you felt about him, maybe he wouldn't feel so alone. That's something that connects you on the same level."

"It's not the same," I shook my head. "Because he doesn't love me, Alice."

"How do you know that?" she questioned.

"I just do."

"No, you're just assuming. And I don't think you're giving him enough credit, either." She stood from the bed, huffing. She turned around abruptly, placing a hand against her hip. "I know you, Bella, and I know this is more than just your feelings being a distraction for him. This also has to do with the fact that if you tell him how you feel about him, that makes you vulnerable too. Telling him or not won't change how you feel. It's not going to change the fact that you love him. I think you're completely misplaced on both accounts, but who am I to tell you what to do? He's never had love, you said so yourself. You said you discussed it. But maybe he wants love, Bella, and maybe he wants it from you. You're his warmth, remember? If he didn't feel anything at all, then why does he feel that way about you?"

I was hoping her words would give me more insight, but I was still as confused as ever. "I don't know," I told her.

"What is this really about? Do you think he's not capable of understanding or loving you back?"

"That's not it at all," I answered immediately, harsher than I intended. "He's not handicapped, Alice. I believe he can do anything. I do. My concern has nothing to do with his capabilities because I know he's as capable as you or I. He's smart, he is, but he needs time. I worry about pushing him too far too fast and overwhelming him. I want him to be able to join the rest of the world, function like I know he can, but it's not going to happen overnight. I just don't think telling him I'm in love with him is the right thing right now, especially to clear my conscience. I've been selfish enough where he's concerned."

"Do you hear yourself?" She actually sounded angry at me. "Do you hear what you're saying? I don't think anything you've done regarding him is selfish. How many people our age would have even bothered with him, Bella? Not any I know. They wouldn't have given him a second look, not unless they were making him out to be some kind of freak show or worse. But you did. After everything that happened, you went back to that place and you befriended him. You cared enough to, which is a hell of a lot more than anyone else ever did for him. You say he's capable, so do you not think that he understands that? He knows you're different, and he seems to trust you, Bella. My God, that has got to be hard for him to do, but _you_ made it happen.

"And you're over analyzing everything you've done, picking it apart, making it out to be something it's not. You're taking away from what you've given him, which is a chance. Jesus, Bella, be proud of yourself for that, and don't be afraid to listen to your heart either, because love is more powerful than you realize."

I laughed, wiping away stray tears. "How did you get to be so smart?"

She shrugged, giggling. "Well, I guess being the daughter of a doctor has its perks. You learn a lot."

"I'll say," I agreed. "You got all intelligent and philosophical on me. I was about to ask who you were and where you were hiding my best friend."

She bounced where she stood, her short black hair swaying with her movements. She looked utterly goofy, which was completely Alice. "I did sound pretty intelligent, didn't I? Sometimes I'm just that good."

She patted herself on the back, causing us both to laugh. After a moment, she sat down beside me again. "But I do agree that you can't do it on your own. Maybe… maybe if we go talk to my dad and-"

I cut her off, speaking sharper than I meant to. "No."

Her eyes widened at my tone, confusion settling on her features. "But you said-"

"I'm not saying no for good, Alice," I explained. "That's not what I'm doing. I just... there are some things I need to do first. I know what I need to do, but I can't just toss him in blindly, you know? I need him to understand he has that option, and that I think it's the best one for him."

"Bella, with what you've told me about him, do you really think he'd go along with it right now?"

"He will," I assured her. "I just need some time to make him understand, but I also need a little more time to prepare him."

She eyed me quizzically. "What do you mean prepare him?"

"I know that he needs to… uh… see someone, but I'm not just going to hand him over. I won't let anyone put him in a mental institution. He's not insane, he's not dangerous, he's just introverted or whatever you call it. But he's changing, he's opening up, and I want him to be a little more comfortable. I will have a stipulation when I talk to your father, and if he can't agree to it, I won't let him anywhere near Edward. No matter what, I won't let Edward be put away."

"I don't think he'd do that, Bella."

"I can't take that chance, Al. So until he gives me that guarantee, I won't tell him where Edward is and you can't either." Her brow furrowed, and she gaped at me as if I'd offended her. "I mean it, Alice. I'm not saying you'd do that, but what I've told you has to stay between us. Just for a little while longer. I'm not going to change my mind about talking to your dad, but I just need a little more time. I need to talk to Marcus about this too. He has just as much right to be a part of this as I do. Regardless of the fact that Edward hasn't opened up to him personally, Marcus has been in his life the last seven years and he loves Edward. He does. And I know he'd do anything for Edward, so not including him wouldn't be right. I won't do that to him."

"I understand. I won't say anything, I promise." I took a deep breath, feeling a bit lighter since I'd finally talked to someone. I knew I could have talked to Marcus, but it wasn't the same. Alice had been my best friend for as long as I could remember, and it meant a lot being able to tell her about Edward. I could say things to her that I couldn't say to Marcus, and honestly, I just really needed her.

"Bella?"

"Yeah?"

"Thank you for trusting me enough to tell me about Edward." She fidgeted with the hem of her shirt as she spoke. "I know I was upset about the fact that we weren't talking as much, but I understand now, and I think what you've done, what you're doing, it's a good thing. Edward's gonna be okay and things will work out. I just know it."

"I hope so, Alice. I really hope so."

* * *

After everyone cleared out of the Cullen home and Esme and Carlisle headed to bed, Alice helped me sneak out. She gave me a quick hug, wishing me luck, then I made my way back to the hospital in my truck. Had Esme or Carlisle known that I was positively staying, I'd have walked. It was never technically stated whether I'd stay with Alice, it was just assumed.

When I entered the boiler room, Marcus was sitting on a stool in front of the bench, bent over while his head rested atop the wooden table part of the bench. He appeared to be sleeping. I walked up behind him and lightly tapped him on the back. "Marcus, hey, you awake?"

He stirred a moment, then sat upright. He'd definitely been sleeping. "Hey, Bella, I must have fallen asleep. I didn't even realize." He suddenly glanced toward the blanketed door leading to Edward. "Is he okay? Did something happen?"

"I just got back," I told him. "But I'm sure he's fine." He gazed at the door a little longer, then his eyes finally met mine. His face looked a little pale, and he appeared extremely tired. It was obvious he was pretty sick. "I still plan to be here for the night, so you can go on home."

He turned his head, coughing. "You… sure," he said between coughs.

I hated seeing Marcus so sick. I wished there was something I could do to make him better. "You okay?"

"I'm fine," he answered.

"I mean, are you _really_ okay?"

He covered his mouth as he faced me, choking back a cough. "It's just the flu, Bella. Honestly. I promise."

"You'd tell me, right?" I shifted on my feet, trying to hide the worry on my face and in my voice. "I mean, if something were really wrong? You'd tell me, wouldn't you?"

His brow furrowed as he stared at me, mentally contemplating something. "I know you worry about me, but you don't have to. I appreciate it, even though I'm not used to it. I can promise you that this, what I have, it's nothing more than a bug. If I were really sick, I would tell you. I would do that because of that boy in there. If something were to happen to me, I want him to have everything that's mine, and I don't trust anyone to make that happen but you."

I stared at him in awe. He caught my expression and paused for a moment, staring at the floor. "There's no one else, you know, for me to leave anything to. And I guess even if there were, I'd still leave it all to the boy. I don't plan on checking out anytime soon, but no one knows when it's their time. We just never know. But if anything were to happen to me, and I'm not saying anything will because there's nothing wrong with me, but if there were, I need you to make sure he's taken care of; that everything I have goes to him."

"You know I would, but how am I-"

"It's already been taken care of," he interjected. "I've had a will drawn up, naming you the beneficiary. I can't outright leave it to him, not knowing his information, but I know you'll do what needs to be done."

"How did you-"

He chuckled, a cough following. "I'm resourceful when I need to be, Bella." His expression changed, becoming serious, eyes pleading with mine. "But this is important to me. Promise me you'll take care of it if anything happens to me?"

"I'll take care of it," I promised. There was no hesitation to my response.

His features softened as he was now visibly at ease. "Thank you."

"But you promise nothing's wrong, right?" I had to ask one more time to be sure. Marcus had become a part of my life, too, and the idea of something happening to him, it was something I didn't want to think about.

He nodded, staring me straight in the eyes. "I'm afraid you'll be stuck with me a bit longer. It's just the flu, okay? I won't lie to you, Bella. You've… you've become important, too." His eyes shifted toward the floor again. "You and the boy, you're the only people in my life. I could never lie to you. I made mistakes in the past, and that cost me people who should have mattered. I just won't… it won't happen again."

I turned my head, wiping at the tears that fell down my cheek. "I know you won't, Marcus."

"Hey. No tears, okay?" He smiled at me, but the smile was cut short by a cough. "Go… go on now." He pointed toward the door and told me through a fit of coughing he'd already set Edward's dinner just inside the blanketed doorway, and that he was going home to get back in bed. I hated the idea of him being alone, but I certainly couldn't be in two places at once, and regardless of how we were doing emotionally or physically, Marcus and I would always agree Edward came first. But I made sure to thank him and told him to get lots of rest because I expected him back as soon as possible with a full recovery. He laughed and waved me off.

I entered the hallway leading to Edward's room. I noticed the tray of food was not sitting there, so he'd obviously come to get it. I smiled to myself, pleased that he'd apparently not waited on me to eat. It had gotten late, and I hated the idea of him sitting there uncomfortable and hungry.

I moved down the hall, and paused as I stood in the doorway, my heart fluttering in my chest while my eyes blurred with unshed tears. I was so used to him sitting in the corner of the room, his corner, but he was lying on the bed, arms under his head, staring up at the ceiling. I couldn't describe in words how much seeing him laying there on a bed affected me. He still had so much to overcome, I knew that, but he'd already overcome a lot in the past month. He'd grown considerably, and my God, did it make my heart swell with joy. As soon as I stepped further into the room, he sat upright, immediately focusing on me.

"Hey you," I told him. The words came out scratchy, so I cleared my throat to rid the emotion built up there. "It's late. I'm surprised you're still awake."

"I was waiting for you," he whispered.

I smiled. "You were?"

He nodded.

"You didn't have to do-"

"I wanted to," he added quickly.

Up until today I was able to close myself off, deny there was more to what I felt than just caring enough to help him, but by allowing myself to admit exactly what he meant to me, I opened myself completely to those feelings and they were consuming. Just knowing that he waited for me, hearing that he wanted to, made my heart swell with love. It was so intense it nearly buckled me at the knees. How had I managed to conceal this until now?

God, it was such a casual thing, staying awake for someone, yet it meant more to me than anything else. They say the little things matter, and I didn't realize until now the absolute truth to that. I believed it was because it's the little things that people tend to forget or take for granted, but it's those little things that say so much.

Yet, even though I knew I loved him, felt it pulsing through every nerve, bone, muscle in my body, saturating my entire insides, I didn't know if I could tell him. I felt as if I was walking on glass, and I had to be careful of my steps, my choices. I had no idea if knowing would be good for Edward, and all I wanted was to do right by him.

Would he want to know? Would it frighten him to the point he shut down? Would he pull away from me? Would he wonder if I expected the same in return? Would he feel obligated to me? Could he really want me to love him like Alice suggested? All these thoughts running rampant inside my head as I stood there staring at him.

His brow furrowed, obviously confused by why I was unmoving. "Bella?"

I blinked at the sound of my name, forcing down the thoughts, forcing down the emotion. I may be able to stay afloat of my feelings just enough for his benefit, but the possibility of burying my love for him was not probable anymore. It was out there, stripping me open and leaving me bare, and he didn't even know it. But as much as I loved him, I couldn't let it get in the way of what he needed or what I needed to be for him.

"I'm alright," I told him. "I was… I was just thinking."

"What about?" he asked as he sat up fully.

"Oh, how nice it was to see you lying on that bed when I walked in here," I smiled. "I was right, that bed does suit you."

He smiled as he glanced down toward his lap. "It's… comfortable."

"That's good, though." I moved toward the bed, sitting beside him. "You should always be comfortable."

"I never was…" he paused, shaking his head, whispering the last of his sentence. "… until now."

I was situating myself on the mattress, but stopped to face him. Even in the dim lighting I could see the brightness of his eyes. I had to look away before I did something I shouldn't, like gasp or gawk at him in a way that would make him uncomfortable; especially since I was seated right next to him.

"Are you… okay?" he questioned. Jesus, he had to have seen how I turned away from him so abruptly. I told myself I wouldn't let my feelings alter how I treated him, and I was already doing it. I was making mistakes. I'd either show too much or push too far back, distancing myself out of fear that I was being transparent. Truth was, I had no idea how to form a line in between the two, but I needed to figure it out quickly. For all I knew, he might be thinking he'd done something wrong, and that was certainly not the case.

"I'm fine. I just… it bothers me knowing that you'd never slept on a bed before now." I forced myself to look at him.

"I had what he felt I needed."

"Which was what? Rotten food, being beaten every day, called horrible names? That's what he felt you needed?" He flinched at my words, making me feel terrible. My anger wasn't meant for him. "Edward, I'm sorry. I didn't mean… it's just that I'm so angry at Aro for what he did to you. You have such a gentle soul, and for someone to do to you what he did to you, it just… it…"

"Hurts your heart?" he offered.

I nodded. "It does." I reached for his hand, gripping it within mine. The electric warmth surged from his hand to mine, rippling its way through my body.

He gripped my hand tightly. "Seu coração é quente demais para ser machucado."

"I don't suppose you'll tell me what you just said, will you?" I laughed. He just smiled. "I figured not. You know, I think you do that on purpose because you know I don't know what you're saying."

He chuckled, the sound gliding over my skin and sending shivers down my body. "It's not bad."

"I know," I whispered. I said what I said because I did know. "It's beautiful."

He nodded, his smile growing. "Muito belo."

"Yep, you're doing that on purpose," I teased.

His laughter rang through the room, the sound nearly bringing tears to my eyes. If there was one sound in the world I could choose to go to sleep to and wake up to, it would be Edward's laughter.

He seemed so carefree right now, and though I knew we needed to continue our discussion from earlier and I needed to talk to him about seeing Carlisle, I couldn't take away the happiness he seemed to be feeling. I'd wait until the morning. He'd had so little to smile about for so long, he deserved this.

"So, what did you do while I was gone?"

He shrugged. "I just sat here."

"You know, I was just thinking about something." His gaze seemed to intensify. He was completely focused on what I was saying. "Even though I don't like it, I can't always be here. I have to go home too, so I thought-"

The smile fell, and his body seemed to tense as his expression was replaced by a look of desperation. "Are you… are you leaving?"

"No," I replied immediately. "I'm staying here with you tonight like I promised." The tension eased, and he exhaled in relief. "But you know I can't stay every night. As much as I'd like to, I can't and we both have to be prepared for that, okay?"

He sighed, the disappointment palpable. "Okay."

"You know I'll always come back, right? I mean, even if I don't stay overnight, I'll always come back to you."

"Yes… it's just-" He glanced around the room, like somewhere hidden in the walls was the words he was trying to say.

"You just, what?"

His grip on my hand increased further. "I feel better when you're here." I started to tell him that I understood what he meant because I did too when he spoke up again, whispering his words. "I'm not… alone."

There it was, the very word I hated coexisting in the same sentence as Edward, let alone being spoken from his lips. That word, besides my feelings toward him, was the reason it was so difficult to leave him at any point in time. I never wanted him to feel alone. "I know it doesn't make sense me saying that you aren't alone when you're sitting in this room by yourself, but you aren't. No matter what, you won't be alone again. I need you to know that. I'm always going to be here, and nothing will ever change that. It's just not a possibility."

"Why?" he asked.

"Why, what?"

"Why isn't it a possibility?"

That was such a loaded question. I knew why I couldn't stay away from him. The words were there, inside my head, but I couldn't allow my lips to say them. I glanced down at our hands as I answered."It's just not."

"Bella?" The way he spoke my name, it was like he was pleading with me for an answer. He exhaled a shaky breath, his words coming out broken. "You… you don't have to… feel sorry for me."

My head snapped up, my eyes finding his. "Oh God, Edward, that's not why I'm here. It's not. It's never been about that. It's you. Do you understand what I'm saying?" He shook his head. "I'm not sure if I can say this right, if it'll make sense."

"Try." There he was, pleading again, and I knew I couldn't tell him no.

I bit my lip, running my free hand through my hair nervously. "It… I come back every day, I stay here overnight, all because of you. Even if…uh… things had been different in your life, you'd never had the things happen that Aro caused, I'd still want to be here with you. It's what's inside of you, the person you are. That's why I'm here. That's why I can't stay away."

He shifted above the mattress, but didn't let go of my hand, though his eyes now stared ahead of him. "You'd want to be here with me even if I was right?"

"What do you mean by that? About you being 'right'?"

"I'm not whole, Bella. I… there's things missing in me."

I angled my body toward him, pulling on his hand to get him to look at me. "But you can be. You can be whole. And there's nothing missing in you. You went through something traumatic, seen and experienced things no one should have to and no matter who you are that kind of trauma will affect you. But that doesn't mean there's anything wrong with you, Edward. People handle traumatic experiences differently, and you endured yours far longer than most people. And to go from that to living in an abandoned hospital alone for so long and still be completely sane, Edward, that shows how strong you are. You're so strong, and you don't see it. You've come so far already. That's one of your gifts, you know? You have strength unlike any I've seen. I'm in awe of you."

His eyes widened in shock. "You are?"

I nodded, smiling. "I am."

And just like that, the spark I'd seen in his eyes shortly after I'd walked in the room was back. The smile was again turning up his lips. I'd do anything for that smile.

"I was thinking," I started. "That you need some things to do when I'm not here. I know you read, so I thought I'd bring you some books, even some cards. I can show you how to play some card games I know. They're really fun. And, of course, we'll keep that iPod loaded with music and charged. We can't let you go without your music."

"Thank you," he whispered, and I knew in my heart it was for more than just what I'd offered.

"You're welcome."

He started asking me about card games, and I couldn't help but laugh at his enthusiasm to learn. I promised him I'd grab cards the next time I went home. I even mentioned bringing board games we could try. He asked me about when I left, and though I'd left out my discussion with Alice about him for now, I did tell him I'd gone to see her. I explained about open houses and why people have them. He was ever curious, hanging onto my every word. He even asked me about mine. Of course, I'd yet to have my own and wasn't looking forward to it or the attention, but it mattered to Charlie so I'd manage.

We talked for at least an hour, maybe two, when he started yawning. He lay back against the mattress, so comfortably, once again placing his arms under his head. I lay down beside him, practically lying on top of Lancelot.

"Oops," I laughed. I reached underneath me with my right arm and pulled him from beneath me. "Well, hey there, Lancelot." Of course he didn't respond. I snickered to myself even thinking about it. I glanced over at Edward, seeing that he was watching me intently with a smile on his face.

I turned back to Lancelot and continued our one-way conversation. "I feel pretty bad about the fact that I haven't spent much time with you lately, especially since I've been here more often than usual. I hope you can forgive me." I pulled his face down toward my right ear. "What's that?" I waited a moment, pretending he was speaking to me. "Oh, really? You'll only forgive me if I bring you some of the peanut butter chocolate chip cookies I made Edward? Well, I guess I-"

My words were cut off by the sound of laughter right beside me. It was so close that I could feel the warmth of his breath on my skin, both the sound and sensation causing goosebumps to prickle across my body mercilessly. I started turning my head instinctively, and as I turned my head, I felt something warm and fleshy drifting along my skin, ending at my lips.

It was Edward's mouth.

Edward had scooted closer during my interaction with Lancelot, and his mouth had been on my skin and was now grazing my lips.

We were face to face, eyes staring wide into one another's, lips grazing each other's. My breathing hitched as did his. And then I saw his eyes close and felt his body tremble as his lips moved, whispering against mine, "So warm."

I knew I should pull back, though I wanted to push forward. His lips were right there, touching mine, and I admittedly wanted more. It was wrong to want more, I told myself this, but I couldn't pull away. It wasn't intentional, our lips touching. I knew he hadn't meant to, but I couldn't focus on anything but his warm breath, the softness of his lips and the fact that as I inhaled, I could smell so clearly the scent that was all Edward because we were nose to nose. And the delicious current of energy flowing from his lips to mine, it had me nearly whimpering. And before I could rationalize that I should indeed move back, that making any kind of noise could frighten him, he pressed forward.

Edward was kissing me.

* * *

Seu coração é quente demais para ser machucado = (losely translated) Your heart is too warm to be hurt

Muito belo = Very beautiful


	18. Chapter 18: Furtherance

I still have the broken tailbone. Lucky me, heh? Anyway, I know you've been waiting for the new chapter, so here it is. I hope you enjoy.

Major love to my wifey, Sophy, Bbebar and shackle_me, my readers and reviewers, who I could not do this without. Your endless, amazing support leaves me in awe. Love you all.

One final note: Chancing Fate and The Unaccompanied Soul will be updating biweekly from now on. You'll find information about this on my author blog. I've also signed up as an author for Fandom Gives Back. You'll find info on how to join and what I'm offering on the TeamTUS blog. The link to the TeamTUS blog is on my author blog as well. http:/jmcullen [dot] blogspot [dot] com/

Now that everything is out of the way, on to reading about Abandonward. ;)

I do not own anything Twilight. It all belongs to SM. No copyright infringement is intended. However, characterizations, plot lines, backgrounds and details of this story are mine. No copying or reproduction without my permission.

* * *

**Adore **

_I don't mean to run,_

_But every time you come around,_

_I feel more alive than ever._

_And I guess it's too much,_

_Maybe we're too young and I don't even know what's real._

_But I know I've never wanted anything so bad._

_I've never wanted anyone so bad._

_If I let you love me,_

_Be the one adored._

_Would you go all the way?_

_Be the one I'm looking for._

_If I let you love me,_

_See the one adored._

_Would you go all the way?_

_Be the one I'm looking for._

_Help me come back down,_

_From high above the clouds._

_You know I'm suffocating,_

_But I blame this town._

_Why do I deny the things that burn inside?_

_Down deep, I'm barely breathing,_

_But you just see a smile._

_And I don't want to let this go._

_Really, I just want to know_

Was I dreaming? This couldn't be happening, could it? No, this was too real to be a dream. His lips were too soft, the delicious warmth of his body against mine too acute and the guy mixed with soap smell of him too intoxicating. My mind would never be able to produce something this perfect.

Edward was really kissing me. He wasn't moving, but his mouth was pressed firmly over mine. It was sort of awkward the way his mouth was positioned, but it was safe to assume that he'd never kissed anyone before. Yet, with the position being awkward, it still felt right. My skin was actually buzzing from the intensity the feel of his lips caused.

He pushed forward even more, his lips parting slightly as he did so. I barely had time to register that fact when he hummed against my lips. God, I couldn't think, couldn't do anything but feel him, taste him. I couldn't function enough to rationalize if this was a good idea, if I should put a stop to this... _not when he was this close, not when it felt so right_.

My heart was hammering furiously in my chest, my breathing staccato through my nose. I tried to function enough to compose a complete thought in order to calm myself so I didn't frighten him, because I knew I was bound to make a noise at any moment. However, that feat was completely lost to me when he slowly pulled away, my bottom lip catching between his lips as he moved.

I whimpered. My God, I actually whimpered as our lips separated. I didn't want him to move away, and now that he had, I felt an emptiness surge through me.

The sound, as soon as it hit the air, caused my eyelids to flutter open. What if I startled him? What if the kiss itself frightened him? All I could think about was him being alright.

But as I looked at him, there didn't seem to be anything frantic within his expression. His fingers were brushing over his lips as he stared back at me with a mix of wonder, longing, hope and concern. Odd how I could make out each one of those emotions, but I could. I could see right inside him and pick out each one as if they were laid out in perfect clarity.

It was a tug of war understanding Edward, because half the time I _really_ saw him, words weren't needed, and other times he was such a mystery that I felt like I was tunneling through a maze to get inside his head. I often wondered if it was the emotional wall within him that only let me have parts of him shielded by the bricks I managed to break through and guarded the others as means of preservation. Breaking that wall completely down, it wasn't going to be easy.

Regardless of how he appeared, I needed to know that he was actually alright. I'd learned Edward had a poker face. And as much as I never wanted the kiss to end, I could never make this about me. His feelings, his safety, everything that was him mattered above all, and I needed him to tell me that he was okay. I needed him to tell me what he was thinking.

His fingers were still pressed against his lips. He shook his head, whispering, "I didn't-"

"Edward?" My voice came out raspy, so I cleared my throat.

He kept silent, eyes still remained on me, and the longer he didn't speak, the more the fear of the kiss possibly setting him back built within me. _Please don't let me lose him?_

He finally nodded acknowledgement of my words, but that knot in the pit of my stomach held. He hadn't spoken. He was speaking to me more now, but he hadn't spoken when he answered me.

My body tensed out of fear for him. It was an unconscious move, and I hadn't meant for it to be so pronounced, but he noticed. I had no doubt he could feel it – he was right against me. His brow furrowed, lips parted as a look of shame altered his features. The light within his eyes dimmed, gutting my insides as I watched it lessen.

_No, no, no_! I screamed in my head.

He scooted a few inches back from me. "I'm sorry… you didn't… I shouldn't-"

Was that it? Did he think my reaction was because I didn't _like_ the kiss?

"I disgust you," he responded in a choked whisper.

_What? How could he think-_

_Oh God, no! _

I shook my head frantically, tears brimmed my eyes. "No, Edward, you didn't. My God, you could never disgust me. That would never happen."

I thought about it, thought about how he assumed my reaction to be one of disgust, and it made sense that he would come to that conclusion… _all because of Aro_. I reached out to brush my fingertips across his cheek to show him more than tell him how I felt, but stilled, unsure if he wanted me to touch him. His hand startlingly jutted out, gripping mine and placing it against his cheek.

His eyes stared into mine, searching. I had to hand over something of myself, had to let him know without actually saying the words that he meant everything, that I wanted any part of him he was willing to give. I couldn't be selfish for more, because anything at all would be enough, and I'd care for what he gave as if it were the most precious gift. Because, truthfully, it was.

I licked my lips, swallowing against the emotional lump in my throat. "What you did… it just surprised me, and my reaction was because I was afraid that you might have been upset afterward, but I wasn't disgusted. Not at all. I… it was very _nice_."

The hand that covered mine against his cheek tightened, his eyes widening in shock. "It was?"

I smiled, wiping away the tears that glided down my cheeks with my free hand. "It really was. But I need you to understand that nothing you do will make me feel disgusted by you. What happened to you, your past, nothing you say to me about what Aro did will make me feel any differently about you. Nothing. I want you to know and trust that if you share something with me, I won't take you or it for granted. I won't hurt you. I… I care too much to ever do that. And that kiss? It was unexpected and nice, but-" I stopped speaking, wondering if I should ask the question I was thinking. My lips began moving before I really answered as to whether I should. "But why…uh … why did you do it?"

His eyes drifted from mine, briefly looking downward while his face showed steady concentration over what he was ideating. I sat there waiting patiently for him to respond, knowing I couldn't push for an answer. He'd respond when he was comfortable, but I was also prepared for him not to. I hoped he would, though.

When his eyes finally lifted, I kept the smile upon my face for encouragement. "You don't have to tell me. I just want you to know you can."

"When I-" He paused, glancing down at my lips then back to my eyes. "There was so much more."

"What do you mean?" I asked curiously, still smiling.

He gave me a sheepish grin. I laughed at how cute he was being shy.

"You can tell me anything, you know?"

"It's not the same…" he began, "as when I touch you with my hands. It's… I felt more."

_I know_, I thought. _I did too_.

"I know what you must think," he whispered. "Because I don't know as much as you. I do know what a kiss is. I saw pictures and read about it, but I've never-" He shook his head. "Not until now. I didn't mean for it to happen, but I… I felt your skin on my lips and then your mouth. Você é tão macia. I felt… I wanted… I don't know the right words."

"Hey," I brushed my thumb along his jaw. "It's okay, and it's not like that. I don't see someone who's unintelligent when I look at you. I happen to think you're very smart and you don't have-"

"I wanted to do it, Bella," he blurted out. "I needed to know if… I wanted-" His voice became so low it was barely understandable, even with the close proximity between us. "I finally did something I wanted to feel and it felt right. It was supposed to be you."

Though the words were faint and trailed off into nothingness, my heart thundered rapidly in my chest, filling the void of sound. I was sure he could hear it, because it was definitely beating for him. And the blush across my face, the love shining from my eyes, would he be able to see those too while looking at me?

I wondered because his words, the way he stared at me, it made the love within me, the love I felt for only him, swell to a point I was breathless from it, and the propensity to keep the fact that I was in love with him hidden was becoming almost impossible. The truth was, I wanted to love him. My God, did I want to love him.

"_But maybe he wants love, Bella, and maybe he wants it from you." _Alice's words. Was she right? Could he feel that way?

"Bella?" The way he spoke my name, the way his face appeared, he was worried and confused. "Did I… did I say something wrong?"

"No," I answered immediately. I moved my hand from his cheek, watching his fall to the mattress, and ran my fingers through the hair near his temple. "You didn't say anything wrong at all, but sometimes I think I might."

"You can tell me anything." I couldn't help but laugh as he mimicked my words from earlier, but there was so much avidity in the way he said them. I knew he meant it.

"Are you quoting me from earlier?" I teased.

He chuckled. "Maybe."

"And being a jokester, too," I grinned. I continued running my fingers through his hair. He seemed to like it. "I know I can talk to you, and I know you'll listen to anything I have to say, it's just… Do you sometimes have thoughts about your feelings or other things that you wonder if you should speak aloud, wonder if maybe telling someone could be a bad thing, even if they're good thoughts?"

"Yes."

"See, that's what happens to me at times. I don't want to mess up, you know? And I worry sometimes that I might by saying the wrong thing or doing the wrong thing," I explained.

"You're talking about me, aren't you?" My God, was he perceptive.

I nodded. "Yes, but it's not always you," I assured. "I never told you about my mom, did I?"

He shook his head.

"She passed away when I was five from a cerebral aneurysm. Doctors say it was from serious hypertension. My dad's never gotten over it. I'll be nineteen in September and he still misses her. I guess that's what happens with soul mates. They're two halves to a whole and the loss of one means you're only half of who you're supposed to be. Makes sense, though," I reasoned. He continued watching me, but my fingers were now resting at the back of his head because he'd scooted closer. "We were at my grandmother's and she was helping her put up the birdhouse. She'd been laughing at something my grandmother said, and then she just dropped to the ground. She'd had a headache, I guess, most of the day, but told my dad and grandma she was fine. She'd had headaches a lot, though, but my dad said she blamed it on tension. That was her symptom, that was her warning, and no one knew what that meant for her.

"I was five, so I don't remember her as much as I'd like to, but I remember things in fragments. It's funny that I can't really remember her face inside my mind, but I can remember that her hair smelled like lilacs. I told her she smelled like flowers once, and she laughed at me, telling me I smelled like happiness. I thought she was silly, but I was five. I never understood the significance of her words until I got older. It was because I was her happiness. Emmett and I both were.

"Before she died, we were so happy, but after she was gone, everything changed, became clouded over. The sun was only out partially, so to speak. My dad, Emmett and I… we were never the same after she died. She was the glue that held us together. And my dad, sometimes I don't know how to reach him, so we do this little dance around each other, pretend everything's alright but don't really talk to each other. He doesn't hover, and I take care of everything around the house but keep to myself. It's different with Emmett and my dad. They have similar interests, which gives them something to talk about often. We really have nothing in common but our eyes and hair color. The fact that he tells me I remind him of my mother only reiterates that. I think the fact that he says that, along with the fact that he's never recovered, it makes me weary as to what to say to him."

"You feel lonely," he cut in, and it was not a question.

I sighed. "I do sometimes, but not so much anymore." _Not because of you_.

"You aren't alone."

I smiled. "There you go using my words again." He smiled back. "Do you remember everything I tell you?"

"Everything," he answered honestly, but the tone of his voice, the way he said it, made my body shiver.

There was so much intensity behind those green eyes, so much he was trying to say with them, and it completely left me winded. I had to glance away. "Bella… please don't look away."

I couldn't deny him anything, but felt even weaker when he pleaded like that. Being this close to him, feeling the way I felt about him, baring my soul, coupled with the things he'd admitted, if he looked at me he'd be able to see the love within me. It was there now, on the surface, and I couldn't seem to reign it in. I was afraid to look at him.

"I can't," I whispered.

He lifted his hand and placed it under my chin, forcing my head upward. "Please don't," he begged. "You've never… I feel like you're going away from me when you do that."

I stared back at him, and he was once again searching my face for answers. "You don't want me to go away?"

This was the first time I asked him, rather than reassured him I wouldn't. I knew I'd never go, but something within me wanted to know that he, himself, didn't want me to leave either.

"No." There was no hesitation.

"Why?" I was pushing, I knew I was pushing, but that same something that initiated the first question urged the second.

He was a little taken aback and because of that, I chastised myself accordingly for pushing. _Stupid inner voice telling me what to do._ The way he reacted I didn't expect an answer, but again he surprised me with one, showing me how much he did _cling_ to my words, how much he'd grown…. or maybe he never really needed to grow at all. Maybe he just needed someone who was willing to let him open up and be himself without being punished for it.

"Because… because I'm only half of who I'm supposed to be when you're gone."

* * *

Edward opened up more as the days passed. Our walks through the hospital increased, and we'd even made it through each floor, but it was always done with him holding my hand. I'd managed to stay overnight with him a few more times, but knew I needed to span the time out, otherwise Charlie would become suspicious, and I nor Edward were ready for Charlie to know about him.

The fourth of July was tomorrow, and Edward and I had been talking about it. He, of course, knew about the holiday but never experienced fireworks before. When I explained in detail what they actually were, he recalled while living with Aro noises that were similar to the ones I described. He said he'd asked Aro what they were, and Aro's response was a swift beating for speaking without being given permission to speak. It made me sick but not surprised that Aro was so bestial. I told Edward if he'd allow me to show him, we could stand beside the front door as the fireworks went off so he could see how beautiful they were. He was very hesitant, but finally said he'd _try_. I knew without question he was doing it for me.

I learned more about his life before the hospital. We sat on his mattress after returning from our walk, and I started casually asking questions, so he told me how as far back as he could remember Aro hit him, but it seemed to become worse the older he got. I wondered when Edward was a baby, what Aro did then. Did he beat Edward as an infant for crying out when he was hungry, crying out when he was sick, crying out when he needed his diaper changed?

Edward wouldn't remember what he experienced as an infant, but he recollected a woman with red hair that Aro called Victoria. He couldn't remember anything more about her appearance or even who she was. She disappeared when he was young. I asked him if she could possibly be his mother, that maybe what Aro told him was a lie and she hadn't left him as an infant, but he assured me that Victoria wasn't his mother. That much he did know.

He remembered the name and red hair, so he brought her up to Aro once and Aro's reaction was one of distaste, saying, "That bitch doesn't deserve to be remembered, just like you. She served her purpose, and now she's gone." I had quite a few thoughts as to what her purpose may have been, and one happened to be Edward.

But what he told me after the discussion of Victoria was what really shredded my heart. Everything Aro did was about torturing Edward, but it was the extreme he went to that turned my stomach, scarring my mind with the words as Edward relived it all by verbalizing it to me.

Aro thrived on Edward's pain and thought up new ways to administer his 'medicine'. Edward said being kicked repeatedly in the ribs while Aro stood over him laughing, telling him to get up, then kicking him again when he tried wasn't as bad as when Aro locked him in the closet, leaving him in the dark. He hated the dark because the dark left him vulnerable. People relied on all their senses, but sight, actually being able to see if something harmful was coming, was what the dark took away.

Aro knew how much Edward hated the dark, so Aro spent a great deal of time taunting him with it. Finding out what Aro did led me to asking him about the night he found me in the coed bathrooms. He explained that he was on his way to shower and practically just entered the bathroom when he heard voices in the adjoining room. He turned off his flashlight and hid, hoping we wouldn't find him when we came in.

He said it was rare he had to do so, but there had been a few other times he had close calls, and the feeling he felt during then, the unbearable suffocation, was worse than being locked in the dark. That was the only time he welcomed the dark because it helped camouflage him.

He'd never been curious about anyone, but something about my voice intrigued him. Even through his fear, the way I spoke soothed him. He swore he hadn't meant to frighten me, and he wasn't even sure why he approached me like he did, but before he realized what he was doing, he was standing in front of me.

But when I fell, hitting my head, he'd never been more terrified. He wasn't sure what to do at first, had never really had much physical contact with someone because he didn't count objects being slammed against his body as physical contact with someone, so it took him a moment to decide to pick me up. He knew he couldn't leave me there, so he lifted me in his arms, terrified I'd wake up and see him like that, terrified I'd hate him for touching me, terrified I wouldn't wake up at all.

His plan was to make noise near the hallway to attract the 'other girl', but he noticed the hallway was as dark as the room we were in, so he peered out, seeing nothing and hearing only silence. He assumed I was left behind, and that was how I came to end up in his room.

Conversation ended after that, and I decided we needed something to lighten the air around us. I stood up and moved to the corner of the room, dragging the chair that held the newly bought portable DVD player over toward the mattress and started a movie.

I'd actually asked Marcus to purchase one and gave him a list of movies that might interest Edward. Of course Marcus agreed, but openly berated himself for not buying one sooner. He just assumed Edward wouldn't be interested because he'd provided picture books and magazines once, only to have them sit at the doorway unused.

Oh, but Edward was _very_ interested. Movie choice was his, but the look upon his face when I pressed play and _A Wonderful Life_ started would forever be seared into the recesses of my mind. The awe and wonderment within his eyes was the most rewarding sight I'd ever been graced with. I slipped out of the room to grab the surprise, microwave popcorn, that accompanied the DVD player. And so we ate microwave popcorn, which he absolutely loved, and lay on our stomachs, our elbows propped up with our heads in our hands, Lancie between us, watching the movie.

Halfway through the movie he turned to me, thanking me. I told him it wasn't necessary, but he disagreed. "You do more than you should."

"And now I disagree," I countered. "I want you to see and experience all the wonderful things Aro kept from you, and being in this room all day every day, well, I know you have to feel boredom at times. You need something more to do. You need to enjoy yourself."

"I do… when you're here."

"And when I'm not?" I questioned.

"It doesn't matter."

"It does to me," I told him. "Because one day you're not going to be here anymore, you're going to be out there living."

"I don't know," he shrugged. "This is my home."

"Edward," I started. "Why do you stay here, in this hospital? I guess I don't understand why it feels like home to you."

"Because," he whispered. "I don't know if I'm ready to join that world out there, Bella." He looked toward the far wall, passed the portable DVD player, like he could see through it to the outside. "I've never really been a part of it." He sighed, his lips pulling up into a half smile. "But here, in this place with you, it helps drown out the noise inside my head, the noise _he_ caused. It's become my fortress, as you put it earlier, and you are my shield."

I smiled back, remembering how I teased him during lunch while reading, _Lancelot: A Novel_. "I know, but you could be a part of it," I assured him as I placed my right hand against his cheek, turning his face so our eyes would meet again. "You could be a part of it with me."

* * *

Alice once again came to the rescue, swindling me out of a night of sports and sparklers with Charlie and Harry Clearwater's family. He never bought any other fireworks, only sparklers. He wasn't thrilled about not spending the holiday with both of his kids – Emmett was out of town with Rose and her parents - but he adored Alice and when she laid it on thick, she really laid it on. I did try to appease him, though, and swirled around two sparklers, at the same time, so he wouldn't feel bad. It seemed to work, because neither of us was up for any more sparkler time. Harry kept him distracted as I was saying goodbye, and then Alice and I slipped away.

For all that Alice had done to help me on the many occasions that she did, I kept her informed of everything and talked to her about things I couldn't talk to anyone else about. But when I first told her about Edward kissing me, I thought she was going to crush me from the hug she was giving and blow my eardrums with the squeal bursting from her lips. Alice was small, but she packed a powerhouse of a hug, and that voice could shatter glass if necessary. She was sure Edward felt the same about me, but me, I wasn't so sure. She simply rolled her eyes and told me to remove the blinders.

When I made it to the hospital, making sure to park the truck around back where it sat inconspicuous, I was really anxious to see Edward. I hadn't seen him all day because it was a holiday, and the idea of my working on a holiday was inexcusable to Charlie. I knew Marcus wouldn't be there. He promised to stay scarce for the night, knowing I was going to attempt getting Edward to watch some fireworks with me. I grabbed my bag, then bolted from my truck, hearing the thundering boom of distant fireworks, and ran inside the hospital as fast as I could, holding tight to the railing as I descended the stairs to the third floor then the basement.

I very nearly tripped over my own feet as I moved through the closet and made my way down the boiler room stairs. By the time I reached Edward's room, I was gasping for air. I bent over, placing my hands against my knees as I steadied myself to catch my breath.

Edward stood from the mattress and walked toward me, stopping just in front of me. "Are you okay?"

"Yeah," I gasped. "Ran… stairs… here."

"Okay," he laughed. I'd never get used to the sound or the way it made me feel a rush of warmth throughout my body.

I held my finger up, signaling for him to give me a minute. When my breathing finally calmed, I stood upright. "Sorry. What I was saying was that I ran, even down the stairs until I got here."

"Oh," he chuckled. "That's not how it sounded."

"Are you making fun of me?" I teased, smiling. "I could have been hyperventilating, or had something wedged in my throat for all you knew. You might have had to give me the Heimlich or mouth-to-mouth."

I was only teasing, but hadn't really thought about what I was saying before the words spilled from my lips. "Do you _need_ the Heimlich or mouth-to-mouth?" He, on the other hand, was not joking, and I wasn't even sure if he knew what either meant, but the mention of mouth only led to me remembering that kiss.

"Uh… no… no, I'm alright." I was completely flushed.

He took a step forward. "Why are you blushing?"

Oh God, he noticed. "I… well, I didn't know if you knew the Heimlich was where you place your hands under the diaphragm and give abdominal thrusts to help clear someone's airway of an obstructing object, and mouth-to-mouth is where you place your lips on someone's lips-" I paused, blushing even further because I was a blubbering idiot and because I couldn't think of anything past lips.

His eyes moved over my face, then searched mine, widening when it finally registered. His lips parted and a shiver ran through his body. We stood there, bodies inches apart, both remembering that kiss. I couldn't tell how long we stood there staring at one another, but I finally blinked, registering the dryness of my eyes.

I stepped around him, placing my bag alongside the mattress. "I… um... the fireworks have already started."

He tensed some, but it was a big difference from what it used to be. I immediately smiled as I noted the change. I'd been pushing him more the last week and a half, and it seemed to be paying off. _Next step: Marcus. _

"Remember what I told you," I reminded as I approached him, reaching for his hand. "They can be a bit noisy, but they won't hurt you, okay?"

"Okay," he whispered. I started to pull him forward, and he stopped me. "Bella… I… I don't think I can go outside."

"That's okay," I smiled. "We'll work up to that."

I started pulling him again, and we walked at his pace. I decided that instead of just taking him to the entryway on the second floor, we'd do a walkthrough of the hospital to acclimate him that much more to being out of his room. I wanted him to be as comfortable as possible, though I knew he was still weary, but I couldn't help but feel a sense of pride surge through me because he trusted me enough to try.

I wanted this experience to be enjoyable for him. I wanted him to see, not just hear, that there was an entire world out there waiting for him to join it, and I hoped that he was able to truly understand that by the end of the night.

We'd made it through the top floor and had just neared the steps to make our way down to the second floor when he stopped at the top step. "Bella, I-"

He'd been doing so good, made it this far, and I had hoped he'd go all the way, but as much as I wanted this for him, I couldn't force him. "Okay," I sighed. "Let's go back-"

He shook his head. "No."

"But I thought you-"

"If I went back to the room, would you be disappointed?" he asked. "Honestly?"

"Honestly?" He nodded. "I would be disappointed, but only because I _know_ you can do this, Edward. I know you can."

"I don't want to disappoint you."

"I didn't mean it like that."

"Yes, you did," he smirked. He was becoming much braver, so much more open to me. "But I want to be better for you."

As much as I loved hearing that he wanted to be better, and he was getting better, I didn't want it to be about me. "I want you to be better for _you_."

He inhaled through his nose, exhaling a raucous breath from his mouth. "I don't know how I'll be… down there, but I'll try. I'll try for you."

"That's all I wanted."

He squeezed my hand, then gave a slight nod of his head, signaling he was ready.

Making it down the stairs wasn't difficult, but approaching the door was a bit strained. He stopped every few steps, taking in a deep breath, then forced himself to move. His breathing accelerated, but he didn't stop.

As soon as we reached the doorway, I turned to face him. "If Marcus hadn't fixed this door and removed the brick outside, we wouldn't be able to see."

He just nodded, but I could tell he wasn't completely with me.

I reached for both his hands, gripping them in mine. "Edward, look at me." It took him a moment to comply, but he did. "I'm gonna open this door, and you're going to see the outside, but nothing out there is going to hurt you. I promise you that I won't let anything hurt you."

His eyes strayed toward the door, but I gripped his hands tighter and his focus came back to me. "You are so brave, you know that? I can't believe how brave you are." I released one of his hands, but kept our eyes locked and kept talking to him, encouraging him as I reached behind me to open the door. The moment the door opened, he exhaled a trembling breath, but his eyes never strayed from mine. "Remember when I told you that I was in awe of you and your strength?" He nodded. "What you're doing, pushing yourself to do something that you're afraid to do, that's why I'm in awe of you. That's why I said you have a strength I've never seen before.

"The door is open so you can see outside, it's dark out there, but you're standing right here. God, Edward, I'm so proud of you." I took one tentative step toward him, which was all I needed to place myself directly in front of him, and stared up into his eyes. "I just need you to do one more thing. You've already done the hard part, okay? You're right here, but you have to take one more step forward with me, and then we can watch those beautiful fireworks I told you about together. It'll just be me and you." His fingers tightened around mine. "Trust me," I pleaded with my eyes and lips.

I took a step backward, taking the lead, and our eyes never wavered from one another's as he moved forward toward me. I situated us directly in front of the door just as a resounding boom hit the air. Edward startled at the sound, but I laughed to ease him, telling him it was just a firework, reminding him they could make loud noises.

I let go of his hands for the briefest second, scooting over to make more room for him, but he reached for me as I moved and pulled me against him, his arms wrapped around my shoulders while my back pressed against his chest.

"I… please just stay. I need you close." I didn't argue, partly because it's what he wanted and partly because it's what I wanted, too.

I reached up, curling my fingers around his forearms. "Don't be afraid," I whispered. "Just watch the beauty." Another boom rumbled the dark sky, followed by an overflow of multi-colored lights that brightened the night, dripping down in the shape of a willow.

One right after the other illuminated through the darkness, the burst of their explosions felt within our chests. I wasn't sure why, but I'd always liked that feeling, even as a kid. He never spoke, but his hold loosened a bit and his breathing evened. Sometime later as we stood there pressed together, my legs already tired from standing so long, he lowered his head, resting his chin against the top of my head and sighing in contentment.

"I already have," he breathed.

* * *

Você é tão macia = You're so soft


	19. Chapter 19: Reveal

I'm still not completely back yet, I still have a lot going on in RL, but I wanted to get this chapter out before Fandom Gives Back ends so the winner(s) had another option to choose from.

Major love to my wifey, Sophy, Bbebar and shackle_me, my readers and reviewers, who I could not do this without. Thank you so much for the support you've shown me, and for the emails, pm's and dm's on twitter. You have no idea how much you've helped me get through the difficult times. I love you all.

One final note: I wanna remind everyone that Chancing Fate and The Unaccompanied Soul will be updating biweekly (every 2 weeks, both stories in the same week) from now on. I posted that information awhile back on my author blog. I'm going to attempt to resume regular biweekly updates after the Holiday. I'll keep everyone posted. I've also signed up as an author for Fandom Gives Back. You'll find info on how to join and what I'm offering on the TeamTUS blog. The link to the TeamTUS blog is on my author blog as well. http:/jmcullen [dot] blogspot [dot] com/

I've been nominated on both the Shimmer Awards and Bring Me To Life Awards. Voting is still open on both, so be sure to vote your favorites. To those that nominated me and voted, thank you so much.

P.S. Forgive me, but this isn't completely beta'd over. =( Also, I know the Portuguese translation is more Brazilian. Thank you to beejelly_ for her help.

**FYI: If you get a message that says duplicate review when you go to post a review for this chapter, just log out and post as anonymous. For some reason it's doing that to some reviewers.**

I do not own anything Twilight. It all belongs to SM. No copyright infringement is intended. However, characterizations, plot lines, backgrounds and details of this story are mine. No copying or reproduction without my permission.

* * *

**Chapter 19: Reveal**

My body reacted to what he said immediately, because the words Edward spoke, the conviction within them, sparked an acute longing to be even closer to him than I already was.

The sensation was heady as it traveled through me, causing goosebumps to break out across my flesh. It wasn't just about the physical closeness, though I realized how much I'd honestly grown to need the warmth of his touch in whatever capacity he gave it, even if it was just a mere look from his eyes, it was also about the emotional closeness I'd found with him.

I had never experienced a connection to someone like the undeniable connection I felt toward Edward. I wasn't positive as to whether or not my particular feelings were shared, but regardless of the answer, my heart and soul didn't seem to care either way. Every minute, every second, I was falling deeper, his mark indefinite upon me. I swear it felt as if I was always meant to belong to him.

I'd always been the one to give something, to take care of someone, and though I was doing just that with Edward, it felt different from every other time - I felt like I was being given to just as equally as I was giving. I was a bit confused by that because part of me seemed to understand, yet it was on lockdown from me, other than cryptic sensations I was occasionally granted.

I guess the truth was that Edward was teaching me as much as I was teaching him. He taught me how fulfilling handing over my heart could be, even if he didn't know he owned it, even if it ended up broken later. Loving someone meant putting their needs above your own, but I never realized how gratifying that could be until Edward. I never realized I could love this much.

"Bella," he whispered. "Are you okay?"

His arms tightened around me, pulling me further against him – we were practically meshed together as one being. Of course he'd notice the change in me. He was too perceptive sometimes.

"I'm perfect," I answered… because in that moment I was.

He hummed against me, the reverberation of the sound felt against my back, then lifted his chin from the top of my head, only to replace it with his lips.

I heard him inhale as his lips glided across my hair, felt his chest lift and fall as he sighed in contentment.

_I understand, Edward_, I thought. _More than I can tell you in words_.

"Are you ready to go back to the room?" I asked after a moment.

"Are you?"

I chuckled. "Are we back to answering a question with a question?"

I felt him smile against my hair. "That's not what I meant."

"What did you mean, then?"

"I'm ready if you're ready."

I moved to turn around, though his arms never released their hold on me but did settle around my hips, and looked into his eyes, the emotion behind them making it impossible to speak above a whisper. "I think I am."

His eyes roamed my face, brow furrowing. He removed his arms from around me, lifting them to cup my face, and ran the pads of his thumbs along the skin below my eyes. I still couldn't get over how comfortable he'd become touching me. "You look tired."

"No," I said, shaking my head. "I'm just really comfortable."

His eyes shifted to the right and he smiled, like he was remembering a fond memory that only he was privy to. "Me too."

* * *

We didn't rush going back to the room, and the entire distance Edward held my hand in his. That wasn't unusual for us, because he always held my hand when we were roaming the hospital together, but this time his lips were turned up into a beautiful smile. Something changed between us while watching the fireworks. I felt it, and I believed he felt it, too.

We'd watched _A Wonderful Life_ again, because Edward seemed pretty partial to that movie, but I'd only made it three quarters of the way through before I fell asleep. I hadn't realized I was actually that tired.

Light and dark of the outside wasn't visible to me, so I had no idea whether it was still evening when I woke up. I'd been sleeping rather well, too. Of course I'd been dreaming of Edward, which seemed to be a constant anymore. He'd taken up residence in every part of me, including my dreams, but I wasn't all that surprised by that fact, honestly. There really didn't seem to be many occasions where Edward wasn't on my mind.

Strangely, even in sleep I was quite aware of him, of his movements, so even though the movement he made beside me was a small one, my body sensed that he was closer to me.

My eyelids fluttered open, my vision hazed with sleep. I smacked my lips together because my mouth felt dry. When everything finally came into a clearer view, I focused right on him.

"Hi," I mumbled, lazily smiling up at him. My voice was coarse, so I cleared my throat to remove the dryness.

"Hi," he whispered back. He was propped up on his elbow, head resting in the palm of his hand, body pressed against mine so I could feel the intoxicating warmth that was him - he was watching me.

"You okay?" I asked as I wiped the sleep from my eyes. I could tell he'd been awake for some time, and I became worried that watching the fireworks, being so close to outside, may have ended up being too overwhelming for him after all.

He nodded. "Yeah, I was just watching you sleep."

"You were?"

He nodded again. "I like to watch you." He paused as his gaze shifted off me, face appearing beset in thought. Minutes later, his eyes met mine, a small smile playing at the corner of his lips. "You talk… in your sleep." He lifted his hand, brushing his knuckles lightly across my cheek. "You said my name. You must have been… You were dreaming about me."

"I was," I affirmed, because I did dream of him… consistently.

"I dream of you, too," he replied. There was no hesitation, no delay to his response. He laid down flat on his back, placing his hands behind his head, staring up toward the ceiling. I assumed his actions meant the end of our conversation, and I really had no inclination to push, though I truthfully wanted to know more. But the moment I laid down beside him, he sighed, then said, "Sometimes… sometimes I think I dreamed of you even before I met you, Bella, that maybe in another life time you must have been mine."

Had there even been a slightest moment before then that anyone could attempt to alter my feelings for Edward, the moment now ceased to exist… forever.

He turned on his side, facing me. The way he looked at me, the emotion that was visible within his eyes, caused my heart to thump wildly in my chest. I felt naked and vulnerable by his stare, because this was so much more than just looking at me. I didn't feel as if he was undressing me with his eyes, but it still felt very intimate.

He scooted even closer, keeping his eyes level with mine, placing our faces just a breath apart. He ran the fingertips of left hand along the underside of my jaw, his lips parted, his breathing elevated, causing the curiosity to know what he was thinking rise.

"O que você está fazendo comigo, Bella?" he breathed. "Eu não sei o que está acontecendo comigo, mas eu sei que é por causa de você. Eu sei que você é uma parte de mim agora, porque eu posso te sentir dentro do meu coração. Você tem uma casa lá. Eu sempre sinto você comigo, mesmo quando você não está. Eu não entendo como você me faz sentir fraco e forte." His eyes lowered as his forehead wrinkled in obvious concentration. "Eu queria entender como é possível para alguém se tornar uma força e uma fraqueza, ao mesmo tempo. Gostaria de poder explicar o que estou sentindo, mas eu não tenho palavras para fazê-lo. Você consegue ver? Você consegue o interior do lugar onde está? Eu não sei se você pode, eu não sei se posso ser o que você precisa que eu seja, mas eu quero ser, de qualquer maneira. Você pode me mostrar como, Bella?"

He was speaking in Portuguese again, which meant he was saying something that he was more than likely embarrassed or afraid to say for me to understand. I had no idea why, because I tried to assure him on many occasions that he could tell me anything without the worry of something negative afterward, but he still chose to do it anyway. It was a security blanket for him, a way to speak what he wanted to say but know there would be no repercussions because of it. We were still at a partial standstill with verbalizing, and we were both equally responsible for that.

And because of that, because I'd learned that was why he spoke to me in Portuguese, it made the desire to know what he was saying even more needful than it already was. I opened my mouth partially, ready to ask what he'd just said because I wanted to know so badly, though I had a feeling he wouldn't tell me, but the words cut off the moment he whispered my name right before his mouth found mine.

I was startled at first, because I wasn't really expecting him to kiss me again, but the surprise was quickly replaced by the sensation of his lips pressed against mine.

They were soft and warm, the feel and smell of him completely intoxicating. I couldn't think of anything but him, the way his mouth molded over mine, or the heat coming from his slender body that was now pressed fully against me.

I whimpered softly as the fingers of my right hand ghosted gently through his hair, settling at the nape of his neck. It was instinctive moves, both the whimper and the traveling of my fingers, and I tried to fight back the noise escaping my throat, not wanting to alarm him even though he seemed to want to be kissing me, but I failed miserably.

This kiss was so much different from the first one. It wasn't that he seemed more experienced in kissing, but he did seem more confident, and I could feel that confidence in the way his lips moved. It was probably largely in part to me expressing to him the previous time was nice, so he wasn't fearful that I'd reject him or be disgusted by him. It was more than nice, though. It was knee-dropping, even if it was his first time and awkward, but I was afraid to tell him that particular detail. I knew the intensity of sensation I felt was because it was him and because I was in love with him. The emotion made a bigger impact, making the act itself more special.

And my God, there was so much sensation. My skin was actually buzzing under his touch. I felt like my entire body had been engulfed by an ocean of flames, whirling me around in rapturous heat. The heat wasn't painful, though, but it was consuming.

He had no idea how he was affecting me, pulling me under and wrapping me in everything that was him. I was drowning in his essence, drowning in my need to love and heal him, and it was quickly becoming my undoing.

It was almost impossible not to break down and tell him how I felt about him, to let him know that whatever I was now, who I was to become in the future, it was all his for the taking.

But for now, I bit back the desire to unveil myself to him, and instead, let him control the situation as he needed to.

* * *

I wasn't able to stay the entire day with Edward the following morning because Charlie had wanted to spend an evening with Emmett and me. Edward had kissed me once more through the course of the day, just a light brushing of the lips as we watched a movie together, but I was really getting addicted to the feel of his lips on mine, and he seemed to become more acclimated to doing it the more he kissed me. He obviously seemed to like it too, otherwise he wouldn't keep doing it. At least that's how I rationalized it within my mind, and I certainly wasn't going to ask him to stop.

As much as I missed being with Edward when we weren't together, I had missed my family as well and was really looking forward to some quality time with them, especially since our quality time was pretty well nonexistent these days. So I settled for memories of waking up next to Edward, my head on his chest, and how it felt to have him kiss me to tide me over until I saw him again.

I stopped off at the grocery store after leaving the hospital two hours earlier than normal to pick up what I needed for dinner. Being that it was Monday, it wasn't all that busy, so I was able to get in and out of the store rather quickly. It had been awhile since I'd made a meal that really didn't take much in preparation, so I decided on Peppered Steak – it was Charlie's favorite.

I'd already finished preparing the salad, cooking the meat and was in the middle of warming the brandy – which I'd snickered about while remembering how Charlie nearly had a heart attack the first time I had to ask him to buy the brandy, all because his favorite meal required a small amount of liquor as sauce - to pour over the steaks when Emmett made his way into the kitchen.

"Smells good, Bells."

"Thanks," I told him.

He pulled out one of the chairs, taking a seat as he set his duffle bag alongside him. I could hear him fumbling with something on the table, and then the sound of clinking glass echoed the kitchen. "I… uh… wanted to tell you something."

I tensed instinctively. I wasn't sure why, other than maybe the tone of his voice - he seemed nervous. But I forcibly swallowed back the anxiety, because I had no intention of answering him in a faltered voice. "Okay."

"Well, you know about that concert Rose and I were going to next weekend, right?" He paused, obviously waiting for me to answer, so I shifted my attention from the brandy warming in the small pan to him and nodded, then turned my focus back to the pan. "It's just… she had six tickets and originally had invited Jasper, Alice, Jess, Mike and me, of course. That was great and all, but then we had a problem. Jess had to cancel out, personal problems, so that left an extra ticket. I kinda, well, I kinda told her you'd go in Jess's place."

I dropped the wooden spoon I'd been holding to stir the brandy and turned abruptly on my heels to face him. "You did what?"

How could he possibly think it was okay to volunteer me without asking? He knew better than to do something like that without speaking to me first. And really, how he could think I'd just jump at the opportunity to accept a ticket to go to a concert that I was only considered for because the initial owner of said ticket couldn't go was beyond me.

"It's a free ticket, Bella," he huffed. Jesus, he was seriously acting as if I should be grateful, and that what he'd done was a favor to me. What was up with him?

I went to speak again, to object, but he cut me off. "Besides that, it'll give you the opportunity to let Newton know you're interested so you can stop driving past his house like a crazy person."

So that's what this was about. Mike Newton. I shuddered as the nausea settled in just thinking his name. And sadly, Emmett really did believe he was doing me a favor.

But he wasn't.

I seriously felt like I was on a really bad episode of that show _The Twilight Zone _called _The Sick and Twisted Universe of Hell That Is My Life_, staring Bella Swan. And Emmett was obviously Satan. "Emmett, he lives on the highway, I have to drive past his house to get to work. I think we've already established that fact."

He shrugged. "Yeah, well, you don't have to drive so slow when you do it."

"The speed limit is fifty-five. My truck can barely do fifty."

Emmett stood from the table, shaking his head. "Always trying to hide from your feelings. It's kinda cute."

He'd barely finished the last sentence when Charlie came strolling into the kitchen. I had hoped he didn't hear our conversation, but the way he stood there, looking between Emmett and me, I realized that he had infact heard at least some of it.

"Who is hiding from their feelings?"

Emmett cleared the distance between Charlie and him, then clasped his hand around Charlie's left shoulder. "Teenagers," he sighed, shaking his head. "They're so naive."

He then left the kitchen, leaving Charlie as confused as ever and me wanting to stab him with a fork or at least beat him over the head with the wooden spoon I dropped.

Charlie looked at me, gesturing toward Emmett with a thumb over his shoulder. "What was that all about?"

"I have no idea," I responded as nonchalant as I could. "But I seriously think you need to rethink Emmett being in football, Dad. He's obviously been hit in the head and tackled one too many times for the small amount of brain cells he has."

He stood there staring at me, probably trying to figure out the situation, before he finally turned around and headed toward the living room, mumbling something about kids and gray hair.

Dinner was eventful to say the least.

Emmett kept throwing out little innuendos about my so called date with Mike the following weekend, the one he volunteered me for, and even though I had not agreed to going, it certainly would not be as a date if I did miraculously decide to go. But when I kicked him under the table to shut him up, he just smirked back at me, puckering his lips and making kissing noises until Charlie frowned at him, telling him to act his age.

"He can't help it, Dad," I interjected, smiling sweetly. "It's perfect case and point why one should not play such active sports when brain cells are scarce to begin with. If he lost anymore, it would be a tragedy."

Emmett may have possibly flipped me off, passing it off as scratching his forehead.

Charlie, on the other hand, tried to chastise me, wearing what I assumed was supposed to be a stern expression, but he was so not convincing; especially since he bit back a chuckle with every other word. "Bella, be nice to your brother."

After I cleaned up the dinner dishes, surprisingly with Emmett's help, we ended up playing a few games of Rummy at the kitchen table, which I sucked at big time. Charlie tried to coach me, but it really didn't do any good to improve my game, or lack thereof.

"Bella, the object is to get rid of all the cards by melding."

"Uh… how am I supposed to meld if I have no idea what that means, Dad?"

Emmett laughed, but my question only served to make Charlie more determined to teach me. "You group cards in approved combinations of three or more cards from your hand, placing them face up in the designated meld area on the table." He lifted a set of three cards in front of him to demonstrate. "You can lay off, which means adding cards to a meld laid down by yourself or a previous player, but they have to form a legitimate meld. And after each turn, you discard a card in the discard pile. You think you got it now?"

"Yeah, she's got it, Dad," Emmett teased. He, of course, knew I didn't.

Charlie seemed pretty pleased with his explanation, so I nodded, though I was still a bit lost. Needless to say, I did not win once. After four rather long hands of embarrassingly failing at Rummy, I called it a night.

Emmett tapped on my door, which was still partially opened, while I was putting the laundry folded on my bed away before I could go to sleep.

"Hey, I'm sorry about earlier."

"Which part?" I asked. "Making fun of me through Rummy, or the fact that you volunteered me to go somewhere without asking me?"

"The volunteering you part. The Rummy, that was pretty funny," he laughed.

"Goodnight, Emmett," I said through gritted teeth.

He held up his hands in mock surrender. "Okay, okay, I'm sorry about both."

"Sure you are," I teased. "Oh, yeah, one more thing I'm curious about. Why do you make it a point to slip into good brother mode right as I'm going to bed? This is becoming a pattern with you."

"What? That's not what I'm doing, Bella. I just thought about it from your perspective, and you were right."

"It took you through dinner and four long hands of Rummy to think about my perspective?" I questioned.

"No, that's not… Look, you said Dad didn't know about your crush on Mike, so even though I felt bad about what I did, I didn't want to mention it in front of him." He was being honest, I could tell, but his honesty didn't stop my stomach from clenching when he mentioned me having a crush on Mike Newton.

I couldn't fault him, though. I was the one that led him to believe it. "Thanks."

He shrugged. "You don't have to go or anything, I just thought if you were around him and all, then you'd have the courage to tell him. I'll leave it up to you what you do, just let me know as soon as you can whether you're going or not. I need to let Rose know."

"I will." I placed the last pair of pajama pants in my drawer, then walked over to my bed and pulled down the comforter. He was still standing there, but he wasn't saying anything. "Well, I'm gonna go to bed now."

He blinked, then clapped his hands together. "Right, yeah… well, goodnight, Bells." Just as I went to say goodnight, he started speaking again. "I know I'm not always a big help around here, and I'm going to try to change that, but for what it's worth, Mom would be really proud of how you've grown up. I don't care who you like just as long as you're happy, so-" He paused, then nodded. "Uh… that's all I wanted to say. Goodnight."

He was out of my room and shutting the door after him before I could respond. I sat there for a few minutes, trying to figure out what just happened, before I gave up and laid down, my eyes heavy with sleep.

I pretty much fell asleep moments after hitting my pillow.

I'd promised Alice a girl's day on Tuesday, and had made Edward and Marcus aware of that in advance, but I made sure to visit with Edward a few hours beforehand, promising I'd be back there later in the evening to spend more time with him. I could tell he wanted me to stay, but I was still rewarded with a warm smile and him telling me to have fun.

Alice was at my house waiting when I returned, wide-eyed and full of rambunctious energy – her normal self.

She'd purposely kept me uninformed about what we were doing until we were on our way to Port Angeles, apparently for lunch first then pedicures.

I wasn't keen on the idea of someone touching my feet, but Alice insisted, and I'd learned long ago not to argue with the little pixie – it wasn't pretty.

After dining at Bella Italia, which Alice now dubbed as a nickname for me, we headed over to Seaport Salon and Spa for our appointments.

We were sitting in the black spa chairs, reading through outdated magazines, while two older women were rubbing cuticle lotion on our toes above the large basin of water.

"Isn't this great?" Alice practically moaned as her head fell against the chair.

"Yeah, it's lovely," I mocked. Her head snapped in my direction, eyes narrowing, but I knew she wasn't really angry. She was enjoying herself, I understood that, but I just couldn't get over the fact that there was some strange woman rubbing my feet. This particular like was Alice's, not mine.

"Sometimes I wonder about you, Bella." She shook her head, laughing, then went back to laying it against the chair as she closed her eyes.

I playfully stuck my tongue out at her, an act she missed because her eyes were closed, then made sure to turn my attention back to the funny lady playing with my toes.

After the incessant rubbing of my feet, one hot towel that practically scalded my skin right off and hot pink nail polish that Alice chose - which would be taken off at the first opportune moment I was away from her – later, we did a bit of shopping. Well, really, Alice did _a lot_ of shopping - I didn't. I did, however, buy a couple new DVD's to add to Edward's collection, and ended up at Jo-Ann Fabrics where I bought the material and stuffing to fix Lancelot's missing arm.

By the time we left Port Angeles, heading back to my house to gather some items I'd be taking to Alice's because I was staying overnight, I was wore out.

Charlie and Emmett weren't home when we arrived there, but there was a note left for me, telling me that Charlie had to go to Mason County on official business so it would be late when he got home, but if I had the intention of staying with Alice tonight, it was alright, considering.

Alice and I made our way upstairs.

"You know what's funny?" she asked me as she stood in the center of the room, eyes scanning over everything I had scattered around.

I shook my head. "No."

"I can't remember the last time this room looked any different than it does now."

"Why do you say that?" I yanked my overnight back out from underneath my bed, placing it on top of the mattress as I stood up, once again meeting her gaze.

She laughed. "Because it's been the same since…. God, since we were young." She moved beside me near the bed and bent over, wrapping her tiny fingers around a portion of my blanket. "You've had this same purple comforter since you were seven, I think. You're almost nineteen now."

"I like my purple comforter," I pouted. "It's pretty."

"Bella, the lifespan of this comforter is long past," she teased. "Then again, it won't really matter after next month, anyway. We'll be heading off for school."

I paused beside the bed, biting my lip as the queasiness from my nerves rumbled through my stomach. "Uh… about that, I'm… uh… I'mwaitingtogotoschool." I spoke in a rush, knowing full well no matter how much I prayed Alice wouldn't ask questions, that I wouldn't get a reprieve from her doing so.

"You're doing what?"

"I'm… waiting?" It came out more a question than an answer.

"What do you mean you're waiting?" she asked gruffly. "You can't wait. Bella, you're already signed up."

I headed toward my dresser, pulling clothes out that I was planning to take with me before I answered her. And it wasn't as though my movements would deter her from expecting an answer. "I know that, but I can retract my sign up forms."

"You can't do that, Bella. No, scratch that. Why would you _want_ to do that?"

I made it back to the bed and began filling my bag with clothing. "Why do you think, Alice?"

I chanced a glance at her from the corner of my eyes. She was not pleased… at all.

"You're really considering the idea of not going?" she asked incredulously.

I continued filling my overnight bag, keeping my eyes off her now. I couldn't look at her, not when I knew I'd see nothing but disappointment upon her face. I hated disappointing Alice, especially since being in college together was something we'd discussed since we were kids.

"Yes. I can't go, Alice. Not right now." I zipped up my bag, but continued to fumble with the cold, metal teeth of the zipper in order to keep from looking at her.

"Bella, going to college means everything to you," she began, pleadingly. "I know you care about him, I know the idea of leaving him is hard, but you can't just put your life on hold. This is too important, and I don't think he'd-"

"Edward _is_ my life, Alice," I interrupted angrily, my attention now on her. "And to me, that's pretty damn important."

She sighed in agitation, crossing her arms at her chest. "You know I've been behind you one hundred percent when it came to Edward. For God's sake, I've lied for you on many occasions so you could have an alibi to stay overnight with him, but I can't be on board with you putting college on hold, Bella. We've had this planned since we were young. Do you really think he'd be okay with you not doing something that you clearly want to do, something that's important for your future?"

"I don't know, Alice. I haven't really discussed it with him, but it doesn't really matter, does it? I've already made up my mind," I told her.

"What about Charlie?" she huffed. "You can't possibly think he'll be okay with this. You and I both know he won't. And what are you going to tell him as an explanation to why you're waiting, because I doubt you intend to tell him the truth? He'll see right through you and you know it."

"I don't know what I'm going to tell him yet. I'll think of something, but I can't leave Edward right now, Alice."

"If you don't go now, you won't ever go, Bella, and you'll be sacrificing a dream. I don't think he'd want that on his conscience."

I understood what she was trying to do and why, but the idea of leaving Edward now, well, it was not a possibility I was comfortable with. He'd made so much progress, but if I were to go, just leave him now, I feared everything he'd fought to come through would be undone and he'd revert back inside himself. I certainly wasn't willing to allow that to happen.

So I had to sacrifice a dream for now, as Alice put it, but in the grand scheme of things, I really didn't look at it as sacrificing, not when it meant at the end of it all Edward could have the chance at a normal life, one he should have had all along. To me, the possibility of him having that chance, it was a gift, not a sacrifice.

"I'm going to go, Alice, I will," I promised her. "But I just… I need to make sure that he can function just as well or better than he is right now if I were to be gone. I could go to school, I could leave him and do all these things I wanted to do, but when I came back here for him, which you know I'd do, to find him just as broken as he'd been the first time I saw him, I wouldn't be able to forgive myself.

"He's too important to me, Alice. He's such an intricate part of my life, permanently weaved into my soul. What I feel for him, it's not just a summer thing. It's so beyond that. I feel it." I placed my hand over my heart in emphasis. "I love him, and I don't abandon those I love. I just can't do it. I know you're worried about what I'm giving up, but I'm not giving up anything, honestly. I'm just delaying a little. I had a choice to make. It was either leave and risk him or stay and delay my schooling a little. I grew up being loved, had a chance to live a good life. He didn't, and it's about time now that he did."

She sat down on the bed, exhaling audibly. "Charlie isn't going to understand. You know that, right? You aren't Emmett. You're not academically challenged."

I smirked at her reference to Emmett, then nodded. "I know. I don't even want to think about how telling him is going to turn out, and I'm hoping some kind of miracle happens with Edward before then. I don't know what to do, Al. I only know I can't just disappear on Edward."

She paused for a moment, visibly in deep thought, but then her face lifted, eyes sparkling in approval to whatever she'd been thinking. "Well, what if you don't have to?"

I sat beside her, folding my legs Indian style. "What do you mean?"

"It's not a secret that financially you're struggling, right?"

I cocked my head to the side, narrowing my eyes at her. "Thanks for reminding me, Alice."

"That's not what I meant," she assured, shaking her head. "You had told Charlie before that you wanted to contribute, and it took awhile for him to agree, but he finally did. College costs quite a bit, even community college, but it's not as pricey. And you being in college, that's two tuitions Charlie's paying most of on a sheriff's salary - which let's face it, isn't much.

"It could be considered arguable that someone who needs to work a job to help pay for their college tuition and books would be better off going to a two-year community college they could later transfer from. Peninsula College has a main branch located in Port Angeles, and they also offer some classes and programs at a branch campus in Forks. You could even do some of your classes online to minimize your time away from Edward, which Charlie would only know as you working to help afford college costs." She exhaled, then sucked in another deep breath before continuing.

"And if that doesn't work, just remind him Emmett took a year off before going and at least you're still enrolling somewhere." She smiled widely, completely proud of herself for brainstorming a fix all to my situation.

I laughed at her. "Are you sure you don't want to major in law?"

She nodded. "I'm sure. You know me, I'd be too bored." She sighed, then smiled at me, but the smile didn't reach her eyes. I could still see the sadness she was trying to mask. "I'm going to miss you, you know? We always planned to go to school together, but I guess you can always transfer junior year with me."

"Alice, you'll be in Seattle. You won't be that far away from me. We'll talk all the time and I'll-"

"It won't be the same, Bella."

"I know," I agreed. "But I have to do this, Alice."

"I know you do. I hate the idea of the plans we made being postponed, but I'd rather you go to a community college so that you could still be with Edward than not go at all," she explained. "And I know if the roles were reversed and it was Jasper, I'd be doing the same as you, so I can't exactly give you a hard time for it."

I wrapped my arms around her tiny neck, pressing my head against hers. "Have I told you lately that you're the best friend anyone could have?"

"Yeah, I am pretty great, aren't I?" she giggled. "You're pretty lucky to have me."

We both laughed, and the tension that formed between us at the start of the conversation completely disappeared.

Now if only it would be that easy to sway Charlie on the matter.

* * *

I drove to the hospital to spend some time with Edward before going back to Alice's. Marcus's truck was still in the lot when I pulled in. And after making my way inside, I found him in the boiler room, gathering up everything to head home.

"Hey, Marcus." I waved the moment he glanced up at me.

He finished picking up the last box that was sitting in front of him, but I could hear the laughter in his tone. "I should have known you'd be back here to see him, even if you were supposed to be staying with a friend tonight. Love holds no bounds."

His statement caught me off guard, causing my steps to falter, my words to stammer. "I… I, well-"

He waved me off with his hand. "You don't have to explain anything to me. I'd be a blind fool not see you love the boy. But that's your business, you hear? I say that because you're the best thing that's happened to him. I'd also be a damn idiot to interfere. I might be an idiot, but I'm not a _damn_ idiot."

"Thanks," I whispered.

"You're welcome."

I cleared my throat, anxious for subject change. "He's eaten, right?"

"He has," he answered. "I made sure before I decided to leave. His tray's over there." He pointed to the tray that was resting at the corner of his bench. "I even slipped a note in with his meal to let him know that I'd leave for an hour so he could… uh… do whatever he needed to do. I don't know if he did or not, so you might want to make sure he's comfortable, yeah?"

"I will," I promised.

He winked at me. "See you tomorrow, Bella."

"See you tomorrow, Marcus."

When I entered Edward's room, he was on the mattress, lying flat on his stomach, clutching onto the pillow I used when I stayed overnight with him. The blanket was partially draped over his body, Lancelot's paw sticking out from underneath him. I noticed the portable DVD player was on but was in screensaver mode. He'd obviously fallen asleep during a movie.

Edward was snoring softly, and I couldn't help but smile as I approached him and looked down at his face. He looked so peaceful and seeing that serene expression made my chest swell with satisfaction and love.

The feelings were so overwhelming, the desire to touch him became too much to deny. I sat down beside him as gently as I could, running my fingers tenderly through his hair.

Feeling the way I felt near him, it was a wonder that I was able to manage an entire day in his absence. Nothing I'd ever experienced compared to the emotions Edward made me feel, and it was moments like these when they bubbled over, trying to break through the barrier I forced up to shield them, that my will to keep them hidden was flimsy at best.

My heart ached to express how much he changed me. My mouth struggled against the control my brain forced to speak out the three words that could alter everything if Edward heard them. But he was asleep right now, he wouldn't know. If I whispered them, if I gave into that longing and just whispered those three words I knew he wouldn't hear, maybe it would be easier to hold them back later because I'd been able to say them in his presence.

"I wish I wasn't such a coward to tell you how much you've changed my life," I whispered. "I want to be able to tell you, because it's so hard to hold this inside me now. I feel like I'm going to burst open because I'm feeling so much, but I'm afraid of what could happen if I tell you. I'm afraid of hurting you, and I couldn't live with myself if I ever hurt you."

I felt the sting of tears, then warm liquid spilling over and traveling slowly down my heated cheeks. "You're too important. You've become everything to me, Edward. I don't know if I'm doing right by you, but I'd like to think I am. I don't want to push you or overwhelm you, and that's become the basis of my fear in telling you how I feel about you."

I placed my now sweaty palms against my jean covered thighs and ran them over the material to remove the dampness. I kept my focus on my hands, which were now resting in my lap, when I spoke again. "But I can tell you now, when I know you won't hear because you're locked away in what I hope is happy dreams.

"I can let you know that even though you think you're different, that you're forever broken, you are the most beautiful soul I've ever met. You've made me fall in love with you." I wiped at the tears that were bleeding over, obstructing my vision. "I'm so completely and undeniably in love with you, Edward."

A gasp sounded to the right of me, and my head snapped in the direction of the sound, panic surging through me, tears still spilling freely down my cheeks. My eyes met a set of widened green ones, proving two things positive.

Edward was now awake. Edward had heard me.

* * *

O que você está fazendo comigo, Bella? Eu não sei o que está acontecendo comigo, mas eu sei que é por causa de você. Eu sei que você é uma parte de mim agora, porque eu posso te sentir dentro do meu coração. Você tem uma casa lá. Eu sempre sinto você comigo, mesmo quando você não está. Eu não entendo como você me faz sentir fraco e forte. = What are you doing to me, Bella? I don't know what's happening to me, but I know it's because of you. I know you're a part of me now because I feel you inside my heart. You have a home there. I always feel you with me, even when you aren't. I don't understand how you make me feel weak and strong.

Eu queria entender como é possível para alguém se tornar uma força e uma fraqueza, ao mesmo tempo. Gostaria de poder explicar o que estou sentindo, mas eu não tenho palavras para fazê-lo. Você consegue ver? Você consegue o interior do lugar onde está? Eu não sei se você pode, eu não sei se posso ser o que você precisa que eu seja, mas eu quero ser, de qualquer maneira. Você pode me mostrar como, Bella? = I wish I understood how it was possible for someone to become a strength and a weakness at the same time. I wish I could explain what I'm feeling, but I don't have the words to. Can you see it? Can you see inside to the place where you are? I don't know if you can, I don't know if I can be what you need me to be, but I want to regardless. Will you show me how, Bella?


	20. Chapter 20: Once More With Feeling

Okay, so I decided that I'd post this chapter a couple days early. I don't think you're opposed to that, right? Lol.

Anyway, lots of love to my wifey, Sophy, and my amazing prereaders Bbebar, shackle_me and hayboo05. Also, a big thank you to beejelly_ for helping with translations. To my readers, you own me! Next update will be in 2 weeks.

**FYI**: I did do medical research for this chapter, but I am **NOT** an expert. While I try to be as accurate as I possibly can, some information may not be fully accurate because, as I stated, I'm not a doctor. =)

I do not own anything Twilight. It all belongs to SM. No copyright infringement is intended. However, characterizations, plot lines, backgrounds and details of this story are mine. No copying or reproduction without my permission.

* * *

**Chapter 20: Once More With Feeling**

"**Cry"**

_In places no one would find _

_All your feelings so deep inside (deep inside) _

_It was then that I realized _

_That forever was in your eyes _

_The moment I saw you cry _

_I wanted to hold you _

_i wanted to make it go away _

_I wanted to know you _

_I wanted to make your everything, all right..._

He stared up at me, eyes widened almost saucer like in size. The panic over what kind of damage I may have caused him emotionally nearly seized me, locking me down and leaving me immobile. I'd been so careless speaking aloud like that, even if my words had only been a whisper. I didn't take into consideration that he'd hear me because I just assumed he was sleeping. Deep down, part of me wanted him to hear, and that was selfish of me to consider when I had no clue as to how he'd react. I guess I just wanted him to see that what Aro told him about being loved was a lie.

I should have known assumptions weren't always accurate – the way he was looking at me proved that fact. I had no idea what he was thinking, and I was completely unable to ask him. I tried to move my lips, to say something in order to take the words back inside me so he'd be okay again, but I couldn't move. I felt like invisible steel held me down, keeping me completely paralyzed to do anything but look at him.

It was too late, though, to take back what he heard. The words fell from my lips, hitting the air and directing their path straight toward his ears. There were always repercussions to actions, regardless of good or bad, every made decision causing an effect. The problem was I had no idea what effect my words were going to cause; I couldn't make out from his expression. But if it were possible, I would take them back if it meant bettering him in whatever way he needed, even if swallowing them down shredded me inside. Because, admittedly, it felt good to voice those words aloud. It was becoming harder each passing day to hold in the fact that I was in love with him.

He sat up slowly, that same expression of shock seemed unending in his features. I pleaded with God to grant me one moment inside his mind so I had an idea of what he was thinking. When he was fully upright, his arm pressed against mine and I could feel his body trembling. I felt sick to my stomach then, knowing I was the reason behind the trembling. Was he afraid of me, of what I said? Did he think I expected something from him in return?

I was steeling myself for something to happen, but I couldn't be sure what. Maybe he'd pull away from me, or maybe he'd do something else entirely. God knows he'd always had something taken from him, but he'd never been given anything in return. I wanted to tell him the only thing I wanted was to give him my heart, and I didn't expect anything in return from him. He didn't have to love me back, ever, but to know that despite what he believed about himself, he could be loved. My God, it was so easy to love him.

"B-Bella," he whispered.

I wanted to cry, because he sounded so broken in the way he spoke my name. I swore I'd never hurt him, and it seemed I'd done the very thing I swore I wouldn't do, all in the name of clearing my conscience.

"I'm sorry," I cried, the now present tears obstructing a portion of my vision. "I'm so… very sorry. I shouldn't… I wasn't thinking about how-"

"You..." he paused, swallowing hard, "love me?"

The plea behind that question was audible in the way he asked, but the fact that he was trying to comprehend what he heard, like it wasn't real, was evident too. I blinked away the tears, feeling them hot and wet as they slid down my cheeks. His eyes were still watching me and the shock was still seeable, but there was so much feeling hidden in their green depths, the intensity of all that emotion consuming me entirely.

I closed my eyes before answering, caught up in the way I felt for him, the way his eyes pleaded for me to give what he asked. "I do."

"Say it again," he choked out, so overwhelmed in the way he responded, as if he needed to hear it again in order to allow himself to believe I really said it.

"I do," I repeated.

"No." He shook his head, speaking in a crushed whisper. "That's not what I… Bella, I need… I don't know if it's real."

He stopped midsentence, but he didn't have to continue for me to know what he wanted. He wanted me to say those three words that changed everything. Those three words that would make real for him what he never believed could happen… that someone would love him.

I opened my eyes, meeting his beseeching ones. The tears that hadn't stopped, even with my eyes closed, fell freely now that they weren't contained by shut eyelids. I stared at him for a long moment, allowing my eyes to travel across his face. He was so beautiful, the inner beauty seeping to the outside, making him practically shine.

I'd always felt out of step, never really knowing where I fit in, but as I gazed at him now, I was finally aware of what I was meant for. If there was never anything else in this world I was meant to do, I _was_ meant to love him, and I needed him to know that. "I love you."

He groaned out this pained sound that became stifled by his faltered words. "How could you… love me?"

"It's so easy to love you," I breathed.

He shook his head, a single tear sliding down his cheek. "It's not." He glanced down at himself. "Look at me. How could you love… _this_?" He lifted his hands, directing toward himself.

He stared up at me, then back down at his lap, shaking his head. The way he saw himself, it was tainted by Aro's words. He truly believed he was unworthy of anything good.

I reached for his right hand, placing his shaky fingers against my cheek. That familiar, soothing sensation that passed between us was intensely electric against my skin, traveling its way through my body. No one had ever come close to making me feel the way he did.

This was so new to me, feeling this way about someone. And honestly, it terrified me because I felt so much, but regardless of the fact that I was terrified of the unknown, what this change meant for us, I knew it was right - loving him was right. So I was going to do what I needed to do and push the fear aside to help him manage his. I'd at least had the experience of love… he hadn't.

I lifted his chin, feeling resistance at first. His eyes finally met mine, but they were glassed over by tears. "How could I not love you?"

"I'm not… I can't give you what I should."

I cupped my hands around his face, making eye contact, attempting to express with mine how much he meant to me, and that whatever he was inside, it would always be enough. "You give me more."

"Bella, I-" he paused, closing his eyes as he groaned almost painfully. "I shouldn't want …" His words trailed off into nothingness.

"Edward, please look at me." I ran the pads of my thumbs along his cheek bones, soothingly, hoping to calm whatever anxiety he was feeling. I didn't expect that learning I loved him would be easy, because the fact that it was even possible to him would be jarring enough.

I also needed him to understand that just because I loved him didn't mean I expected the same in return. It seemed almost an eternity before he finally opened his eyes. "Listen to me, okay? What I said to you, about me loving you, that doesn't mean that I expect you to love me back. I don't want you to feel any obligation to me for anything, alright? I'm worried that's what you'll believe, that I'd expect you to do that. I swear to you that's not the case. You breathing, smiles on your face, being able to spend time with you, just being able to know you, that's enough for me. There are no strings attached to the way I feel about you, I just-"

The hand he had pressed against my cheek moved across my mouth, and his still trembling fingers cut off my words. He closed his eyes again, leaning forward so that his forehead was pressed against mine. "Bella," he uttered softly, his warm breath whispering across my face. "I've never had love. I don't know what I'm… I don't know how to put into words what's inside me. In here." He reached for one of my hands, placing it against his chest, directly over his heart, covering it with one of his own hands. "But I feel something here because of you. It hurts when you're gone. I feel… hollow, like you go and take some of me with you. I miss you being here, and the only thing that helps is thinking about you and knowing you'll be back. I… I'm afraid I won't say it right."

"You don't have to say anything if you don't want to."

"I want to," he told me. "I've never had to explain feelings before. No one ever wanted to know, so it's not… I may not be good at it, but I want to give you words if I can't give you anything else."

"Edward, you don't-"

" Você faz meu coração doer de uma maneira boa."

"I don't know what that-"

"My heart," he interrupted, "it aches, but not because it's a bad ache. It's not the ache I feel when we aren't together." He paused, as if he were trying to find the words. "It's hard to find the words to... It feels full, and it's overwhelming because I've never known this feeling before. You make me want to be in the light, Bella. You make me believe it's possible for me. I've never known someone like you. I never knew someone like you could exist. But you do, and you're here with me, and I'm afraid it won't last. I'm afraid because of the way I am, you'll go away from me."

I shook my head. "Leaving you is not a possibility."

"How do you know that?"

"I know because the moment I walk out that door every day, I leave a part of me here with you, and I take a piece of you with me. I know because nothing in my world feels right unless I'm with you. The mark you made on me, Edward, it's permanent."

"I don't want to hope that I can really have this and lose it," he whispered as he gazed down at our now linked fingers that were resting over his heart.

I used my free hand, grabbing his other one, and pressed his palm against my lips, placing a soft kiss there. "You won't ever have to know what it's like to lose it."

"I don't know what I'm doing, Bella." He gazed at me, his eyes pleading with mine. "Will you show me… how to be right for you?"

"You're already right for me," I promised. "But everything else, we'll learn together. There's no pressure, no expectations for anything, we'll just _be_," I told him. "I know I've had more experience with love than you, but not this kind, not what I feel for you. It's new to me, and I don't know what I'm doing either, but what I do know is I feel right when I'm with you. I've never felt anything more right.

"I know you think you don't deserve it, or that the only thing that someone could possibly feel is pity or disgust for you. I'm telling you that's not true. I'm telling you that someone can feel something unbelievably beautiful for you. Because what I'm feeling, it feels beautiful and good. It's scary, yes, because it's new, but it's still beautiful. And there's Marcus who loves you, too."

His eyes widened as he looked at me. "But how can he love-"

"I told you," I smiled. "You're easy to love."

He gaped at me for a long moment, shoulders slouching a little. "I don't know how he can feel anything for me when I wouldn't even see him."

I scooted even closer to him, practically making us one person because we were so close now. My skin prickled as goosebumps broke out across my body. This always happened when I was near him. "We'll work on the seeing him part, but he does love you and he understands."

Our faces were a breath apart now. "Bella," he breathed. His eyes looked into mine, searching. "Will you stay with me tonight?"

I was supposed to be staying with Alice, and I knew if I didn't stay with her she'd be upset, but I also knew I couldn't just get up and leave him. I could only hope Alice would forgive me. "I will."

He smiled almost bashfully. "Thank you."

I smiled back. "You're welcome."

"Can… Would it be alright if I hold you?"

My heart began racing steadily in my chest with anticipation of just being close to him all night. "Yes," I whispered. "Just… uh… just let me call Alice so she knows I won't be coming over."

His brow furrowed guiltily. "Are you… Am I keeping you from her?"

I shook my head. "You aren't keeping me from her." _I'm keeping me from her because I can't leave you._

"I just don't want to be a reason-"

"You aren't." I cut him off, smiling. "I want to be here with you."

He reached up slowly, then brushed his fingers gently along my jaw. "Okay," he whispered.

I reluctantly left him and headed out to my truck to grab my tote bag and call Alice. She answered on the second ring. "Where are you?"

She did not sound happy.

"I'm still at the hospital," I told her.

"Well, I've been waiting for you. Hurry up and get here." I could hear her shuffling around, a noise echoing in the background that sounded a lot like a microwave. "I'm popping some popcorn, and I've prepared a night of sob worthy entertainment. You know what that means, don't you? John Hughes is our date for the evening. Oh, and a side of Sandra Bullock in _While You Were Sleeping _is the grand finale."

"About that," I started. "I… uh… I won't be able to make it."

I tried to whisper the last part, I'm not even sure why, maybe to cushion the blow, but I knew she heard every word just as clearly as I'd spoke it in a normal voice because the loud intake of air, that was then exhaled just as loudly, made a whooshing sound into the speaker of my cell. That sound was followed by a growl.

"What do you mean you won't be able to make it?" Her voice was low, an unmistakable edge to the tone. "We had plans. You can't just not show up when we already have plans, Bella."

"Well, I just-"

She didn't let me finish, her voice raising an octave. "Bella, you promised me. You promised you'd be here tonight. I should have known in going there you'd break your promise yet again. You know I've been supportive, kept everything you've told me about Edward between us, but all I ask is a little time with my friend in return, and you can't even give me that. That hurts."

"I'm sorry, Al," I told her. "But this is different. I didn't come here with the intention of staying. I only wanted to check up on him, but-"

"There's always a reason, Bella." The tone of her voice made the guilt in hurting her cut that much deeper. "I know he needs you, but he can't be the only one who gets all your time. You have family and friends who don't know about him and you're cutting yourself off from everyone. What do you think will happen once they really become interested in why that is? I don't want to sound selfish here, Bella, because I know you love him, but you have to think about the other people in your life who care about you. They need you too."

"Don't you think I know that, Alice?" I gripped the cell tighter in my hand. "You think I don't miss everyone? I do, but my heart is always left with him when we aren't together. I know I have obligations and responsibilities that don't include him, I know I need to give more of my time to my family and friends, but none of those people, you included, have lived the life Edward has. We all have someone waiting for us at home, caring about us, friends to lean on when our lives go in a direction we don't want them to go. All he has is me and Marcus, and he can't let himself be around Marcus yet. He needs consistency if he's ever going to get better, and that's what I've given him. I won't be another person to take something from him. He's lost enough."

"Bella, I just… I know this, okay? I don't know him personally like you do, but I want him to have all the things you want for him too. I also want you to have what you should as well. I know I don't say it enough, but I'm so proud of what you've taken on to help him, but you can't shoulder it all. It's too much, and I'm so afraid you're going to exhaust yourself. I worry about you, okay? You're my best friend, and I miss you, and I just want-"

"He knows, Alice," I interjected.

She paused momentarily, as if she were mulling my words, before she spoke again. "Umm… he knows what?"

"That I'm in love with him."

"What?" she squealed. "Did you… did you tell him?"

"Kind of," I replied.

"What do you mean kind of?" she asked. "Spill it, Bella."

"I don't know. I thought he was asleep, but he wasn't."

I could practically hear the curiosity permeating her little body. "How did he react? Does he love you, too? I bet he does."

"I mean, it was a bit of shock for him. He grew up believing he could never be loved, so to find out what you believed all your life is a lie, well, it's not exactly easy to take in."

"I get that, but what did he say?"

"He told me that he didn't understand what he felt because it was new or even how to explain it, and I made his heart ache, but not in a way that was bad." Goosebumps formed as I replayed his words in my mind and aloud for Alice. "He said it felt full, and that was overwhelming for him. He told me that he felt empty when I wasn't with him, and he asked me if I would show him how to be right for me."

"Yep," she sighed. "The boy's definitely in love with you, too. He just doesn't know how to reiterate that because he has nothing to compare it to."

"He asked me to stay with him, and after everything being so overwhelming for him, I just couldn't tell him no. I'm sorry, Alice. I know I haven't been much of a great friend to you lately, but I will make it up to you if it's the last thing I do," I promised. I was determined it wouldn't be empty either.

"I'm going to hold you to that," she chuckled. "I just… I know I seem like a spoilt child sometimes, but it's only because I miss you. I know you need to be with him, but I just want a little bit of your time, okay? And I want you to have time for Emmett and your dad. I know they miss you when you're gone, even if they don't voice it much. This is gonna sound selfish, and I really don't mean to be, but I need you as much as you need me sometimes, and there's really no one else I trust sharing things with but you. And I really do _not_ feel comfortable talking about my love life with my parents. That's kinda gross."

I laughed. "Okay, tomorrow night I'm all yours, and we'll discuss that love life of yours."

"You promise to keep this promise?"

"I do. Cross my heart." I made the motion over my chest with my pointer finger, even though I knew she couldn't see.

"I love you, Bella. I hope you know that."

"I do. I love you, too, Alice."

"Now go back to that man of yours."

I laughed as I hung up the phone.

When I got back to the room, Edward was sitting on the edge of the mattress, legs straightened and resting on the floor, Lancelot sitting in his lap. He was running his fingers along the marred ear of the bear, his eyes focused toward the floor.

I stopped in the doorway, smiling at him. "Did you two have a party while I was away?"

He glanced up at me, one side of his lips turning upward into a grin as he shook his head. "No, no party. I was just… thinking and speaking it aloud."

"You were? And I missed that?" I teased. "I could have learned some valuable secrets."

His smile grew. "I won't keep anything from you. If you want to know, you just have to tell me. It's… I may not have the right words sometimes, it may be hard to tell you, but I will tell you whatever you want to know."

I moved across the room and sat down beside him, keeping my eyes on his. "I'll be honest and say that I get curious about what you're thinking, but I don't want you to feel like you have to tell me just because I want to know. I want you to do it because it's what you want to do."

"I want to do it, Bella. I want to do a lot for you." He licked his lips, then began speaking again. "I guess you should probably know that I… think many things, but most is about you. It didn't used to be that way, things weren't as nice inside my head then, but at night, when I tried to sleep and the nightmares would come, I'd picture your face or remember your voice."

I swallowed hard, feeling my face heat. "I guess thinking about me is a step up from bad dreams."

"It's more than that." He removed the hand clutched around Lancelot's ear and lifted it toward my face, palming my cheek. "I sometimes thought of things in colors when I was younger, like red was angry, blue was sad, black was empty. It was really the only way I knew how to express myself, and I was only allowed to do that in my own mind. I knew of yellow, but I never experienced it because, to me, it meant having a reason to smile. I never knew what the color of hope was. I wanted to know it so badly, and I never thought I would. But it wasn't until I met you that I realized it didn't necessarily have to be a color for me, it could be a person. You're my hope, Bella."

Every part of me sang for him and ached to be closer to him. The desire to stop moving forward was no longer a possibility, even if I'd wanted to, and I admittedly didn't. But I eased closer slowly, pressing my lips against his softly.

After a moment, maybe two, he hummed against my lips. I followed his sound with a whimper of my own. The kiss was not urgent, barely open mouthed, but it didn't need to be. It was just as consuming. We were simply enjoying the feel of each other's lips, and though it wasn't urgent, it was needed.

When we finally broke apart, both gasping for air, he pressed his forehead against mine, calming his breaths before speaking, "Meu calor, meu anjo."

"What does that mean?"

He smiled. "My warmth, my angel."

My heart thundered in my chest, overwhelmed with the intensity of love I felt for him. "So that's what that means," I breathed.

He gently wrapped his arms around me, moving as if he were afraid of making a mistake, and laid us down along the mattress so that my head was resting against his chest. This was the first time we'd really laid like this, and I could feel his hands trembling slightly. I reached for the one not holding me, lacing our fingers over his stomach as I snuggled closer, hoping to help ease him, show him he had nothing to worry about.

He clutched me tighter to him, pressing his face against the top of my head and inhaling. Neither one of us were in our pajamas, still wearing normal clothing, and neither one of us cared to move in order to change. I could hear the rhythmic thumping of his heart, echoing back that he was alive and safe. The warmth of his body, the security I felt in his arms, lulling me to sleep.

Finally, as his breathing evened to the point I thought he'd fallen asleep, he whispered so softly, "I told you I knew you were the color of hope."

* * *

I woke in his arms, unsure of the time and not really caring, his steady breathing causing my head to lift with the movement. I knew he was still asleep, so I scooted myself further up as gently as possible, and when I was beside him, our faces inches apart, I just lay there watching him, watching the way his eyelids fluttered as he dreamt, the way his lips parted and warm breaths escaped them. Every so often his forehead would scrunch slightly, and then soften seconds later.

I wondered what he was thinking about, and I hoped that whatever it was, it was bringing him peace. Of course, lying here beside him made the need to touch him with my hands intensify. His body was pressed against mine, we were so close together, but it wasn't enough.

I traced his face with my fingertips, eager to memorize every part of him, even the small scar I had never noticed before now at the corner of his right eye.

My fingers trailed upward toward his hair, my eyes following my fingers' movements, tenderly running through the softness. It was getting longer now, and I wondered if he'd let me cut it for him.

I was so engrossed in what I was doing that I missed the fact that he was awake and watching me. "Bella," he whispered.

My eyes immediately fell downward, seeing the sweet smile upon his lips. I smiled back, but continued to run my fingers through his hair.

"What are you thinking?" he asked.

"I was thinking that I'd like to cut your hair for you soon, if you don't mind me doing it."

"You'd want to cut my hair?" he questioned incredulously. The idea that I'd want to do that for him seemed almost impossible.

My eyes drifted back from his hair to his eyes, and I nodded. "Does that seem strange?"

He gazed into my eyes, like he was searching for an answer to a question. "I never thought about it. Aro mentioned once that Victoria cut it when I was young, but it wasn't often I'd have one when I was… The long length was easier for Aro to grab. It was only sometimes that he'd cut it and purposely cut my skin while doing it. I've been the only one since I've been here."

I never thought about what Aro may have done to him before I asked. "Aro will never hurt you again, but I should have given it more thought before I said anything. I asked because I want to do things for you, just like you said you wanted to do for me, but I won't do them at the expense of upsetting you."

"You won't hurt me." His words were not spoken in question.

"I won't ever hurt you," I affirmed.

"I believe you when you say you won't hurt me. I will let you… cut my hair, but not today, please? I just wanna hold you today. Can I do that?"

I pressed myself against him, feeling his arms wrap around me securely. "You can hold me as long as you want."

* * *

Three more days had passed since I told Edward I loved him. Those three days proved to be different for us, the air around us more charged and alive. I had still yet to cut his hair, but I blamed him for using his powers of persuasion to distract me. Though we didn't kiss a lot, those lips of his were still a deadly weapon.

His hair was not obnoxiously long, probably about an inch longer than I was used to, but I honestly believed he liked the length, only because I ran my fingers through it a lot, and I wondered if maybe he thought by cutting it I would no longer do it. That would certainly not be the case. I firmly decided I'd be cutting it by the weekend, his lips be damned.

He smiled a bit more, held my hand more. I caught him watching me more openly, and the adoration he felt for me was visible within his eyes and the way he reacted around me. He made it a point to keep as little distance between us as possible, like he needed some kind of physical connection between our bodies – being in the same room just wasn't close enough. I understood all too well. I craved the physical closeness with him, even just a brushing of the arms as we lay on the bed talking or watching movies.

He seemed to be acclimating himself more to the fact that I loved him as the days moved on, but there was still that glint of worry that what we had now would be stripped out from underneath him. I tried to show him as often as possible that my feelings were real, that nothing would change them. We knew the good and bad of each other, and the feelings we shared only grew because of it. He tried to be more open with his words in a way that I could understand, though he still spoke Portuguese often enough, not that I had any complaints about it because the language was beautiful.

It was just something he did instinctively when he was nervous about what he had to say, but he'd look at me after, seeing the confusion yet awe in the way he spoke it so fluently, and reiterate in English so I'd know what he said. I was determined, though, that I was going to learn how to speak Portuguese.

I'd also spent those three days when I'd been home Googling my college options and preparing myself for telling Charlie the news. Without question, it was going to be difficult. Charlie was dead set on me venturing off to college in early September. We'd discussed the possibility of a community college at one point due to finances, but he quickly shot that option down because he was determined that the dreams I'd made with Alice would be realized. The knowledge that that dream wasn't going to happen right now would upset him, but I needed him to know that I was okay with this. This wasn't just some childish decision on a whim, there was purpose behind it. I mean, I was still going to go to college, just not in the way Charlie initially planned… at least not for awhile.

I was hoping now that things were changing between Edward and me, he knew he was loved, that he'd be willing to push the boundaries some. I'd actually sat down with Alice and made a plan, seeing as I really needed another voice on this, and she was the only one besides Marcus who knew about Edward. Plus, it meant spending more time with her, and I wanted her to feel like she was included, that I trusted her implicitly. I knew this was something I needed to discuss with Edward too, but I wanted to be prepared first.

Getting him comfortable around other people was the first step. Next, I wanted to get him out of that hospital and living with Marcus, then eventually down the road hopefully living with me. Talking with Carlisle was figured into that time frame, because I knew that Edward needed to speak to someone professionally, but I needed to explain that to him without him thinking I believed he was mentally challenged or insane.

I could give him unconditional love and patience, unending support, but I was not a doctor, and deep down I knew that I was partially enabling him by not speaking to someone sooner. I just wanted him in a better frame of mind, to be better prepared emotionally and mentally for what was to come because it was going to be a long, hard road, before I involved anyone outside of my inner circle. No matter what, I was _not_ going to allow him to be locked up. That simply was not an option.

I had questions about the type of care Edward would need, what would be expected of me in helping him get better and if there were any known cases such as Edward's that Carlisle knew about, but I was afraid to ask. Alice suggested coming over for dinner and talking with him, just throwing the subject on the table and using the excuse that I'd seen a program on The Health Channel that sparked my interest. It was tempting, definitely, but I told her I needed a little time to mull it over. I wasn't good at lying, everyone knew that, so I was going to have to master my poker face to broach the subject with Carlisle.

Alice promised she'd help me, but if I were going to follow through with my plans, getting the information from her dad was an intricate part of that. So that's how I found myself at her house on Friday night, sitting at the kitchen table across from her, Carlisle to my right and Esme to my left.

I began picking at my food, vegetable lasagna, nervous about the conversation we'd soon be having. Alice was eyeing me like a hawk, trying to distract me so I wouldn't seem so suspicious. I was completely missing that fact, though, until she kicked me under the table.

I dropped my fork, an audible "Oww." escaping before I had time to hold it in.

All eyes were now on me, Esme and Carlisle's concerned and Alice's glaring in warning. "Are you alright, Bella?" Esme asked.

I cleared my throat, averting my eyes from Alice's to hers. "Umm… yeah, I just bit my tongue while chewing."

She nodded in understanding. "I've done that myself, and it's quite painful. You sure you're alright, Dear?"

"I'm fine," I told her.

"So," Alice began, straightening her posture and turning her attention toward her father. "How was work today, Dad? Any huge crisis we'll read about in the paper tomorrow?"

She wiggled her eyebrows and he laughed at her. "No, not today, Sweetie, but you know that even if there had been, I can't discuss that with you."

Alice laughed. "I had to give it a try."

Carlisle smiled, shaking his head. "As you always do."

"Well, Bella and I… we kinda saw something exciting today."

_Here we go,_ I thought.

His eyebrow lifted as he glanced between us. "Really?"

She nodded. "We were watching The Health Channel, don't ask me why, but they had this medical show on. You know I don't know a lot of terms and stuff, but it was centered around people who are victims of abuse and other traumatic events that have secluded themselves away from other people, some of them for years."

She glanced at me briefly before continuing. "One guy was abused most of his life and was actually living in this abandoned warehouse for seven years when he was found. It was really sad, but we didn't get to finish watching it because Jasper came by. I was wondering what happened to him."

"That's heartbreaking," Esme voiced. "The abuse alone is terrible, but to be isolated on top of it? I can only imagine how damaging that would be."

"What program was this?" Carlisle asked curiously, but his eyes were on me.

I swallowed nervously, but Alice answered, deflecting his attention from me to her. She rolled her eyes convincingly as she answered. "Dad, seriously, how often do I watch stuff like that? I didn't care about the name of the show. I just thought the subject was strange, so I watched it for a few minutes."

"That's true. You aren't one for reality shows."

"Unless it's America's Top Model," she added.

He laughed. "That's also true." He took a drink of his sweet tea, then glanced between us again. "So what brought this topic up?"

"You know how I like juicy gossip, Dad. I always ask you for the goods at the hospital, so I was curious if you'd ever come across someone like that?"

He shook his head. "You know I don't volunteer the information of my patients either, but I can't say that I have. I've heard of cases, yes, but I've never dealt with one personally?"

"But what would happen to someone like that?" I asked. The need to know caused me to speak without thinking.

His brow furrowed. "Well, it's hard to say unless I've personally evaluated the person. My field of specialty isn't Psychology, though I've dappled in it. You have to remember, no case is the same, and I suppose it depends on their mental state when they're found. Being locked away from the world after undergoing that extent of trauma, there are going to be scars mentally, as I'm sure there would be physically, but that doesn't mean they can't function normal enough with the proper guidance. Things like that could take years, depending on the extent of trauma.

"They'd receive any medical care they needed, and their mental state would be evaluated if there was anything questionable when they were detained. If they were deemed a danger to themselves or others, the chances of them being placed in a hospital are pretty cut and dry. Otherwise, other measures of aiding them would be discussed and recommended. There are steps taken to give the patient the best possible care, in or out of a hospital. And being a recluse doesn't mean being locked away in a hospital."

"That guy on the television, they said he was afraid of being outside and he was afraid of men because a man abused him. So does that mean he has to be hospitalized?" Alice asked.

"This guy on the television," he started, "he sounds like he may possibly be suffering from a combination of phobias. It seems it could be Agoraphobia and Androphobia, to be specific. But again, I can't say for sure unless I treated him."

"What are those?" I questioned.

"Agoraphobia is when a person has a generalized fear of leaving their home or a small familiar 'safe' area, and a possibility of panic attacks might follow. Androphobia is the fear of men. Various methods are available to treat phobias, and the benefits vary from each person," he explained.

Alice scrunched her nose. "Does that mean a person with Ag... umm… those phobia things you said have to be put in a mental institution?"

He shook his head. "No, it does not, but seeking help from a Psychologist is the best possible route for them."

"But what if they get better on their own?"

"I don't see a possibility of them getting entirely better on their own, but if there is improvement without the aid of medical intervention, then I'd say it could be something else of a milder degree. I would without a doubt highly recommend a form of intervention, because that kind of mental trauma is not something a person just gets over. But a phobia is still a possibility. Having a phobia does not mean you're insane or that it's not manageable. It doesn't make you any less a person, but depending on the severity, it can limit you." He grabbed his napkin, wiping his mouth. Alice and I glanced at each other, believing he was finished speaking, but the moment he dropped his napkin on the table beside his plate, he continued.

"Phobias are most generally caused by some event that was mentally recorded by the amygdala and hippocampus, then it's labeled as deadly or dangerous. Treatment replaces the memory and reaction to the event with something more realistic and rational. Honestly, most phobias are irrational, in the sense that they are perceived dangerous, but in actuality they are not threatening to a person's survival in any fashion.

"If I knew of someone like that, I would do whatever I could to get them the care they needed. Phobias can be debilitating if they aren't managed. That's not a life I'd wish on anyone when there are medicines to prevent that debilitation."

Esme stood from the table and began gathering the plates. "Well, I'd certainly hope that if someone knew of someone like that, they'd get them to a doctor right away."

Carlisle took a final sip of his tea, then stood up, leaning over to kiss the top of Alice's head. "I have to excuse myself for a little while and take care of some work related business, but I quite enjoyed our conversation, girls. It's not often I get to have medical conversations with my daughter, let alone my daughter and her friend."

I glanced at the now bared tablecloth in front of me, replaying what Carlisle had just told us. It wasn't until Alice and I were alone in the dining room that Alice spoke in a low tone. "You okay?"

"I had no idea," I whispered.

"What are you going to do?"

I fiddled with the tablecloth while trying to process everything. "I need to talk to Marcus about what Carlisle told us. But before I tell Carlisle about Edward, I need to talk to Edward. He needs to know that if these phobias are what he has, medication can help him. He needs to know he has that option, that what is happening to him isn't because he's wrong inside."

"You never believed he was wrong inside, Bella."

"It's not about what I believe, because I know he's not, but it is about what he believes."

"When are you going to tell him?"

I sighed in resignation. "As soon as possible."

* * *

Você faz meu coração doer de uma maneira boa = You make my heart ache in a good way

Meu calor, meu anjo = My warmth, my angel


	21. Chapter 21: One Step Closer

Sorry this is a little late, RL was kicking my ass. This hasn't "officially" been beta'd, so pardon any errors you may find.

Anyway, lots of love to my wifey, Sophy, and my amazing prereaders Bbebar, shackle_me and hayboo05. To my readers, I adore you beyond words! Thank you so much for all your support and kind words. Next update will be in 2 weeks.

FYI: This chapter is the following day of the convo with Carlisle, and it's done that way for a reason. Next chapter will pick up from where this left off, then progress in time. Things are really gonna start happening, people. ;)

I do not own anything Twilight. It all belongs to SM. No copyright infringement is intended. However, characterizations, plot lines, backgrounds and details of this story are mine. No copying or reproduction without my permission.

* * *

**Chapter 21: One Step Closer**

**So Far Away **

_This is my life_

_It's not what it was before_

_All these feelings I've shared_

_And these are my dreams_

_That I'd never lived before_

_Somebody shake me_

_Cause I, I must be sleeping_

I didn't sleep much Friday night, mostly because I couldn't stop thinking about what Carlisle had said and what that could mean for Edward.

I tossed and turned, trying to shut my mind off, telling myself that I could worry about it tomorrow, but I was honestly afraid of bringing up the conversation with Edward. Things were going well, and I knew the idea of involving a third party would be terrifying to him, regardless of the fact that it was the next reasonable step in helping him. I even feared he'd want nothing more to do with me.

By eight in the morning, I was agitated I'd gotten little sleep. It was a new day, though, and truthfully, I couldn't think past anything but seeing Edward. Talking with Carlisle had really made me anxious to be back at the hospital with him. I had no idea how things would turn out, so I debated on whether I should take one more amazing day with Edward. One more day before I told him what I knew.

If so, I was going to use that one day to hold on as best I could to what we created inside our little bubble. I'd remember every detail, make it memorable for him, and within each action I'd give him every breath, my heart, my soul, everything I was so that he could take that with him on the chance that he wouldn't want me anymore. He had it all, anyway.

I climbed out of Alice's spare bed - she was still sleeping - and woke her up, telling her I was going home. She mumbled in response, then rolled back on her stomach, burying her face in her pillow. I could have stayed a bit longer, but I really just wanted to get home, shower and go to the hospital.

I closed the door softly behind me when I entered my house. I was pretty sure Emmett was still asleep, but I didn't know about Charlie. He'd mentioned going fishing today, so I half expected him to be gone when I got home, but his car was still in the driveway.

I moved up the stairs quietly toward my room, but nearly jumped out of my skin when Emmett threw his bedroom door open, smiling widely when he saw that he'd startled me.

"You look like you've seen a ghost, Sis," he teased.

I glared at him. "Real funny, Emmett. You just scared me half to death."

"I wasn't trying to," he laughed. "Why were you sneaking in to begin with?"

"I thought you were asleep," I explained. "I didn't want to wake you up."

I moved around him, wanting to kick him in the leg or punch him because he stood there laughing at me. I was pushing my bedroom door open, ready to walk inside, when he spoke again.

"Don't forget, five o'clock."

The sounds of his heavy feet - which clearly showed there was extra pep in his step - hitting the wooden floor reverberated through the hallway, but his footing stopped short when I spun around on my heels, completely confused by what he meant, and said, "What are you talking about?"

He turned around, his forehead creased as he stared at me, apparently puzzled as to why I had no idea what he was talking about. "The concert, Bella. Remember, you're going with Mike?"

"Oh, Emmet, I don't-"

He frowned. "You promised, Bella."

"I did not promise I'd go, Emmett," I said, shaking my head.

"But you like Mike," he pouted. "This gives you the opportunity to spend time with him."

"Seriously, are you two? Stop pouting at me. And I never told you to-"

"I was just trying to help and-"

"No, you were trying to interfere when I never asked you to," I said angrily. He looked legitimately hurt by what I said, making me feel bad for being so harsh. "Look, I know you mean well, but I don't need you to set me up with Mike, okay? I just… If I want to go out with him, I'll ask him myself, alright?"

He nodded. "I'm sorry, I just want to see you happy, Bells, and I know you like him. I just figured you were being shy about asking him."

I was thankful I had yet to eat, because my stomach was not feeling well right then. "It's not that… I just, I am happy with the way things are going in my life right now."

If only Emmett knew how much and why.

Of course, of all the times I didn't want it to happen, he had to be observant. "You don't really like Mike, do you?"

No, I didn't, but that was a moot point right now, because if I was honest with him, that would lead to questions that I wasn't ready to give answers to. But I really hated the idea of lying… again.

"It's… complicated."

"Are you going to go, then?"

I shrugged. "I don't know."

"Look," he said, running his hand down the side of his face. "If you don't want to go, I won't give you a hard time about it, and I promise I'll stop _interfering_ with you and Mike, but can you just think about it more before you say no? It's an extra ticket that would go to waste, and other than work, you really don't go anywhere fun. We haven't, you know, hung out in awhile either. Just think about it, okay?"

I sighed. "I'll think about it."

He clapped his hands together, a goofy smile on his face. "Alrighty then."

I rolled my eyes, laughing at him. "What are you doing up so early, anyway?"

"I'm going shopping with Rose, I guess." He didn't look thrilled about it. "She wants something new for the concert, but I figured she would have already bought something. She's not a patient person. Ah well, it'll be worth it if I can get her into Victoria's Secret." He wiggled his eyebrows.

My mouth dropped open. "You really have no tact at all, do you?"

He laughed. "Have you seen Rosalie's body? There's no room for tact with a body like that."

I didn't actually believe he knew what tact meant, but it really didn't matter. I covered my ears and started toward my room. "I'm not listening to this."

"Listening to what?"

I stopped right at the entrance of my door, turning around to see Charlie walking out of his bedroom, dressed with fishing gear in hand.

"I was listening to Emmett dirty talking about his girlfriend."

He turned to Emmett, giving him his 'I'm not pleased with you right now' look. Emmett just shrugged. "What?"

"Save your hormonal chat for your own time," Charlie chastised. "And preferably not around your sister." I glanced at Emmett, smiling smugly. He went to open his mouth, but Charlie's words prevented him from saying something I'm sure wasn't good. "I won't be home until late, and I know you got that big concert tonight, but I'd like the three of us to go to the diner for lunch tomorrow, so don't make any plans."

Emmett kept his narrowed eyes on me, but nodded. I actually answered. "Sounds good, Dad."

"I'll see you both in the morning, then." He glanced between us, then shook his head before descending the stairs.

As soon as he knew Charlie wasn't in ear shot, he said, "Tattletale."

If his response hadn't been so childish, I might have been insulted. "Yep, definitely a two year old."

"Uh… no," he scoffed. "If I was two, do you think I'd be tapping-"

I groaned, covering my ears again as I hurried inside my room, closing the door and shutting out his words.

-OO-OO-

After showering, I prepared some lunch for me and Edward, then headed to the hospital. I planned on talking to Marcus about the conversation with Carlisle when I arrived there. He had just as much a decision to make on how to proceed as I did.

I found him in the boiler room, not that I expected any different. He never strayed too far from Edward when I wasn't around. He looked up as soon as he heard the door close, smiling. "There she is. Good morning."

I smiled back, taking the last step and walking toward him. "Good morning, Marcus. How are things going?"

He lifted up a box of miscellaneous parts from the floor. "Things are well. Lots to do, but you can see that just looking at this place." He laughed and started walking past me.

"Hey, Marcus?" He turned around to face me. "Can I talk to you for a minute?"

His brow furrowed in concern, obviously gauging my expression, but nodded. "Sure. You okay?"

"Yeah, I'm fine. Actually, it's about Edward."

He stepped toward the bench, placing the box on the top. "What about him?"

"Well," I began. "I don't remember if I mentioned it before now, but my best friend's Dad is a doctor. I sort of talked to him about Edward last night and-"

Marcus's eyes widened, his body stiffened. He looked completely horrified. "My God, Bella, they aren't gonna come take him away, are they? He's not… I can't just let them force him to do something he's not-"

I held up my hands, slightly waving them in front of me. "No, it's not like that, Marcus. I didn't tell them who or where Edward was."

His body partially eased. "So no one's coming to take him?"

"No." I shook my head. "Alice knows about Edward." He tensed again. "It's okay, though. She won't say anything to anyone."

"I just… I worry for him."

"I know you do," I said. "I do too, but I trust her completely. And honestly, if it hadn't been for Alice, I wouldn't have the information I have now."

"What information?"

"About what could be wrong with Edward," I replied. "See, we sort of embellished a little. We told her Dad that we watched a program on The Health Channel, then described fictional people who were essentially hermits and people that were abused. We followed that with Edward's history, but again, used a fictional character."

He appeared hopeful now. "And he told you what was wrong with him?"

"It's more a case of what _could_ be wrong with him. He can't really determine for sure without seeing Edward, but he said it's possible that he suffers from several phobias."

"You think that's possible?" he asked.

I shrugged. "I don't know. But if that's what we're dealing with, there are different types of treatment to help him. It's just… it's such a big step for Edward to take, but he's been here seven years, Marcus, and he needs to be outside in the light. He can't truly grow in here."

"I know that," he whispered. "I didn't mean to raise my voice at ya. I just can't stand the idea of him being locked up in some home, being forced to be around people who are actually crazy is all."

"I won't allow him to be locked away, and I don't want to force him to do anything he doesn't want to either, but I feel like we're enabling him by not doing more than what we've been doing. He's come a long way, but I'm not a doctor, neither are you, and I don't know what else to do myself. I just… I'm stuck, you know?" I sighed, my chest feeling heavy. "I don't know what to do, and I'm trying to make decisions that are best for him, because he deserves the very best, but I'm afraid of making the wrong decision. I can't do this alone."

"You don't have to," he assured me. "You know, I've spent the last seven years believing I've been doing right by that boy, and I guess maybe I just made things worse for him. I didn't mean to, because I'd never want to do anything to hurt him, but I couldn't stand the idea of him feeling another ounce of pain, so I let him do what I thought he needed to."

"It's because you love him."

"So do you, but unlike me, you use your head. I just thought he needed time and a place where he could feel safe. I didn't think about what being here so long might be doing to him. I told myself that being here was better than him being taken and locked away in a mental hospital. Ironic, isn't it? It's exactly what happened to him. I did exactly what I tried to prevent." He shook his head as his shoulders fell forward, the guilt he was feeling making him look older, defeated.

I stepped forward, placing my hand on his forearm, hoping to console him somehow. "You didn't force him to stay here. There's a difference."

"But I didn't try to show him that not everything out there would hurt him either." He gestured toward the ceiling. "I didn't do that when I should have, Bella. All he knows of that out there is ugly to him. He became my responsibility, one I took willingly, and I failed him. I just wanted him to know that he had one person on this earth he didn't have to fear, that I wouldn't force anything on him. He never had anyone care. I could tell that the first night I saw him. No one that had any kind of feeling inside them would do to that boy what they did."

"Marcus, you did your best... and you did what you thought was best for him. It's not like you were expected to know what to do."

"I should have found out what to do. I should have done more." He stepped away from me and began pacing the floor. "I messed up, Bella. I messed up, and that boy is paying for my mistakes."

"That's not true," I said, moving toward him. I wasn't going to let him take this all upon himself. "What you did, it wasn't vindictive. It wasn't about making him suffer or hiding him away because you were trying to be cruel. You were protecting him in the only way you knew how. He wouldn't have left, Marcus, and you know that as much as I do. That's why you tried to make him comfortable here, to give him something normal in a non normal situation. You were only trying to make things better for him.

"For him to leave this place then, someone would have had to come in here and remove him, and I really feel if that had happened when he first came here, it would have traumatized him more. He may not be the same person he is now. What you did for him was about love and helping him. It came from your heart. You should never feel guilty for that. You took care of him, and things obviously went the way they were supposed to."

"Or maybe he was just waiting for you to find him, Bella."

I blushed. "I don't know about that."

"I do." There was no doubt he believed what he said. "I did what I could for him, even if it weren't exactly right, but these changes in him, they didn't happen till you came along. If it's just like you said, things happened like they were supposed to, then you were supposed to find him and make him whole."

"I think we both were, Marcus. I think you were always supposed to be his family, and I was always supposed to love him." My vision blurred with unshed tears, and my chest swelled with the emotion of how true those words felt. "But Edward, he did the hard part. He's so strong, stronger than I think he even realizes. That's his gift." My lips pulled up into a small smile as I thought about how much he'd already overcome.

"And yours is compassion and unconditional love. You got a big heart inside you, Bella. Don't make it seem less than it is."

"So do you," I told him. "Even if you don't believe it."

He pinched the bridge of his nose and shook his head. "Yeah, well, I can't take the credit for that." His eyes shifted toward the blanketed door. "You go on and be with him now. I'm just gonna finish up here."

I nodded. "Okay."

"Umm… Bella?"

I had started toward the door, but stopped, turning around when he called out to me. "Yeah?"

He scratched his forehead, sighing. "If you… uh… think this doctor can, you know, help the boy, then you have my blessing. I know he's gonna have to leave here to get better, and that's all I wanted for him, but he's got a home… with me… if he wants it."

"I had no intention of letting him go anywhere but your home."

"I always hoped he'd want to know-" He paused, then shook his head, waving his hand for me to go. "You go on and see him now. I'm gonna head out for a bit, give you two some time alone. I just… Will ya just talk to him before you do anything?"

"I will," I promised. "And Marcus? He will know you. If it's the last thing I do, he will."

There was nothing but silence coming from Edward's room when I traveled down the hall. I wondered if he was still sleeping, so I quieted my steps, peering into the room to see if he was asleep. I couldn't help but smile when I saw him lying on the mattress with Lancelot beside him, his hands partially above him, holding onto his iPod.

The earbuds were in his ears, so I knew he wouldn't hear me. Yet, even though he was laying there, his focus on the tiny electronic machine in his hand, he seemed to sense me. He dropped hi s hands against his stomach, and his eyes instantly focused right on me. That was enough to make my breath catch, but when he smiled that wide, beautiful smile that actually made my body ache from the amount of love I felt for him, my knees nearly gave out.

He sat up, pulling the earbuds from his ears. "Hi."

"Hi," I breathed. "Listening to anything good?" I asked as I pointed toward the iPod.

He laughed. "It's all good, Bella."

That statement affected me much more than it should. "So… uh…" I paused, clearing my throat. "What were you listening to?"

He glanced down at the iPod. "_She Is_ by The Fray."

I smiled. "That's a good one." I took a seat beside him, hearing what sounded like paper crinkling underneath me. I reached under the blanket, pulling out a People's magazine. "Where did-"

"I saved it," he whispered.

"What do you mean?"

He pointed toward the doorway. "He brought me things before. I didn't always read them, not the magazines anyway. I put a few of those underneath here to keep." He pulled at the material of the mattress.

"He brought you books?" He nodded. I glanced down at the mattress then back up to him. "You've had some magazines hidden under the mattress?"

"Just a few," he clarified. "For later. They had pictures and seemed so real. I thought I might need to, and I met you, so I knew I needed to… I wanted to know what was going on out there for you, even if I wasn't out there myself."

"I understand that you feel that way, but you know you don't have to hide things like that, right? You can talk to me about anything."

His eyes lowered to his lap. "I don't have the experience you do, and I wanted to learn more. I didn't want to be stupid about things that are important to you. I wanted you to see I could be smarter and care about what you care about."

I immediately leaned forward, wrapping my hand around his neck and pulling him toward me, pressing our foreheads together. "Oh, Edward, you aren't stupid. You may not have a lot of experience with the world out there, but you aren't stupid for it. You know things most people that have never gone through what you have don't."

I scooted even closer. "You aren't superficial... and you're so good inside. You're honest, giving, and you're that way even after surviving the things Aro did to you. What you know, it's self taught. You are naturally smart. I mean, you learned a second language, learned how to read, to take care of yourself, and you did that all on your own.

"There are people who have been a part of the world you don't know all their lives that can't manage to learn the things with someone's help that you have on your own. Don't for one second think you need to be anything more for me than you are, because I happen to think the man you are is quite perfect for me already."

His lips found mine, soft and warm, kissing me with so much emotion, making _me_ feel so much that my head actually felt dizzy. But all too soon, he pulled away, both of us breathing heavily.

I leaned back, exhaling fully, attempting to calm my overactive heart. "Did you… did you want to maybe look at some of those magazines and talk about them?"

He shook his head. "Not really. I wanted to know what was going on out there, but I guess it was more about you than anything." I wasn't sure what he meant, but he seemed to grasp my lack of understanding. "I know what you already told me about your life, but I wanted to see things out there through your eyes. I won't find that in the magazines, but I didn't want to ask you."

"Why not?"

"Because I didn't want you to think I was invading your life."

I stared at him incredulously. "You can't invade what you're already a part of." He blinked, then a smile pulled up the right side of his mouth. "You can ask me anything you want, but on one condition."

The smile fell and he eyed me nervously. "What's the condition?"

I smiled, hoping to reassure him that it was nothing he needed to fear. "You wanting to know? I want you to do it for yourself, because I want _you_ to want to leave this place. I don't want you to do it because you think it's what I want. You have to want this for yourself. I'll tell you whatever you want to know to help you."

"Will you… will you be-"

"I'm not going to leave you," I promised. "Not in here, not out there."

So I sat there, answering his questions. I told him what Forks was like, described in detail how summers and winters were, explained what holidays were. I told him what people did for fun, told him who the President was, told him about people I had met, funny and sad things I experienced. He seemed completely enthralled by all that I had to say, and he'd chime in occasionally with a question, but overall just listened.

I described what everyday life was like from my perspective. I even talked about grade school all the way through high school.

"I never went, because Aro didn't allow it, but I read about it in books. I was lucky enough to have that."

"You could go… when you're ready. It's never too late to go. There are classes you can take online, so you'd just do it over the computer. I can bring my laptop for you to use. We'd need your information to apply, but I'm sure you could-"

"What information?" he asked quickly.

"Umm… You'd need your full name, birth date, social security number. Things like that. You already-"

He cut me off. "I don't have any of that."

"Edward," I started. "I know you know your name and birth date."

"But I don't know my social security number, so…" His words trailed off as he turned away from me, facing the wall.

I moved off the mattress, crawling in front of him, kneeling between his legs. I cupped his face in my hands, bringing his eyes level with mine. "There's more to it than just an unknown social security number. What's wrong?"

"Can… can people find you like that?" His voice was just above a whisper, but even with as low as he spoke, the fear rang loud and clear.

"Are you worried about Aro?"

"I can't go back there, Bella."

I loathed Aro, there was no question about that, but it was moments like these when the hate for him burned deeper. "You won't have to… ever. I mean that. He can't hurt you anymore, even out there. We're going to beat this, beat what he did to you. This time, you aren't alone."

-OO-OO-

After lunch, I sat and watched him as he slept beside me, thinking about everything we'd shared here, knowing this would all come to an end soon. But my decision felt right, especially after he showed so much interest in what happened outside of this place.

I could see how much the idea of going to school appealed to him, but he was afraid. Of course he would be. So I offered to teach him myself. It wasn't something I planned to do permanently, because I wanted him to experience what it meant to truly live a normal, healthy life, but in the meantime, I'd give him that. Everything I promised was about preparing him for living outside these walls, because what was outside these walls was approaching pretty quickly, but I also knew that was the only way we could really move forward.

He'd been lucky no one had discovered him yet, discovered us together, and he'd been lucky that he hadn't been so sick he needed a hospital. It was about time he had some luck, but everyone's luck runs out eventually. One of these days, someone would show up, whether it was just some random person checking the place out or it was someone looking for me. I knew our time was running out.

That was why I decided that he needed to be introduced to someone other than me. He needed to be comfortable with another person around before he was forced to do it unwillingly. I understood what having those phobias could mean, but I also understood that having phobias may not even be the case. I needed to attempt this for him, make it on his terms. We were at a standstill now, and he couldn't progress if we didn't make it happen. I had wanted one more day, but my mind told me it was one more day too long to talk to him.

I sighed audibly, overwhelmed by all that was going on inside my mind, then pulled Lancelot into my lap. I wrapped my fingers in the marred fur. He was just as broken on the outside as Edward was on the inside.

"I'm gonna fix you," I whispered to the bear. "I promise I will."

Edward chuckled beside me. The sound was melodic, practically pulling my head in the direction of the sound like magnets.

He reached up, running his fingers lightly across my forehead. "Why the lines, Bella? They make you look sad." He was way too perceptive sometimes.

I grabbed his hand, placing a gentle kiss against his palm, then entwined our fingers as I lay them in my lap, resting our joined hands on top of Lancelot. "I'm okay. I just have a lot on my mind."

He squeezed my hand. "You want to talk about it?"

"Not yet," I told him. "I just want to stay with you like this a little bit longer, okay?"

There was a deep concern within his eyes, but he didn't press. He just nodded. "Do you want me to hold you?"

I smiled. "I think I'd like that."

He wrapped his arms around me and pulled us down onto the mattress so that my head was resting against his chest. He pressed a kiss against my hair, and I listened to the rhythmic thumping of his heart while enveloping myself in the warmth and scent of his body. Other than his voice, no other sound had ever been more beautiful.

-OO-OO-

We'd been staring into one another's eyes, I'm not even sure how long, when I just blurted out, "I want to cut your hair."

He grinned at me. "What?"

I laughed. "Sorry, that was kind of random, wasn't it? I just… I really want to cut your hair for you. Will you let me?"

"Is it really that important to you?" he asked. "I can-"

"Yes," I interrupted. "I want to do something for you, even if it's something as simple as a haircut."

"Okay," he whispered. The smile was gone, replaced by confusion.

God, I wanted to know what he was thinking.

I immediately sat up and reached for his hand, pulling him up off the mattress, attempting to keep my tone light and carefree. "Come with me."

"Where are we-"

"Just to the bathroom to cut your hair, then I'd like to take a walk with you," I explained. "We're the only ones here, and besides, that's where the scissors are."

We walked hand in hand to the restroom. I knew he could sense something was different. I'm not even sure if he was aware of what it might be, but it was obvious by the way his forehead was creased he was in deep thought. I could only imagine what he might be thinking, yet he still followed me willingly, trusting me like he always did.

When he entered the bathroom, I scanned the room for a suitable place for him to sit. He was too tall for me to attempt to cut his hair with him standing. I spotted a large metal looking crate that was tipped over inside one of the shower stalls.

I hadn't noticed it before now, so I figured Marcus may have brought it here to use for cleanup. I lifted it, making sure the bottom was upright, and looked at Edward, tapping the crate so he'd understand to take a seat.

He was just about to take a seat when I said, "Wait, we need your hair wet."

He eyed me strangely, but smiled anyway.

"Come on." I motioned toward the shower. He stepped inside and just looked at me. I chuckled, because this was highly awkward, especially after the last time we were near this shower together, but I turned the handles on, getting my shirt a little wet while setting the temperature. "Can you bend over and just stick your head under the spray to wet it?"

He did as I asked, but stumbled forward, completely drenching his shirt. I think he was stunned at first, but when he righted himself, he began laughing so hard, the sound deflected off the shower walls. "I'm… soaked."

His laughter was so loud and joyous, I couldn't help but laugh with him. "You certainly are."

He pulled on his shirt, but you could actually hear the sound it made as the fabric lifted of his skin. "It's sticking to me."

The incident was funny, yes, but he didn't seem too comfortable wearing a wet shirt. It was pretty obvious with the way he kept pulling the shirt away from his skin, and it was starting to drip on his pants. "We can go back to the room so you can get a new one, then come back."

"I'm alright."

"Edward, you're uncomfortable, and it's getting your pants wet. We can go back or you can just take that one off."

He lowered his eyes, swallowing thickly. "I'm not-"

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to make you uncomfortable."

He shook his head. "It wasn't-" He ran his hand through his hair, a nervous tick of his. "My skin, it's not-"

"Hey." I stepped toward him, placing my hands on his forearms. "Please don't be ashamed of your scars." I made sure his eyes were staring back at mine. "I know… I know you have them, but they won't change what I feel for you. I know how they happened, but they're there, they're a part of you. And I…" I lowered my eyes. It wasn't a conscious move, but I was still getting used to the idea of telling him how I felt about him. "I love you, so that means I love every part of you… scars and all."

"It doesn't bother you… to see them?" he asked.

"Of course it bothers me," I answered honestly. "But not in the way you think. It's how you got them that bothers me. But you don't have to take your shirt off if you don't want to."

"I've just never-"

"I know you haven't, and you still don't have to if you aren't comfortable doing so."

"I want to." He was still visibly tense, but he slowly removed the shirt, bunching it up in his hands, and moved right to the crate to sit down.

This was the first time I'd seen him without a shirt. I'd seen some of his scars before, but only because the shirt he'd been wearing pulled up. In the back of my mind, I registered that my silence and lack of haircutting was probably making him more nervous about sitting there shirtless in front of me, but even with the rigid scars that had once been open wounds, he was so beautiful it actually hurt to look at him.

He shuffled in his seat, anxious. "Bella?"

"You're beautiful." The filter between my mouth and brain was pretty well nonexistent.

He turned his head, looking over his shoulder at me, those long lashes fluttering as he blinked. His expression was blank as his eyes searched my face, and I worried I may have overstepped. But relief shot through me the moment I caught the spark within his eyes, the one that thrilled my heart to see, flaming and his lips turned up into a smile.

I smiled back, blushing. "I'm just gonna… I'm gonna cut your hair now."

We discussed easy topics as I stood there, trimming his hair. I figured that was best because the walk around the hospital was meant for the subjects I knew he wasn't going to like. I mentioned buying what I needed to fix Lancelot's arm, and I actually noted the smile in his tone when he thanked me.

Somehow we ended up on the subject of music. He started naming off some of his favorites off his iPod, and it was in the middle of that list that I remembered the concert tonight. I groaned, not intending for the sound to actually hit the air, but it did.

Edward's body immediately became rigid. "Did I do something wrong?"

I dropped my hands to my sides, causing the scissors to lightly smack against my right thigh. "No… no, you didn't. I just forgot about something I was asked to go to."

He turned around, looking up at me. "Do you have to go?"

"It's not that I have to go. It's just… Emmett, my brother, he asked me to go to a concert because he had an extra ticket. I know he really wanted me to go and all, and I may have wanted to go if he hadn't been interfering in my life and trying to fix me up with someone. And I know he said he'd stop, but it might be different if-" The words caught in my throat at the exact moment he exhaled a loud gush of air.

He stood up. "What do you mean 'fix you up with someone'?"

The question, it wasn't just asked out of pure curiosity - he was worried. I had opened my mouth, not meaning to, but my frustration was eating at me, and it came out at the most inopportune time. I had made a stupid mistake, and now he was troubled because of it.

This was not how I saw things leading up to our talk. I hadn't wanted to bring more tension into an already tense situation. So I stepped toward him, trying to keep as little distance between us as possible, hoping to show him it wasn't what he thought. "I know how it sounds, but I just need you to understand it's not like that. I don't… I mean, that's not what I want."

He was staring into my eyes, silently pleading with me. I could see the worry and pain there. I knew without asking what those fears were. He didn't feel he could compete with someone on the outside, because to him, he wouldn't be enough in comparison.

I told him I loved him, I tried to show him constantly that I was his, but how could I expect that he wouldn't be insecure when our lives had been so completely different growing up? He had matured so much emotionally and mentally, but being inside this place, locked away in a single room every day, it was hindering his ability to grow further, to be the person I knew he could be.

"Bella, am I going to-"

He didn't even finish the sentence before his lips were against mine.


	22. Chapter 22: Undertaking

It's a little late, and a little shorter than normal, but, well, it had to be that way. ;)

Anyway, lots of love to my wifey, Sophy, and my amazing prereaders Bbebar, shackle_me and hayboo05. Thank you to beejelly_ for helping with translations and to Le Crepuscule for giving me a wonderful idea to use in this chapter.

To my readers, I adore you beyond words! Thank you so much for all your support and kind words. Next update will be in 3 weeks. I'm going on vacation, but we've hit the point where things are going to get heavy.

You can follow me on twitter... I do post teasers: _JMC_09.

I do not own anything Twilight. It all belongs to SM. No copyright infringement is intended. However, characterizations, plot lines, backgrounds and details of this story are mine. No copying or reproduction without my permission.

-OO-OO-OO-OO-

**Chapter 22: Undertaking**

**If You Could Only See**

_If you could only see the way she loves me_

_Then maybe you would understand_

_Why I feel this way about our love_

_And what I must do_

Edward's hands cupped my face as he pressed his tall frame against mine. It was like he was trying to meld our bodies together, forcing us to become one being.

This kiss was so different from any other we'd shared. They were always tender, always gentle, but this kiss, this kiss felt desperate, like he believed he was losing something. I knew I should pull away from him and explain that he had nothing to worry about, that he was the only person that would ever own my heart – I knew that without a doubt to be true - but I couldn't bring myself to stop, so I kissed him back just as fiercely as he was me, telling him with my kiss that I was only his.

His lips pushed and pulled against mine, and I was lost to everything but him, yet the moment I felt his tongue caress my bottom lip, trying to enter my mouth, I was sure my knees would buckle. We'd only ever kissed that way once before, where our tongues briefly touched, but I had initiated. When my tongue had grazed his, he was a little startled at first – he caught on quickly, though.

This time, he was taking the lead. And the way the kiss began, needy and desperate, then morphed to his taking control in a way he'd never done before, made it quite clear what he was thinking, even if I hadn't understood before now. He was making his claim on me. He was marking me as his.

His tongue slid against mine, his lips still as demanding. Every part of me was winding up, becoming a stream of unending sensation. My body heated in a way it had never done before. I had always felt that spark when our skin connected, I'd felt a yearning for him that I had to beat down every time we touched, but this, what I was feeling at that moment, was on a level I'd never encountered until now. I was inexperienced with anything but kissing, but I was a wanton mess, all from a kiss that Edward was controlling quite efficiently.

His lips parted from mine as he gasped for air, and just as he was moving forward to place his mouth back on mine, a groan from deep within his chest echoed through the restroom. The sound slid across my skin like molten desire, sending a ripple of pulsing need through my body, ending at my center.

I wrapped my arms tight around his neck, pulling him closer to me… and he let me. I needed him close, needed to feel the warmth of his body on mine, to show him how much I loved him, even if this, right now with this kiss, was the only way I could do that. He seemed to want that too, because he groaned again, and oh God, was it even sexier than the first time.

I was a mass of sensation, too consumed by what we were doing to think about why it began, to even consider that we were in a damaged, broken-down restroom of an abandoned hospital. My mind was numb to anything but Edward and what he was making me feel.

His hands slowly slid down my face, like he needed to touch every part of me to keep me as his. If only he could truly believe that he'd already touched my heart and soul, and there was no going back for me.

His hands moved under my arms, as if he were working his way down to my waist in order to hold me to him. His fingers inched slowly, memorizing each part of me he touched. And as he moved lower, his fingers grazed the sides of my breasts. It wasn't an intentional move on his part, at least I didn't believe so, but I moaned because of it. It was an involuntary reaction, not something I had intended to do, but the sound came out quite loud, even though his mouth was still working over mine. I was completely hypersensitive to his touch.

His hands stilled and he pulled away, gasping for breaths. His eyes, darker than I'd ever seen them before, lowered from mine to my mouth, then to where his fingers were resting near my breasts. He stared back and forth between his hands briefly, his breathing staccato, then his eyes lifted, meeting mine, gauging my reaction as he brushed his thumbs along the sides of my breasts again, like he was trying to exorcise another moan from me, like he needed to hear it. I didn't disappoint him either.

He exhaled a stunted breath as his eyes closed, masking the dark jade of his irises. "O que você está... o que você está fazendo comigo? Eu sou... Nunca foi assim. Eu nunca me senti assim. Você me faz sentir tão bem, meu anjo."

As soon as the last word escaped his mouth, he lowered his lips back to mine almost forcefully, pressing his hips instinctually against me as my back collided with something solid. I recognized it as a wall to one of the shower stalls, but before then, I hadn't even realized we were moving.

He groaned when his hips came in contact with my stomach, and I gasped into his mouth as I felt him, hard behind the zipper of his pants. Edward was _very _hard.

His body stiffened, and he immediately ended the kiss. He leaned back, moving his body away from mine. The look on his face, it was guilt, like he'd done something wrong, something he should be punished for. I wanted to cry out to him, beg him to clear the distance between us, tell him that he had nothing to feel guilty for; especially when I admittedly enjoyed the contact between us. But that look upon his face left my heart aching. He lowered his head, gazing toward the floor, his shoulders sagging.

"I… I didn't mean… I'm sorry I… It just…" He was stuttering his words, defeat marring his features.

"Don't," I pleaded, causing his head to lift, his eyes to meet mine. "Don't apologize to me. And don't feel ashamed about what happened. There's nothing for you to be ashamed about." I removed the space between us, cupping his face in my hands. "You did nothing wrong, nothing that upset me. You have nothing to be sorry about right now."

His eyes lowered toward the front of his jeans, where he was still very much hard, causing my hands to drop from his face. "But I… I couldn't stop myself from…" His words trailed off.

"Do you… Can you tell me what you felt when you-"

"I know what it means," he whispered, cutting me off. "I know what I… Eu sinto muito por você, Bella, e às vezes, eu não sei como controlar. Eu nunca almejei tanto algo como eu desejo você, mas I... Eu não sei como colocar em palavras como me sinto quando estou com você, o que você me faz sentir. É como se tudo dentro de mim formigasse, até a minha alma, e eu só quero tocar em você. Eu sinto que cada vez mais estamos juntos. Nós nunca fizemos isso antes, e eu nunca quis mostrar como eu me sinto com meu corpo, não dessa forma, mas eu queria então."

He always spoke in Portuguese when he was trying to express himself in a way he wasn't comfortable doing in English, or when he was afraid of how I'd react to his words. It wasn't as often as it used to be, but it still happened on occasion. I shook my head, smiling so he knew I wasn't upset because of it.

"Not that I don't love when you speak Portuguese, because I really do, but I know you do it as a safety net sometimes. Edward, you don't have to hide from me. I want to know what you're feeling. I want you to be able to tell -"

"It's what you make me feel," he started. He turned his head, glancing around the room, then sighed as he looked back at me, pleading with his eyes, but for what I wasn't sure. "All these things inside that I feel when I'm with you, I don't know how to manage them sometimes. They almost spill out because everything in me is so full with these feelings for you. I didn't know it could be like this, and it's becoming more, more than I even knew it could be. I didn't… I never thought I'd ever have what I have with you. I never knew that feeling this way even existed.

"And when you said your brother was fixing you up, I… I don't want to lose you, Bella. I don't know if I could…" He paused, shaking his head. "Something inside told me to fight for you. I don't know what it was, but it was there inside my head. What you make me feel in here…" He placed his hand over his heart. "I want to hold onto that. I want to hold onto you. I want to be good enough, so I tried to show you when I kissed you that I could be, that I would be, and when I kissed you, everything I hold in for you came out. I couldn't stop it. I didn't even want to.

"I wasn't sure what I was doing, but it felt right and I… Touching you, it felt like I was finally where I belonged, like a home that was meant just for me, and then you made that noise, Bella? It made me feel… It did something to me. I… liked hearing it. I wanted to keep hearing it. You made me… want to-"

I turned my head, trying to hide the blush that swept across my face and chest. He'd been so open with me, and I didn't want to give him a reason to regret that, to feel uncomfortable because of my reaction, but I couldn't help how his words affected me.

"Bella?"

"Mmm?" I was still hiding my face from him.

He stepped toward me. I could feel it as much as hear it. "Please look at me."

"I don't want you to-"

His hand reached around, lightly gripping my chin, turning my head toward him. "Bella," he whispered.

_Please don't think I-_

"There you are," he breathed, interrupting my thoughts. "You're blushing." It was not a question. "Did I… did I say something wrong? I didn't mean to upset you."

I swallowed thickly as I glanced up under my lashes, seeing the concern within his eyes. "That's not it at all. It's just… what you said? I feel that way too," I explained. "What we did, I've never done that with anyone else. It's only been you."

His eyes sparkled. "Only me?"

I nodded. "I've never been in love before either, so we're sharing a lot of firsts together." It was after making that statement that I realized the connotations it held. Of course, that thought made me blush further.

"I was afraid of what you'd think," he admitted. "I was afraid of what you might think of me because I… That's never happened before, and I didn't… I wasn't planning what happened, Bella."

"I know you didn't," I assured him. "I'm not upset. Touching, kissing, those things happen with couples. I don't want you to be afraid to… to touch me." I was feeling brazen, even if I was beet red from blushing. "It was unexpected, yeah, but I'm not sorry."

"Unexpected," he agreed, then smiled that smile that ignited my insides. "Bella?"

"Yeah?" I smiled back.

"Is it so terrible if I'm not sorry either?"

I took the last step between us, wrapping my arms around his waist as I looked up at him, hoping he could see how much I truly loved him as he stared back down at me.

"No," I chuckled. "It's not so terrible at all. Now how about I finish that haircut?"

-OO-OO-

We'd been back in his room for a few hours, his hair a little shorter now. I couldn't bring myself to do more than just a small trim. It was getting close to time to leave if I were planning to go with Emmett to the concert. I thought about it a lot as we sat there on the mattress and I listened to him read out of one of the magazines he'd hidden. I didn't want to go, in all honesty. I wanted to stay with Edward. The problem I was having was that I felt guilty about ditching Emmett. We spent little time together as it was. I also knew what going would do to Edward. Two of the three most important men in my life, and I was going to upset one of them.

"You're leaving, aren't you?" I noted the disappointment in his voice.

"What do you mean?"

His eyes drifted back down to the magazine while his left hand played nimbly with Lancelot's aged fur. "To that place with your brother. You're going, right?"

"I don't want to go," I told him. "I want to stay with you."

"I won't ask you to do that." I knew he wanted to, but he wouldn't. He closed the magazine. "I'd keep you here with me always if I could. That makes me feel selfish because I always want you, Bella, but you have a life out there, other people that need you, too. I didn't realize how much I was taking from you."

"My life includes you," I protested. "You're a big part of my life, Edward. I choose to be here, I'm not forced. Believe me, you aren't taking from me. If anything, you're giving to me."

"But you being here with me means the other people who love you too miss out on spending time with you. You're needed out there as much as you are in here." I beat down the reaction my body made and the way my heart rate increased when he mentioned 'other people who love me too'. That was as close to saying the words as he'd been yet, even though I was positive he felt them.

"And out there is a place I hope you'll be soon… with me." I felt a pang in my chest as I thought about the conversation I knew we'd be having soon.

"What's wrong?" he asked.

"I don't know what you mean." It was times like these, when he was so astute, that I wondered exactly how perceptible he really was to things.

"I know that look. I've seen… Something's wrong." He tossed the magazine toward the end of the mattress and reached for my hand. "Why do I feel like there's more than just your brother you're upset about?" There was uneasiness to his tone.

I didn't want to do this, not this way. "I owe you the truth. And you're right. It's not just about my brother."

"It's bad." Again, he was making a statement and not a question.

"It doesn't have to be."

"What does that mean?

"You know that I want you out of the hospital. I mean, we've already established that."

"Yeah," he agreed.

"And you know to do that there are going to be things that you may have to do that you don't want to, right?"

"Is that what… That's why you were acting like you did earlier?"

"Yes." I could see his body tense up. "I know talking about this is difficult, but I need to tell you-"

"I know you want me to leave here," he interrupted. "I want to be able to do that, too. I want to be normal for you. There are so many things I want to do for you, for me, I just… There's so much I don't know about the outside, yet I know that what we have in here is ending soon. I can feel it, Bella." He shivered beside me. "I like what we have here, just you and I, but I can feel that what's out there is slipping inside with us. I'm afraid because I don't know what will happen to me. I don't want to be-"

"I won't let anything happen to you," I promised.

He pulled me against him as he wrapped his arm around my shoulder and pressed his forehead to mine. "I know you wouldn't, but things happen that we can't control, Bella. Things that we don't want to happen do. I… I'm afraid, because I've seen how dark things can get, but I'll try, because I've seen hope too. I will, but I just want to _be_ right now, Bella. Can we leave what is out there out there and just _be_ for a little longer?"

"Okay." I pressed my lips to his, agreeing to meet him in the middle.

"A few more days," he whispered against my lips before deepening the kiss.

_Wednesday_, I thought. _We'll talk on Wednesday_.

-OO-OO-

It was now Tuesday night, and several days had passed where I held off telling Edward about the conversation with Carlisle. He knew it was coming, he knew it was going to happen on Wednesday, and I was prepared to follow through with it.

I sat on my front porch, watching the sun sink beyond the horizon as the moon prepared to take its place. It was rare in Forks to see the sun without cloud cover, but it had made a grand appearance that morning.

I'd been home since five, promising an evening to Charlie and Emmett. I was really glad Emmett was no longer upset with me about the concert, so it made being home early less tense. He'd been angry and disappointed when I called and told him I believed I caught food poisoning from a Jr. Whopper, but the anger subsided a bit when he remembered something similar happening to him and Rosalie. I felt a little guilty for lying and skipping out on him until I found out they'd rented hotel rooms for after the concert. That fact diminished the guilt completely.

We'd had an early dinner, even nice conversation through it, and I assumed we'd play cards or something of that nature, but our evening was cut short by ESPN. Boys and their sports.

I was enjoying the breeze and the way the trees shimmied against the wind. It was peaceful, and I needed that comfort, that relaxing distraction, for what was to come.

I closed my eyes as the wind whispered across my face, whipping my hair about and carrying the scent of a summer that would end soon. I could also smell the faint scent of rain from either the day before, or rain that was on its way. For all the rain this town had, I still loved living here.

I was finding serene things to think about that overrode the anxiety I felt circulate through my mind and body. It was helping to a degree, but there was still an inkling of Wednesday present.

I'm not sure how long I sat outside, gazing around, listening to the sports related commotion coming from inside my house, before I stood up, ready to go inside.

"Whicksey Vodkas Horsetrot out."

I let go of the door as I heard the sound, laughing at the tiny voice that clearly mispronounced words. It was definitely Peter, my neighbor's five year old son.

"You said it wrong, Peter." I heard a new voice, Peter's eight year old brother James, but it sounded like it was coming out of a… Walkie-talkie? "It's Whiskey Tango Foxtrot out. Try it again."

"No fair," Peter grumbled, but he repeated the line anyway.

I stood there a moment, laughing at the two boys I occasionally babysat for as they conversed back and forth through Walkie-talkies in Army lingo. I reached for the door handle again, pulling the screen door open, but stopped as my hand rested on the knob of the front door.

_That's it_, I thought. _Why didn't I think of it before_?

I turned the knob, pushing the door open, stopping long enough to tell Charlie and Emmett I was going upstairs in case they needed me. As soon as I was behind the closed door of my bedroom, I grabbed my phone and dialed Alice.

"Hello?"

"Hi, Esme, is Alice home?"

"Sure, Dear. She's up in her room. Let me call her down for you." I heard what sounded like her hand being placed over the receiver, before the muffled echo of Alice's name replaced it.

It was maybe half a minute later when the soft voice of my best friend came through the phone. "Hey, Bella, what's up?"

"I figured something out. I think I know a way that might help Edward become more comfortable with Marcus."

"Do tell," she said. The excitement in her voice practically matched mine.

"Walkie-talkies," I answered.

"Oh, my God, Bella," she squealed. "Why didn't we think of that before? That's perfect."

"I know," I laughed. "I was just standing outside tonight, trying to calm my nerves about telling Edward everything tomorrow, and just as I was coming back inside the house, I heard Peter and James playing on Walkie-talkies. That's how I got the idea."

"You think he'll go for it?"

"There's only one way to find out. In any case, I have to try. I'll pick up a set before I go to the hospital to see him."

We talked for awhile longer, mostly about what I was going to say to Edward on Wednesday because she asked, finishing our conversation with anything mundane we may have done that day.

After I hung up with Alice, I cleaned up the kitchen, showered, then attempted to go to bed. I was too excited to sit down in front of Charlie and Emmett and pretend I wasn't excited, but I was also too excited to sleep. Getting those Walkie-talkies could make a difference for Edward, and I couldn't wait to share it with him.

-OO-OO-

Before heading to the hospital, I stopped off at Newton's and bought a pair of long range Walkie-talkies. Luckily, Mike wasn't around, and Mrs. Newton didn't question the buy, considering my father was an avid hunter/fisher and he loved camping. Walkie-talkies were only appropriate for that sort of thing.

When I entered the boiler room, Marcus was sitting on the wooden seat at the bench, leaning over something that looked mechanical and complicated. I noticed there was something on his head, a strange looking hat, but I couldn't make it out until he turned around, beaming a smile at me. On his head sat what appeared to be an actual headlight.

I stopped at the bottom of the steps, chuckling. "You look like Inspector Gadget with that thing on," I teased. "What are you doing?"

His smile grew. "I know it's goofy, but it helps working on small parts much easier."

"What exactly is that thing?" I asked as I approached the bench to get a closer look.

He glanced down at the machine, then back to me, wearing a proud smile. "It's an old radio I found. It's more of a personal project for me. I always wanted one like this when I was a kid, so I figured I'd fix it up and take it home. It probably won't work, but I'll give it a good try."

"I think it's a great idea," I urged. "I definitely think you should fix it up and take it home."

He winked at me. "Me too." His eyes shifted from me to the bag I was holding in my hands. "What ya got there? Something for the boy?"

"Well," I began. "Yes and no."

He swiveled in his seat, completely facing me. "I'm not sure what you mean by that."

"I can't talk to you when you have that thing on your head," I laughed. He grinned, but took the hat off, setting it on top of the work bench. "What I have in this bag is for you and Edward."

He sighed, shaking his head. "Bella, I've told you before not to get-"

Before he could finish, I reached inside the bag and pulled out the Walkie-talkies. "This isn't food or anything like that, so you don't have to be upset about me getting something for you, because it doesn't just benefit you. I bought these Walkie-talkies for a good reason."

He stared curiously between me and the electronics I held in my hand. "What's the reason?"

"They're for you to talk to Edward and vice versa."

"What?" he asked incredulously. Even though his tone was disbelieving, there was hope in his eyes, a hope I'd never seen there before. "I'm gonna… I'll talk to him?"

I nodded. "We're gonna make this work, Marcus," I promised. "I'm hoping this will ease him into meeting you. If he talks to you, he'll hear in your voice what' I've known all along."

"What's that?"

"That you have the kindest soul I've ever known."

He looked away, but not before I saw his eyes water over. "I don't know what to say, Bella." His voice trembled.

I placed my hand on his shoulder, lightly squeezing as a means to comfort him. "You don't have to say anything. You've taken care of him for seven years, Marcus. You've loved him unconditionally, even when you didn't have to, and even when he didn't reciprocate. It's about time you know him."

He slowly turned his head to look at me, a lone tear sliding down his right cheek. "Thank you, Bella."

I squeezed his shoulder again. "You are so very welcome."

He wiped his face on his sleeve, then cleared his throat and reached for the Walkie-talkies. "May I?"

I nodded. "Please. I'm not really good opening that kind of stuff. I'd probably cut my hand or something."

He laughed. "You are a bit accident prone, so I'll definitely open them and save us a trip to the hospital."

He took them from me and began opening them. "I'm sorry, Marcus."

He stopped opening the partially torn plastic to look over at me with a confused expression. "Why would you be apologizing to me?"

I shrugged. "Because I didn't think of these sooner."

He shifted in his seat, clamping his hands on his thighs, disapproval upon his face. "Don't you go apologizing to me for something like that," he scolded. "You've been coming here about two months and thought of it. I've been with him seven years and the idea never crossed my mind. I guess it didn't because it was clear he wasn't comfortable with me, or anyone else for that matter. That changed when you came along.

"I won't have you apologizing for something like that. Not now, not ever. You've given me an amazing gift right here, and you've given that boy your heart and something to live for. You ain't got anything to be saying sorry about, especially to me."  
"I know, but-"

He held up his hand to silence me. "No buts… and no apologies." He gave me a stern look. "How about we get these things working, heh?"

After we got the batteries inside, he gave a basic demonstration of how to operate them. I bit back laughter because I knew how to work them, but the eagerness was back, and I wasn't about to say or do anything to diminish that for him.

"Well, that's about it," he said, smiling at me.

"Alright." I gripped the other one in my hand. "Give me a little while to talk to him and then we'll-"

"I'm not going anywhere. You take the time you need," he responded. "I'll be here."

I took a deep breath and headed to see Edward.

When I entered the room, he was sitting on the mattress, staring toward the wall. "Hey, you."

He turned his head, looking up at me and smiling, but the smile didn't reach his eyes.

"You okay?"

He nodded. "Yeah." His demeanor was the polar opposite of his words.

"You're nervous, aren't you?" I sat down beside him, taking his hand in mine. He knew all too well what Wednesday meant. His eyes drifted to our linked fingers. "What I have to tell you, it could be a good thing. I really think it's a good thing." I needed him to believe that, to know that no matter how tough the road we were heading toward got, we'd go it together, and it would be worth it in the end. "It's about making you more comfortable, but more importantly, it's about getting you out of here and making you happier. You know that I would never do anything to hurt you, right?"

"I do." He didn't hesitate replying.

"I've thought about what we should do. I don't want to lie to you and say that I didn't consider you meeting someone other than me as a possibility, because being out there means being around other people." He immediately stiffened. I gripped his hand tighter. "I know you're afraid, but I would never do that without you knowing first, and I'd never bring someone I didn't trust with my life. Do you remember me talking about my friend, Alice?"

His body was still rigid, but he managed a slight nod. "If I brought anyone, it would be her." I swallowed thickly before speaking the next words. "I would bring her because she's the sweetest person I know, because I trust her implicitly and because she already knows about you."

His fingers wrapped tighter around my hand, to the point the grip was painful, but he didn't move away from me like I thought he might. That was progress.

I faced him, pulling my hand free, with much effort on my part, and worked the stiffness out before I cupped his face in my hands. "Listen to me. I love you. Saying those words, it's not something that comes easy to me, and it's not something my family says a lot, even though we feel it. But with you, it's like breathing. That's how natural it is.

"I love you, Edward. I know you're afraid, but this time you aren't going to be alone. Do you hear me? I'm not going anywhere. I'm going to fight every step of the way for you, but I need you to fight with me. I need you to want to fight, because that's what we're going to have to do. Where we've come so far, it's as far as we can go on our own. I think deep down you know that.

"It's going to be tough, I won't lie to you, but I know that whatever haunts you, whatever makes you afraid, you're going to beat it. You are, because you are so very strong. But for those times when you feel lost, when you feel like you can't beat it, I'll be there for you to lean on, to keep you going. I promise I'm going to be there with you. You've been abandoned for the last time."

I watched him as that last defensive wall he held up, even to me, came crashing down. His body shook with sobs as he cried it away. He knew I was right. It was like he felt the conviction in my words, knew what I was speaking was the truth. I could see it in his watery eyes. He was afraid, and there was no question I was too, but getting outside professional help was the only way to move forward.

He reached for me, practically pulling me onto his lap as he embraced me, burying his face in my hair, mumbling words I couldn't understand.

I wrapped my arms around him, choking back my own sobs as I let him do what he needed to. I kissed his face, I ran my fingers through his hair, I rubbed his back - I did anything and everything to soothe him.

Even though I was aching inside, I was doing good at locking it down, being the strength and support he needed. But when he lifted his head and gazed into my eyes, the tears still traveling down his cheeks, leaving patchy trails on his beautiful face, and whispered, "I… I love you, Bella." I couldn't hold them down any longer.

I pressed my mouth to his, catching his tears and mine between our lips. They were raw, but they carried pain, love, hope, fear, so many emotions hidden away in each droplet.

Finally, when our tears subsided, I continued speaking. I asked him if he felt like his fear centered around men, or if he felt like there was a fear of women too. He told me that he hadn't really been all that afraid of me, but he wondered if that was because I was meant to be his. Hearing that made my heart swell and ache with the love I held inside for him.

I told him that I felt meeting Alice was the next logical step before we progressed, that meeting her would be a test to see what we were possibly dealing with and how to proceed before we included outside help. He was reluctant, but agreed that he would attempt meeting her. If we could rule out a negative reaction to Alice, then we would know for sure.

I had yet to tell him I'd spoken with Carlisle. I was working up to that, and had every intention of doing so before I left, but before I did, I wanted to try the Walkie-talkies.

"I have something else I wanna try," I told him. "Are you okay to try or...?"

He nodded, but I could see he was a little nervous. He'd been hit with a lot already, and both my chest and head begged me to stop, but I knew I couldn't. If I stopped, I'd find another excuse to give him time, and he was right… Our time here was running out.

I reached for the portable radio where it was lying on the mattress, and palmed it so he could see. "This is a Walkie-talkie. I'm not sure if you've ever seen one before. It's kind of like a phone, but you are only able to connect with its match. See, usually two comes in a package."

He stared at my hand where only one sat, then leaned forward to gaze around me. "Where's the second one?"

I sighed. "Do you remember how I keep talking about Marcus? How I tell you that he's a wonderful man, and that he cares about you?"

"I… I'm not ready to-"

"I know you're not," I assured him. "And you won't be. But I'm hoping this…" I held up the Walkie-talkie. "…will help you be able to at some point. See, Marcus has the match to this one. He's not going to come in here, and I'm not going to force you to talk to him if that's not what you want to do, but I figured that if you did talk to him, maybe you'd see what I've been telling you about him all along.

"I don't expect it to happen overnight, I can only imagine what you must be feeling to even consider this, but I think that it would be good to try. If it becomes too much, if doing this upsets you in any way, I will turn it right off, and I'll get rid of it so you won't ever have to see it again."

I would do it too, just like I said I would. I didn't want to force him, I never wanted to force him, but I felt like if I didn't give that little extra push, we'd be stuck right where we were, and that was not something I wanted for him.

I handed him the little radio. "I will sit here beside you, I will hold your hand, and I will do whatever you need me to do if you want to try. I'm leaving the decision to you, and whatever you decide, it will be alright. I swear to you it will."

He was silent for awhile, just staring at the Walkie-talkie in his hand. I wasn't sure if he was going to respond, if I'd pressed my luck too much, putting all this on him in one day. The problem was, I never knew what too much was, but I had to try; we had to try together if he had any chance of leading a better life.

I left him in his silence, let him decide for himself, because there was just some things he had to decide on his own – I couldn't do it for him. He finally gripped it tightly, uttering in a low, stilted voice, "This is important to you, isn't it?"

"I want it to be important to _you_," I answered.

His eyes found mine. "_You_ are important to me."

I knew what he meant, and because of that, I couldn't argue with him, not when I knew I would have done the same.

"If you don't want to-"

"I'll try," he mumbled.

"I mean it. If you don't want to, then you don't have to."

"I want to try… I _need_ to try." I knew that his resolve was as much for me as it was proving to himself that he could do it, that he'd beat his fear.

"Okay. Let me show you how to work this."

I went through, describing how to operate the radio. It wasn't difficult, he grasped it quickly enough. I turned it on, and the sound startled him, but he seemed to steel himself enough to continue, though I could still sense the anxiety rolling off him, thickening the air around us.

I entwined our fingers, bringing them up to my lips and kissing his knuckles to soothe him. "We'll do this together," I promised. "And when you say enough, that's it. It's done."

He nodded, brushing our linked fingers along my lips. He closed his eyes, like he was drawing strength from me as much as himself, then squeezed the button, exhaling a shuddered breath before he spoke.

"H-hello?" he whispered.

The receiver crackled in response, the sound bouncing off the cool walls and resonating through the room. I briefly wondered if Marcus had forgotten to turn it on and was going to go out and tell him to do so when the crackling stopped and a breath came through, followed by a reply that was choked with emotion. "Hello."

-OO-OO-OO-OO-OO-

**Ending notes:**

O que você está... o que você está fazendo comigo? Eu sou... Nunca foi assim. Eu nunca me senti assim. Você me faz sentir tão bem, meu anjo. = What are you... what are you doing to me? I'm... It's never been this way. I've never felt like this. You make me feel so much, my angel.

Eu sinto muito por você, Bella, e às vezes, eu não sei como controlar. Eu nunca almejei tanto algo como eu desejo você, mas I... Eu não sei como colocar em palavras como me sinto quando estou com você, o que você me faz sentir. É como se tudo dentro de mim formigasse, até a minha alma, e eu só quero tocar em você. Eu sinto que cada vez mais estamos juntos. Nós nunca fizemos isso antes, e eu nunca quis mostrar como eu me sinto com meu corpo, não dessa forma, mas eu queria então. = I feel so much for you, Bella, and I don't know how I hold it back sometimes. I've never longed for something like I long for you, but I... I don't know how to put into words how I feel when I'm with you, what you make me feel. It's like everything inside me tingles, even my soul, and I just wanna touch you. I feel it more every time we're together. We've never done this before, and I've never wanted to show how I feel with my body, not like this, but I wanted to then.


	23. Chapter 23: Skeletons in the Closet

Sorry about the delay, loves. RL has been a bit harsh to me lately. This chapter went so opposite what I intended, I tried to fight it, but this is what we got.

Anyway, lots of love to my wifey, Sophy, and my amazing prereaders Bbebar, shackle_me . Thank you to beejelly_ for helping with translations.

To my readers, I adore you beyond words!

**Abuse warning is effect on this chapter. **

You can follow me on twitter... I do post teasers: _JMC_09.

SM owns everything Twilight. I own the rest of this story.

-OO-OO-OO-OO-OO-

**Chapter 23: Skeletons in the Closet**

**Into The Sun**

_All this time we're going nowhere and we know it_

_I was so blind_

_All the lights are leading to where you're going_

_I'm not far behind_

_And now we're running into the sun_

_Getting close to something into the sun_

_You know that we're falling_

_We're falling back into the sun_

Edward stared at the Walkie-talkie like a duel pair of heads sprouted out of the receiver. "It's okay," I assured him.

His eyes shifted between me and the device in his trembling hand. He shook his head. "I don't know what-" His words trailed off.

I lifted our linked fingers to my face, cupping his palm against my cheek. His eyes were solely on me now. "He doesn't expect anything from you, okay? No expectations. You can say whatever you want. You can even ask him questions if that's what would help you become more comfortable. But if you'd like, I can make a suggestion how to start."

He nodded. "Okay."

I smiled. "Try asking him how he is. That's how a lot of conversations begin."

He pulled the Walkie-talkie toward his mouth, hesitating midway, taking in a deep breath, then continued the ascent, pausing a few inches from his mouth. "How… are you?"

He was still disconnected some emotionally, but I hoped as the conversation progressed, that would change.

The crackle from the other end registered once again through the air, then Marcus's voice came through, emotionally sound. "I'm… yeah, I'm doing good." Each word punctuated heartfelt emotion. "I'm doing real good. How are you?"

Edward's eyes trained on me as he answered. "I'm good. Bella's here with me."

I brought his hand to my lips, kissing his palm. "You're doing so good."

"That's… uh… that's real good that she's there with you. She's a special one, isn't she?"

Edward nodded, though Marcus couldn't see him. "Yes."

It occurred to me then that maybe if Edward heard me interact with Marcus, the calm easiness between us, it might make him less jittery to do the same.

"Can you hold the button down so I can say something to Marcus?" I asked Edward. He went to hand me the receiver instead, but I shook my head. "It's okay, you can still hold onto it. I just wanna say something real quick."

"Alright."

His fingers pressed in the mic key. "Hey, Marcus. Are you hanging in there?"

I nodded toward Edward, and he released the button. Marcus's nervous laugh came through the receiver. "I'm doing alright, kid. I think you know where my head is at, yeah?"

I smiled, knowing exactly what he was telling me. I felt Edward's eyes on me, watching me closely. "I think I do. It's a good thing, though, isn't it?"

"It is. You know what I wanna say to you, right?"

Edward pressed the mic key again, his interest in my conversation with Marcus obvious. "I do, and I'm gonna tell you again you don't have to. It's been worth it." I glanced at Edward and smiled. "It's been very worth it. Anyway, I'll let you talk with him again."

"Sounds good."

"What do I say to him?" Edward asked me.

I squeezed his hand. "Say whatever you feel like."

His thumb was aligned over the button, his forehead scrunched in thought while his eyes shifted back and forth over his lap. Finally, he sighed and pressed the button in. "Umm… thank you."

"What for?" Marcus was surprised.

Edward glanced at me for reassurance, then answered. "You know, for the food and clothing. Well, for all of it. I just… I wanted to say thank you."

"Oh, you don't have to thank me for that." Marcus cleared his throat of the emotion coming through his voice. "It was nothing doing."

"But you didn't have to do it," Edward whispered.

Even whispered, Marcus heard him, and he was just as affected as Edward. "I wanted to. I wanted to do it." He paused, collecting himself. "And so you know, if you need anything… yeah, you can just have Bella let me know, and I'll be sure you get it."

As silence fell between them again, I used the quiet to compose myself. I was slammed with a whirlwind of emotion the moment they began speaking to one another. Pride, happiness, adoration, so many good feelings rushed through my body, finding no other way to purge itself but through the tears that slid down my cheeks.

I wondered which of them would end the silence first. It was Marcus.

"Bella tells me you like watching movies." His nervous grasp at conversation was pretty endearing.

"I do," Edward told him. "I enjoy them as much as I do listening to music."

"Good deal." A noise filtered through that sounded like Marcus's bench seat moving. "That's a real good deal. Yeah, I don't get to watch much television, but I do love me the classics."

"Classics?" Edward questioned.

"Oh… uh… old time movies. The black and white ones."

"I've seen some of those. Bella and I watched one recently. I believe it was called _Mr. Smith Goes to Washington_."

"That was a good one. You got any others you like?"

I watched Edward, awestruck at his strength. "I realize it's probably a movie meant for kids, but I actually liked _E.T_."

Marcus laughed. "You're never too old for _E.T._ I liked that one myself. In fact, that's how I got to liking Reese's Pieces."

Edward shook his head, eyes downcast. "I've never had Reese's Pieces."

"We'll have to change that, then. I'll get you some the next time I run out." In that moment, I couldn't have loved Marcus more.

"You don't have to do that."

"Well, we can't have you going without tasting some Reeses Pieces. No, sir… We can't have that."

I listened to them, my heart swelling with love for the man who owned my heart and soul… and for the other man who was in all the ways that mattered Edward's father. Their interaction, it was a thing of beauty, something I could sit and witness on a daily basis.

Conversation with loved ones was taken for granted these days… or nonexistent, but with these two? They were seeking that connection, even through the unknown, and that connection was cherished. The tension eased the longer they spoke, and it became so that Edward didn't look at me for some kind of direction.

They spoke for about an hour, discussing different subjects, even music and books, and I loved every single second of it. I felt lucky to be a part of something that I considered profound.

Afterward, Edward and I lay together on the mattress.

"I didn't know," he whispered.

"Didn't know what?" I asked as I shifted closer to him while running my fingers softly through his hair.

"That it would be like that." His voice was so low, his eyes still lifted toward the ceiling.

"Do you mean talking with Marcus?"

"Yeah." He turned on his side, facing me, age beyond his years flourishing behind his green eyes. "His voice, it wasn't…" His brow furrowed.

I ran my hand down his back and began rubbing in a circular motion to soothe him. "It wasn't what?"

"It wasn't cold," he murmured. "It wasn't Aro's."

I shook my head. "No, it wasn't."

The fingers of his right hand skimmed along my cheek. "When you talked to him, for me, you were good with him." His words and stare held so much adoration.

I placed my hand over his, curling my fingers around , and pulled downward, tucking it against my chest so his palm rested over my heart. "So were you."

"Thank you… for being here with me."

"There's nowhere else I'd want to be."

"Do you have to leave?" he asked.

I shook my head. "No, I'm staying here."

He briefly glanced down at his hand placed over my heart. "Your heart is beating so fast."

"I know," I whispered.

"So beautiful," he breathed, his eyes canvassing my face with such awe it left me breathless. "Inside and out. You nearly blind me, Bella." He leaned forward, nuzzling his nose against mine. "Você é tão preciosa para mim, meu anjo."

-OO-OO-

The abrupt shift on the bed and a loud gasp woke me from the sleep I hadn't realized I fell into. Edward was sitting upright on the mattress, both hands running down his face, his breathing staccato. I sat up beside him, wrapping my arms around him. "Are you okay?"

He shivered. "I'm fine."

He wasn't, though. I could feel it as much as hear it.

"Was it a bad dream?"

He lay back down on the pillow and reached for me, pulling me against him. He remained silent, staring up at the ceiling as he usually did when he was mentally deliberating, but I didn't press, knowing he'd tell me when and if he were comfortable enough to do so.

The silence was thick, the lack of sound making my ears ring.

Words I had already assumed I wouldn't hear sliced through the quiet. "It was raining outside that day. I know because I could hear the drops hitting against the roof of the house. There wasn't much of a sound barrier from the noises outside. It was dark, but only because I was locked in the closet again. It's where he kept me when he left. I'd been in there so long I lost track of time. I wasn't sure if it was as dark outside as it was in that closet.

"I hurt all over from the hunger. I felt weak too. He liked keeping me weak. The space was so small, and I knew I was breathing in the same air I'd just exhaled. It was so hot, and that on top of being hungry made me feel dizzy.

"I curled up on my side, thinking if maybe I put some pressure against my stomach, then it wouldn't hurt so bad, but it didn't make a difference. I started sucking in fresh air through the bottom of the door. I liked the feel of the coolness of it on my tongue. I imagined it was water, but that only made me thirstier than I already was. Sometime later, I heard Aro's voice. It was muffled because the closet door was shut, but not only because of that – he'd been drinking. I knew what happened when he drank."

Tears had fallen from my eyes, catching on the material of his shirt. I could feel the ach in his words. "Edward, you-"

"Please let me do this," he whispered. "It's poison inside me, and I… I need to tell you to get it out."

"I'll listen," I promised. I wrapped my arm around his chest, meshing our bodies closer together so he could draw strength from me if he needed it.

He took a deep breath. "I always knew what happened when he drank. I expected it… the fists, the angry kicks, the leather strap that left its signature on my skin more times than I could count. I waited, because I knew it was coming, and as he opened that door with a calming force, I cowered as far back against the wall as I could get. I would have climbed inside that wall if I could because that was not how he usually acted at all. He was never calm. I just knew my time had run out. I felt it as sure as the rapid beat of my heart. I was going to take my last breath soon.

"The alcohol was so strong it polluted the air. There was no smell but the stink of alcohol, or maybe it was my fear and soiled clothes. They mixed inside that closet and made my stomach turn. I should have been used to every one of those smells, Bella, but the three of them together did terrible things to my stomach. I wasn't so hungry anymore. But he dropped a bottle of water on the floor and put a plate of burnt rice in front of me. It was plain, no seasoning. It looked old too.

"He told me to eat it, and I knew better than to go against anything he said. As much as the smell in the air made me queasy, my stomach sensing the food in front of me started growling again. I looked at that rice, thinking he probably poisoned it, but I was so hungry, and I thought that at least the poison would be a better way to go than being beaten to death. You know what else was strange?"

I found his word choice odd, because to me, the entire situation wasn't strange, it was sick. But to him, that had been his normal, everyday life. "No."

"He watched me eat every bite without saying a word. His feet never moved. I was sure that he'd poisoned the food then, thinking he was watching me just so he could see me die. I finished eating anyway, I was gonna let the poison claim me, but the pain wasn't completely gone. I'd waited so long to eat. He still stood there, as quiet and calm as ever. I kept my eyes on his feet, though. I didn't dare look up at his face.

"Finally, after I don't know how long, he said to me in a slur, 'Hell's demons are coming for you so they can take you back where you came from. You reek of their fucking stench. They marked you at birth, and your curse cost me everything. I wish I never would have laid eyes on you. I tried to give her what she wanted, so I gave her you, but your black heart destroyed everything. They know now. They're coming 'cause they know, but I'm gonna do what I should have done a lot time ago.' I waited for the blow to come with the words I didn't understand, but it never came.

"I was stupid and looked up at his face. I don't even know why. He was bloody, like someone had hurt him. He didn't say anything more, just turned around and walked away. He didn't even close the door. My eyes became heavy, so heavy, and I couldn't keep them open. The last thing I remember is hearing two voices, one Aro's, arguing and something breaking." He swallowed, the sound cutting eerily through the air. "I don't even know how I… I don't know how I…"

I knew without him finishing what came next. The anger and heartache flickered white hot within me. "There was something in the rice, wasn't there? And then you woke up here, right? Do you think he brought you here?"

He shrugged. "I don't know, and that's why I don't know if he's looking for me. It doesn't make sense because I… I really feel like he wanted to end my life, so why would he take me somewhere and leave me alive? But there was someone else there, someone he was fighting with. I think it might have been a woman. When I woke up, I woke up here. I didn't even know where here was. I opened my eyes, and everything was so black and cold. Nothing made sense. I thought… I thought he was telling me the truth, that I was going back to hell. I waited for the demons to come, but the only thing that came was… _him_."

"Marcus?"

"Yeah." He nodded. "The demons never came, not the ones I expected. The only demons I found were the demons in my mind. After awhile, mostly after I'd gotten down here, I realized this wasn't hell, but I had this feeling the demons were still looking for me. I felt safe here, though, like they couldn't sense me through the thick walls. I had what I needed here, but I couldn't trust anything or anyone… not until you."

"Please don't think I'm upset, but I… Do you know why you waited until now to tell me all this?"

"I still don't understand any of it." He finally turned on his left side, draping his arm over my waist and pulling me close. "It's hard to explain something when I don't understand it. It wasn't that I didn't trust you to tell you how I got here, but that night, it was… I just needed time to be able to talk about it. I know what that night was supposed to be, and talking about the night you were supposed to die isn't easy."

"He can't hurt you anymore, Edward. You aren't that child anymore. You can fight back." His eyes lowered. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to-"

"It's not that. It's just… I have no more secrets, Bella. At least none that I know of. I needed to give you that and give me that if I'm gonna… I can't get better with secrets between us."

"Thank you for trusting me enough to tell me."

His forehead rested against mine. "Trusting you wasn't the problem. Being able to give you what you deserve from me, that's what this about."

I inhaled sharply and swallowed back the anger over his self-loathing. "Haven't we already been down this road? You do give me what I deserve, and I want you to have what you deserve, which is getting out of this place. I don't like when you doubt yourself… or make what you've done less than it is. It's like you're giving all those awful things Aro said to you and about you power of control over you. None of it's true."

"I just… I look at you, and I see everything I wanted and thought I'd never have." He closed his eyes, fanning warm breath across my face as he exhaled. "I see the way I am with you, a person I never thought I'd be. I had no idea that loving this much was possible because I'd never had love before you.

"Love was just an empty word to me. But you changed that, didn't you? You gave it a definition. You found your way through all the broken parts of me and began piecing me together. It was always meant to be you, you know. Sometimes, though, I still can't believe this is all real, that you're here with me, that you're mine. There is and never will be anything more special to me than you are, Bella. I need… I need you to know that. I need to be able to show you that. I need to be able to give back what-"

"You have." I kissed him softly. "You gave me your trust and your heart. You gave me you, Edward. There's nothing you could give me that's worth more."

"I love you," he whispered. "More than my own life."

He kissed me as he pulled me closer, practically crushing our bodies together. The kiss was gentle, then hungry, an echo of the love we had for one another.

The hand dangling over my waist palmed my lower back, fingers pressing hard into the flesh under my tank shirt, before moving to my side and drifting down to my thigh. His fingertips were warm on my bare flesh, my skin accessible because of my pajama shorts, and gentle in their touch, but then his fingers hooked underneath and pulled my leg upward, draping my thigh over his waist.

His hand ran back and forth over my skin, like he was trying to learn unchartered parts of me, goosebumps rising under his touch. I whimpered as his hand shifted upward, pausing at my side, pressing his fingers partially into my backside and pulling my hips closer.

He broke the kiss, gasping for air, his lids still shut tight. "Bella," he breathed. "You're making me… I feel… God, Bella, I just…"

I could see so clearly as his eyes opened, staring into mine. Sometimes you didn't need to hear the words to know what was being said. Sometimes the eyes said it all. "I know."

-OO-OO-

I woke to soft kisses whispering along my jaw before a warm nose nuzzled below my ear. I wrapped my arms around his neck, pulling him closer, keeping my eyes closed as I inhaled, taking in the scent of shampoo and Edward. "Good morning." My voice was hoarse from sleep. "You smell good. Did you just shower?"

"Yeah."

"How long have you been up?"

"Awhile," he said. "I showered, then I sat here watching a movie. It got me thinking about things."

He started lifting himself off me, but I gripped him tighter, holding him to me. "Not yet. I'm not ready to let go yet."

He chuckled as he kissed my forehead. "You don't ever have to let go."

"Mmm," I hummed. "That's good. That's what I like to hear." I sighed, feeling the weight of him above me. It was comforting and right. "What were you thinking about?"

"Well that's… uh… that's why I woke you up."

I opened one eye at a time and stared up at him. "Is that so? Are you okay? Did you have another bad dream?"

He smiled, shaking his head. "You always worry about me, don't you? Why don't you let me worry about you for a change."

This time when he pulled back to lie beside me, I let him. He rested his head on a propped elbow and stared down at me. I turned on my side, mimicking his movements, catching a scene of _The Elephant Man_ playing on the little DVD player.

_Interesting choice of movie_, I thought. _It had to have come from Marcus_.

"Is there a reason I'm not aware of that you should be worrying about me?"

He smiled. "No, that's not what I meant. After waking up from… well, I had, you know, one of those thoughts come to me that made me see things I hadn't before."

"An epiphany?"

"Yeah, that's it."

"Oh, well tell me about this epiphany you had."

He brushed a stray hair off my forehead and tucked it behind my ear. "It's just, you're always worrying, always trying to help make things better for me, but I need to be able to do some of that for myself, right? I need to make decisions of my own about my life. Isn't that the point of leaving this place? If I can't take care of myself out there, if I can't handle things on my own, I won't make it, Bella."

"But you aren't on your own."

"But I have to be able to handle being on my own, because there's always a chance that-"

"No." I sat up. "No, there's not. I refuse that option. I'm not leaving you."

"You can't promise me that."

"Yes, I can," I cried. "I can promise you that. Why are you…What is this about?"

"Hey." He sat up, reaching for me, pulling me into his lap and wrapping me in the warmth of his arms. "I'm not saying-"

"I'm not gonna lose you," I choked out, shaking my head. "I won't."

"That's not possible." He ran the pads of his thumbs under my eyes, swiping away the tears. "No matter what, you'll never lose me. But we have to be prepared for what could happen when… I've thought a lot about what you've said, and you're right about me needing more. I watch those movies, seeing all those people, and I see how different I am from all of them. Loving you, it's made me see things differently. I don't like feeling like I'm not a m-"

"Don't say it. Don't say you aren't a man because you are."

He shook his head. "Not the way I should be. What other _man_ besides me that you know lives in an abandoned hospital, hiding away? None, right? To the rest of the outside, I'd be a freak. You said earlier that I wasn't a kid anymore, and if Aro came looking for me I could fight back. It never occurred to me at all. It seemed so strange to me, because I grew up never fighting back. I couldn't. Getting better, getting out of here, that's going to mean I have to do some fighting, even if I end up-"

"You sound like you're giving up, like you believe that's exactly what's going to happen. You really think you're going to be locked away, don't you?"

His eyes lowered. "I don't know what's going to happen, but what I do know is that you can't fix everything for me. I can't expect you to. I want to be with you, Bella. God, I want to be with you, and I can't do that here. Not here.

"You can't be my safety net either. I can't do that to you anymore. I've done that for far too long. I have to get back what was taken from me. That's what you've been teaching me, isn't it? I'm scared about what's going to happen next, I'm really scared, but sooner or later someone will find out I'm here. I've been having dreams about that a lot lately. And if I'm going to leave this place, I want to do it on my terms. I want to do it as a man."

I cupped his face within my hands. "I know what you're saying, I understand, and I'm going to let you stand on your own feet because I see how important this is to you, but I won't leave you. I'm still going to be there to support you."

"That's all I'm asking for." He kissed me. "I need you to be there but to support me. I'll meet your friend, as soon as she'd like to come, and-"

"You don't have to force it right this second."

"Yes, I do." There was no denying the resignation his voice held. "I can't go back to what I was. I can't go back to where you didn't exist. To be with you completely, I have to leave here. I can't hide here forever, expect you to come to me, and believe that no one would ever find me. You have people that care about you, and one day they might be curious enough to come visit you. But it's more than that. It's like I told you, I want to be what you deserve.

"These last couple days, Bella, they've just been… Me in here, it's not what you deserve. So, if I don't force myself, someone else will, but not in the way I'd want. You know that." I tried to lower my eyes, but his hand came up under my chin, stopping me. "You know it. So I want you to bring your friend here so I can meet her."

"Then what?" I asked curiously.

"Then, I think I'd like to step outside with you."

-OO-OO-

After leaving Edward that evening, I drove over to Alice's to talk with her about meeting him. As I pulled my truck into the driveway, she and Jasper were coming out her front door, hand in hand. They both waved, then continued talking to one another.

I put the truck in park and turned off the engine, clutching onto my totebag as I climbed out the driver's side. "Hey, you two," I called out to them.

"Hey, Bella. Long time no see," Jasper said, smiling. "How you been?"

"I've been good. You know, busy working, but good."

"I've heard. Are you liking it over at that place?"

I nodded. "Yeah. As far as rundown hospitals go, it's pretty great."

"I'll bet," he laughed. "Well, I better get going so you two ladies can girl talk." He kissed Alice. "I'll call you later tonight, baby."

"Okay," she whispered, her eyes reflecting love as she stared back at him. I wondered if I appeared the same way as I stared at Edward. I bet I did.

It wasn't until Jasper's car disappeared from sight that we went inside, making our way up to her room. As soon as the door closed, the twenty questions began. "Did you use them? Tell me you used them."

I laughed at the way she bounced upon her mattress, her tiny body bursting with infectious energy. "Yes, I used them."

She squealed. "What happened? Did he talk to him? Tell me everything."

"Alice," I chuckled. "Calm down and breathe." She took a deep breath, but her body still hummed with excitement. I sat down across from her. "I was so proud of Edward. He was pretty nervous, obviously, but he still sat there with that Walkie-talkie in his hand and talked to Marcus. As the conversation progressed, he wasn't as tense. It's gonna take some time, I know, but it was a huge step for both of them."

"What did Marcus think about it all?"

I smiled. "Marcus, he was in awe… and pretty choked up too. He waited seven years for that moment. He was so great, though. He let Edward lead the conversation, and he was more than willing to answer anything Edward had to ask. It was so hard to sit there and not let what I was feeling unravel. It wasn't anything bad, it was like… umm… the way you feel when you've defeated another hurdle. I sat beside Edward, listening to them talk back and forth, and I felt like I'd really had a hand in something important. I can't explain it, but that's what it felt like."

She reached across the space between us, offering me her hand. I took it. "You feel that way because it was something important. You watched two people you care about connect. They both needed that time together. Edward needs all the support he can get, and Marcus needed to form that bond with the man he considers his son. What you did with the Walkie-talkies, it opened those doors for the both of them. You say you're proud of them, but you should be proud of yourself, too. I know I'm proud of you."

I blinked against the tears welling in my eyes. "Thank you."

She stood up and moved to the bed, sitting alongside me, pushing away scrapbooking material and pictures that sat above the comforter, and wrapped her arms around me, embracing me. "Don't get all sappy on me, Swan."

I laughed as warm tears rolled down my cheeks. "I'm sorry. I'll try harder to contain myself, Cullen." I cleared my throat, then focused on the mess of books and pictures that were now resting near the edge of the bed. "What's all this stuff?" I pointed toward the clutter. "Are you being creative?"

She reached for one of the scrapbooks, the cover etched in white and pink lace, and opened it up, showing me pictures she'd placed neatly inside, words and other décor outlining each page. "It's kind of a pet project. My mom has talked about making scrapbooks for years, but she's never gotten around to it. I'll be going off to college soon, so I thought I'd start them for her. I'm making three of them, actually. One will focus on my parent's beginning up until now. That one is already finished. I also finished the one dedicated to my father's family history. I'm now working on my mother's."

I took the scrapbook from her hands, running my fingers delicately over the lace and velvet wording. "Alice, these are really great. I'm impressed."

She blushed. "Thanks, it's really nothing, though."

"I don't think your mom will think these are nothing."

"I… uh… I gotta go in the attic and get more pictures. You wanna come with me?" she asked.

"Yeah, sure."

I followed her out of the room, down the long hallway to the last door on the left – it led up to the attic. As we climbed the stairs, the musty scent of things that sat for a long period of time filled the air.

"We don't come up here much, as you can tell."

Alice stepped forward after clearing the top step, walking right into a vacant spider web. She shrieked as her hands came up, rubbing at her face to remove the webbing. I stood back, laughing as she carried on like a crazy person.

"This is so not funny, Bella."

I continued laughing. "Yeah, it really is. But you don't have to worry, Alice. There wasn't a spider in it."

She shivered in disgust. "There could have been, though. That's so gross."

"Attics get spiders. It's, like, mandatory or something." I walked around her, chuckling. "Okay, where are these pictures we need to get?"

"Over here." She veered off to the right, so I backtracked and followed behind her. "These boxes here, they have pictures of my mom's family. I'll gather up some of the family, and you can grab some younger pictures of my mom."

"Yeah, I can do that." I gazed at all the boxes. "Which box should I go through?"

She patted her palm against the second box in the tower before me. "This one right here."

"Alright." I moved the first box, setting it on an old canopy bed that was partially draped with a white sheet covered in dust particles that were visible because so many had accumulated. I had to pull tape off the top of the box, but the tape relented easy enough, so it wasn't really taxing.

I sifted through the mass of pictures, lining up the ones neatly that I'd already searched through, then laying them in a pile on the enclosed box I had first removed.

Alice and I stopped on occasion, sharing pictures we found with one another that were either funny or sweet. She pulled one aside of Esme wearing what appeared to be a clown shirt, the ruffles vast around the neck, and bell bottoms that were wider at the calf than I'd ever seen.

Alice looked horrified at the picture she held within her fingers. "Can you believe she actually wore that? This shirt, it looks like it belongs to a pirate reject. I seriously think I may have been adopted."

I bumped her shoulder with mine, snorting. "As hideous as that thing is, you are most definitely not adopted."

"That picture is so not going in my scrapbook." She held it up, flapping it in the air. "And I'm raiding her closet to make sure this shirt is not in there. If I find it, it's getting burned."

I laughed as I stepped back toward the box I was exploring, the attic floor creaking under my steps. I resumed my search of Esme pictures, nearly forgetting the reason I stopped by Alice's house to begin with.

"Oh, once we're done, I want to talk to you about coming to the hospital and meeting…" My words trailed off as I gazed down at a picture that seemed familiar, yet wasn't. A biting coldness blew through me, chilling me to the bone.

I didn't know the woman whose face I was staring down at, had never met her before, but the features, they were so similar to ones I saw every day. It was eerie how closely they were in similarity. But that wasn't what struck me speechless. No, it was the eyes. Those eyes were ones I'd recognize anywhere. Those eyes, they were Edward's.

-OO-OO-OO-

Você é tão preciosa para mim, meu anjo = You are so precious to me, my angel.


	24. Chapter 24: Origin

Sorry about the delay, loves. I had a bit of writer's block. It wasn't fun. Lol. This chapter isn't officially beta'd, so I apologize for any mistakes you find.

Anyway, lots of love to my wifey, Sophy, and my amazing prereaders Bbebar, shackle_me . I know they didn't get to preread this time, but I still love them. Thank you to beejelly_ for helping with translations. ILY, girly!

To my readers, I know that I don't answer every review, but please know I read them, and I appreciate each and every one. I adore you beyond words!

SM owns everything Twilight. The rest of the story is mine.

-OO-OO-OO-OO-OO-OO-

**Chapter 24: Origin**

**First Floor People**

_Who am I to fool now if you're gone, you're gone?_

_If I am found below the ground_

_I'm searching, desperate._

_Prepared people, take your places on deck._

_I'm a lost boy with no one to tell me I am safe_

Sometimes in life, things have a way of coming at you, things you'd never expect in a million years. Some are good, some are bad, some are sitting on the threshold, leaving you unsure which direction they'll tip, so you have to brace yourself for the impact, but all are equally unexpected.

And when you find yourself riding in the center of the vortex of unknown, your lungs feel like they're compressed. You wait to breathe that sigh of relief or feel a crushing blow aimed right at your heart. The unknown can be thrilling, it can be scary and it can be lonely.

Then again, it could be all three at once, which is exactly what I discovered as I stood there with that picture in my hand. It was a mystery I couldn't make sense of.

This woman, whose face wasn't just beautiful but appeared kind, smiled at the person behind the lens, her green eyes so hopeful. It was a close-up shot, which made her features very easily seen. She was young, eighteen maybe. Her hand was positioned against her cheek, hair nearly the same color as Edward's blowing in the wind, a stray strand covering one of her fingers.

The backdrop was a meadow of some kind. There appeared to be lots of trees, along with wild flowers that tried to make their presence known even though the camera cut off much of their view.

I held that picture in my hand, whose edges were a little frayed, my body stock still, trying to find something to debunk what my brain was screaming at me, but I always came back to the same conclusion. This woman, she looked like Edward, so much that it was eerie. That realization aired a lot of questions, like a bunch of pistons firing off in my brain, but it all led to the biggest question of all… How was it even possible?

"What do you got there?" I never heard Alice move toward me… or even felt her peering around my arm.

I answered her, though I didn't recognize my voice when I did, but my eyes stayed on the picture practically glued to my fingertips. "Who… who is this?"

She grabbed the picture from my hand, but not without resistance I didn't realize I was giving. She stared at it, the smile on her face becoming a frown. "This was my Aunt Elizabeth, my mom's younger sister."

Even through the shock I caught the obvious innuendo, but I still asked the question anyhow. "What do you mean 'was'?"

Her shoulders slouched, her words carried a saddened undertone. "She died… before I was born."

My chest constricted. I felt the loss of this woman, whom I'd never even met, all because she looked so much like the man that was a part of my soul.

"How… how did she die?"

Alice leaned against the boxes the pictures were in. "I don't really know all the details. My mom doesn't talk about it much."

"So you don't even know what happened to her?" I asked.

"I think I was around seven, and my mom and I were sitting in that old recliner she used to have, the one she kept reupholstering until my dad talked her into getting rid of it, like, two years ago. You remember the one I'm talking about, right?" I nodded. "She was showing me some family pictures. Most of them I hadn't seen before. We came across one of my Aunt Elizabeth. I asked who she was, and my mom began telling me about her. I was curious, because what she said wasn't that much, so I started asking more questions. You know how I am.

"The only thing she told me was that they had had a fight when they were younger, and that fight led to them not speaking. She never said what the fight was about. I guess Elizabeth moved away after. I remember feeling my mom's tears landing on my arm as she spoke. She said she thought they'd have more time to be sisters again, but apparently, God wanted Elizabeth to come home."

"But did she say how she died?"

I realized how aggressive I sounded, and I'd have to be sure to apologize to Alice later, but I couldn't shake the feeling that the details were significant.

She shot me a quizzical look. "You really are curious about her, aren't you?"

"I just… well, I was looking through these pictures, and every picture has a story to tell. I guess I was just curious about hers. She looks happy here."

I couldn't tell her the truth, not without knowing what it was I was actually looking for.

"That makes sense," she responded, shrugging. "The pictures my mom has of Elizabeth are all before their falling out. But to answer your question, from what I was told, she died of a broken heart."

"A broken heart?"

She nodded. "Yeah."

Dread was attacking my insides like millions of tiny shards of glass. I couldn't explain, even understand why I felt the way I did, but looking at the face in the picture, the face that belonged to Elizabeth, I couldn't detach myself from the ominous feeling. There was something about this woman that felt important.

"What broke her heart?" My voice was raspy, sounding just as rough as I felt inside.

Alice exhaled, answering in a whisper, "A child."

"A child broke her heart?" I asked, incredulously.

She shook her head. "No. She lost a child. I guess the baby was stolen from her shortly after the birth. A year later he still hadn't been found, and she just gave up on everything, even her own life."

I had to lean against the box to hold myself up because my knees felt like buckling underneath me.

"She… killed herself?"

"No. I mean, not in the sense of overdosing or anything like that. She just didn't fight to live because she didn't want to."

"Oh God," I choked out. "That's just… that's…" I couldn't even finish.

"I know," she replied sullenly.

"How did your mom find out?"

Alice set the picture back in the box. "I don't know what brought it up because I stumbled in mid conversation and sort of eavesdropped on my parents talking one night in my dad's office, but I guess my mom never even knew Elizabeth had a baby until after she died. It's pretty sad, considering they were sisters, but I guess the fight between them was bad enough that they knew nothing about each other after it happened. She ended up finding out about the baby and her sister's death from Elizabeth's husband, and that wasn't until after the funeral."

"Did they ever find the baby?"

She shook her head. "I don't think so, at least not that my parents know about. If Elizabeth's husband did, he never told them about it."

"God, I'd certainly hope he'd have enough respect for his wife's sister to tell her if he had."

"Me too," she agreed.

"Why have I never heard about this before?" I questioned. "We've known each other forever, and I had no idea about any of this."

Alice arched an eyebrow. "Can you honestly say you've told me everything about your family?"

She had a point there. "Well, no, but I-"

"I didn't know her, Bella," she interrupted. "I never had a chance to know that part of my mom's life. And the way things ended between the two of them, constantly discussing it made her feel even guiltier."

"Is that why she never mentions her?"

The sadness in her expression deepened. "She does discuss her, but it's rare. I asked her not too long ago why she hardly talks about Elizabeth, thinking that if she did so it might help her, be therapeutic or something, and she said that she felt like she failed her sister, like she just walked away too easily. She didn't want to talk about it or have me worrying about it. She said I was too young to worry about things that couldn't be changed. She said she refused to put that weight on me.

"I didn't know my aunt, so there wasn't a connection formed between us, but I still hurt over her death because it hurt my mom. We kind of do stupid things when we're younger, you and I know that, but sometimes there's just no way to go back and change those mistakes. Sometimes you just run out of time to make things right. I guess people don't think about that before they do the things they do. We always think we have more time. I think her way of moving on is just by living, making sure she doesn't make the same mistakes with anyone else she loves."

"I can understand that."

"Me too." And just like that, she was ready to move on. Alice wasn't want for gloom. She stood up, shaking her head, her short hair bouncing with the movement. "Anyway, I think I've got enough pictures. How about we close these boxes up and head downstairs?"

As I placed the pictures that sat on the bed back in the box, making sure not to cover the picture of Elizabeth, I couldn't divert my eyes from it. I knew what I was thinking about doing was very wrong, but the need to do it surpassed the knowledge of how wrong it was. It was like an itch that wouldn't settle no matter how much you scratched it.

I grabbed the picture, stuffing it into the waistband of my jeans, and sealed up the box before following Alice back down to her room, listening to her prattle on about the ideas she had for the last scrapbook.

I wasn't sure what information I was going to gain from a picture, or why I was taking it to begin with, but I knew I had to have it, at the very least to show Marcus.

He was the only one I could approach right now with what I knew was probably complete craziness. As farfetched as my thinking was, I couldn't tell Alice, not yet. I wasn't going to build anyone's hopes, only to have them shattered later, especially on something that was just a whim.

The musing behind the picture would be chalked up as another one of the many secrets I'd been keeping lately.

-OO-OO-

I left Alice's house an hour later. She was still shrieking in excitement about meeting Edward. Of course that discussion was a nice distraction from my lingering thoughts of Elizabeth. I forced myself to use Alice's over enthusiasm as a weapon to stave off anything that could remotely be a buzzkill to what should be a happy moment; Edward was coming so far, and meeting anyone outside of me was a huge step for him.

When I arrived home, I noticed Rosalie's car parked behind Emmett's. I groaned as I turned the ignition off. I completely jinxed myself on the buzzkill front. Rosalie wasn't exactly my favorite person, and I certainly wasn't hers. She was hardly what you would call 'nice'.

I'd rather spend an evening with Mike Newton drooling all over me while immersed in an inane conversation where I spent the majority of the time watching the food stuck between his teeth move as he spoke. Good times, right?

I had no doubt the feeling was mutual on Rosalie's part. At least we knew where we stood concerning one another.

Charlie was seated in his rocker when I walked through the door. "Bells, is that you?"

"No, Dad," I called out, teasing. "It's the mailman."

"What?" I heard feet shuffling toward me. "The mailman doesn't come this late."

"She was being sarcastic, Emmett."

Emmett peeked around the corner, like there was actually a possibility I was the mailman. "Oh, it's just you."

I shook my head, laughing. "Uh, yeah, it's just me. I figured my voice would have given me away, but this is you we're talking about."

He promptly flipped me off. He was so full of brotherly love.

"Rosalie and Emmett bought pizza for dinner. It's on the counter."

"Okay, thanks," I answered back.

"Just grab some, and come join us for the movie."

I took my bag upstairs, placing the picture in the drawer of my nightstand, then headed back down to the kitchen, grabbing two slices of pizza and placing them on a plate. I made my way into the living room, choosing to sit on the loveseat because Rosalie and Emmett were on the couch.

"What are we watching?" I asked no one in particular.

Rosalie chose to answer me in a curt manner. "_A Time to Kill_. Emmett picked it out."

I glanced at her. "And you like this?"

It wasn't meant to be snarky, though that's how it came out. That was just our way. I refused to let her walk all over me. But I was legitimately curious as to why she'd be watching a movie like _A Time to Kill_. It didn't seem to be something that would warrant her attention.

"Well, yeah. Hello, Matthew McConaughey is in this movie. He's hot." The expression on her face, the way she stated the words, it was like her reasoning should be obvious to everyone.

"Babe?" Emmett whined.

She leaned in, kissing him before whispering seductively, "But not as hot as you."

Needless to say, their PDA ruined my appetite. I wasn't given any kind of reprieve either. They spent the entire movie holding hands while cuddling. There was even kissing, followed by soft whispers of adoration. Rosalie and I weren't friends, but I saw the way she made Emmett's eyes light up, and that was why I tolerated her. There was no question he had the same effect on her.

I envied them.

What they felt toward one another, it was out in the open with no threat of being taken away by anyone's choices but their own.

That's what I wanted for Edward and me.

As soon as the credits came up, I excused myself upstairs.

After showering, I lay in bed, holding the picture of Elizabeth in my hand. I studied her face, making note of all the similarities between her and Edward until I couldn't hold my eyes open any longer.

-OO-OO-

Several days passed in much the same way. I got up every morning, spent the day with Edward then came home. Edward even spoke to Marcus another time on the Walkie-talkies. They were certainly the best investment I'd ever made.

The need to open up to Marcus about the picture was simmering deeper as the days passed. I considered that it was all a fluke, that what I felt in regard to the picture stemmed from stress and my unwavering need to help Edward. It wasn't like there weren't people around who looked as if they could be blood related. It happened all the time. I mean, I'd even been told we all had a twin somewhere across the world. I wasn't exactly sure about the validity of that statement, but I'd still been told that was the case.

With that in mind, I shrugged the feeling off, telling myself that I was overanalyzing things that didn't need analyzing, but the more I sat at my desk, holding that picture between my fingers, seeing the similar features to Edward's, the more I knew there was something to it. By Saturday night, the itch to know was a flaring need.

I considered Googling information on Elizabeth, but unfortunately, I never got her last name.

I woke up early Sunday morning with the intention of slipping out of the house before anyone woke up. Thankfully, I was able to do so.

I stopped off at the diner and grabbed coffee and donuts for Marcus, Edward and I before driving to the hospital. Marcus was on the third floor, heading into the room that led to the coed bathroom. I strolled down the hall with coffee and donuts in hand to find him.

He was cleaning out the shower stall Edward used when I walked into the bathroom.

"You know," I started. He turned around, smiling as our eyes met. "I bet people wonder why you never got any hired help to clean this place up."

"You know exactly why that is," he replied.

"I do." I nodded. I approached him, handing him a coffee.

"Thank you," he said. He took the coffee but declined a donut.

"I really think that once we get Edward out of here you should get some help finishing this place up like you wanted to."

He glanced around as he took a sip of his coffee. "Yeah, I may consider it."

I stood beside him, my eyes canvassing the room, silence enveloping us. The thicker the silence became, the more anxious I was. Marcus was not a judgmental person, but the idea of him thinking I was nuts hurt my heart. I wasn't surprised that he noticed how uncomfortable I seemed.

"You okay?" he asked, startling me. "You seem nervous."

I bit my lip. "Yeah… I just… Could we talk?"

"Of course."

I reached into my tote bag, pulling out the photo of Elizabeth. I took in a deep breath, briefly staring at the picture before handing it to him.

"What's this?" he asked.

"Just look at it," I told him.

His eyes lowered to the picture, casually, but the longer he stared at the picture, the more his brows knitted together in confusion.

I felt like I should say something, like maybe he wasn't seeing what I was hoping he would. "I know it's been awhile since you've actually seen Edward, but I just… Do you see what I see? Am I just grasping at straws with that picture? Please tell me I'm not losing my mind or anything."

"Dear God," he replied, shockingly. "She has the boy's eyes and hair."

"You remember what his eyes and hair look like?"

His focus was now on me, but the way he stared at me wasn't with the kindness that normally exuded Marcus, nor did it appear as if he was actually looking at me; it was more like he was looking through me, lost in memories.

"You never forget eyes as green and haunted as the boy's were. And that hair? I'd never seen hair that color before." He blinked, then gazed down at the picture again before looking back up at me. "Who is she? How did you come across this picture?"

"It was blind luck, honestly. I don't really know that much about her… well, other than she's the sister of Alice's mother, her name is Elizabeth, and she had a child that was taken shortly after birth. Marcus, her child was kidnapped from her."

His mouth dropped open. The hope in his eyes had my heart racing. "This doesn't mean anything, though. We have to keep open minds about this, Bella. It could be nothing at all. Coming across people that look alike is a common occurrence."

I think he was trying to convince himself of that fact more than me.

"I know that," I admitted. "I know that that's probably the case, and I've been telling myself that, but I just… For Edward, I need to be sure. If there is even a chance that he's related to Alice, we need to know, right? That would change everything for him."

"We can't assume that she's in any way related to him, but with the resemblance, we can't just let it go either. The possibility of the two being related is a stretch. You and I know that. Possibilities like this picture may produce don't ever come that easy, but it's worth a checkout. Do you… do you know where she's at now?"

I couldn't say the words for some reason, but I didn't have to. I knew when what I couldn't say registered with him. He frowned. "She's dead, isn't she?"

I nodded. "Alice said she died a year after the baby was taken. She said it was because of a broken heart."

"What about the father? Was he in the picture?"

"They don't know where he's at. I guess they haven't spoken since Elizabeth's funeral. And I'd have no way to contact him, either. I don't even know a last name, and I can't ask for it without saying why I want it."

"Well, that poses a problem." He leaned against the stall, scratching his head. "The picture can't be used as proof of anything." I started to speak, but he held up his hand. "I'm not undermining the fact that you may have stumbled onto something, and we wouldn't find ourselves in this hitch if you hadn't come across the picture, because there's definitely an uncanny resemblance, but the only thing that would be telling us for sure is DNA. Without the mom and dad…" He shook his head.

"Yeah, but Alice's DNA would share genetic markers if they're blood related. I mean, Esme and Elizabeth were sisters, Alice is Esme's daughter, so they'd have to share DNA."

"She definitely would. The question is, though, how are you getting that DNA? We can't wrestle it up ourselves, and even if we got it, we'd have no way of testing it. We wouldn't even know what to look for if we did have a way."

I rubbed my temples, trying to temper the throbbing of my head. "We can't know for sure without Alice, I know that, but I'm afraid of what kind of damage telling her may cause. Not just for her family but for Edward. I know Alice, and in this case, she'll only see things in black and white. She's either going to believe they're related or they aren't. I don't want to hurt anyone, Marcus, and I'm afraid that could happen. And think about Edward. Telling anyone about this is going to expose him. I really have no idea what to do."

He faced me, placing a hand on my shoulder. "Yes, you do. Because you know what the right thing to do is, whether it's an easy decision or not. We don't have any other alternatives to go through. If we did, we'd take them. Whatever the outcome, you can't walk away from what you found, not without knowing for sure. You were right when you said this changed everything. He deserves to know if he has a family that'll love him."

"He already has a family that loves him."

"He does, but we aren't his blood, Bella."

"Blood doesn't make a family, Marcus."

"You're right, it doesn't," he agreed. "And as true as that is, he still has a right to know the truth. Finding his real family, that could be what the boy needs to get better. He was taken from them once, I know you don't want to be responsible for keeping him from them. Neither do I."

"I know you're right, but he's already getting better. They need to know, I know that, but I think-"

"You know what I mean. I know he's getting better, but they can fill in the missing pieces of him that we can't."

"It's not that I don't want to tell them, but not knowing for sure makes this risky."

"He's worth the risk. And whatever the fallout, we'll deal with it, right? We aren't losing him."

I sighed. "I'm going to be telling Alice, aren't I?"

He smiled. "You're going to be telling Alice."

"Are we really contemplating this as a possibility? We're really that insane?"

This time he laughed. "I guess we are. You might as well open up a can of worms if the cause is good enough. I can't see a better cause than this one. Besides, people have done crazier things. Just watch that Jerry Springer show, and you'll see what I mean. I've seen it all on there."

"You watch Jerry Springer?" I chuckled.

He nodded. "Why not? You're always guaranteed some entertainment."

The smile left my face. "Marcus, would it be wrong of me to wait until after Alice comes to meet him? I have this feeling like I need to wait until then. I don't know why, but I do. I'd like to see something first, how they interact with one another."

"Is your gut telling you to wait until then?"

"Yes."

"Then do what your gut tells you. No matter what, I know you'll do the right thing."

I swallowed down the fear. "I will. I promise I will. But if this doesn't turn out, I just… I'm scared for him, Marcus."

He wrapped his arm around me, hugging me. "Me too, kid. Me too."

-OO-OO-

Edward was lying on the mattress, on his stomach, reading from one of the practice books Marcus bought for him while writing on the notepad I gave him the day before. There was a bag of opened Reese's pieces to the right of him, Lancelot was on the left of him. He sat up, smiling as soon as he saw me.

"I didn't know if you'd be here today."

"Is that why you're still in your pajamas," I teased.

He looked down at his clothing, laughing. I swear I'd never get used to the sound. It always sent delightful chills up my spine. I'd love to bottle the sound and carry it with me wherever I went.

"I got lost in what I was doing."

I leaned against the doorway. "I see that. You like that book, don't you?"

He nodded. "I do. I didn't realize there was so much to learn, and I'm so behind, I-"

"You'll catch up," I told him. "Look how far you've come already."

"I know." His hand came out, reaching for me. "Come here."

I walked over to him, placing my hand in his. He pulled me down so that I was seated between his thighs, my back to his chest. His arms wrapped around me, holding me closely against his body as he pressed his face into the crook of my neck, inhaling.

"You were too far away," he whispered against my neck. I shivered from the warmth of his breath and the tone of his voice.

I sighed, leaning my head against his shoulder, closing my eyes, enjoying the way it felt to be in his arms. "You're right, I was."

His lips brushed along my cheek. "Eu senti falta de ter você em meus braços, meu anjo."

I chuckled. "I have no idea what you're saying, and you do that on purpose for exactly that reason."

He smiled against my skin. "I only said that I missed you."

"I missed you, too." I turned my head, pressing my lips softly against his. He hummed in contentment, pulling me even closer as his tongue entered my mouth, grazing mine.

"Are you spending the day with me, or do you have to leave early?" he asked as he ended the kiss.

"I didn't have any other plans today, none that were more important than you, so I'd like to spend the day with you."

His lips turned up into a beautiful smile. "I'd like that."

"Are you enjoying the candy too?" I pointed to the Reese's.

"Definitely." I was pretty sure he wasn't talking about the candy.

I reached for Lancelot, placing him in my lap. "How's Lancelot doing? Is he helping you?"

He laughed. "You could say that."

"That doesn't surprise me. I always knew he was a smart bear."

Edward nuzzled my neck, placing a kiss below my ear.

"That's quite distracting."

"Good," he responded.

As much as I didn't want to, I needed to talk with him about Alice, and if I continued to let him do what he was doing to me, I'd forget my own name, let alone telling him what I needed to.

I shifted the position I was sitting in so I could face him better, then placed my legs over one of his. "I talked with Alice last night, you know, about coming to meet you."

His fingers trailed along my cheek, his eyes traveling with the movement. He was avoiding my stare. "What did she say?"

"She agreed, of course." He smiled. "Are you sure you want to do this?"

He nodded as his eyes finally met mine. "I'm sure. I won't lie and say I'm not nervous, but it's not so bad, not since I've been talking to Marcus. I know I can do it."

I wrapped my arms around his neck. "I know you can too."

"When is she coming?"

"We agreed on Tuesday. I figured you having a couple of days notice would be easier."

He pushed a stray curl behind my ear. "You seem like something's bothering you." He knew me far too well now.

I glanced down at my lap, but I didn't want to lie to him. "I do have something on my mind."

"Do you want to talk about it?"

"I will. We'll talk about it, I promise, I just need to do something first. Would that be alright?"

"You know it is. I just want you to know that I'd like to help you as much as you help me. I want to be there for you."

I cupped his face in my hands. "You are, so much. It's not that I don't want to tell you. I don't want to keep anything from you, okay?"

"Okay."

"We'll talk about it, I promise."

He placed a chaste kiss against my lips. "What do you want to do today?"

I smiled at him, silently thanking him for the subject change. "Anything… as long as it's with you."

"You give a man a lot of options, Bella," he teased.

"I guess that's the opportunist in me."

He laughed. "Is that what it is?"

I nodded. "It sure is."

His voice lowered. "You probably shouldn't have said that."

The mischievous look in his eyes as he kissed me told me he was probably right. Needless to say, our coffee and donuts went untouched.

-OO-OO-

We passed the day reading, working on his practice books, watching movies, taking strolls through the hospital because Marcus left us for the day, even talking about different places we'd like to go together once he was out of the hospital.

He got a little writing practice by mapping out places we'd go on a piece of paper. He said we'd take one long vacation, going to each place one right after the other. Theoretically, I knew it wouldn't happen that way, but it was nice seeing him making plans for the future, especially ones he was excited about.

We'd just started a game of cards – I'd been teaching him how to play Spades – when he placed the cards he held on the bed, face down, and reached for my hand.

"Do you remember what we were talking about a few days ago?"

"Which part?" I asked.

"The part about going outside."

I set my cards down just as he had. "I remember. Are you… You want to go out right now?"

"We're making these plans to go to all these places. The pictures are great, beautiful even, but it's not the same as really experiencing. I want to do all these things with you, go to all these places, but I can't do that if I can't even step outside of this building."

"I know, and I'm certainly not going to say you aren't ready to, but you want to go now? You haven't even eaten dinner."

"Dinner can wait," he stated pointedly. "I know you worry about me freaking out, but I made it to the door once, didn't I? And that was before I was even comfortable walking around the hospital."

"It's not that I-"

He stared past me toward the doorway. "I don't blame you, because I know how I acted before."

"Hey, look at my face," I told him. He did as I asked. "I believe in you. I believe in what you can do and what you will do. I worry about you, yes, but not because I think you're weak and can't manage things on your own. You've shown me how strong and independent you can be. I was a little thrown off at first, but my asking about going had nothing to do with anything but eating dinner first." I stood up, holding my hand out to him. "If you want to go now, we'll go now."

He lifted himself off the mattress, completely dedicated to his decision, then took my hand, and we crossed the threshold of the doorway, moving down the hallway. Once we entered the boiler room, I glanced down at my watch to see the time.

"I had no idea it was after seven. The moon should be coming out now. You'll get to see it again, but without the fireworks this time."

By the time we made it to the second floor, he was still following beside me. He was quiet, but his steps never faltered. The last time we found ourselves in this particular juncture, he was shaking pretty badly because of it, but he forced himself to the doorway. He was nervous now, but he was still in control.

"It's just like last time," I explained. "I'll open the door, and we can either stand at the doorway, or we can step outside as far as you'd like to."

He straightened his body as much as his nerves would allow. "I want to try stepping outside."

We started toward the door slowly. His breathing elevated, but it wasn't obscenely different. Once we stood in front of the doorway, I opened it just as slowly as we approached it. I didn't want to make any sudden movements and take a chance at startling him.

I knew that this was what he wanted to do, this was a decision he made on his own, but the fact of the matter was, his actions, despite how ready he claimed he was, were unpredictable. The situation had him anxious, but I wanted him to be as comfortable as possible.

When the door was fully opened, I stepped out first, taking small steps to keep with him.

He took one step at a time, moving cautiously, following me onto the broken pavement outside the doorway. I kept my eyes on him for the most part, only turning away long enough to make sure I wasn't going to stumble over something along the walkway, watching for any signs of stress. He never stopped moving with me, his eyes scattering around anxiously at our surroundings.

It was like he was in awe of everything, though he was nervous, trying to soak it all in at once. The way his eyes darted from one object to the next, it reminded me of a small child who saw Christmas lights for the first time and became entranced by the multi-colored glow they produced.

We stopped where the cement met the grass. If he wanted to move further, we would.

"Are you okay?" I asked. The need for him to be alright overpowered the sheer joy I felt at what he was achieving.

He continued looking around as we took more steps away from the building. "I'm… I'm alright." He shook his head. "I never…"

"You never what?"

His eyes found mine, tears brimmed the corners. "God, Bella," he breathed. "I… It's so beautiful."

I smiled widely, stepping toward him to wrap my arms around his waist. "It is, isn't it?"

I pressed my ear against his chest, listening to the rapid thump of his heart. He lowered his head, resting his chin on the top of my head as his arms came around my shoulders.

"I feel the air on my face," he whispered.

That one sentence, the way he said it, like that single act was the most extraordinary thing he ever experienced, had the tears rolling down my cheeks. Feeling the air on my face, it was something I didn't ponder much because I was used to it. In a sense, I took it for granted because of that fact, but Edward, it was something quite profound to him. What most people took for granted, he appreciated.

"That's my truck over there." I pointed in the direction where it sat.

His eyes shot in the direction I was pointing to, but he kept silent for the longest time.

"Thank you." His hands came up, cradling my face, tilting my head upward so he could look at me. "Eu não sei como lhe agradecer pelo que você me deu, e eu não tenho muito para dar em troca, mas eu lhe dou meu amor, Bella. Por quanto tempo quiser, é seu."

I had no idea what he said, but it didn't matter. In that moment, the only thing that mattered was that I loved him, he loved me, I was in his arms, and the future that seemed impossible for him several months ago was, despite the heavy obstacles we were about to face, very possible.

I chose right then to believe that everything was going to be alright.

-OO-OO-OO-OO-

Eu senti falta de ter você em meus braços, meu anjo = I missed feeling you in my arms, my angel.

Eu não sei como lhe agradecer pelo que você me deu, e eu não tenho muito para dar em troca, mas eu lhe dou meu amor, Bella. Por quanto tempo quiser, é seu = I don't know how to thank you for what you've given me, and I don't have much to give in return, but I give you my love, Bella. For as long as you want it, it's yours.


	25. Chapter 25: de bon augure

It's been a really long time since I updated, I know. RL has been very difficult and rough for me, but I'm attempting to get back into the swing of things. This chapter took A LOT longer to produce, and it's not as long as normal. Still iffy on it, but this is how it came out. It's not beta'd, so please forgive any errors. I still have things I'm dealing with, but I appreciate so much that all of you have been amazingly supportive. I wanna start by thanking my wifey, Sophy, for being the amazing, supportive person she is. To all my twitter girls, I adore you, and thank you for making me smile when I wasn't sure I could. You make my days much brighter. To my readers, thank you for sticking with me through the hiatus. It's because of you I'm here right now.

I really hope you enjoy the way the chapter turned out.

Everything Twilight is owned by SM. I own the rest.

-OO-OO-OO-OO-

**Chapter 25: de bon augure**

**"Swim"**

**Jack's Mannequin**

_You've gotta swim_

_Swim for your life_

_Swim for the music_

_That saves you_

_When you're not so sure you'll survive_

_You gotta swim_

_And swim when it hurts_

_The whole world is watching_

_You haven't come this far_

_To fall off the earth_

_The currents will pull you_

_Away from your love_

_Just keep your head above_

_I found a tidal wave_

_Begging to tear down the dawn_

_Memories like bullets_

_They fired at me from a gun_

_A crack in the armor_

_I swim to brighter days_

_Despite the absence of sun_

_Choking on salt water_

_I'm not giving in_

_I swim_

Edward had been so transfixed with the outside. And me, I was transfixed with his reactions. It warmed my soul to see how responsive he'd become to everything, even the things he feared.

We spent the better part of the night, sitting cross-legged on the mattress in his room, talking about what he'd seen on our journey outside. And the way his expressions changed as he reiterated how he felt, what he saw, I couldn't help but smile at how animated he seemed. But it was when he squeezed my hand and his eyes lit up, practically watering over with tears, that I knew something in particular really affected him.

The details he noticed amazed me, mostly because it was things I hadn't. Not that I should be surprised by that fact. I realized how much precision he'd taken with everything he observed, filing them away like they were sacred artifacts. Everything seemed precious to him.

But it was a certain part of the conversation that made me see how much the goodness of his soul had impressed upon me, making me appreciate things in a way I hadn't before. I truly was learning more from him than he was me.

"I can't…" He shook his head. "I don't know how to describe how beautiful… I just don't have the words."

I smiled reassuringly. "Describe it as best you can."

He took a deep breath, exhaling slowly. "I felt _everything_. It was like the second I stepped outside, it all became a part of me; the wind on my face, the grass beneath my feet, the dirt underneath that, the trees and..." He paused, emotion altering his voice. "I just… I know this may sound crazy to you, but I felt like I was being welcomed by it all, like the outside had been waiting for me, like I'd just experienced life. Does that make sense?"

I cradled his face within my hands. "It makes perfect sense."

"I don't sound crazy?" he asked.

"Not at all. Why would you think that?"

He shrugged. "Because I don't know all of these things the way you do. I've never been a part of the world the way you have and-"

"And that's why your perception isn't tarnished," I interrupted. "You appreciate what other people tend to take for granted. You see the beauty in everything. That's not crazy, Edward, that's amazing. You're amazing."

A slow grin pulled at the corner of his lips. "You're biased."

I laughed. "Maybe so, but I was not saying that because of a biased opinion. It's the truth. I wish I could see things the way you do."

He leaned forward, brushing his lips against mine. "You do." He placed his hand over his heart. "You were able to see inside and find me. And you say I'm the amazing one, Bella."

"Now who's the biased one?"

He chuckled, holding up two fingers to demonstrate an amount. "Mmmm… maybe just a little."

I grabbed at his fingers playfully. "It's definitely more than a little."

"No." He shook his head as he bent forward to nuzzle my neck. "I'm just crazy about a brown-eyed girl who's as beautiful on the inside as she is on the outside. I've never seen so much beauty before. I often wonder if my mind made her up, but then I realize my mind could never come up with someone like her. She's too perfect."

"I don't think I know her," I teased, biting back a moan as his lips teased over my skin. "I guess you'll have to introduce me."

He kissed the shell of my ear, the warmth of his breath whispering over my skin as he said, "It's you. It'll only ever be you, meu anjo."

-OO-OO-

Alice had been sick for a few days, so the plan of meeting Edward was delayed until she was better. She was pretty disappointed, because she'd been excited about meeting him, but I wasn't comfortable bringing her around him until I knew she was well enough. I had no idea how strong his immune system was.

The night before she was to come to the hospital, we discussed her approach. I made it clear to her that he was stronger mentally, but this was something quite new for him, and she needed to be cautious. She promised, many times, that she would be as calm as possible, and that she wouldn't do anything that may upset him.

She followed me to the hospital the next morning. I couldn't help but laugh at her commentary as we entered the hospital. "You don't think I overdid the outfit, do you?" I glanced over my shoulder, catching her wiping at the wrinkles of her shirt. "I mean, I don't want to look… Oh, should I have brought him a gift or something? That's usually a nice thing to do when you first meet someone, right?"

"Alice," I laughed. "Calm down. You don't have to come bearing gifts. And why are you so nervous?"

"I don't know. I guess it's because he's so important to you. He makes you happy, and that's important to me."

I stopped moving and embraced my friend. "Thank you, you know, for doing this. It really means a lot."

Her tiny arms squeezed me back. "How could I not? You're my best friend."

After our embrace, we continued our venture to Edward. I think she was surprised by how hidden the boiler room was when we made our way through the closet.

"I feel like I'm in one of those movies where people are exploring some old home and find secret passageways. It's kind of exciting."

"You are a strange little woman," I teased. She giggled behind me.

As we descended the stairway to the boiler room, Marcus was seated at his workbench, a bright smile on his face when he glanced up at me and Alice, his eyes following our movements down the steps.

"Here bright and early, heh, kid?"

I smiled back. "You know me, Marcus."

He nodded. "That I do. So, is this the friend I've been hearing lots about?" He pointed toward Alice.

Alice immediately chimed in, walking toward him with her hand jutted out. "Hello, I'm Alice. And yes, I'm the friend you've been hearing about. I've heard a lot about you, too. It's nice to finally meet you."

Marcus grinned widely but took her hand in his, shaking it lightly. "Nice to meet you too, Alice. I'm Marcus." His gaze shifted to me. "Quite the outgoing little thing, isn't she?"

I rolled my eyes playfully. "You have no idea."

"Hey, the little thing is standing right here," Alice pouted, but it was marred by the smile she was fighting as her eyes darted between us.

I patted her head. "Yes, we know."

Marcus laughed heartily. "You may be a little thing, but you've got a big personality. That makes ya unforgettable to most." Alice, bless her heart, immediately threw her arms around Marcus, hugging him. It caught him off guard, but he was a good sport, patting her lightly on the back before she pulled away. He cleared his throat nervously; he still wasn't used to the affection, especially from a stranger. "I guess today's the day, then?"

I nodded. "Yeah. You know, with Alice being sick, we had to delay a few days, but Edward insisted as soon as she was well enough that he'd like to meet her."

"You sure he's-"

"Yes," I interjected. "It's what he wants."

My statement seemed to appease Marcus's worries. "Then let's give him what he wants."

"I was thinking," I began, "I'll go in first, make sure he's prepared, then radio from the Walkie-talkie when we're ready for Alice."

"Sounds like a plan," he agreed. I caught a hint of disappointment before his eyes lowered and a smile formed to conceal it.

I stepped toward him, taking his hand in mine. "I know."

His eyes lifted. "I should have known you would. I feel guilty for wishing… I'd just like to one day…" His words trailed off as he gazed beyond me toward the door that curtained Edward.

"You will," I promised. "He's come so far already."

"I know he has." The adoration and pride held within his eyes could practically light up the entire room. "I know he's not incompetent in the least, it's just a knee-jerk reaction for me to worry… and wish. I guess I'll need to stop doing that so much."

"It's not such a bad thing to worry or to have wishes, because I do too, but we need to keep our faith in him and let him decide what he's ready for. It's what he needs us to do. It's not always easy, mostly because the idea of him being hurt terrifies us, but we have to put our trust in him. He'll lean on us when he needs to."

He blinked repetitively, then sighed. "I think you found your calling, kid."

I smiled. "What's that?"

"Helping people. In whatever capacity you're able to do that, I think that's your calling, that's what you were meant to do."

"He's right," Alice agreed. "You've always been the one I could turn to, and it's the same for your dad and Emmett. You're a constant in the lives of people who know you, Bella." I shrugged. "It's true. I mean, you have more patience and understanding than anyone else I know, so I could definitely see you as a psychiatrist or whatever."

"Maybe." I blushed. "Anyway, I should probably go to him. I'll radio you soon."

Alice bounced on the heels of her feet. "I'll be here. Take your time."

Edward was seated on the mattress, staring off toward the wall, when I walked into the room. As soon as I stepped over the threshold, so quiet he shouldn't have heard me, his head turned, eyes immediately locating me, like he could feel my presence before actually seeing me.

Normally, I would go to him, but this time he stood from the bed and approached me, pulling me against him, and his arms wrapped around me the moment I was at arm's length. His face found its way to the crook of my neck where he breathed me in, sighing contentedly after he did so.

"I missed you," he breathed.

I rested my cheek against his chest, hearing the thump of his heart. "I missed you, too."

He angled back just enough to look down at me, his hands coming up to rest alongside my face. Edward was always expressive with his eyes, which is why I was able to tell he had a lot going through his head that moment, but before I could even ask him anything, his lips were on mine, kissing me with frantic need.

"I need you right now," he whispered against my lips.

I understood the gravity of what he was about to do, so I let him take from me what he needed. I was backed against the wall, unable to feel the coolness coming off the bricks because I was distracted by Edward's mouth and hands.

His hands were as dominant as his lips, practically touching my soul with every glide over my skin, his body melding into mine. It was hard to identify where he ended and I began we were so close.

I loved the feel of his body against mine, like he was made just for me, but I had to silence the part of me that wanted more of him because this wasn't meant to be sexual.

He pulled away, grasping my face within his hands. "I'm sorry," he gasped. "I just… Touching you calms me."

"It's alright," I murmured.

"Feeling you, Bella, it's the only thing that seems to ease... You really have no idea the power you hold over me."

I brushed my lips against his. "I'll have to remember that for a later time." My statement was meant to break the tension, even if it held a bit of truth.

He laughed, the sound cutting through the thick air. "I'm counting on it."

We held each other a few moments longer, enjoying the closeness, before ending up seated on the bed. He was still nervous, yes, but I suppose I expected him to be a bit more restive than he was.

"Are you positive you want to go through with this?" I asked. It was D-day, so to speak, and I needed him to be certain.

It wasn't that I felt he was incapable of actually going through with it, because he'd proven time and again his strength and determination to be a part of the outside world with me, but this was different from being on the other end of a Walkie-talkie where you could hit a button and make the voice piercing through the speaker disappear. That voice wouldn't know your discomfort because they couldn't see you, see how they affected you. One movement from your finger would make them disappear.

This time, though, he wouldn't have that safety net. He was about to stand face-to-face with another person, a person that wasn't me. That fact alone was significant.

Our eyes met as he nodded. He reached for my hand and guided it toward his mouth, kissing each finger tip tenderly. "Oh, meu anjo, se você pudesse entender o quanto você já curou minha alma. Você é minha esperança, lembra? Eu posso fazer isso." His eyes scanned my face, the warmth within them illuminating the green. I could see myself, see that I was precious to him. "I'm ready."

He placed my hand against his cheek as I leaned toward him, pressing my forehead to his while closing my eyes and breathing him in. His touch and scent always eased me. "I love you," I whispered. It was all I could say to let him know I believed in him, to let him know how much he meant to me.

I reached for the Walkie-talkie that sat alongside my left thigh, keeping the physical connection between us as I spoke into the receiver. "Alice," I breathed. "It's time."

The receiver crackled, followed by Alice's voice. "Okay."

I heard the far door open seconds later. It wasn't until that moment that I even considered whether he'd be comfortable with her just walking into the room, or if it would be better that I lead her in. "That's her. Should I go meet-"

"No." He shook his head. "Please just stay with me."

There was no way I could deny him. "Of course."

The anticipation had us both edgy, like we were skating along a surface of sharp edged objects, but Alice, being true to what she promised, softly announced herself at the doorway before making herself visible. "Bella, I'm here. Do you want me to wait or…?"

I kissed Edward's lips gently, hoping the action would soothe him. "Are you ready?"

He briefly closed his eyes, exhaling audibly as he rolled his shoulders. "Yes."

I stayed beside Edward, praying my presence would blanket him with strength, and called out to Alice. "You can come in, but move slowly, and stay at the doorway for now."

She did exactly as I asked, halting just inside the door. "Hi," she whispered.

I waited a moment before facing her, Edward's eyes were still on me. His breathing accelerated, becoming louder through the room, but it wasn't obscenely so. I smiled at her. "Alice, this is Edward." I turned back to Edward. "Edward, this is Alice Cullen."

He finally glanced in her direction, his head angling slowly to look at her. I squeezed his hand within mine, saying with touch what I didn't with words – he wasn't alone.

"It's nice to meet you, Edward."

"It's nice… to meet you, Alice." There was a slight tremble to his voice, but he didn't buckle. I watched him in awe, the way he held himself together. He was pretty composed.

Instead of jumping to the typical, "I've heard so much about you." she bypassed that all together. Honestly, I was thankful. "You watch a lot of television?"

"Sometimes," he whispered.

The unease settled in his bones was obvious, something we all knew would happen, but you could also see how he was internally beating it down; he was fighting to overcome his fears. I didn't expect that he would just hit it off with Alice, that he'd be very forthcoming, because that was definitely not realistic considering, but I was so proud of how well he was doing, even if he was struggling.

"Me too. I don't really watch much, probably because I stay pretty busy. Do you have any favorite shows?"

He hesitated before answering, but he did answer her. "No. I… uh… I just watch movies."

She chuckled. "You're like me, then. I prefer movies. I don't really have a favorite genre, per se, but the movie has to keep my attention. That's a must."

Edward watched her intently, studying every move she made. I'm sure Alice was aware, but she never let on either way.

I sat back, following the conversation as mostly a silent contributor, though I was included at times. This point in time was not about me, and I didn't mind in the least. There was something so hypnotic and beautiful about seeing Edward physically speak with someone else. And Alice, she was unbelievable with him. In that instant, I couldn't have loved my best friend more.

She kept the conversation light, touching on subject matter that wouldn't upset Edward, and every so often he'd look at me, like he was drawing strength from my presence to continue on.

Alice glanced around the room curiously. The lighting was dim, but you could make out the entirety. "I never knew this room was down here. Actually, I had no idea there was anything beyond the closet up there."

"You came here a lot?"

She smiled warmly as she sat cross-legged on the hard floor, something very uncharacteristic for Alice, and leaned against the doorframe. "Not really. Just a few times, I guess. But I really liked those few times."

His eyes were full of wonder. "You did?"

She nodded. "Yeah. Most people believe this place has ghosts and stuff in it, so that's why they come here. That's why I first came myself, but the reason changed, though it would have been kinda cool to see some."

"Why did you, you know…"

"Come here?" she offered. Edward answered with a nod. Alice shrugged. "I don't know. I guess I found it intriguing. This place has a lot of story behind it, even if some of it's sad. I kinda felt like seeing everything I did here let me in on a part of that. That's when it became more about the actual place rather than circumstantial, silly stuff like ghosts."

"Yeah." He stared beyond her, like he was carefully considering what she said, or maybe it was something else entirely.

"You feel the same way?" she asked. "I mean, about this place?"

He refocused his attention on her. "I just…This place makes you feel safe."

"I can understand that. It makes me feel safe, too."

"Really?" he questioned.

"Yeah. It's kind of like the walls are so strong nothing bad can penetrate them."

I swear I saw a flicker of appreciation within his eyes. "That's how I feel about being here."

"I get that. I mean, it's nice outside too. There are so many pretty and beautiful things to-"

"There's beauty in here too." Had I not seen his gaze shift to me, I would have felt it, felt the adoration he held for me. There was a moment between us where no one existed but us, and Alice never attempted to intrude on that moment.

She stayed just awhile longer, was even formally introduced to Lancelot. I think her sensitivity in regard to Lancelot scored some points with Edward. Anyone else would not have understood his attachment, even made fun of him for being a grown man with a stuffed animal, but Alice never made him feel as if he should be ashamed of that bond. She actually encouraged him.

I walked her out to the boiler room, hugging her close. "Thank you," I choked out.

"For what?" she asked.

"For being you," I told her. "For being my best friend."

"I'll always be your best friend," she promised. "Always."

We said our goodbyes with the agreement I'd call her when I got home, then I made my way back to Edward.

He was holding Lancelot in his lap when I entered the room. "How are you doing?"

He glanced up. He looked so tired. "I'm doing alright. It's been a long day, but I'm good."

"Meeting Alice took a lot out of you, didn't it?"

He shrugged as his fingers glided over Lancelot's fur. "A little. It wasn't bad. She was really nice."

I took a seat beside him on the mattress. "Did you expect her to be?"

"I knew she had to be if you cared for her."

"Come here," I told him. He didn't fight me as I ushered him down so his head was resting in my lap.

He looked up into my eyes where I glimpsed fierce determination blazing within. "I'm not giving up, Bella."

"I know you aren't."

"I'm gonna make you proud of me."

I bent down, placing a kiss upon his forehead. "You already have."

-OO-OO-

Several weeks passed since Alice first came to meet Edward. She'd visited three more times since, each time more effective than the last. He was becoming more comfortable with her, even let her handle Lancelot, and she stayed at his pace, something I knew wasn't particularly easy for Alice. She was a bubbly soul, and restraining herself had to be pretty difficult on her part.

I was sitting on my bed reading, my legs partially hidden under my purple comforter, when I suddenly inserted the bookmark and closed the book before reaching into my nightstand for the picture I'd taken of Edward a few days prior. He was sitting on his mattress, magazine in hand, Lancelot situated on his lap. There was something he read that made him smile, and that was the moment I took the picture. He seemed so jovial, and I wanted to keep that moment with me always.

I missed him terribly, but all the time I'd been spending with him sort of postponed other things I hadn't taken care of yet… like telling Charlie about community college, to which I'd gotten my acceptance letter.

August was just beginning, and time was running out. I was so nervous about Charlie's reaction, because I knew he was settled on me going to Seattle University, but I knew the discussion was long overdue, and it was something we really needed to talk about as soon as possible.

I placed the picture back inside my nightstand, got off my bed and made my way out of my room. I found Charlie sitting at the kitchen table, Emmett wasn't home yet. He looked up from the paper he was reading. "Hey, kiddo, I figured you'd settled in for the night."

I took a seat in the chair beside him. "I was, but I actually wanted to talk to you about something."

He set the paper down, his brows knitted together. "You okay?"

I nodded. "Yeah, I'm alright, Dad. But I wanted to talk to you while we were alone."

"Okay." He clasped his hands together, his full attention on me.

The way he was looking at me, it made me more anxious than I'd already become. I knew the look I was getting, it was the cop look. I honestly believed most times he didn't realize he was doing it. It was like that particular expression was embedded within him, triggered by situations he deemed a potential problem. "Dad, please don't look at me like that or I can't tell you."

"Like what?" he asked curiously.

My hands were fumbling together in my lap. "With the cop look. I just need you to be my dad right now."

"I am being your dad, Bella," he scoffed. I stared back at him incredulously, eyes wide for effect. He sighed, rolling his eyes, but his expression changed. "Is that better?"

"Yes."

"So…" He clasped his hands together. "What was it you wanted to talk to me about?"

"Well…" I paused, getting up to get two glasses of juice, as if delaying would change the inevitable. This was just my dad, yes, but finding the courage to tell him the future he thought I was working toward was now a little off course proved to be much harder than I expected. My stomach literally felt bottomed out, and my heart was practically beating in my throat. I hated disappointing him, because I knew how important furthering my education was to him, but I needed him to understand I was still doing that, just not where he planned for a little while. In addition, I had to explain this without being completely honest. Doing so would not be an easy feat.

I set the glasses on the table, but never sat back in my chair. I needed a little distance so I could speak, otherwise I'd feel suffocated by emotion the second I looked at him. "Bella, you wanna tell me why you're pacing the kitchen? You say you have something you want to talk about, you start pacing the floor, acting nervous, but you don't want me putting my cop face on. That's a bit hard to do with the way you're acting. What's going on with you? Are you in some kind of trouble?"

I stopped in my tracks and faced him, shaking my head. "No, I'm not in any kind of trouble. I just…" I took a deep breath, exhaling slowly to calm my frayed nerves. "I wanted to talk to you about college."

"What do you mean?" The mental wheels were turning.

I swallowed thickly. "I… uh…" The words caught in my throat.

His entire body stiffened. "You're going to college, Bella. Emmett already put me through this, and I-"

"That's not… Dad, I wasn't going to tell you that I wasn't going to college."

"You weren't?"

I shook my head. "No."

He exhaled in relief. "Okay, then what's this about?"

I bit my lip, taking baby steps toward my seat. "There's just been… well, there's been a little change in plans."

"What _exactly_ do you mean by that?"

I chuckled nervously. "You know, it's funny you ask."

"Bella." Charlie's right eyebrow lifted. That one little action embodied a whole lot of irritation.

"I'mgonnagotocommunitycollege," I mumbled. I purposely jumbled the words together, which really made no sense to do. I knew my father, and I knew he wouldn't just leave things as is.

He leaned forward, palms pressed flat against the surface of the table. I could practically see the tension bubbling under the surface of his skin. "What was that?"

I stood behind my chair, gripping the back roughly as a means of emotional stability… or maybe protection. "I'm not going to Seattle University right now, Dad. I've applied at Peninsula Community College, and that's where I'm going at the start of the semester. I'm not leaving Forks."

His eyes never left my face, but he was eeriely quiet. It was the type of quiet you recognized before a storm, the type of quiet that terrified you. He finally stood, moving slowly, his hands clenched together, chest rising and falling with harsh breaths, the sound of his voice equivalent to a thunder bolt. "You did what?"

OO-OO-OO

Oh, meu anjo, se você pudesse entender o quanto você já curou minha alma. Você é minha esperança, lembra? Eu posso fazer isso. = Oh, my angel, if only you could understand how much you've already healed my soul. You're my hope, remember? I can do this.


	26. Chapter 26: Expect the Unexpected

I know, this update has been WAY overdue, but it's finally here. Not a whole lot achieved in this chapter, and I'm so sorry for that, but this is what came out. Believe me, I tried other options, but the characters took control. Lol. Now, the next chapter, expect more. ;) Anyway, enough with the chitchat. Just to warn, this isn't officially beta'd. Pardon the errors if you find any. I attempted to catch them.

As always, I wanna send love to my wifey, Sophz456. She's the milk to my cookie, the peanut butter to my jelly… well, you get the picture. Lol. Last but not least, major love to my readers. Without you, I wouldn't be doing this. Thank you so much for your endless support.

EBT – I owe you a chapter preview, babe. So sorry. I'll make it up to you.

I own nothing Twilight, but I do own Abandonward.

-OO-OO-OO-

**Chapter 26: Expect the Unexpected**

"**Second Chance"**

_Please don't cry_

_One tear for me_

_I'm not afraid of_

_What I have to say_

_This is my one and_

_Only voice_

_So listen close, it's_

_Only for today_

I didn't like the way Charlie was looking at me. Being angry with me was a rarity for him, and it was times like now that I was thankful for that fact. "Dad, please." I spoke barely above a whisper.

His face was beet red, but he finally sat down in his seat, though his hands remained clenched together. "Please what, Bella? How could… What were you thinking?"

"Is it so bad that I want to go to a community college? It's not as if I'm not going to college at all."

He shook his head. "You weren't supposed to be going to any community college. That was already decided."

"_You _decided," I reminded. "Not me. I thought where I went was ultimately my decision. Are you saying that you're gonna end up being one of those parents who force their kids to go where they want them to?"

The anger that had settled in his features slightly dissipated. "I didn't say that. But I also didn't-"

"Then why are you angry about this?" I asked, interrupting him. "Mom would understand." I gazed down at my lap. "She'd tell me to do what felt right to me."

"Don't play that card, Bella." The strain his voice carried was no longer due to anger. The cracking of each word emphasized they were laden with hurt. "Your mom isn't here to help me make these decisions for you and Emmett. God knows I wish she was. I wish that every day, but I'm doing this by myself. I know I make mistakes, but I'm doing the very best I can, and I want the very best for _you,_ regardless of what it costs me."

As I shifted my gaze back to him, I noticed something rare for Charlie. He was usually pretty stoic with his feelings, but at that moment, his eyes were actually windows reflecting what he felt. Behind the hurt were flecks of other emotions. "You deserve that, Bells. I really want you to have that. You've sacrificed a lot to help me around here, to help take care of all of us, but it's time for me to take the reins completely. I don't want you to ever have to settle where your life is concerned, especially out of guilt. I don't want you doing that for anything or anyone."

I couldn't stand that I hurt him, because that was never my intention, and I couldn't leave things as they were. I understood now why he'd been angry, because he thought I was settling in order to stay behind and take care of him, but that wasn't the case, and I had to make him understand that.

I got up from my seat, moving around the back of his, and wrapped my arms around him, resting my chin on the top of his head. Charlie may have been upset with me, and he wasn't one to show much physical affection, but he let me hug him. It was representative of a silent armistice between us. "I'm sorry, Dad. I didn't mean… I only meant that Mom used to tell me before she died how one day, when I was all grown up, she'd have to let me go to make my own decisions, because that's what parents who raise children do. She told me that as much as she would always want to protect me, there will be things that she won't be able to protect me from and choices to be made that she can't make for me.

"She knew one day I'd be ready to stand on my own and make my own choices. Right now is one of those choices, Dad. You have to let me make my own decisions about my future. You don't have to make them for me anymore."

He went to speak, but I continued, leaving no room for interruption. "You've always taught Emmett and me that the most important thing to you is seeing us happy and healthy. This is what I want. Going to community college right now will make me happy. And it's not some decision I made on a whim, nor was it made out of guilt for leaving you pretty much alone. I've thought a lot about it. I need you to trust me to know I'm doing what is right for me."

He reached up, placing one hand on my crossed arms, patting lightly against my skin. "I just want you to have everything, Bells. I don't want you to feel like you're stuck here, unable to see the world and have the life you want for yourself. I think sometimes you're mom felt stuck."

I leaned down, speaking near his ear. "Mom loved you, Dad. She was happy with her life."

He sighed, turning around in his seat to face me. I crossed my arms at my chest. "Oh, I know. It's just… I think she would have liked to see more of the world, or at least experience more than she had here in Forks. Your mom always had dreams, big ones, and most of them she didn't see come true. Even before I asked her to marry me, your mom had ideas as to how our lives would be; things we'd own, the amount of children we'd have, what kind of house we'd live in, places we'd go, careers, but our life together was so far off the mark to what she saw for us.

"We had you and Emmett, we had a home to call our own, we were happy, and we had a great life together. But I still believe there were times she wished she could have had or done more."

"Sure, mom had dreams when you met, but they conformed to something that included you when you got together. And young people always have big dreams, anyway, and we even have unrealistic ones, too. Sometimes our dreams change, not because they're forced to, but because we want them to," I explained. "Like mom's did. Besides, mom never did anything she didn't want to. You know that. She was so happy, Dad. She really was. She chose her life, it didn't choose her. Just like I'm doing."

He stared past me for awhile, the silence between us practically beating at my eardrums. When he finally spoke, he clasped his hands together in his lap, gave a slight nod and said, "Alright." I went to hug him in thanks, but he held up his pointer finger to halt me. "I'm not done yet. I don't like it, Bella. I'd be lying if I told you that I did, but you were right, it is your life. If I forced you to do something you didn't want to, you might one day resent me for it, and I'd much rather not like the school you're attending than have my own daughter resenting me. So you go to that community college like you want, but I have one request."

"What is it?" I asked.

"I'd at least like to know some information about the place. Do they have good programs? Can you transfer credits you earn to other schools if you decide you want to go somewhere else?"

I finally sat back in my seat, the tension in my bones easing. "Well, I did a lot of research on Peninsula College, and it's a good school. I can get my Associate in Elementary Education and be able to transfer to baccalaureate institutions with elementary education teacher certification programs. I just have to complete ninety quarter credits in specific courses. And there are entrance requirements, but credits can be transferred. The amount accepted just depends on the school I'm transferring to. Things like that."

"I didn't really understand some of what you said, but it seems you've checked it out pretty thoroughly." I laughed. "You're really sure about this school?"

I nodded. "I am."

He shrugged his shoulders, sighing in acquiesces. "Well, I guess that's settled then, isn't it?"

"What's settled?" Charlie and I both turned toward the direction of the voice, seeing Emmett standing in the kitchen doorway, sweaty and basketball in hand. He didn't wait for either of us to answer before he scurried toward the refrigerator.

I stood from my chair and headed toward the cupboard to grab a glass. "School," I answered. "I'm going to Peninsula College in Port Angeles."

Emmett's head turned in my direction, the chicken in front of him no longer being visually devoured, though there were still signs of salivation at the corners of his mouth. Not much distracted Emmett from food. "Really? Since when?" His eyes moved to Charlie. "And as gung-ho as you were about her going to some big name college, you don't care?"

I took a small sip of water as Charlie answered. I could hear his chair move behind me, followed by footsteps. "She's a big girl now, and she's allowed to go to the school she chooses." I smiled against the lip of my glass. Even before he said anything further, I knew that was all the explanation Emmett would get out of him. "I'm… uh… gonna call it a night. I'll see you two in the morning."

Emmett waited until the creak of Charlie's feet on the stairs silenced before speaking. "How'd you pull that one off, baby sister, especially without dad shitting a brick?" His focus was back on the chicken that was now being heated in the microwave.

"What do you mean?"

"It couldn't have been that easy. So what did you say to him?" he interrogated.

I took another sip of my water. "You know how dad can be. It took some convincing on my part, but I managed."

"Again, what did you say to convince him?" He bit into the chicken, taking off a huge chunk from the bone.

"Well, yeah, he wasn't real ecstatic with me changing his plans, but I made it a point to stress that they were _his _plans and not _mine_. And I reminded him that mom would have let me make my own choices and been supportive of them. That seemed to do it."

"Yeah, I guess it would."

"I wasn't trying to upset him or anything, but I needed him to understand that I'm not a little girl who needs her daddy to make decisions for her anymore." I still felt a measure of guilt for upsetting him, even though it was done and over with. "He was never as good as mom about that sort of thing."

He winked. "You're right. Well played, Bells. Well played."

I laughed, shaking my head as I started toward the doorway of the kitchen. "You're such a dork." I crinkled my nose in disgust as I moved around him, smelling sweat and who knows what else. "And you seriously stink. I'm going to bed. Try not to eat everything in the kitchen, and take a shower before you go to sleep."

"I will, but not before I roll around on your bed first."

"If you didn't look so much like mom, I would attest that you were switched at birth."

He opened his mouth, displaying the half eaten chicken.

I rolled my eyes. "If Rosalie truly knew how mentally off you were, she'd find someone else as her boy toy."

He waggled is eyebrows. "She's not with me because of my brain."

"That's disgusting." My ears nearly clawed their way off my head in escape.

Emmett was laughing, and probably mentally high-fiving himself for repulsing me, but just as I reached the doorway, his laughter slowed and he called out to me. "Bella." I turned around, though hesitantly. "I tease ya and all, but I'm glad it worked out for you. You should be able to go where you want to, and it's good to see you stick up for what you want." The smile he gave me wasn't a joking one this time, it was a proud one.

I thanked him, then headed up to bed. Despite Emmett's knack for teasing me in whatever capacity he could, he was always supportive, and no matter what, I couldn't have asked for a better brother.

-OO-OO-

"So, how did the talk with Charlie go?" Alice popped a fry in her mouth, but her eyes stared curiously at me. We met for lunch at The Lodge.

I gazed around the small restaurant, remembering all the times Charlie had taken me and Emmett there after burning dinner during one of his many "I can cook dinner myself" tirades. "It started off rough, but in the end, he agreed to let me do what I wanted. That's a big step for Charlie. He feels like he still has to protect me, and I have to remind him that I'm grown up now."

She nodded. "But he's always been that way, especially after your mom passed away. I get it, though." I eyed her incredulously, and she laughed in response. "Don't get me wrong, it would probably annoy me after awhile if it was my dad, but honestly, his experience with taking care of a girl is limited. Your mom had that responsibility, and by the time you hit puberty, you were mature enough to take care of yourself. Hell, Bella, you were already taking care of him and Emmett pretty much. Maybe being overprotective is his way of making up for his lack of knowhow or something."

I shrugged while dragging my fork across the ranch covered salad on my plate. I stared at the pattern it made in the dressing. "Probably, but he has nothing to make up for. I know that he did the best he could. I just wish he'd realize that himself and relax a bit."

"This is Charlie we're talking about," she laughed. She took a sip of her soda before responding again. "Not only is he your father, but he's a cop, Bella. He'll never fully relax, even when you're forty and married with kids."

I choked on my water, causing some to spill out of my mouth. "Wait a minute," I replied, coughing. "Who says I'll be married at forty, let alone married with kids?"

"Oh, you will." The way she spoke, it was almost prophetic in tone. And the way her eyebrow arched, along with the glare her eyes formed as she gauged my reaction, practically dared me to disagree.

I grabbed a napkin and wiped the excess water from my chin, laughing nervously. "One step at a time, Alice. Don't go planning my wedding and children's names before there's even a husband-to-be."

"You've already found him." I went to speak, again to remind her not to assume, but she lifted her small hand, waving off any words that were about to come out. "I know exactly what you're going to say, and I'm gonna stop you right there. Look, I know we're young and all that, we've barely lived our lives, etcetera, but the way you love Edward, Bella, that's a kind of love that many people at forty don't find."

"Yeah, but-"

"And he feels the same," she added.

"I know," I agreed. "He does. But I'm all he knows, and I wonder… Once he sees the rest of the world, will he still feel that way about me?"

"Out of everything, is that what you worry about? I didn't think it was a concern anymore."

"It's not," I replied, though it was a lie. Her eyes seemed to burn the truth from my mouth. "Well, I mean, sometimes I think about it. I wonder if maybe, you know, he might… venture down other paths."

She took another bite of fry. Her eyes moved back and forth between her plate and me. "Do you doubt his feelings for you?"

"No." I shook my head. "I know he loves me, but will he always love me? It's not like he's had-"

"Absolutely," she answered, no hesitation in the way she responded. "You're it for him, Bella. Regardless of what he discovers once you get him out of that hospital, you're the one for him."

"How do you know that?"

"How can you not?" she rebutted. "I've seen firsthand the way he looks at you, like you're the only thing in the world he sees. It's not because you're all he knows, it's because you're all he _wants_ to know. Even a blind person could tell his heart already made that decision for him. Love is practically oozing out of the guy."

"Did you really just use the word 'ooze' in reference to love?"

She laughed. "I couldn't think of anything more poetic to say."

"You call that poetic?" I teased.

She batted her lashes. "Well, shall I quote Shakespeare, then?" She stood from her seat, placing a hand on her chest while the other was tossed in the air for dramatic effect. "O, how this spring of love resembleth."

I literally wanted to curl myself in a ball and die of humiliation. Everyone in the restaurant was staring at us… or staring and laughing. The heat from my cheeks could practically scald the flesh of nearby patrons.

But before she could further embarrass me, I reached over, pulling her by her arm and yanking her back down in her seat. She may have been small, but she wasn't easily controlled.

She was laughing, which stirred the laughter in me, and I knew it was all in good fun, Alice being Alice, but I reconciled then that I was never going in public with Alice Cullen again. Ever.

-OO-OO-

It was now the week prior to school beginning. I had spent every day preparing Edward for a decrease in the time we'd have because of my classes cutting into a few hours of the day that I was normally with him. Neither of us was thrilled with having less time together, but I was looking forward to college, to be honest.

"How much time now?" he asked. He was sitting on the mattress, sifting through pictures I'd taken of places throughout Forks, including some of my home, family, friends and people I knew. I even had some of Marcus.

I'd taken the pictures for Edward because he'd asked me to – I knew it was because he wanted to familiarize himself more with my life.

"Next week," I responded. I kept my eyes on what I was doing, which was placing stuffing into the new arm I'd made for Lancelot. Fixing him had been a long time coming.

I didn't need to look at Edward to know he was still focused on the pictures across his bed, and he didn't need to clarify for me to know what he meant either. He asked that same question often.

He sighed.

I glanced up, my hand stilling with the needle halfway through the fabric I was stitching. I really didn't know what to say to him. The guilt made it hard to swallow or speak. "I'm sorry. I don't-"

His eyes lifted, staring into mine, practically seeing into my soul and reading me. "Come here, meu anjo." I stood from the chair I'd been sitting in and laid the half-stitched arm on the seat before walking over to him. He crossed his legs, then patted his thigh, signaling me to sit down.

After I was seated, he wrapped his arms around me. "What could you possibly be sorry for?" he asked.

I glanced down in a failed attempt to hide the forming tears. "Not being here like I've been… to be with you."

He placed his hand under my chin, lifting upward. "You have nothing to be sorry for." He wiped away the wetness under my eyes with the pad of his thumb. The look upon his face, so kind and loving, conveyed what his words and touch did. "I'm happy for you."

I nodded, sniffling. "I know you are, but it's hard leaving you… even if it is only a few hours. I'm used to this time we have, and I feel guilty for-"

He sighed again. "It's an adjustment, but a good one. Going to school, that's gonna make you happy, and I want to see whatever will bring you happiness happen for you. I know you feel guilty about leaving me, but I don't want you to feel that way. There's no reason to. We knew this was coming, right? And I can't ask you to put your life on hold anymore than you already have, Bella. I won't be that selfish. I can't do that to you, and I couldn't begin to live with myself if you did. You've already changed where you planned to attend just so you could stay close by me. I think you've given up enough already in my name."

I shook my head. "No, I haven't given anything up. Don't you see? I made those choices because I wanted to. I never felt like I had to. Being with you, that makes me happy, Edward. Yeah, I want to go to school, very much, but I want you, too."

"You have me." He pressed a soft kiss to my lips. "Besides, being alone while you're at school, it'll be a good thing for me, you know? I really believe that. This is supposed to be a happy time, something to celebrate." His lips turned upward, forming a bright smile. "So let's celebrate."

"Is this another one of your many ways to distract me?"

"Yes and no," he answered. "But mostly, I don't want you being sad about anything, especially when I can do something about it." He ran his fingers gently down the expanse of my face. "Apenas um sorriso naquele rosto bonito."

"What does that mean?" He smiled, which meant he wasn't telling me. "I know, you're not telling me what you said. One day, I'm going to learn Portuguese, and then I'll know everything you say to me."

"I'm looking forward to that," he laughed. "By the way, I have something for you."

"What?"

"I have something for you," he repeated.

"I know what you said, but why do you have something for me?"

His forehead creased in question. "Do I need a reason?"

I shrugged. "Well, no. I just… You didn't have to, you know, get me anything."

"I know that." He reached under the mattress, pulling out something wrapped.

"Then why did you?"

He stopped mid handing it to me. "Well, if you don't want it, I guess I could give it to-"

I grabbed it from his hand. "No, I want it." He laughed as I started tearing into the paper.

Inside the paper was a beautifully framed picture of Edward and I lying on his mattress, curled up, staring at each other.

I glanced up from the picture, awestruck. I had no idea a picture like that had been taken of us. "I don't… When did you-"

"I figured out how to set up the camera. Pretty mechanical of me, right?"

"So basically you're saying you were being sneaky, heh?"

"You could say that." He grinned at me. "You have pictures of me, and I have some of you, but we don't have any together yet."

"Why didn't you say anything?" I questioned. "I would have taken a picture with you."

"I know, but I wanted a moment like this, where it was us and unexpected," he explained. "I have the same picture, but it's not framed. I asked Marcus to get that one for me. And I know the wrapping wasn't that great, but I did it myself. I figure it'll hold us both over while you're at school."

"It's perfect. Thank you," I choked out. "I love it."

"You're welcome."

I leaned forward, resting my forehead against his. His lips found mine in what began as a soft kiss, but became more. His hands were rubbing up and down my back, mine were wrapped in the softness of his hair. We'd kissed like this many times before, but unlike all the other times before, I found myself straddling him. I really didn't know why I moved myself that way, other than I just wanted to be closer to him, meld myself to him in any way I could.

But it seemed that each time we lost ourselves in one another, something more happened.

My body heated at the feel of his, hard and defined against me. I loved Edward, and I was always careful not to be so assertive with him, even though there were times where my body seemed to push the boundaries a little. But I always let him lead the pace.

His kisses had become more intense, his touches bolder as he became more comfortable with himself and our relationship. I had never really led, other than some kisses, but what we shared was always kept innocent.

But the moment I shifted forward in position and felt him hard underneath me, my body reacted to the sensation. I ground down against him.

He pulled back, gasping for air as his eyes beat into mine, searching. I wanted to curse myself for being so caught up that I reacted when I shouldn't have. I'd always been so cautious in my actions. But this time, I'd done something I shouldn't, and I went to move off him, apologize, but before I could form the words, his mouth was back on mine, pushing and pulling almost greedily.

There was only one other time where he seemed consumed by need, so his reaction itself was enough to shock me, but when his hips lifted, grinding back against me, something I never expected, I knew what we were doing wasn't going to end as innocent.

-OO-OO-OO-

Apenas um sorriso naquele rosto bonito. = Only a smile on that beautiful face.

Soooo? Lol. Didn't expect that, did ya? And yeah, I know, I cockblocked. Sorry about that. Please don't hate me too much. But I'm curious… Where would you like to see things go from here?


	27. Chapter 27: Strike the Slate

Sorry about the long delay in posts. I had some major writer's block. Not fun at all! Anyway, here it is. I've already started the next chapter, so you'll get it next week. I don't wanna make you wait long.

As always, thank you to my wifey, Sophz456. Her encouragement and support means the world to me. And last but not least, major thanks to the readers & reviewers. You're all awesomesauce! Lol.

This is not officially beta'd, because I'm a procrastinator and didn't get it to my lovely beta in a timely manner – I'm fail like that sometimes – so I apologize for errors.

I don't own anything Twilight, but Abandonward is mine.

-TUS-TUS-TUS-TUS-

**Chapter 27: Strike the Slate**

"**Strike the Slate"**

_Strike the slate and measure out the damage done_

_Ya tie the needle right through the bone_

_And I am lost to mothers only son_

_And I have sung my final song_

_in this house of failing grace_

_And I've sang for the patient mother_

_Naive and child like lovers_

_Sang to get out of this place._

_And I'm drawn to the sound of silence_

_Cracked whip and peal of sirens_

_Drawn to this cold empty space._

_Filling with white noise_

Edward groaned into my mouth as the rotation of his hips continued, and I met every upward stroke, grinding down against him.

I had never done this before, but it felt good, really good, and wave after wave of desire pulsed through my body. From the smell of his skin, the feel of his body against mine, to the way he touched me, my body was overloaded with sensation. I felt encased in everything that was Edward.

Our kisses became hot and hungry, and his hands started a downward path from my lower back, inching slowly toward my bottom.

He squeezed the flesh with his fingertips, pulling my body toward his, guiding me over him. I wanted to be closer, feel the warmth of his skin against mine. I wanted us to become one being.

I felt lost in him, and I wondered if it was the same for him.

Without thought or breaking our kiss, I gripped the hem of his shirt and began pulling upward. Edward froze and pulled back, removing his lips from mine.

_You've gone too far_.

I let my thoughts lead me, and I'd pushed toward something he wasn't ready for… _again_. I knew how self-conscious he was about his scars. And I knew that his inexperience affected him differently than mine did.

He stared into my eyes, and the want was there. I could see it in the depths of his eyes, pulsing through his veins like electricity, even feel it in his touch. But I also knew that he was probably overwhelmed by what we were doing, what he was feeling. I may not have ever gone this far before, but my life was not comparable to the hell he lived.

I didn't want to stop, but I was willing to. I attempted to move, but he gripped me by the wrists and shook his head. I watched curiously as he dropped my hands and began lifting his shirt. "You don't have to do-"

He smiled, and for the first time that I could recall, he flushed. "I want to."

Edward was nervous. And I nearly nixed the whole thing, but his lips and hands were on me again, and I forgot why I was ever willing to stop. My eyes closed as I drowned in sensation.

He kissed a slow path to my neck, and I let out a throaty sigh. "Does that feel good?" he mumbled against my skin. "I only ever want to make you feel good."

His devotion to me sometimes astounded me. With all that he'd been through, to be so caring and giving, no anger weighing him down, he was a truly remarkable soul.

I moaned as his hands found their way beneath my shirt, rubbing slow circles over my heated skin. "Your skin is always so soft. Not like mine," he whispered. "So perfect. I love the way you feel."

Every word he spoke made a pleasurable impact on my body. And my body demanded more. The need to be consumed by him churned within me.

Suddenly, his touch was gone. I wanted to cry out at the injustice of it. Instead, I pleaded to have it back. "Please…" Still nothing. I went to open my eyes and beg for his touch, until I felt the pressure on my breasts. Slow and concise, the pressure increasing, until both breasts were gripped firmly in his hands.

He cupped them briefly before his thumbs moved over each nipple, as if he were learning me in an effort to exorcise all the pleasure he could from my body. The feeling was indescribable. Every pass over made by his thumbs was felt in my center. I ached, desperate for relief only he could give me.

Words came to my mind, but I couldn't speak them. Instead, I swallowed compulsively, overrun by so much feeling.

The grinding movement of our hips continued, heavy breathing echoed throughout the room, sometimes replaced by moans and grunts or incoherent words. Occasionally words were discernable, but broken off with gasps.

"Bella, I… Feels good."

Knowing he also felt good sparked the desire within, and I felt enraptured by his reactions and what he made me feel.

The pleasure built, ravaging my body from the inside out. And as his hips bucked, harder than he'd done previously, moving like pistons, the overwhelming sensation coiling in my gut ripped its way through me, exploding in bursts of intense pleasure that had me crying out. I couldn't think, couldn't do anything but feel… and I felt it _everywhere_.

His body stilled, then began shaking. I opened my eyes in time to see his roll to the back of his head and his mouth fall open as a groan, sounding almost pained, hit the air.

His head fell forward, landing on my shoulder as he gasped for air.

After an awkward moment of silence, I broke through the quiet. "Are you okay?"

He exhaled, then nodded against my shoulder. "I'm fine. Just overwhelmed. I didn't know it was possible to feel… I've never… God, Bella."

"Neither have I," I told him. "I thought maybe you… that what happened might bother you."

His head lifted. "Should it?"

"Well, no. I just… I mean… It's normal for… I'm rambling, aren't I?"

He smiled. "I really don't have the words to explain how I feel right now. I'm definitely overwhelmed, but I'm not… It wasn't scary. I know what we did. It felt right… with you. I might be inexperienced in many ways, and I might be lacking too, but I'm still a man. I do feel things when you touch me. I still… want you the way a man wants a woman."

I kissed him. "You're not lacking. And we're both inexperienced in many ways. That makes learning together… fun."

"Fun, heh?"

"Or fulfilling. That could be the right word."

He laughed. "That too." I leaned my forehead against his. "Are you okay?" he asked.

"I am," I assured him. "I'm alright."

He kissed me softly. Seconds later, the warm smile shifted to a look of discomfort. "I'm… I need to..." he paused.

"What? What's wrong?" His eyes lowered toward his lap, and I immediately caught on. "Oh, sorry." I quickly stood up.

I reached into my bag, grabbing a change of clothes as he started toward the doorway. After we cleaned up, we made our way back to the room and snuggled under the covers, my head resting on Edward's naked chest.

My eyes felt heavy, like tiny weights were attached to the lids. Edward sighed, then kissed the top of my head, humming a tune I didn't recognize.

Sometime later, as the fog of sleep nearly blanketed me in, I barely heard him say, "I'll never forget…" he whispered, "the look on your face. It was the most beautiful thing I've ever seen. And of all the people in the world, you shared it with me."

-TUS-TUS-TUS-

I dreamt of Edward, just as I usually did, but this time, it wasn't one particular scene. It started with an elderly version of me, sitting beside an aged Edward, rocking in chairs as we stared off into the quiet land surrounding the place we called home.

It was beautiful, picturesque. There were lots of trees, and multi-colored flowers lined the outskirts of the yard. The grass was a deep green, and you could smell that it had been freshly cut.

The older me smiled as memories of a good life played behind her eyelids. I felt as if I were sitting inside a cinema, viewing the changing pictures like a movie. But the dream was cut short, because the nostalgia had me waking.

As my eyes opened, the smile faded when I noticed Edward wasn't in bed. I'd never woken before to an empty place beside me. I sat up abruptly, glancing at my watch. It was nearly four in the morning, so I knew Marcus wasn't there yet. Edward was probably in the restroom, at least that's what I deduced, but his absence always triggered concern.

The blanket covering me was thrown off to the side, and I quickly stood from the mattress, placing my feet in the flip-flops beside it.

I checked the restroom and the showers, but Edward was not there. The concern morphed to a frenzied worry that practically had my throat closing up. I ran up the stairs to the second floor and opened my mouth to scream out his name, but just as the words were ready to come out, I spotted him at the doorway.

He was standing there in nothing but his pajama pants, looking out into the darkness. Even in the dim light, I could make out the scars on his back. He was becoming less self-conscious with me, but I believed he'd never be completely comfortable with exposing them no matter how many times I made it clear how beautiful he was to me. Seeing him like that was rare.

Shock was added to the mix of emotions I felt, but the adrenaline stood like a blockade, numbing their attack. I took a deep breath, relieved that he was alright, but curious as to why he was standing at the doorway of the hospital.

He heard the sound and immediately faced me. "You're awake?"

I cleared my throat. "I am, but I haven't been for long. I was having a good dream, and for some reason, it woke me up." I shrugged. "I didn't see you in bed, so I got-"

"I didn't mean to worry you. I just couldn't sleep."

"You okay?"

He didn't hesitate to nod. "I'm okay. But I didn't want to wake you, and I thought maybe I could try to…." His words died off as he refocused back to the outside.

"It's okay. How long have you been here?"

"Awhile," he said.

"Since when do you stand half-naked, looking outside?" I teased.

He glanced over his shoulder, smiling. "I don't." He paused, exhaling. "I would have put my shirt on, but it was underneath you," he laughed. "And I would have woken you had I tried to get it."

"I wouldn't have minded."

He shook his head. "You looked too peaceful, so I left it. But I had a good dream, too… about us."

"Really?"

"Yeah. It made me want to come here. I didn't know if I'd be able to do it by myself, but I did. It was my first time."

"You never-"

"Never really had a reason to come here and look outside before."

"And now?"

He moved away from the doorway, taking slow steps toward me. The way he looked at me, his eyes so full of love and adoration, could be seen easily through the fair lighting. "Now I have a reason."

"Do you?" The words came out husky, whispered.

He grinned. "You know I do."

Edward reached for me, pulling me against him. The warmth of his naked chest spread through the thin fabric of my tank top. My body fused to his, and I could feel the rapid beat of his heart, as well as hear the thump thumping it made against his rib cage.

He kissed me softly, then one of his fingers went under my chin, tilting my head off to the right. He drew his head downward, where he brushed his lips along the hollow of my throat, inhaling against my skin. "You smell so good," he whispered. "You feel good, too. Right here in my arms."

"So do you," I moaned

"Thank you," he murmured.

I chuckled. "You don't have to thank me for basically mimicking what you said, even though it's true."

Edward looked into my eyes. "That's not why I thanked you."

"Then why did you-"

His hand lifted, where his fingers softly caressed along my jaw line. "For showing me what it means to be loved."

On impulse, I kissed his lips, then cradled his face within my hands. "You never have to thank me for loving you. I'm only sorry I was the first… because you should have always known what it was like to be loved."

"I'm not." He sighed, glancing over me into the darkness that gathered behind us. "If my life would have been different, I would never have been in this place…" He paused, swallowing hard. "I would never have met you. I'd do it all over again… just to end up right here with you. Five minutes with you, meu anjo, is worth a lifetime of beatings and no love."

His hand came up as he looked at me, and his fingers lightly touched my forehead before he drug them slowly down the expanse of my face.

"I love you," I whispered.

He smiled, and his eyes lit up, the green appearing brighter. "This must be what it feels like to be the luckiest man in the world."

I blushed. "Why do you say that? Do you feel like the luckiest man in the world?"

His lips turned up into a half-grin. "I do."

I buried my face against his chest, hiding the red of my cheeks. Edward began humming the same tune he had before I fell asleep. "What is that?"

"What is what?" he asked.

"That tune you're humming."

"It's called _Everything_."

"I don't know that one."

"It's a good one. It has a lot of personal meaning to me."

"It does?" I questioned.

He nodded. "It's exactly what you are to me."

I cleared my throat of emotion. "I'm your everything?"

"Oh, my Bella," he whispered. "Nothing could change what you mean to me. There will never be anyone but you."

-TUS-TUS-TUS-

Alice was on her bed, lying on her stomach with her head cradled on propped elbows. "I can't believe I have to wait another week until classes start."

"Yeah, but you're not waiting another week before you get to move into your dorm."

"True. Anyway, you're lucky you start tomorrow. Are you excited?"

I was cryptically trying to avoid the subject of school, but Alice was right. The next day meant several hours away from Edward. I was ready for college, but I wasn't ready to be away from Edward. The final week had gone by too quickly. It was quite a conundrum.

I checked my watch, then glanced up from my seat on the floor toward her desk. "Has your desk always been that cluttered? I can't remember it being that stockpiled with stuff. It really needs cleaned off."

Alice sat up, sighing loudly, exasperated. When I glanced from the desk to her, she narrowed her eyes at me. "Nice diversion, Bella. While you're at it, why don't you check for stray dust bunnies under my bed."

"I'll have you know, I'm very good to all dust bunnies. They need love too."

Alice wasn't amused. "Regardless of _whatever_ you find in this room to use as a subject change, it's not going to alter the fact that you're starting college tomorrow."

I gritted my teeth. "Don't you think I know that, Alice?"

"Aren't you the least bit happy about it?"

"Of course I'm happy about it," I replied defensively. "You know how much school means to me."

She nodded. "Yeah, I do. But you're feeling guilty when you should be feeling happy. Jesus, Bella, it's not as if you're leaving Edward forever. It's a couple of hours."

I hushed her, immediately walking over to her bedroom door and glancing out, making sure no prying ears were near. I closed the door then faced her, scowling. "Could you say that any louder?"

Alice shrugged. "Well, if louder gets through your head better, then yeah, I can."

"It's just difficult leaving him, okay?"

"I get that," she said. "But you're really gonna have to get over this separation anxiety you have. He needs to be alone for awhile to become self-reliant. You can't be his crutch forever, Bella. If he can't manage a few hours without you, he's not going to make it out there. He needs room to grow." She pointed toward my window. "Isn't that the point? To get him out there?"

I sighed. "Of course it is."

"Then quit feeling guilty for something you shouldn't feel guilty over. You know he'll be alright. Marcus is with him, and he won't let anything happen to Edward," Alice assured. "Centering everything you do around Edward isn't healthy. Be with him, love him, support him, but don't lose yourself in doing it. You need this as much as he does."

She was right. I knew she was right. "I know, I just… I worry about him."

"You don't need to worry about him… not like you do. He's perfectly capable, and he's a strong person."

"I know he is."

"Then stop," she ordered. "Think of it as part of the healing he's been doing. It's not going to be easy, but like my dad says, sometimes it takes the hard stuff to make a person's will and spirit stronger. Sometimes you have to do things you don't think you're strong enough to do in order to be able to live." She paused, exhaling as her thumb and forefinger pinched and released the fabric of her shorts. "Speaking of, I wanted to talk to you about something. Come sit down by me."

I sat down beside her, swallowing hard. My ears didn't really want to hear what my mind knew she'd say. "Uh… okay. What did you want to talk about?"

She clasped her hands together, placing them on her lap. "I really think it's time you talk to my dad about Edward."

My eyes averted to the floor. "I know, I just… I don't know if he's-"

"He's ready," she interrupted.

I shook my head. "I don't know, Alice. I'm not sure if it's the right time and-"

She held up her hand to silence me. "You're my friend, and I love you, but you're wrong. You're procrastinating on this. There's always going to be some reason why he isn't ready. And, honestly, that's not your call to make."

Not only did I glare at her, but I spoke brusquely. "How can you say that to me? You act as if I don't want him out of that hospital."

"Oh, I know you do," she explained. "And I know you're afraid of what will happen to him once people know about him. That's why you keep delaying what needs to be done. Delaying isn't going to do him any good, Bella. How can you know what he's really able to handle unless he experiences more than just what's behind the walls of that hospital?"

I shot to my feet and paced the floor, the anxiety in my bones jacked up a notch. "I'm scared," I admitted. "I don't like surprises, and I don't want to lose him. I can't watch something bad happen to him, or see him so terrified that he's locked inside himself again. That makes me selfish, though, doesn't it? I'm standing in his way, aren't I?"

"You're not selfish, Bella, but you do need to step aside a bit. It's okay to be scared for him, but my dad would never do anything to hurt Edward. Everything he'd do would be to help him."

"I know he wouldn't," I murmured.

"Then talk to him," she urged. "If you keep waiting for the "right" time, it'll never happen."

"I just didn't want to rush Edward, you know? That's all."

"He's been in that place about 7 years. I hardly think you're rushing him."

"Alright," I sighed, ceding to her. "You're right. But it'll have to wait until tomorrow."

"Bella," she glowered, cocking her head to the side, my name spoken as a warning.

"I'm not avoiding this time," I promised. "I need to tell Edward first. Once I talk to your dad, I'm sure he'll want to see Edward right away, and I won't surprise him like that. I'll go to him right after school, then come here right after. I swear it."

"You mean it?" she asked. "You're really gonna do it?"

"Yeah. I'm really gonna do it."

Approval flashed behind her eyes. "I'm proud of you. I really am."

Before I had a chance to respond, there was a soft rapping at the door seconds before it opened. Esme stood in the doorway. "I came up to see if you girls needed anything before I turned in."

I shook my head, but Alice answered her. "No, Mom, we're fine."

Esme smiled warmly. "Alright. If you get hungry, there's cookies in the container on the counter. Help yourselves. Oh, and try not to stay up too late, okay? Bella has school tomorrow."

"We won't."

After I watched Esme close the door, Alice opened her mouth, reminding me of the conversation we were having prior to Esme's visit. "Everything will work out with Edward, Bella. You'll see."

I walked over to the spare bed beside Alice's. "I hope so." I was hopeful, but I still couldn't shake the trepidation.

I grabbed the picture of Edward from my bag, because I always slept with it, then climbed under the warm comforter and rested my head on the soft pillow. "I'm tired, Ali, and it's getting late. Can we drop it until tomorrow?"

"Yeah. Sure we can." I could tell she really didn't want to, that there was more she felt she needed to say, but regardless of what that was, it wouldn't change the decision I made.

I wasn't tired, but I closed my eyes anyway as she turned out the light. I needed the quiet to clear the noise from my head. I needed a little reprieve, because in less than twenty-four hours, I'd be hitching a train to Chaosville.

Population: me.

-TUS-TUS-TUS-

I was up and out the door by seven-forty in the morning, rushing because constant tossing and turning left me restless. When I finally managed sleep, I slept hard, making my ears void of the piercing sound the alarm made. Alice shut it off… in her sleep.

Luckily, I woke up in enough time to quickly change, nearly face-planting as I put my jeans on. That would not have helped the throbbing headache I had. It was tension's way of reminding me it was still there, beating behind my eyelids and aching in my muscles.

There was no time to do my hair, so I ran the brush through it to remove the tangles as I hurried out the door. I figured I'd just put it in a ponytail once I got to school.

I stopped off at the gas station to fill my truck, then made my way to Peninsula College. I'd barely made it on time. Not good for first impressions.

After I tamed the mess that was my hair, I met with my adviser, and she directed me to my first class. Professor Becker, my natural science teacher, was very energetic… and friendly. I found her easy to follow, probably because she reminded me of Alice. Details were important to her, and I was appreciative of that, considering my mind was only half there.

As the day progressed, I fell more in sync, felt more comfortable and relaxed. I even hit it off with another first year student, Angela Weber, in Professor Moore's English class. I'd seen her a few times in high school, but we never really chatted before. She was also majoring in elementary education, which eased the lonely a bit. I had someone I could relate with who didn't seem sarcastic or better than me.

She was essentially quiet, like me, and a really nice person. I liked her. After classes, we spoke briefly, agreeing to meet for coffee the following day and discuss classes.

As I approached my truck, after waving goodbye to Angela, I reached into my bag and grabbed my cell. I had turned it off while I was in school. I really didn't need problems with the professors on the first day of class because I was the lone student who forgot to silence her cell phone.

Shortly after I turned it on, it beeped, alerting me that I had missed calls. Alice had called me four times and left a voicemail. I dialed my voicemail.

"_Bella, it's me. We have a bit of a problem. You need to call me as soon as possible_." Her voice was shrill, desperate. "_You must have forgotten your picture of Edward, or it fell out of your bag. I don't know. But my mom found it, Bella. She found it while I was gone with Jasper. I didn't… I didn't know it was here. I'm so sorry. She's acting strange and asking me all kinds of questions I don't know how to answer. Please call me_."

A heavy thump inside my head rattled my eardrums, causing me to wince from the sound. No one else would know, but I did. I knew exactly what caused the deafening sound.

The shoe had finally fallen.

Esme was thinking the same thing I had. That Edward was Elizabeth's missing child.


	28. Surprise FGB Outtake

This wasn't actually part of the FGB outtakes auctioned for, but TeamTUS has waited so long – I apologize so much, and you'll get them as soon as I can get them to you - so I wanted to give something extra. Well, months back, I was in a bad way, separated from my husband for four months. We got back together, & it just didn't work, and I'll leave it at that. My lovely beta, MariahajilE, decided to post a note about me taking a hiatus so that I could get things settled for me & my three children.

Unfortunately, there were a few people who, quite honestly, acted more than rude to me. I was called a flake, amongst other things, for having her post the note, which she kindly offered to do on her own.

I do this for free, and I owe no one ANYTHING. I'm sorry if my RL problems interferes with your updates, but my RL will always come first. That's it, and that's all. Now, for those of you who have been so gracious and understanding, this here is for you. I will finish my stories. You don't need to worry about that, but right now, I'm just not mentally in a place to write. I'll be back, but once my FF's are finished, I won't write for the fandom any longer. This was the final straw for me. I love you all, and I appreciate the support you've given me, but all good things come to an end. So, once TUS, CF and FK are done, so am I.

I do not own anything twilight, but Abandonward is mine.

**Minor abuse warning in this.**

-OO-OO-OO-OO-

**The Unaccompanied Soul**

** Surprise FGB Outtake**

"**I'd Come For You"**

_And I'd fight for you_

_I'd lie, it's true_

_Give my life for you_

_You know I'd always come for you_

**Marcus POV**

"Damn kids."

Another broken window to match the many others I had to replace. Yet, this one I'd just fixed not twenty-four hours prior. And I was getting tired of all the littering going on. If it wasn't trash, weapons, paraphernalia and empty alcohol bottles, it was graffiti lining the inner and outer walls of the hospital.

I told myself it was a waste of time to get this here place, but something about it called to me, like it actually felt empty, ostracized, and needed someone to give it some life again.

I could relate to that.

I'd been alone a long time now. No family to speak of, really, other than my parents, and we just weren't on speaking terms much. When a son didn't follow in his father's footsteps… Well, he could be a disappointment. And, in my case, sometimes disappointments are better left forgotten.

Had me a wife once, though, and Stella was her name. She was graceful, compassionate. She was my beautiful one, but I didn't do her right. She loved me as much as any woman could love her man, but I was about the gambling, telling myself I was trying to give us a better life, and that became an addiction. Truthfully, I was about myself. Had been for a long time. Came home one day, hitting it pretty big on the blackjack, but the house was empty, lifeless.

Those bright eyes weren't there to meet me at the door, no soft, loving words to welcome me into a warm home, no arms that wrapped around me, even when I just gave a small pat on the back in return. It's amazing what you miss once it's gone, once it's no longer there to appreciate.

A better man would have noticed that light disappearing in her eyes, would have seen the way she curled up inside herself. And all I had to do was give her the love in return that she gave me. I did love her, loved her with my whole heart, but I guess I got lost in the fact that if I made us some real money, I could do right by her, give her the world if I wanted. And all she wanted was my attention.

I was a damn fool.

So, there I was, taking care of this old hospital. I'd invested some of my winnings, and, once the folks died, being that I was the only child, I was left everything. Can't say that I wasn't surprised by that. I didn't expect anything.

I'd passed the hospital numerous times, and, every time, my head would turn, and I'd gaze at the place, imagining what it used to be. And every single time my eyes stared at that vacant building, it pleaded with me. Could have been my mind, but I swear it did.

So I bought it.

Crazy notion, yeah, but I did it anyhow. I couldn't fix my wife, couldn't bring back her light, but maybe I could bring back the light the hospital once had. I had nothing else but going home to an empty place, where you could feel the cold, vacant space before you even stepped inside. So, time was what I was left with, and I decided to use it for something good. Maybe I could turn this hospital into a place that gave people like me second chances.

I heard Stella died about four years ago to cancer, but the light I'd taken was given back. She found a good man, one who stayed with her until the end. She made him seek me out to tell me she'd forgiven me. Of all the things in the world, that was her dying wish.

No one could ever measure up to the heart that woman carried inside her.

I could see it in his eyes that he was a good man, loved her just the way she deserved, and her forgiveness was more than what I deserved, but she gave it anyway. I said my thanks, and he went on his way. Never saw him again.

For three years, I did odds and ends around the place. I wasn't much of a handyman, but I promised myself that any fixing that was done would be done by my hands alone. It was my penance, I guess. Somehow, I had to make right what was wrong.

Seemed that whatever I got working, some kid would come along and destroy it all over again. I was getting nowhere. But the good Lord always has a plan, that much I knew, and He wasn't giving me anything more than He thought I could handle.

So, I'd go back to fixing what was broken, but I can't say that there wasn't some cursing while I was doing it.

Every day was the same as the one before it. I'd get up, stock my lunch pail with food for the day, and make the drive to the hospital. Then, I'd go home to nothing.

I pulled in one morning, and something about the air around the place had changed, filled a little. I guess I thought I carried that emptiness with me, so it tended to affect everywhere I was. But I felt the change as sure as the beat of my heart.

My first thought was that some kid was inside, vandalizing the place. I smiled, thinking I was gonna catch the little shit this time. Maybe I'd give him a good scare, too.

Stepping through that broken door, telling myself for the thousandth time I needed to get to fixing it, I crept as quietly as my worn legs would allow me.

I entered the hall on the second floor, hearing odd noises coming from one of the rooms further down the hallway. Couldn't really explain the way the noises sounded, but it was almost like someone's soul was crying out their agony. Pain that deep has an almost serrated tone to it. And it scared the hell out of me.

My mind realized there was no vandalism going on. Someone was hurt. And it was here in my hospital where I had no damn clue what to do for them.

I followed the sounds, leading me to the inside of a room that I'd mostly cleared out. There were a few old, torn sheets and molded papers scattered around, chipped paint and water spots on the cement floor, but cleaner than most the other rooms. The lighting wasn't real good, so I didn't see him at first, but the gasp of fear he made had my eyes locking right onto him.

There was a boy huddled in the corner of the room. I stepped closer, and I swear he shrieked in pain, as if I'd beaten him... or was about to. I stopped moving, my heart hammering in my chest, and stared at the boy, bewildered about what to say or do… or even why he was there.

He was clawing at the wall, trying to find a way to get inside or hoping that wall would surround him. As my eyes adjusted to the dull lighting, I noticed a mangled bear within his hands. He clutched onto it like it was his protector, a guardian that kept the monsters away.

I couldn't see his face just yet, but I knew something awful had been done to the lad. "It's okay, Lad. I ain't gonna hurt ya. I'll stay right here, so you know you're safe with me. I won't come any closer."

I had no idea if my words could reach those tortured ears of his, if he could even understand me, but I hoped and prayed he knew that whoever put the fear of God in him, making him seem almost animalistic with terror running through him, they weren't there, and he had nothing to worry about from me.

He kept trying to climb against the wall, holding onto the bear, awful sounds coming from those lips of his. Guessing from his size, he was barely a teenager. I had no idea what to do for him, and I figured maybe I'd call in the police. I had no idea if he'd been kidnapped, if someone from home made him the way he was. No clue at all. But I couldn't leave him where he was.

"Listen here, Lad," I whispered. "I'm gonna call for some help, okay? We'll get someone here to come get you and-"

The screaming started, so loud it pierced my ears painfully. He clawed so hard at the wall, I could see that he was tearing at his fingernails, making them bleed.

My soul ached for the child.

There was no rhyme or reason to what I said next, other than I wanted his pain to stop. In that second, I felt tethered to him, like he was brought to my doorstep for a reason, and God wanted me to help him. Maybe helping him was part of my salvation.

"It's okay. I'm not gonna call anyone. I swear it. You can stay right there. No one's coming for you."

It was only then, when I told him no one was coming, his rigid torso eased moderately. I had no damn clue what I was doing, even offering to let him stay in a place that was not sanitary enough for him. But there was no way he was going to let me near him, and the idea of getting someone else involved? Terrified wasn't adequate enough of a word to describe his emotions. And, if I did, what would they do to him? Would they lock that poor boy up? I couldn't say I was comfortable with that at all.

Maybe if I could tend to him for a bit, then I could get him somewhere better, safer. I disappeared long enough to get some water and bandages from the first-aid kit. I pushed them near him, hoping he'd understand what I was trying to do.

He turned his head slightly, an eye peeking out underneath the dirty hair that had been long overdue for a cut. But I could see, as he looked at me, the mark of a handprint. Someone had taken their hand to that boy's face, so hard they marked him.

That mark had me looking more thoroughly, and, sure enough, there were bruises on the arm I could see, and God only knew where else. I felt sick to my stomach, anger beyond anything I had ever felt.

A voice inside my head told me to protect him. That voice was loud and clear, pulsing through every nerve inside of me. I think it was my Stella, telling me this was my second chance, and I was gonna listen.

For several days, I talked to him, soothing him with words I wasn't sure helped. And I wasn't really much good with words, anyway. I was out of my element, but I had to do something for him, to show him I'd never hurt him.

"You're safe here, Lad," I told him. "I don't know if you can understand me, but I promise that whoever hurt you will never hurt you again."

There was a small room adjacent to the boiler room meant for caretakers. I cleaned it up real nice… Well, as nice as I could given the state it was in, but I put a mattress in there, other supplies he might need, even clothing I hoped would fit. Day by day, I told him about the room, how to get there, how nice it would be for him, how much safer it was.

Even though he didn't really eat, I gave him three meals a day, hoping to put meat on those skinny bones of his. He looked liked he'd been starved, and I couldn't very well have him starving under my care. I cleaned up a stall in the restroom closest to the boiler room especially for him, hoping he'd use it whenever he needed. I let him know it was at his disposal, that anything I had was.

I found myself coming to the hospital a lot more than usual, most times sleeping outside in my vehicle, because the idea of leaving him alone was a little more than I was comfortable with.

Nearly a week after I'd first found him, I crawled out of my truck, my muscles achy from restless sleep. Every little noise had me waking up, making sure no one was entering the hospital. I wasn't about to let someone find him and do something that might cause him more mental or physical damage.

He might've been petrified, but he wasn't insane. I could feel it. He was just lost, and I wanted to help find him.

I headed straight to the place the boy always was, but, this time, he wasn't there. Initially, I was terrified, wondering if something happened to him, if someone had found him while I'd been asleep. What if it was the same someone he'd been hiding from?

_God, please let him be okay. Don't let someone have taken him from me._

I searched up and down that hospital, practically running down those stairs to the boiler room on shaky legs, knocking things over in my haste. The door to the caretaker's room had always been open, but this time it was shut.

I walked up to that door, placing my hand on the metal, and I swear I felt him inside there. I couldn't help but smile, because I knew then he understood me. He was inside there, where he was safe.

I blanketed the doorway, hiding him so he couldn't be found, not until he was ready. I wasn't going to let anyone or anything hurt him. And once he was ready to leave, I was going to let him. Maybe he'd even want to come stay with me if he had no other place to go. Until then, I was going to take care of him, reach out to him with words and whatever other means I could offer, make sure he had everything he needed.

That same voice, the one that told me to protect him, told me I was going to love him like a son. Somehow, deep in my soul, I knew that voice was right.


	29. Chapter 28: Calm Before the Storm

So, as you all know, life has been one hell of a hard time for me. Things are more settled, I missed writing, and I was tired of not doing what I loved. Here I am, doing what I love. This chapter isn't beta'd, not because my amazing beta, Iris, wasn't able to, but because I kept adding to this chapter and just didn't get it to her. Forgive any errors, please.

Wifey, I miss you and I hope you're okay.

She and I have worked out a schedule so I can update weekly. You'll get a TUS chapter every Friday. If you don't have one, well, hell froze over and you needs to be getting some really hot sh*t down there so you can have your TUS chapter, mmkay? Anyway, if you try to leave a review and it says you can't, just leave one without signing in. It's because of our previous notes. Anyway, thank you for sticking with me, hope you enjoy the chapter. Much love. See you next Friday.

-TUS-TUS-TUS-

**Chapter 28: Calm Before the Storm**

"_**Cure My Tragedy"**_

_You were born a part of me _

_I was never good at hiding anything _

_My thoughts break me _

_Do you understand what you mean to me? _

_You are my faith _

_Won't you cure my tragedy? _

_Don't take her smile away from me_

Midway to the hospital, I reached into the side pocket of my tote bag, grabbing my cell, and sent Alice a text, telling her to meet me there. My fingers trembled as I pushed each button while trying to maintain the steering wheel and not sideswipe any oncoming cars. The nervousness ate at my gut. I felt nauseous and anxious at the same time.

Thirty minutes later, she was pulling into the parking lot.

Alice had barely parked her car, turning off the ignition, before she was out the door, slamming it abruptly when she began talking. "You have no idea how hard it was for me to convince my mother to left me leave just to meet you here."

My stomach was in knots, not to mention pitted with guilt over more things than I cared to acknowledge these days. "I can imagine."

Alice shook her head. "No, you really can't. Bella, I had to convince her I'd bring you back with me. That's the only way she'd let me leave."

My mouth hung open, eyes practically bugging out of my head. "But, Alice, I can't-"

"She held that picture of Edward up against the picture of my Aunt Elizabeth. I didn't… I never would have even considered the likelihood until then. I have no idea how she was even able to tell before the two pictures were side by side." She shook her head, gazing down at the rocks below our feet. When her eyes finally met mine again, they were watered over and full of silent pleas aimed at me, so many pleas that they nearly split my head open from the impact. "It couldn't be possible. I mean, how could it? But they look so much alike. It's weird, even the freckles on their faces are similar. It just can't be possible, right? But there it was, right there in front of me. He was literally a reflection of her."

I swallowed hard as she paused. "It's silly to think that a picture would tell you that a missing child has come home, would make you even consider something like that at all. And I know a picture itself won't hold ground, but they just look so…." She paused again, unblinking as she stared off, going astray with her thoughts. When she finally blinked, focusing again, she asked the same question I'd been wondering since the very day I saw the picture of Elizabeth. "Bella, is Edward…. Could he be…Do you think he's… "A single tear rolled down her cheek as her tiny voice cracked through each word while she pointed toward the hospital. "Could it be possible that man down there is my cousin?"

I sighed, releasing with it the tension throughout my muscles, because I was finally going to be able to tell her what I believed. She might be angry at me, but I had to make her understand why I kept quiet for as long as I had. I only hoped in the end she'd forgive me. And then there was Edward. This was going to impact him far more than any of us combined. "I don't know, Alice. I really don't know. But I think it's a good possibility. I have since that day in your attic."

Another tear fell as her green eyes stared back at me incredulously. "What? Are you… You mean you thought it was possible all that time and you didn't say anything to me? Why didn't you say anything?"

"Because I couldn't yet," I told her. "I had to-"

"What do you mean you couldn't?" she replied angrily. "I know that the possibility is slim to none, but I had a right to know, Bella. My _family _had a right to know if you suspected that he was my aunt's son."

"And what about Edward, Alice?" I fired back. "What if it turns out he is your cousin? Then what? What happens to him then?"

"He'll have his family. He'll be where he belongs."

"You think it's that simple?" My voice came out harsher than intended, causing Alice to flinch. "Look, I'm sorry, Ali. I planned to tell you, I did, but there were other things I had to take into consideration first. Edward being at the top of that list. He's what matters most here. He's never been part of a family… well, not one by blood. He didn't grow up with a loving mother and father like you did. Growing up, all he knew was pain, emotional torment and being on the receiving end of physical abuse your worst nightmares couldn't produce. The things he told me, the pictures I have in my head… I can't even tell you how it's affected me, but he lived through it.

"It took him a long time to be able to open up to me in the way he has. He's come such a long way, but he doesn't know the world the way you and I do. Everything Marcus and I have done has been at Edward's pace on Edward's terms, and no matter what the outcome that picture brings about is going to change that. He knows you, yes, but you and your parents can't just run down into that room and yank him out of there and expect he'll be okay, that he's just going to take to you and his surroundings. You can't force him, Alice. You are my best friend, I love you, and if you're his family, I won't take that away from you, but I will not allow you or anyone else to do anything that will hurt him in any way."

"Bella, I would never hurt-"

"Forcing yourself on him will hurt him, and I won't allow it." I walked past her, heading toward the hospital entrance. I could hear her footsteps right behind me. "Too much all at once could shut him down, and I can't lose him, Alice. I love him too much to allow him to lose himself. As much as he looks like Elizabeth, that picture isn't proof of anything, and that's another reason why I said nothing. I wasn't going to get anyone's hopes up without knowing for sure. I couldn't do that to any of you. I hope that what I feel in my gut is true, because he needs to be out of this hospital and in a good place. I couldn't think of a better place than being with your family, but he can't be blindsided by this. He has no idea about that picture of your aunt and what it may or may not mean for him."

"You're going to tell him, right?"

I nodded. "Yes. I always intended to tell him… Well, all of you." I gestured toward her with my hand as we moved leisurely through the dimly lit building. "I just never expected that it would turn out this way. I was hoping for more time and results, but sometimes situations don't always turn out the way you hope." I peered at her through the corner of my eye. She was walking alongside me now. "Are you very angry at me?"

Her eyes were leveled on me as she shook her head. "No, I'm not very angry at you. I get it. You didn't want any of us going off half-cocked without knowing whether or not Edward was related to me. I can't even imagine what that would have done to him, to have us storm our way into his life and demand that he let us be part of it, like we had a right simply because DNA said so. And it would have been my fault."

I squeezed her hand. "It wouldn't be your fault. You aren't the reason any of this happened to him. But I have my concerns. Edward needs to know the truth about himself, whatever that truth may be. But I'm terrified that once he's out of here, once he's out there where everyone knows about him, the man responsible for all the scars, internally as well as physically is going to find him. Edward is no longer a child, but I have no idea what it would do to him if he were to see Aro again. He needs all the support he can get." I stopped at the base of the steps leading to the third floor and faced Alice. "You know what, let's just get this over with."

"Now?" she questioned. I was already heading toward the door leading outside.

"Yeah. Now is as good a time as any. It's not like this is going away," I said. "I need to go home and change, make sure Charlie and Emmett have dinner, then I'll meet you at your house."

"My dad should be home now, so what should I do in the meantime?"

"Do what you do, Alice. Keep them busy till I get there."

-TUS-TUS-TUS-

I dropped my tote bag on my bed and headed downstairs. After preparing the meatloaf and placing it in the oven, I headed back upstairs, grabbed some clothes took a shower. It wasn't until I finished dinner, leaving the meatloaf and baked potatoes in the oven - it was turned off - and the salad in the fridge and a note on the counter for Charlie and Emmett, that I grabbed a quick sandwich and headed to Alice's.

The constriction rose in my gut the moment I pulled into her driveway. True to her word, Carlisle was already home. No one was waiting at the door for me, so I took that as a good sign. But I did wonder what had occurred there while they were waiting for me. Alice, I'm sure, had to have told them something. I was just wondering how much.

I knocked on the door and was immediately told to enter. As I went inside, I saw all three of them seated at the dining room table. There wasn't the usual warm smile on their faces when they saw me. Admittedly, that hurt. The entire space felt clouded over with tension.

"Have a seat, Bella," Carlisle told me. Again, the warmth wasn't there.

"Thank you," I responded.

I had no idea where to begin, how to even start, and thankfully he spoke up, answering my question. "Esme called me home from work today." He then set the picture of Edward on the table. "I was shown this picture that I was told belonged to you."

I nodded. "Yes, sir, it does."

"Before I begin with questions, I suppose I should start with what I know. Alice regaled how you met him, what happened to him as a child, which was why you two asked me all questions you did. We know that's why you've been going there. We also know how long he's been there, but as we understand it, he doesn't know how he got there."

"No, he doesn't. He woke up there."

"What about this Marcus? How could he just have let him stay there?" Esme asked. "Who could possibly be in their right mind to allow a child to live in a place like that?"

I instantly felt angered. "You don't understand," I defended. "None of you saw Edward. You have no idea what he went through and how it affected him. Alice only knows parts of it, just pieces. There are things that had been done to him that I know, and I wish I didn't." Tears began to fall down my eyes. "Marcus never wanted him to be there. But when he found Edward, he was almost feral. There were bruises all over him, handprints on his face, and he was practically trying to climb inside the wall. Marcus tried so hard to get him out of there without forcibly moving him, but the state Edward was in, he wouldn't let Marcus near him. So Marcus kept his distance, gave Edward what he needed, talked soothingly to him every single day, even slept in his vehicle to make sure no one came there to harm him. He cleaned the place up as best he could, gave Edward the caretaker's room, hoping that he could make it as livable as possible while Edward was there and reach him somehow so he could get him out of there and into more livable conditions. Marcus is a good man. He loves Edward as if he were his own son."

"It's true, Mom," Alice piped in. "I've met him. There's nothing he wouldn't do for Edward."

"But why didn't he tell anyone about him? We could have known about him sooner."

Instead of answering Esme, I leveled my eyes on Carlisle. "Knowing about him sooner doesn't mean you'd have known he might possibly be related to you. And most importantly, what would have happened to him, Carlisle, if Marcus would have handed him over like that? Would he have been locked up in an institution?"

"Well, I can't say-"

"Please don't," I pleaded. "Don't. You know he wouldn't have just been put out there with the rest of society. Marcus saw in him exactly what I did. He'd never had anyone who ever cared enough to fight for him, and that's exactly what we were doing. He was lost inside himself and we helped him find his way. He needed someone to care enough to try."

"You helped him find his way, Bella," Alice interjected. "You loved him."

"It wasn't just me. I won't diminish all the good Marcus has done and take all the credit. I was just the one Edward let close. Marcus has been there all this time, loving him, taking care of him, giving him everything he needs, standing by him whether any of that was reciprocated. He never wanted anything in return but Edward to be okay." My gaze shifted between Esme and Carlisle. "You may not agree with or understand why Marcus did what he did, but Edward has grown so much because of the decisions Marcus has made. He always intended to get him out of there, but because of all that Edward had been through, he promised him the day he found him he would work at his pace, that he would never allow anyone to force him to do something he didn't want to do again. And he kept that promise. It wasn't conventional, but it was done out of the goodness of his heart. And everything that man owns has been left to Edward. So please, don't make him out to be a bad guy. Not to me."

"I wasn't trying to say that he was a bad man, but what about medical needs. What if Edward had been seriously sick or worse?" Esme asked. "He couldn't provide that there."

"Then Marcus would have done what was best for Edward. He always has. But trust me when I say Marcus provided very well for Edward. Marcus and I, we've been working so hard, readying Edward to be a part of the outside world. You have no idea how intelligent he is. And it comes naturally."

Esme fumbled with the locket around her neck "Elizabeth was the same."

Carlisle sighed. "None of that matters now. What matters is whether or not he's Elizabeth's son. I'm just disappointed that you felt you needed to keep this from us as soon as you saw the picture, Bella. We could be his family. We should have been told." This was the first time I was on the receiving end of Carlisle's anger, though it wasn't very harsh. "I suspected while I was treating you after you'd been missing for a day that you were hiding something, but I couldn't put my finger on it. I brushed it off, though, because it wasn't like you to hide things. Not you. That was more something our Alice would do."

"Thanks, Dad," Alice pouted.

I glanced down at my lap. "I'm terribly sorry that I disappointed you, sir. I really am, but I don't regret the choices I've made. They may not have all been right, but I swear to you I did them all with the best of intentions for Edward. That's not said out of disrespect to you or Esme, because I did have every intention of telling you, but I wanted to be sure first. I didn't want to get anyone's hopes up, especially Edward's, and set him back somehow. As I said, he's very intelligent, but there are many things that you and I are used to dealing with that he is not. He doesn't know the world the way we do. He wasn't allowed outside his home, and he's not really been outside the hospital, other than a few little steps in the yard with me. He was afraid of the outside for such a long time. He's come such a long way, he's so strong, but the scars he carries are still there. It's going to take time, and you're going to have to earn his trust. To do so, you'll have to go at his pace. You can't just force yourself on him. And I'm sorry, again I don't mean any disrespect, but I won't allow anyone to do anything that will hurt him or upset him in anyway."

"We don't want to make him uncomfortable, but if that's my sister's son, we just want to know him." The emotion pouring off Esme, the heartache, it was seeping into me, making my own heart break for her and for her sister, the woman who could be Edward's mother and would never know.

"I'm sorry, Esme," I whispered. "I don't want to hurt you, either."

"You care a great deal about him, don't you?"

I turned to Carlisle. "Yes, sir, I do. I love him."

"We need to know, Bella. I need to know if he's my nephew. Please."

"I know you do, Esme. Once I leave here, I'm going to the hospital, and I'm going to tell him about the picture and about you," I ensured. "But the decision is ultimately his. I promise you, though, I'll do what I can. I will tell him that being a part of this family would be a blessing. I'm going to tell him how amazing you all are."

Tears rolled down Esme's cheeks. "Thank you."

I stood from the chair. "I'll talk to him about the DNA test. I have a few conditions, though. Until he says himself, I need you to promise that you won't just show up. It has to be on his terms. Secondly, no one else is to know about him. No one. Not even my father, and not until everything is said and done. Once that happens, I will be the one to tell him. Lastly, if Edward agrees to the DNA test, what happens from there, you respect his decisions. If you want to be a part of his life, you have to show him you respect him, that you won't force him. He's been through enough. If you can agree to those conditions, I'll do my very best to get him to agree to the DNA test."

Without a second thought, Esme responded, "Deal."

"I won't make you wait. You will know as soon as I do." Both Carlisle and Esme nodded in agreement. "I need to go now. I know he's waiting for me."

It wasn't until I stepped outside the Cullen home that I was able to breathe again without the pressure squeezing at my chest.

-TUS-TUS-TUS-

I made my way back to the hospital after leaving Alice's. I felt like I'd been run down by a train, its heavy weight anchored to my muscles. Now I had to go have a repeat conversation with Edward. My head throbbed, and all I wanted to do was just be wrapped in his arms and have everything else be shut away.

The problem was, that was never going to happen. But before Edward, I had Marcus to tell. He was seated at his bench, eating some kind of pasta.

He looked up from his place, the smile falling as soon as he got a good look at me. He swallowed his food before speaking. "Hey, kiddo, you okay?"

"No, I'm really not."

"You know I'm here to talk if you need it, right?"

"Actually, I have no choice but to talk. This involves you, too."

He patted the stool beside him. "I'm guessing this won't be good."

I scratched at my nose. "Depends on how you look at it."

"May as well lay it on me. I'm assuming it's about the boy, right?"

I nodded. "Yes. Alice's mother found a picture I had of Edward." Marcus's eyes widened. "Somehow it must have fallen out of my bag as I was leaving this morning. Marcus, just looking at Edward's picture, she saw Elizabeth in him. She started asking Alice questions, even went and got a photo of Elizabeth to compare them. I had to tell Alice then what I suspected. I couldn't hide it anymore, but I explained why I did."

"So did Alice tell her mother?"

"No, I did."

He stood from his chair, moving toward the door to Edward's room, like he planned to guard it. "Bella, they're going to come here and force him out. They don't even know if he belongs with them."

I followed behind him. "No, they aren't. Marcus, I had to tell them or they would have come here because they could have forced Alice to tell them more about him. Or worse, they would have started talking to my father, asking him questions. He's a police officer, Marcus. Then it wouldn't just be a handful of people knowing, there'd be an entire town knowing before we even knew if Edward was Elizabeth's child. There'd be all these people coming here looking for him. I had to do what I thought was best."

"You're right. I know you're right. I just can't stand the thought of him being hurt." He stared at the door. It was no longer blanketed… at Edward's request. It wasn't until the blanket was gone that I realized the door had once been painted brown, but was now just speckles of chipped, old paint and metal.

I placed my hand on his arm. "You nor I will let that happen. But I know Esme and Carlisle, and I know they'd never hurt him."

He pointed toward the door. "Does he know?"

"Not yet. This all just sort of happened today. I feel like I've been on a merry-go-round today."

"I can imagine. But he's the one most affected by this. And he's the one who should call the shots." I nodded in agreement. "They may want to know him, but they need to recognize what he wants. We all do. He's the one who will suffer in the end, and he's suffered more than enough for this lifetime."

"I couldn't agree more."

He turned around, patting me on the shoulder. "Well, it looks like you got one more ride on that merry-go-round, kiddo. I may not be there in person as backup, but I'm right here. All you gotta do is switch on the Walkie-talkie if you need me."

"Thank you."

He smiled. "Anytime."

I could hear Edward laughing as I made my way down the corridor. Muffled voices were playing in the room, so I knew he must have been watching a movie. Obviously a comedy by the way he was laughing.

As soon as I made it to the doorway, he turned in my direction, smiling. He was on the bed, sitting up, legs crossed, Lancelot beside him, watching a movie like I suspected. But when he saw how rundown I looked, and I knew I looked rundown, the smile disappeared.

"What's wrong, Meu anjo? Did something happen?"

"You could say that," I answered.

He motioned me over with a finger. "Come talk to me."

I made my way to him and sat down in his lap. "What are you watching?"

"The movie can wait," he responded. "You, however, cannot. When you come through my door without a smile, anything else can wait. What happened?"

"Where to begin?"

"Is it bad?"

"Yes and no."

"Does it have to do with school?"

"No, school was great, actually. This has to do with you."

His brow furrowed. "Did I do something to upset you?"

"No, you didn't. There's been something I've wanted to tell you for a little bit, but I wasn't sure how to, and I guess I wanted to wait until I knew for sure."

"What is it?" He was nervous.

I took in a deep breath, exhaling slowly. "I found a picture in Alice's attic while helping her do some scrapbooking. The picture was of a woman named Elizabeth. She was Alice's aunt. What caught me off guard about the picture was that had she been male, I would have sworn I was looking at a picture of you. She looked exactly like you, right down to the hair color. So I took the picture and I showed it to Marcus. He was in awe of it too. I kept telling myself it was coincidence. But the more I looked at the picture and replayed the story Alice told me of her, the more it seemed more than just coincidence."

"What… what was the story?"

This was the part I knew I was going to hate most telling Edward. "Alice didn't know much, just that her aunt and mother had some kind of falling out and quit talking. It wasn't until a few years after that they received a phone call from Elizabeth's husband, telling them that Elizabeth had passed away. Apparently she died of a broken heart. Her infant child was stolen from her, and they never found him."

Edward's face went pale, his body stiffened against mine. "She… she had a baby?"

"Yes, and he'd been taken from her."

"What does this have to do with me?"

"You know what I'm going to say, Edward."

"I can't… I can't be." He drug his hand roughly through his hair. "I think I need to stand up."

I climbed off his lap, letting him stand up. I could see his hands shaking as he ran them through his hair repeatedly. "Do you think I'm…." His words died off.

I nodded. "I think it's possible. I really do. But there's more."

He rubbed at his eyes. "Of course there's more."

"The picture I took of you fell out of my bag this morning, and Esme found it. They know about you, Edward." I jumped up from the bed when it seemed he was going to fall over. "Hey, are you okay?"

"Just a little dizzy."

"Sit back down, okay? Do you want me to stop talking? Do you need anything? I can wait until-"

He gestured with his hand for me to continue. "Once Esme saw the picture, she reacted the same way I did. I just left from there. Considering, they were very understanding. Of course, they want to know if you could be Elizabeth's son. But in order to do that, you have to agree to a DNA test."

His eyes nearly bugged out of his head. "A DNA test?"

"It's not as bad as it sounds," I assured him. "But I'm going to tell you why I think you should do it. You think because Aro's blood runs through your veins and the things he told you, you aren't good enough, and no matter how many times I've told you that you are, even now, you still doubt yourself. I see it at times. This DNA test could prove that you aren't his at all, that he stole you. And even if it does say your his, you are nothing like him. You are everything he isn't. Wouldn't you like to know the truth?"

After some time, he asked, "Was she a good woman?"

"Who?"

"Elizabeth?"

"Yes," I answered. "I was told she was."

"Then, yes, I want to know."

"Don't do this just because you think her blood will somehow make you better."

"I'd rather not be tainted by Aro's blood."

"You aren't tainted, Edward. And even if it turns out Aro is your father, that will never change my love for you or how I see you."

"I'll do it, though."

"Are you sure?"

"Yes."

Still, I knew a good part of why he was doing it was hope that Aro was not connected to him, that by being free of any connection would mean he wasn't all those things Aro said he was. He needed that DNA test to prove that. I didn't. And I was hoping soon he didn't either.

I sat down beside him, placing his hand in mine. And though I was trying to be Edward's strength, encouraging him, I think I needed his touch as much as it seemed he needed mine. "You know what this means, Edward. Everything could change for you now. You could have a family, people who will love you as you should have been loved. I mean, we always knew what we had here wouldn't last forever, that you leaving this hospital was always the plan. But if you are… if you're Esme's nephew, of course they'll want to take you out of here. How could they not? They'll want to make sure you're somewhere better than here, somewhere where you'll be comfortable, safe and hopefully happier than-"

"My happiest moments were here with you. Nothing could ever measure up."

My heart thumped in my chest, sparking that sense of overwhelming love I felt for Edward to surge through every part of me in reaction to his words and the way his voice spoke them while memories flittered through my mind. I cleared my throat of emotion. "You know what I meant."

"I do. And still, my answer would have been the same."

"I was trying to say that I'm sure they'd love it if you'd come stay with them. "

He stood quickly from the mattress, pacing along the hard floor, nearly drilling holes into the floor as quickly as he moved back and forth over the same spots. "I agreed to do the DNA test, I agreed to leave here, I agreed to a lot of things that, I'll be honest, has me terrified, but I never agreed to live with them, Bella. Shouldn't that be my decision? I don't even know them."

I came up behind him, wrapping my arms around his waist, effectively stopping his pacing. "Yes, it absolutely is your decision, and they will respect it. They're just giving you that option and hoping you'll take it. They want the chance to know you, the chance that Aro denied them if it comes back that you are related. Aro took a lot from you. Don't let him take this, too."

Edward's fingers intertwined with mine against his stomach. "I had this picture in my head of how things would end up once I was outside these walls, and it always ended up with you and me. It didn't matter where we were or what we were doing because we were together."

"We knew things were going to change once we went down this road, that things were going to be rough, but I'm not going anywhere. Nothing is going to keep me from you. I promise."

Edward turned around, cupping my face within his hands. Leaning forward, he pressed his forehead against mine as he placed a gentle kiss upon my lips. "Eu te amo, meu anjo. E agora, há tantas coisas que eu estou certo de, mas a única coisa que tenho certeza, que eu sempre fui de certeza, é que onde quer que esteja é onde eu 'm deveria ser."

I closed my eyes, breathing him in. "You know I don't know what you're saying." He chuckled, but it was off from any other Edward had ever done. It was forced. It was done for me. I opened my eyes, staring into his. "You don't have to pretend with me, you know? I can't imagine what you must be feeling right now. People say they do when they're trying to comfort someone, but the truth is, unless they've lived it, they can't know. They can only sympathize. But I'm here, holding your hand, walking alongside you, so whatever happens we'll do it together, okay?"

"I may hold you to that."

"I hope that you do."

He kissed the tip of my nose, then stepped back, taking with him the warmth of his body. He moved toward the entryway to his room and stopped, staring down into the blackness of the corridor. He glanced over his shoulder at me as I approached him, then back into the corridor. "Why do you think people are so afraid of the dark?"

I wasn't expecting the question he asked; in fact, I was pretty thrown by it. "I don't know, honestly. Maybe because it's what they can't see, or strange noises they hear in the dark that scare them."

He shivered. "It's not what I can't see coming at me that scares me the most, Bella. I've seen hell. It had dark gray eyes, black hair and a rotting soul. When you see that coming at you every day, knowing something terrible was about to happen to you, you start to pray for the things you can't see. Even things in the dark. Because it'll be quicker, and the slow torture your mind feels knowing it's about to happen won't be there. You won't be so afraid."

"Is this about Esme and Carlisle? Is that what you're referring to?"

He nodded, but his eyes stared down the corridor. "I'm not going to lie to you, Bella. I'm afraid, because this, being here, is what I know. And if I turn out to be Elizabeth's son, what are they going to expect from me?"

"They don't have any expectations. They only want you to be okay."

"Okay?" he repeated. "Meaning their definition of normal?"

I stepped around him, gripping his face, forcing him to look at me. "That's not what I meant. There's nothing about you that anyone should ever want to change, other than the pain you suffered. You are more beautiful inside than anyone I've ever known, and they'll see that too. You think you're so different, and you are, but in a good way. You appreciate what others don't. You're naturally intelligent. I'll have you know, you aren't the only who's been learning in this relationship, Edward. You've taught me so much, too."

"Like what?"

"Like never taking anything for granted. Appreciate everything and everyone in your life as much as you possibly can." I placed my hand over his heart. "You showed me that pure goodness really does exist, it's not just a myth. You've proven that there are amazing, wonderful people who can show others what it means to love and be loved unconditionally. And kindness, it doesn't have to come with a price, it can just be for the sake of wanting to give. Then there's the strength you carry inside you. You've taught me that even in the worst of situations, you can persevere, overcome and still be this completely genuine person inside and out. You don't have to let it break you. You've made me want to be a better person. Because of you, I fight for what I believe in and for those I love with everything I am."

"I've done all that?" he whispered.

"Yes, you have," I told him. "And it's why I know everything is going to be alright. And it's why I'm telling you that you don't have to be anything but you for me, them or anyone else. Be scared if you need to be, because I'd be stupid to tell you not to. Regardless of those results, a lot will change now. Esme and Carlisle know you are here, and it's only a matter of time before others do, too. And that's the part that scares me the-"

"Someone saw me once," he interrupted.

"What?" I asked. "When?"

"A few years back, I guess."

"How? And why are you just telling me this now?"

He turned around, shrugging as he headed for the mattress. He laid down, placing his hands under his head. I hurried beside him, resting on my side so I could see him. "They didn't get a good view of me. I hid quickly. They weren't really sure what they saw. I started hearing them talk to their friends about ghosts."

"So that's how the rumor of the ghost boy started?"

He laughed, nodding. "Yeah."

"I can't believe you're just telling me this now. Any other secrets you're hiding?" I teased.

He tickled my side. "I can't believe you never asked before now. I knew that's why you and your friends were here that first night."

"I almost didn't go, you know? Ghost hunting just isn't my thing. But Alice always gets her way."

He lifted his hand, gently brushing his fingertips down the expanse of my face. "I'll always be grateful Alice got her way."

I leaned in, brushing my lips against his. "Me too."

-TUS-TUS-TUS-

Edward's agreement to the blood test was on the condition that I do it. Of course that was not probable for many reasons. I hated the sight of blood, but the fact that I was not a doctor was highest on the list. So after much explaining on Carlisle's part on what to do, and numerous statements on how unethical it was for him to be allowing me to do it, swabbing with giant q-tips it was.

And the entire time Edward giggled. Apparently, his mouth was ticklish.

Carlisle told me the results would be ready in forty-eight hours. He was seeing to them himself. I didn't expect anything less, knowing that everything about Edward was being kept secretive until we knew for positive what the results were.

I'd had long days before, but those were the longest forty-eight hours of my entire life.

Edward and I barely left his room. We knew our time there together was coming to an end regardless, so we soaked up what we had left of the world we created there. We held each other, we talked about our future, we kept everything out that would invade our bubble and threaten to tear it down. We wanted those moments for just a little while longer.

I wasn't stupid to think that just because the Cullen family would welcome him with open arms meant that everyone would. Edward would probably be ostracized by some, and my heart was breaking inside knowing that he was going to be hit with that. I wanted to shield him from the cruelty of people, but the truth was, I couldn't be everywhere all the time. If he was going to grow on the outside, he'd have to face it, and I'd have to let him.

The clock ticked as the time approached closer. Alice told me she'd call as soon as she knew, and Marcus would of course let us know by Walkie-talkie to contact her. Marcus gave us our privacy, but inside I knew he was a mess. And those few moments when I'd go check on him, he wasn't even doing well to hide it.

He'd been caring for Edward a long time, and in his eyes, Edward had become a son to him. As soon as I looked into Marcus's eyes, I could see the cracks in his heart, the way he was falling apart. He was losing his son. At least that's how he felt. He and Edward had been talking every day, sometimes several times a day, and he was losing that, something that had become so precious to him.

"It'll be okay," I promised during one visit. "I swear it. You won't lose him."

And he replied back in a broken voice, "You just go on and take care of my boy, and I'll see my way out when it's time. You make sure he's happy. Make sure he always smiles. You love him every day. You do that for me, Bella, and I know it'll be okay."

After I'd gone back to the room, wiping away the tears so Edward wouldn't see, I lay in his arms, thinking of everything Marcus gave without question, without strings attached. He loved Edward as his own whether Edward would ever love him back. How could I not try for him? He may not be blood, but in my eyes, he was Edward's family. To me, he was Edward's father.

And if there was anyone more deserving enough to see Edward first, it was Marcus.

My head was resting on Edward's chest. I could hear the thump of his heart, and it was beating rapidly. He might be motionless on the bed, voice quiet, but his heart shared how nervous he was. "I know we've been trying to avoid what's outside this room, but there's something I've been thinking a lot about."

"What is it?"

"It's something very important to me."

Edward's hand drifted up from resting on his stomach, and he placed it under my chin, lifting so he could see into my eyes. "What have you been thinking about?"

"Marcus," I replied. "I feel so torn right now. On one hand, you could be finding out that the horrible man you thought was your father never was, that you actually belong to an amazing family. On the other hand, there's a man out there whose heart is breaking because he loves you and wants the best for you, but he feels like he's losing you. "

"Does he… does he want me to stay here?" I swear Edward almost seemed hopeful.

I shook my head. "He always knew this was never a place you should be. He'd always wanted something better for you, but he always thought he'd be the one giving it to you. He was just waiting for you to be ready and come to him. He didn't want to rush you. He's so happy for you, Edward. He is. Marcus is not a selfish man. He wants you to be happy and have the very best. I just… I want-" I paused, lowering my eyes.

"What do you want, Meu anjo?"

"I don't want his heart to be broken."

"I wasn't going to stop communicating with him. I would never do that to him. Not after all he's done for me."

"I know. But that's not what I was meaning."

His right brow lifted questioningly. "What were you meaning?"

"He's the only person who hasn't made any demands despite the fact that he feels as if you're his own son," I explained. "He's always been out there waiting for you. Before we leave this place, before Carlisle and Esme come here if those results say you're their blood, will you go to him?"

He stared at me for what seemed hours, and I could very nearly see the flicker of thoughts passing through the green of his eyes. Finally, he eased me off him and sat up slowly just as the Walkie-talkie crackled. I glanced at him, then the Walkie-talkie, my body tensing. I knew it was Marcus, letting us know Alice was on the phone. And somehow I knew what she'd say.

"Don't answer it." Edward stopped me from grabbing the Walkie-talkie and instead clasped my hand in his. He stood from the mattress, helping me up beside him and pulled me toward the door.

"Where are we going?" I asked.

We were standing at the entrance of the corridor, ready to cross the threshold, hand-in-hand. "There's someone I need to finally meet."

-TUS-TUS-TUS-

Eu te amo, meu anjo. E agora, há tantas coisas que eu estou certo de, mas a única coisa que tenho certeza, que eu sempre fui de certeza, é que onde quer que esteja é onde eu 'm deveria ser." = "I love you, my angel. And right now, there are so many things I'm unsure of, but the one thing I am sure of, that I've always been sure of, is that wherever you are is where I'm meant to be."


	30. Chapter 29: A Sound of Thunder

Terribly sorry about the delay in posts, loves. Been sick, and having fibromyalgia doesn't always agree with the writing. In any case, I'll do my best to make sure it's not as long next time. Thanks for being so patient with me.

I'd like to thank my readers for being so awesome. I don't get a chance to answer reviews as I'd like to, but I promise I read each one, and I love you all. Also, I have to thank my amazing beta, MariahajjilE. Without her unending support and hard work cleaning up my mess, Idk what I'd do without her. ILY, bb.

Wifey, I miss you and ILY. Que quowle.

This chapter isn't as long, but there is a reason for that. You may or may not need tissues. I suppose that depends on you. Lol. Anyway, hope you enjoy!

Twilight isn't mine, but Abandonward is.

-TUS-TUS-TUS-TUS-

**Chapter 29: A Sound of Thunder**

"**Lonely Road of Faith"**

_Yeah, we gotta _

_Make some sense of the piece that we've found_

_And if you just hold on, I won't let ya fall _

_We can make it through the storms and the winds of change_

Edward's hand clasped mine tightly while we moved as one down the darkened corridor. His staccato breaths could be heard beside me. I swear I could almost pick up the sound of his heartbeat, too. I probably would have if I'd moved a few inches closer. No doubt, a steady thumping rhythm displayed the frayed nerves he attempted to keep hidden away. He might have had a decent poker face, but the heart could never lie, could it?

I wanted to know his thoughts, what he must have been thinking in that moment as we walked, but I was too afraid to ask for fear he'd change his mind about seeing Marcus. So, I kept silent, holding his hand instead, letting him know through touch that he could draw strength from me. He wasn't alone and never would be again.

As we reached the door to the boiler room, he took a deep breath and stared down at me. I smiled up at him, encouraging him on silently. Words seemed unfitting. He understood by actions what I wanted to say, anyway.

I reached for the handle, used to doing so out of habit, but he stopped me mid-reach. Seeing him this assertive about something that had nothing to do with him or me was so foreign to me, but I should have expected he'd want to open the door himself. Maybe that one action was helping him with the transition his life was now taking, helping him brave what he'd never done before.

His hand remained on the knob, his grip firm. I never said a word, just waited for him to turn it in his own time. Finally, as the handle turned, I took in a deep breath, anxious and excited about what was to come. The feelings crept up my spine, sending a shiver of goosebumps to dance their way across my body. They were the good kind of shivers, though. The kind you'd wait your entire life for.

As the door opened, the boiler room became more visible. But Edward's eyes didn't dart around. No, they seemed to follow the direction the door was taking. When the bench was in our line of sight and Edward was able to see a body seated on the bench, hunched over, looking practically defeated, he gasped audibly. Marcus sat upright, turning abruptly toward us. That moment when their eyes met, when they were able to look at each other face-to-face? Time seemed to stop and disappear. There was no hospital, no boiler room, no city around us. Nothing else existed. There was only me and these two wonderful men.

I glanced between the two of them, awed by their expressions as tears streamed relentlessly down my cheeks. For the first time in seven years, Edward and Marcus were seeing one another.

I couldn't speak. I wasn't even going to try. It would end up a garbled slew of words that basically sounded like nothing more than noise, anyway. But I couldn't take my eyes off either of them. My God, the way they stared at one another. For Marcus, it was like a father seeing his son for the very first time. And that was really the truth of it. Marcus saw Edward as his own. And Edward? He was putting a face to the voice he spoke to everyday, the kind voice that belonged to the man who had taken care of him for so long and kept him from harm.

Words couldn't define the miracle I watched before me. It was almost ethereal.

Moving ever so slowly, Marcus stood from his stool, standing directly beside it. He never a made a step forward or back. Not sure that he could, given he looked as if he might fall over if he hadn't been using the stool to brace himself. His entire form shook, probably from inner sobs he'd yet to expel. Emotion unlike anything I'd ever seen from Marcus weaved its way over and around him until it was pulsing through every part of him, embedding itself inside his very soul. To see him this way, it was so profound, as if he'd found a secret treasure filled with jewels and gold. His eyes shifted briefly to me, watered over from tears yet unshed, questioning but undeniably surprised and thankful.

To him, this was like a dream, one he had waited so long to see come to fruition. And here Edward was right before him, the son he hadn't fathered but couldn't have loved more than if he had.

I knew I had to speak, regardless of the emotion heavy on my chest leaving me choked up. The words would fall broken from my lips, but how I dreamed of the moment when I could speak them. "Edward, this is Marcus. This is the face behind the voice on the walkie-talkie."

Edward continued to stare, the wonderment within his expression mirrored Marcus'. I wondered if he recollected Aro and the hatred he was accustomed to seeing but could not see on the face of Marcus.

Was it shocking to him that someone, especially a person who could be considered a fatherly figure, would look upon him with love just as I did?

Did he expect that sentiment to change once Marcus really observed him and saw the flaws he believed he openly wore like a set of clothes upon his body?

Watching him search Marcus' face, as if he were waiting for that kind, teary-eyed expression to morph into disgust, left my heart aching in my chest. He still carried the deep wounds Aro inflicted upon him, and he probably always would. My love, no matter how strong, couldn't erase all that had been done to him. I only hoped time and endless support, especially if he were a member of the Cullen family, would help him come to terms with his past.

He would never forget, but it was possible that he could heal enough to move forward and live a happy life, one I hoped he'd share with me.

The silence filled the space around us. I wasn't sure who would speak first or even how long it would take for either of them to feel comfortable enough to do so. Time ticked on as the silence held, but the emotion wrapped around us like a thick blanket.

A tear finally rolled down Marcus' cheek, and Edward exhaled a shaky breath, his trembling hand gripped mine harder. It was then the smooth voice I'd come to know so well, now impaired by how overwhelmed he was, hit the air. "It… It's nice t-to see you, Marcus."

"It's nice to… see you, Edward," Marcus choked out. Marcus wiped at his cheek, then motioned toward the stool. "Would you… uh… like to sit down?"

Edward shook his head. "No, but thank you."

"Sure, sure. Uh…" Marcus looked so baffled. "Is there anything you need?"

"No, I'm okay."

"I could get you a drink or something."

I released Edward's hand, moving toward Marcus. He seemed so lost as what to say, how to react. He was overwhelmed and yammering on, but I knew he needed me, too. I was just steps away from Edward, not wanting to be too far from him, though I knew he was safe with Marcus, when I reached out to Marcus. He lifted his hand to me, and I grabbed it within mine. "It's okay," I said softly. "You don't have to try so hard. Let him see you. Let him see the man I always have."

He gazed into my eyes and nodded, squeezing my hand before he released it, though still overwhelmed. He ran his fingers through his hair. "I'm sorry," he said to Edward. "I just… I never expected, and I'm rambling…" His words trailed off.

"It's okay," Edward responded. His eyes lowered to the floor before lifting to find me. "I didn't expect this, either. I never saw myself here, but I made it."

"I always knew you were strong," Marcus whispered, but Edward heard him.

"You did?" Edward was curious about his statement, but he remained near the door to his room.

I stood between my two men, watching them. My chest practically ached with joy and tears streamed down my cheeks, blending into the fabric of my shirt, as they interacted

"Yeah, from the very second I saw you. I knew it was bad, what you…" he paused, redirecting his words. "Well, you just had a fight in you that only someone with lots of strength would have. I could see it."

"I'm sorry," Edward murmured. "I don't remember much from-"

"No, don't apologize, lad. You don't need to." Marcus assured him with a wave of his hand. "You don't ever have to make apologies to me."

"I remember you took care of me, though. All this time. I remember that."

The slight composure that settled in Marcus' voice was lost, becoming a cluster of trembling words wracked by emotion. "I d-did. I… had to."

Edward's forehead creased in question. "Why did you have to?"

"Because." Marcus wasn't even trying to hide the tears that fell from his eyes or the way his voice broke. "I took you as my own… and I… I wasn't ever gonna let anyone hurt you again."

"You… You wanted me? Like a son?"

"As sure as I'm standing here," Marcus answered. "And that hasn't changed."

That reply was enough to break down Edward's defenses enough that he let emotion show in the form of tears. That look of relief as he stared into Marcus' eyes, knowing he'd been wanted and still was, gave me hope that something brighter was on the horizon for us all.

Maybe we all could love him enough to mend what Aro had done so that at least he wouldn't have to question he was loved and wanted. He'd always know despite what he'd been told. He'd been worth it all along.

I stood between them and reached out to both men, gripping their hands in mine, linking us. Edward may not have been ready to physically touch Marcus, but through me, we were all connected.

They spoke a while longer, and I remained in the background, allowing them to talk with each other and form the bond I knew without a doubt they'd have. But I listened attentively and held their hands still, never letting go.

And every second we stood there, I loved them both more… if that was even possible.

-TUS-TUS-TUS-

Once we left Marcus back in the boiler room, I watched over Edward as he lay on the mattress, resting on his left side, eyes closed, unmoving. He'd grown so much stronger over the last few months, emotionally as well as physically, but still, overrun emotions took a toll on one's body, making their muscles feel lax from mental exhaustion.

He'd merely wanted to rest for a short time before we called Alice to learn the results of the DNA test. And honestly, I think he needed it to regroup, so I told him I would get in contact with her, setting up the call. He'd been hit with so much lately, yet he managed to keep his sanity.

Marcus, again, was willing to leave us be while we spoke with Alice and her family, but I told him – and Edward agreed – that he had as much right to the conversation as we did. He asked several times if we were sure, mainly because he wanted Edward experiencing as little discomfort as possible, but we assured him Edward would be fine, and he was going nowhere. He agreed to stay, and all was settled.

As Edward rested, I ran my fingers through his hair, the soft texture tickling the tips of my fingers. It had grown some since I first cut it, but I liked it. My eyes traveled down his body, noticing the blanket was barely over his hip. I spotted Lancelot lying at the foot of the bed, so I gently moved far enough to reach him, placing him beside Edward. He leaned into the bear, subconsciously registering his little protector was near. I pulled the blanket up far enough to cover them both.

I marveled at how still he was, no trembling or movement of any kind. Hopefully, a part of him was at peace now, and those wraithlike bars that had completely caged him were holding him less a prisoner.

I bent forward, brushing my lips across his warm skin. "I love you," I whispered. "So much more than I realized it was possible to love another person. I'm so very proud of you." I kissed him softly again, this time along his jaw, which was now covered in stubble. "Rest, my love. I'll be right back."

I stood from the mattress, reluctant to leave, though I knew in my heart he'd be okay without me. I took one final glance, leveling my eyes on the bear resting beside him. "Watch over him while I'm gone, Lancie. Bring him good dreams."

As I moved down the corridor toward the boiler room, I drug my hands down my face, sighing out everything I'd been holding in. My skin felt a little raw, and my eyes were puffy from crying, but the tears shed were worth the physical remnants they left behind.

Marcus was seated at the bench, facing the door I had come out of, hands resting on his knees. They still shook, but the weathered look upon his face was gone. He looked rejuvenated, happy, like someone had given him a taste of the fountain of youth… or mended the last tear of a broken heart he'd lived with for such a long time. Even the slouch of a lifetime of weight to his shoulders wasn't as prominent.

In a way, we had all had tears mended that day.

"How is he?" Edward was always at the forefront of his mind. No question that would ever change.

"He's good but resting. How are you?"

He shook his head. "I don't even know where to begin. I'd always hoped, but I never expected."

I nodded. "I know you didn't, and still, you never let the fact that you may never really know him change how you felt about him or let it affect how you took care of him."

"I wasn't going to turn my back on him. I knew that the day I found him here." He appeared lost in memories. "Couldn't do it then and can't do it now. Don't matter what the DNA tests reveal."

"I think deep down we both know what the results are."

"Yeah," he affirmed, shrugging. "Still, if he might need something or… Well, I'm here."

"He knows that, and so do I."

"I'm here for you, too."

"I know you are."

"Marcus, you know that DNA test won't change what happened today, right?" I needed him to understand he was as entwined in our lives as we were his.

He nodded. "I know I'll never forget it. You made this happen, Bella. You gave me this, and I can't… I don't know how to repay-"

"You owe me nothing." How could he think he owed me anything? "And _you_ made this happen. You loved him. You cared for him long before I did. You're part of why he's the man he is."

"I… Thank you, Bella."

"You're welcome."

He glanced down at the cell I had in my hand. "You going to make that call now?" Marcus asked. "To Alice, I mean?"

"Yeah. Might as well get it over with before Alice storms her way over here."

Marcus chuckled, but I knew it was mainly for my benefit. "That sounds like her. I can't really blame her, though. The boy does have that affect on people. And he could be family to her. Nope, can't blame her at all."

I stared at Marcus a beat, thankful and appreciative of him in so many ways. This man had become a part of me. He was family.

He spent the majority of his life shadowing his emotions, keeping himself private, but with Edward and me, he pushed through that guarded barrier and showed us a side of him that others never saw. Marcus had a gracious heart, and he was loyal, compassionate, and protective.

Fate brought us all together. Our lifelines had crossed, intertwining us forever. Nothing would ever change that.

Fate knew he was meant to be the father Edward never had. And fate knew he was irrevocably meant to be a part of me, too.

I gripped his hand in mine as I moved to pass him, giving it a little squeeze as a silent thank you. But as I reached the top of the stairs, gripping the door handle, I glanced over my shoulder, looking down at him seated in his chair. "You're loved, Marcus… unconditionally. And you're family. Never forget that."

A tear rolled down my left cheek as I heard the choked sob while I moved through the door into the closet that led out into the basement floor.

-TUS-TUS-TUS-

After stepping out into the fresh air, the wind gliding across my face, I felt as if secrets or warnings were whispered into my ear by the faint howl it made as it breezed by. A feeling of unease settled in my gut.

I shrugged it off as being nervous about what the DNA test would reveal. It was strange how I felt anxious and terrified at the same time. Oh, I wanted to know, and I was sure I already knew the answer, but I knew how much things would change for Edward.

More importantly, I was concerned with what would be expected of him. I had to make it clear that despite the results, I wasn't going to allow them to force themselves upon him. No matter what, everything was about him and what _he_ needed.

I dialed the number, and it barely rang once before it was picked up and an impatient Alice was speaking on the other end. "What the hell, Bella? Marcus hung up the phone while I was talking to him, and I've been calling, because my dad-"

"They met, Alice," I interrupted. The hoarse sound of my voice from crying was still tangible.

"Who? Who met?"

"Edward and Marcus. They… They met, Ali." Everything on the other end of the phone stilled, so quiet that I could hear the thumping of my heart reverberate off my ear drums. "Ali?"

"How did… What happened?"

"I don't know any other way to describe it but to say it was magic."

"So, Edward's okay? He's doing fine after?"

"Well, yes, but-"

"That's great! So, he'll be okay meeting other people, then? Because-"

"Ali."

"Mom and dad will be thrilled to know that-"

"Alice."

"I just think that's great, especially now. I mean, that means that we can-"

"Alice!"

"Bella, what?"

"Would you slow down?"

"But I thought-"

"Yeah, it's amazing, but it doesn't change anything, Alice," I told her. "He didn't just suddenly heal after meeting Marcus. He's not completely okay now. It still doesn't change what's happened to him and how it's affected him. You're not going to barrel in here and force yourselves on him."

"I didn't mean we'd… It's just, he's-"

"Don't finish that sentence, Alice," I warned, interrupting. "Yes, I know what you're going to say. I guess I've always known, but I don't want to hear it without Edward and Marcus present. Still, whatever those DNA tests say, you can't just barge into his life and expect he's going to be okay with it, that he's going to handle it like you or I would. You can't demand anything from him. And I'm here to tell you, I won't let you do that to him."

"We just want to know him, Bella." Her voice trembled. "We want him to know us. We don't want to hurt him." I heard a muffled voice in the background, which I was sure was Esme's, and Alice's voice became muffled as she spoke to her mother.

"I know you don't, but you all have to take into consideration what he's been through," I explained. "Carlisle may be a doctor and heard of cases like Edward's, but he's never actually dealt with one. He'll be good for Edward, I know it, but you all have to be patient, and you have to be consistent. Show him the side of you I know, the one that will make him feel blessed to be part of your family."

"That's all we want."

"We all know that this means the end of him being in this hospital, and that's a great thing, but you need to be prepared with the fact that he may not choose to live with you."

"What do you mean?" she questioned. "Why wouldn't he want to-"

"There's Marcus. He's always been a choice, and that's Edward's to make."

"But we're his-"

Again I interrupted, stopping her from saying what I already knew. "It doesn't matter what you are or aren't to him. I love you, Ali, and I understand how each of you must be feeling, but this isn't about you, Carlisle, or Esme. This is about Edward and what will make him comfortable. If living with Marcus while he gets to know you and the help he needs is exactly what he wants, then you all are going to give him that. He's got to become acclimated to you, other people, the outside world, and he has to do it all at once. Don't push yourselves on him, or you'll lose him. We all could. I'm sorry, but I will step in before I allow that to happen."

"I'm sorry, Bella. We just want the best for him. You have no idea how much this has affected my mom."

"We all want what's best for him, which is why no one is going to take his choices away." I was not bending on my decision to stand behind Edward and whatever he wanted. "I agreed that getting him out of the hospital was best for him, that him knowing whether you were family or not was best for him, and Carlisle helping him was also best, but there were stipulations to all that. You knew that from the beginning. And I made sure it's what he wanted, too.

"In the end, the decision was his. I know he has to face what brought him here to begin with, I know he needs to be out of this place, but I won't see him locked up, and I won't see him forced into a life he hasn't chosen because it's what others want from him. Therapy is one thing, because I know he needs it, but outside of that, no one, including myself, is going to control him."

"I don't want that for him, either, Bella. Neither do my parents. The only thing we truly want is for him to be happy and safe."

"Good," I sighed. "I'm not trying to be harsh here, Ali. I hope you know that. Tell Esme I know she's beside you, and I want this to work for all of you so badly. You're my best friend, and I couldn't love you anymore than if you were my own sister, but I will protect him."

"I know you will," she replied. "We will, too."

"Alright, give me ten, and we'll call you back. It's time we get those results."

-TUS-TUS-TUS-

Edward and I were seated at Marcus's bench while Marcus sat on one of the lower steps in the boiler room. Being this close to Marcus was still so new to him, so Marcus gave him space. There wasn't a bone in each of our bodies that didn't fill with anxiety, though Edward's was far more concentrated, so I kept his hand within mine, never letting go as I picked up the receiver and dialed Alice.

Alice had thankfully answered, though I knew we'd be on speaker phone. I made sure to do the same.

"Hey, Ali," I began. "We're all here. You have Esme and Carlisle with you?"

"We're here, Bella," Carlisle answered.

I went to speak, but Esme spoke up. "Is he… Is he doing alright?"

I glanced at Edward and whispered, "Would you like to answer or…?"

He gazed down at the phone in my hand, then took in a deep breath, exhaling slowly before he spoke. "I'm doing okay."

A suppressed cry crackled through the receiver. I could only imagine what Esme must be feeling, hearing Edward's voice for the first time, but I also feared her emotions may overwhelm him.

"You doing alright?" I asked him in a low voice.

He nodded. "I'm alright, _meu anjo_. It's just… It's a lot."

"See this?" I asked him as I held up our hands. "That means you aren't alone. I'm here with you, and I always will be. If it becomes too much, you look down at our hands, you think of that, and you'll know that's how it will always be. Always you and me."

"_Eu te amo_," he whispered.

I'd heard it enough to know exactly what he meant. "I love you, too." I returned my attention to the phone within my hand. "We're ready, Carlisle."

Carlisle cleared his throat. "Children get fifty percent of their DNA from each parent, as I'm sure you know, and siblings tend to share fifty percent. While conducting the test, I used the sample from Edward and one from Esme."

"I thought you were going to use Alice?" I questioned.

"I was," he answered. "But Esme wanted to do it herself. And to be honest, we both felt it was a better choice. Once the results came back, it showed a match of twenty-five percent between Edward and Esme, which is a typical percentage between a child and their biological aunt/uncle. I ran the results myself, and I did so twice. They are conclusive, Bella. There is no question that Edward and Esme are related. That can only mean he is Elizabeth's son."

There was no question. I had known that in my gut before the words were spoken. And the sound behind me told me Marcus did, as well.

"Does anyone else know about the results or Edward?"

"No," Carlisle responded. "I was careful for obvious reasons."

I sighed in relief, but my voice broke as I spoke. The way Edward gripped my hand, forcing my knuckles to appear white from the force, told me I needed to give him time, which meant ending the call. "Esme, Carlisle, I know there's a lot left to say, and I know you have questions, concerns, etcetera, but I need you to wait until tomorrow. Edward needs you to wait. This changes everything, we know that, but give him tonight to process. Please."

"Of course." Esme was the one who answered. "We know this must be a lot to handle, because it is for us, but we want to make it as comfortable for him as possible. And we want to be there for him however he needs us. I don't want to… We'll just talk to you tomorrow."

I didn't take the time to thank them, though I was very thankful, before I hung up the phone. I looked into Edward's eyes, knowing he needed to see _me_, see the assurance I was forcing so hard to show him.

"What does this mean for me? What's going to happen to me now? Will they make me-"

"No one will make you do anything," Marcus piped in from the steps. "Nothing you don't want to do."

"Marcus is right." I squeezed his hand back. "Remember this? What I told you? You aren't alone. Whatever happens now, it's you and me. And we have Marcus, too. We knew things would change, didn't we? But it'll be a good thing. It'll be okay."

I didn't know if everything would be okay, what we'd face, but I knew that I would try to make it as okay for Edward as I could. I had to try for him no matter what it might cost me.

He had a family now and not just the one Marcus and I had given him. The outside world had called him, letting him know it was ready to show him all its wonders.

Our days in this place we'd found love were over.


End file.
